31 Days of Halloween: Second Chance Night: Ginger Snaps: A Tale of Teenage Transformation

Ginger Snaps - John Fawcett - 2000 

★★★-Day 12 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Second chance night. Like it more than my first watch like 20 years ago. But I’m still not a huge fan. It's just fine.

Gist is two teenage sisters, Ginger and Brigitte, are obsessed with death and are kind of outcasts in their suburban high school. Ginger gets attacked by a werewolf and shit starts getting weird between them. You know, Ginger becomes more violent, both physically and behaviorally unrecognizable, and Brigitte searches for a way to reverse the werewoof curse. Clever title, ya dig? This all while navigating the dangers of adolescence, family dynamics, and such. Explores themes of puberty, identity, and the monstrous feminine, blending body horror with dark humor.

Emily Perkins as Brigitte and Katharine Isabelle as Ginger. Perkins I mostly think of as Bev Marsh from the 1990 It. Isabelle pops up here and there in mostly horror. She was the star in American Mary, played teen fodder in Freddy vs. Jason, and even appeared in a lesser Nolan film with Insomnia.
 
Others you may recognize include Kris Lemche as a drug dealing werewoof expert. He was in Final Destination 3, the one with the roller coaster, and shows up pretty frequently on the electric teevee machine. 
 
Mimi Rogers plays the mom. She famously introduced Tom Cruise, her husband from 1987 through 1990, to Scientology, which she left after the divorce. Looks like her and David Miscavige fucking hate each other and she’s on the Scientology naughty list, considered a “suppressive person.” Good for her. 

Jesse Moss plays a douche bro who gets turned. Was just writing the other day about Tucker & Dale vs Eviland saying haven’t seen him in anything else, though he plays a convincing prick. Of course, I randomly watch a movie with him in it the next day. 

Directed by one John Fawcett. He’s worked steadily since the early 1990s, directing mostly episodes of TV, most notably a huge chunk of Orphan Black. Film-wise, he’s mostly known for this flick.
 
Something funny is that the sisters are doing some art project where they stage suicides and photograph it. My theme for AP Art Studio this same time was suicide. Still have a few of those pieces from high school. One is a self-immolation. Another is the old death by hanging with a belt. I wasn’t a particularly dark kid but have always wanted that to be an option for people. 

Reminded me of sex ed from elementary school. How women have periods while dudes have nothing seemed infinitely unfair to me. “You mean women go through this traumatic experience every month for 30 to 40 years? Do men have anything like that. No. Crazy.”

Anywho, the flick wreaks of Canada. Canadian horror can be pretty fun. Pretty niche blend of psychological tension, atmospheric dread, and dark humor. There is the country's vast, often landscapes, lending itself to themes of isolation and identity. Emphasize slow-building tension, cerebral scares, social anxieties, fears of transformation/otherness. You get the idea. Usually can tell if a film is Canadian within a few minutes. There is an old joke, is this the United States 10 years ago, or Canada today?
 
Lot of dead dogs. Now I remember why I didn't like it as this is a great way to turn me off. Poor Baxter. Rest in peace, Norman. On the other hand, if you are going to keep a dog chained up, go fuck yourself. But, yeah, too much dead dog. 

In a Violent Nature: A Brutal, Unique Take on the Slasher Genre

In a Violent Nature - Chris Nash - 2024

 

★★★★★-Over the weekend watched three of what are being touted as this year’s best horror movies. Blink Twice, I Saw the TV Glow, and this flick. Two of them do not disappoint. This was one of the ones that didn’t.One of the best scenes comes at the end. It’s 10 minutes of driving and talking between the final girl and a lady that picks her up. It’s super intense as the whole time you are anticipating something horrible. One this is for sure, this flick definitely passes the Bechtel Test. 

Gist is a Jason Voorhees-esque killer gets accidentally resurrected in the Ontario wilderness by a group of “teenagers”, whom he then stalks and murders. The cool part about the movie is that most of it is from the killer’s perspective in that video game angle. It’s mostly the killer walking around. Get a lot of long shots of the woods, hearing a whippoorwill in the background. 

 

Directed by one Chris Nash, a Canadian, who also wrote the screenplay. Incredibly strong and inventive debut film. Stars all unknowns in Ry Barrett, Andrea Pavlovic, and Lauren-Marie Taylor.

This is a movie that shows you the stuff you don’t see in most slashers. The time in between kills, for example. This consists mostly of Johnny just playing with bodies and such. Dude is a big fan of overkill. Huge fan. 

 

It is a brutal movie. The kills in this are totally nuts. One that is getting a lot of recognition is one of the best of all time. Hard to overstate how cool it was, this coming from a guy who doesn’t really care about such things unless it is truly something extraordinary. Another one is done all in one cut. We see the killer axe a dude in the head and then hack away at it some more for several minutes as the survivor girl watches on in horror. Think when you are chopping

There is a song at the end of the movie that I absolutely loved. This is over the end credits. 

 

I absolutely adored this movie. The audience score on Rotten Tomatoes is a paltry 44%, which is nuts. I get that it isn’t for everyone, but it’ll make my best of list for 2024. 

Slasher

★★★-The Canadian version of American Horror Story. Canadian Horror Story, if you will. Like AHS, it's an anthology horror series that changes storylines from season to season. Also like AHS, it starts with a good premise that features much of the same ensemble cast from season to season, draws me in, and then gets sloppy as hell. 

Season one is about a family in a murder house, season two about a group of adults that go back to this summer camp where they killed a chick years before, in season three a group ritually kill a dude and then start getting picked off themselves, season four follows a rich family slashing it out for their dad's family fortune, and season five is about Jack the Ripper, this season aired earlier this year. 

Actors are people I sort of recognize but can't place as they are Canadian. Notably appearing in the show is David Cronenberg, the most Canadian of everyone. He appears in the fourth season, “Flesh & Blood,” the most outlandish of them all, in my opinion. 

Example from that season: In this family of psychos, when there are two left, the decent one and the one that seems decent, they bone, this is like a half aunt and nephew that are the same age and didn't know they were related until recently situation. The one that appears decent starts talking about how he should get the money and then he'll marry the other one so she can have some too. She is like, uh, thanks. Dude then volunteers that he has a confession, doesn't want to hold anything back, since his fam is so messed. He got drunk and plowed through a preschool and killed a bunch of children. This when he is laying in the chick's arms in prime choking position with all these murdered people strewn about the house. Under the circumstances, it would be hard not to kill him, if you know what I mean. 

Anyway, a pretty alright show that I keep watching. Better than AHS, I think, as I do keep watching it. 

Skinamarink - Kyle Edward Ball - 2023

★★-Well, this movie was terrifying and disturbing, and extremely divisive. Pretty unique movie. You don't see any faces, really, just little legs going here and there and back. It's mostly ceiling lights, the teevee machine, an electrical outlet, interior doors, the floor, toys on the floor, so forth. All shot art-house style. Also, I hated it.

Gist is two children wake up in the middle of the night, alone, with all the windows and doors gone. They are trapped in the house with some sort of entities that want to do them harm, it seems. 

Over 12 minutes before absolutely anything happens. Just showing the house in spanning shots. Then a man makes a phone call, telling whoever is on the other end that “he fell down the stairs and hit his head.” At about the 16 minute mark, I was getting pretty bored when things finally start to happen. Patient filmmaking, or just laborious? I was trying to decide. That's when the doors, windows, and dad disappear, Lynchian style. I'd say he and David Cronenberg are obvious inspirations. 

At one point they ask why mom is crying. Right after they hear a thump upstairs, see a chair hanging from the ceiling, and decide they need to be quiet. Wondering where dad is, one asks where dad went, the other suggests that he might have went with mom, to which Kaylee responds that she doesn't want to talk about mom. From there, things start getting progressively creepier including the toilet disappearing, which is a dire situation indeed. Eventually they find dad and he tells them to look under the bed. When she looks up, dad is gone and mom stairs at the opposite wall, facing the other way on the other side of the bed. Mom tells her that her and dad love her very much, and that she needs her to close her eyes. She disappears but says, “There is someone here.” Yeah, it gets pretty terrifying from there. 

I know it's the easiest way to fuck with an audience, put a kid in danger. I am not really a kids person, but I don't like that shit. At least as to be over the top, not this sad, cruel shit. 

Shot on what looks like VHS or Hi8. The film takes place in 1995. Pretty much looks like my house back then. I think it is supposed to be a generic house that any of us could have lived in back then. Tapping into our nostalgia and emotions to fuck with us with a super creepy ending that turns the chill on us, the audience. 

I'm honestly not really sure what this film was. I saw it called “an unsettling Rorschach test.” I definitely needed a palate cleanser after. Technically solid, but what the fuck. Extremely unsettling for a film that not much happens in. Not a fan. Gave me the heebs, especially the ending, but also bored me. 

Infinity Pool - Brandon Cronenberg - 2023

★★★★- Near great film, but afterwards I had to ask myself, why the fuck do I keep watching this disturbing shit? 

Gist is a struggling writer and his wife are on vacation when they meet a couple at their resort and go to a forbidden beach to get drunk and give/get hand-jobs. On their way back, the writer hits and kills a local, punishable by death. Some I Know What You Did Last Summer shit. They cover it up, get caught, and learn that if you have the cash, then the country they are staying will create a duplicate of you and kill that instead while you watch. Shit gets weirder from there. 

Stars Alexander Skarsgård, Mia Goth and Cleopatra Coleman. Directed by Brandon Cronenberg, son of the famed Canadian director David Cronenberg. He also directed the films Antiviral and Possessor. Echoes Cronenberg the elder and Harmony Korine at times.

Goth is an immense talent. Where the hell did she come from? Skarsgård is no slouch either. But Goth is a goddamned star. She makes everyone in every movie she’s in seem like an amateur. Her lack of eyebrows is a little weird though.

There is a disgusting ejaculation scene. Can we just not put that in movies? This is not the first time cum has about made me puke while watching popular entertainment recently. Call me a prude, but I can barely deal with my own semen. The scene itself reminded me of Single White Female. Right after this is when he kills a guy and then pays to have himself cloned and have the clone killed in his place. In the end, quite a price to pay for an awkward, unwanted handy. But it's not like he really learns anything other than life is pointless and there are no consequences if you have money. 

Favorite line is “Never marry a broke writer.” Pretty good advice. 

Building a double to execute seems like some shit rich people would be into and not give a shit about. Your clone calling out to your wife for help. No coming back from that, really. That is indeed some shit that will break me. 

Thought the end was going in a completely different direction. That I knew what was happening, but I did not. Last half hour of the movie really just off-the-wall and completely unpredictable. Solid flick. Definitely recommend, especially with it being available to stream on Hulu. 

Night of the Demons 3 is the worst movie of all time

Come here. Just the bitch I was looking for! Oh, look, another one of these movies. This one a threequel. That's where the magic starts. You know, when things go way off the rails. This is, of course, no exception. So while a bad movie, it is pretty fun. Has the stink of Canada all over it. 

Gist is that a group of kids try to buy booze to party on Halloween and it goes horribly wrong. They end up shooting a cop, which is insane, and have to go on the lamb. The guy who did the shooting is obviously completely over-the-top. He totally commits to this life of crime when they can't buy booze, which is grossly unnecessary. Maybe try another gas station before going scorched earth. But his girlfriend is into it. She seems to be turned on by this nonsense and fully commits to this crazy life their going to have. Some of the others aren't so into it, but they don't really have a choice at this point. 

To avoid arrest, they go hide out in the old abandoned mansion that becomes possessed on Halloween night. They are obviously unaware of this fact or of Angela. Once again we have Amelia Kinkade, the glue that holds the franchise together, I guess in the role. She plays the role of the demon character Angela known for her gross "sexy" dancing. If you were into that the first two times you saw it, don't worry, this third installment has that too. She shows up, does her vomit-inducing sexy dancing, and starts killing the 30 year old teens one by one. 

This movie features some of the most bat-shit decisions in all of the films I've ever seen. You get turned down for booze at a gas station so you steal the attendant's shotgun and shoot the place up? A cop show up so you fucking shoot him? What the fuck are we doing here? You're on the lamb and a demon is killing your friends? Might as well bone, am I right?  Have some self-control.

Some of the names of the people in the film are Vlasta Vrána, Gregory Calpakis, Tara Slone, Christian Tessier, Joel Gordon, Larry Day, Kristen Holden-Reid, Stephanie Bauder, and Patricia Rodriguez. I didn't recognize any of them though it looked like most of them have had semi-successful careers. The problem with the movie isn't the acting. 

The plot, which is completely insane--one character has a snake hand for christ's sake (like, that shit really happens in a movie)--isn't the worst thing either. That would be the truly horrific CGI. This shit is like really bad. It would have been noticeably bad in the 1980s. Was awful for 1997. It is OMG bad by today's standards. And it was completely unnecessary. But, again, gives it charm in that so bad it's fun to watch way. 

Overall, while I liked the first two, the second was a lot of fun, this is sort of a terrible send off. Disappointing since Kevin S. Tenney, who directed the first one, wrote the screenplay. The franchise got a reboot in 2009. Don't think they'll be revisiting this any time soon. 

Wolfcop is the greatest movie of all time

Wolfcop. The fuck are you? The fuzz. Ah. A wolf... Cop. Part time wolf. Mostly shitty cop. Great alcoholic. Completely Canadian. This movie is exactly what you'd expect and then some. I mean, what other movie solves the age old question of what happens to the guy's dick when he turns into a wolf man so convincingly. That's worth a watch alone... But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Gist of the movie goes thus. Shitty cop in rural Saskatchewan, that's in Canada, who is a fucking DRUNK, gets cursed by this shapeshifting, immortal cult that prolong their lives by drinking the blood of a werewolf every 32 years. The cult's intentions are a bit hard to follow as we get this from hand written notes that the wolf cop does at the library but whatever. The group of occultists get some big town event called like the "Drink n' Shoot" or something like that canceled so they can have the woods to themselves, (again, or something) to make their sacrifice during the once every 32 year lunar eclipse, which pretty sure it doesn't work that way. But none of this really matters. What matters is that he is a wolf and a cop and he is out there fighting crime. Cleaning up the streets whilst drinking handles of whiskey and being hairy. What more do you expect? Shit was fun as fuck.

Apparently the movie was funded through some annual Canadian movie contest where the most popular concept gets moneys (up to a million Canadian Dollars [loonies, I guess]) after winning a NCAA Tournament style face-off. This is something called the CineCoup Film Accelerator which is a pretty cool project that funds independent Canadian films. Sort of like a less bullshitty Project Greenlight with, one would hope, way fewer rapists.

Directed by one Lowell Dean, no idea, I like what I see. Makes what are totally my kind of movies, it appears. Horror. Comedy. Canadian. My shit. You might recognize a few people in the movie, I guess it's possible as there are legitimate actors in it, but unless you fucking birthed one out of your womb or something, you sure as shit don't know who the fuck Leo Fafard or Amy Matysio are.

Two things really stuck out. The first: wolf cop cock. In the first transformation scene, all of these are pretty dope, btw, dude is sort of feeling like shit. He is drinking at the bar, as he does, and excuses himself to the can. Whilst there he takes what looks like a pretty painful piss, screaming and what have you. We see pee coming out of his dick when suddenly wolf cock. It sort of comes out of the normal guy cock. It looks extremely unpleasant. You cannot unsee that shit. Nor can you unsee the wolf/human intercourse that takes place in this flick. Like Teen Wolf except way fucking graphic and way more disgusting.

Anyway, second thing: Wolfcop's drinking throughout the whole movie. As a cop, dude spent more time getting fucking sloshed at the bar than pulling people over and shit. Dude wakes up. Starts drinking. Goes to work. Breaks out the flask at the desk. Goes on his beat. Hits up Liquor Donuts and gets a gallon. Does a little bit of research or whatever then hits the bar where he gets blackout until he gets a call or whatever. Wakes up in bed with no idea how he got there. And repeat. And as he was as a cop, so he is as a wolf cop, fucking drunk. More so probably but it only enhances his powers as a wolf as he gets liquored up and rips people's faces/heads off and shit. It also makes him more or less invincible.

And speaking of drinking, for me, the concept of liquor donuts wins the goddamned movie. Where has that been at the million fucking epic Sunday brunches I've had in my life. That shit is next level. What the fuck. Someone in Toronto is even opening a music themed donut shop/bar called "Liquor Donuts" like the place we see throughout the movie. I hope they make it cause that shit is hot.

Mandy is the greatest movie of all time

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Prom Night is the greatest movie of all time

Prom Night. Canadian. Sweet. Lots of Jamie Lee Curtis high kicking. This and Halloween cemented JLC's status as a "Scream Queen". Lots of Leslie Nielson in a noncomedic though not entirely serious role. Lots of disco. Lots of stalking/death. Just like my junior and senior year proms. Shout out to Lindsay, my date to both of those dances. This movie combines Saturday Night Fever and The Town that Dread Sundown and sort of Carrie to form one hell of a strange flick. The movie has a sequel which I'll need to check out at some point called Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II, which just sounds incredible, but the magic starts to happen around parts three and four, generally. Lucky for me there are Prom Night III: The Last Kiss from 1990 and Prom Night IV: Deliver Us From Evil from 1992. These were what you would call sequels in name only and do not star JLC or the Naked Gun-man. If that isn't enough Prom Night for you, there was a loose remake that came out in 2008 with Idris Elba and Brittany Snow. Can totes see why they would want to remake Prom Night as it is the great movie of all time.

Pros: Canadian so over the top. Sweet disco dancing. Some decent suspense. Pretty ladies.

Cons: Was pretty confusing and slow at times. Pretty predictable.

Moms, fucking don't

Gist of Prom Night is that four little kids tool on a girl in an abandoned building to the point that she falls out of a window and dies. Yeesh. This is a sibling of JLC and her bro who are wearing the same outfit when they go out looking for the dead kid. Fast forward several years and a killer, possibly the escaped sex offender blamed for the crime, possibly Leslie Nielsen, or possibly JLC or her bro, starts picking off the kids that were there on the same day as their senior prom. In addition to JLC and Nielsen the movie features Antoinette Bower, Anne-Marie Martin, David Mucci who plays Lou and has the most ridiculous unibrow I've ever seen, Pita Oliver (a pretty lady), Mary Beth Rubens (another pretty lady), Casey Stevens, Michael Tough, and Jeff Wincott. I'm gonna assume that none of these names mean anything as I've never seen nor heard of any of them.

About the two people I recognize in this flick... I was super confused at the beginning of this flick when Nielsen showed up. Is this a comedy? Indeed it is not. Nonetheless, it is super weird seeing him play a straight-laced by the book cop. The other thing is that JLC was super pretty. I forgot what a beautiful young lady she was. Now it's all eating yogurt and staying regular. 

Some Luke and Leia action

Some weird shit that you should watch out for include the extreme sexual tension between JLC and her onscreen brother. They have a super sexually charged dance off in this extended disco prom dancing scene that is just out of control and goes on for like 10 minutes. What it reminded me of was when Ross and Monica dance their asses off in the Friends episode "The One With The Routine" in hopes of getting on the Dick Clark New Year's special. Just like that except without the irony. Lot of high kicking and grinding on each other. Fucking gross. 

More weird shit includes the whole scene revolving around the couple in the van. It is unclear if they had anything to do with the death at the beginning but they get got either way. This all starts post-coital, of course, where the guy and the gal (who is way out of this fat idiot's league) smoke a doob that they pull out of this book that has been hollowed out and filled with pre-rolled jays. There must be like 50 of them in there. So these two are high as balls when the killer pops in and totally kills their buzz, man, by all murdering the girl. Bummer. So the guy hops up front to try to drive way. What ensues is an insane driving and fighting scene where the dude is driving with the killer in the van like he is going to get away from him or something. But by some miracle the fatty beats off the killer, not in the hand job way, you sick fuck, and is home free. Instead of driving like a normal person though he drives right off a cliff like a dumb fuck and the second it goes airborne explodes. I'm no physicist but usually vans have to crash before there is burn. That is why they call it crash and burn, I'm guessing. Just part of the charm in this one. Defying the laws physics. 

Unibrow still intact thought his head is indeed severed

Another thing, there are some real charmers in this movie. First there is Lou, the unibrow guy. You have to watch this shit to appreciate how fucking awful this dude is. He goes to pick up his date for prom, the girl played by actress Anne-Marie Martin who is way the fuck out of his league, and just honks the horn repeatedly. When she goes out to the car, irritated, he and a buddy are getting wasted. He is not dressed up, wearing jeans and a cutoff (we later see this same ensemble with a tux coat thrown over it), and just acts like an asshole and runs over the chick's parent's garbage cans as he peels out. It's nice when he finally gets his head chopped off and kicked. Then there is the guy dating Kelly, the Mary Beth Ruebens character. The scene where she gets it is preceded by a heavy petting sess between the two. This in the girl's (I think) locker room. He lets her know that he is DTF but she, you know, doesn't want to lose her virginity in a public bathroom. He pressures her some more but she ain't ready. "If you won't do it, there are plenty of other girls who will," he says. And then he leaves, immediately talks some shit, and then starts making out with some other random chick who was digging his shit talking, rapist vibe. Meanwhile, that chick in the locker room is like, "I guess we broke up?" before getting dead.

He even dances like an asshole

If you aren't into the ridiculous stuff I just went into and are more of the horror movie purest, fear not, the ending of this flick totally redeems this movie. With one mean girl left at prom, the killer stalks her throughout the entire fucking high school. Suspense really builds as she keeps almost getting caught before just getting away. It builds and builds until she gets to the end of building with all the doors chained shut. This goes on for a long ass time and is fucking brutal. See? Something for everyone. Pretty ladies, gore, creative killing, suspense. Everything. Greatest movie of all time.

Jason X is the greatest movie of all time

Jason X. Here we are. Ten Friday the 13th movies in and now we are in space. Not coincidentally, this is the first Candadian Jason. You may know how I feel about Canadian horror films. As you might have guessed, this movie is over-the-top and insane. More comedy than horror, it is actually a lot of fun if you go in not taking it seriously. With the premise, how could you? This film came about with Freddy v. Jason on the horizon. Not wanting to mess with the continuity of that, they set the events of the film after that movie. Might as well go way past that, I guess is the thinking. This movie knows what it is and commits to it. What it is is a solid parody/homage to the Jason brand and horror/sci-fi in general. It's Jason in outer space. It's not scary, it's ridiculous. It's like they replaced the xenomorph with Jason in Alien which is a hell of a setup. For these reasons Jason X is the greatest film of all time.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Jason goes to the future, but the story is still stuck in the past.

Fuck yeah

Pros: Total over-the-top slapstick esque comedy more than horror, which was where these movies. Surprisingly decent kills (especially the one where he smashes the chick's face) with a high body count. Two pretty hologram ladies try to party with Jason and are hilarious. A strange David Cronenberg cameo. Extra cheese, this flick.

Cons: Seems super low budget (it was not and was actually the first movie shot all on digital). The acting isn't really the best (but what do you expect?). Not a very imaginative movie.

Gist of the movie basically the same as the nine others that came before it, just in space. It even features Kane Hodder as Jason, for the last time actually, making this the fourth time he played the character. The other movies where he played the slasher were Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, and Jason Goes to Hell.

Uber lame

Here, a group of space people from about now visiting Earth (which is no longer inhabitable) pick up Jason's body from Camp Crystal Lake. He kills everyone on the ship, including Canadian director Cronenberg who did Scanners (1981), Videodrome, The Dead Zone (1983), and The Fly (1986) among others, except for survivor girl Rowan (Lexa Doig) who subdues the killer by cryogenically freezing him and herself. Rowan was only one among them that didn't want to study him to make super soldiers or whatever. The pair remain in stasis for the next 400 years until a new group of space people and their android (Lisa Ryder) with no nips find the ship, wake up Jason, and become murder-fu as the killer gets a much needed upgrade via the ships nanobots. The crew must now figure out a way to survive with Uber Jason on their hands. Uber Jason is just an "improved" more futuristic (i.e. ridiculous) looking Jason. All metal and shit. I mentioned Doig and Ryder up there because they both ended up in this show Andromeda together except with their roles reversed, more or less, with Doig playing the cyborg and Ryder playing the tough as nails leader chick, which is a weird coincidence.

The first thing you'll notice about this motley crew are the poor man's Seth Green, the 10/10 annoying stoner dude, and the poor man's Taye Diggs. The stoner dude gets his arm shopped off by Jason's machete just being a dip shit before the killer even wakes up. But no big, nanobots put him back together again. The group decides to bring the chick and Jason back with them and see what they are all about leaving one doctor alone with the killer while the rest of them check out the "hot" chick. Eventually, during his autopsy, Jason thaws out and immediately starts murdering when he takes the doctor's head in liquid nitrogen before smashing it into tiny pieces Demolition Man style. It's a dope kill but Mythbusters specifically disproved frozen head smash kill. Basically liquid nitrogen evaporates too quickly to freeze shit like that. Don't get me wrong, it will fuck you up if you aren't careful, but you aren't going to instantly freeze you whole head to the core. There are all kinds of idiots on YouTube putting their hands in it and splashing their faces and so forth. Like this guy:

Groovy chicks that just want to party... in space

Another solid kill comes when Jason slams a guy onto a giant drill bit. The guy slowly slides down the shaft, spinning on the grooves. The USA Today review also mentioned this kill as somewhat noteworthy, saying "Jason gets a futuristic makeover and annihilates someone using a giant screwing tool. After sitting through Jason's latest exploits, the audience may find itself identifying with that victim in particular." One of my personal faves though was the Taye Diggs looking dude. He gets stabbed by Jason once and says "It's gonna take more than that to kill me." Then he gets stabbed again and says, "Yeah, that should do it." Yeah, that type of flick.

By far the best scene in the film though comes when Jason is walking around on the holodeck, stalking the astronauts. To buy some time they pop that bitch on, setting to Camp Crystal Lake in 1980. These two hologram chicks show up and try to show Jason a good time, telling him they love "drinking beer, smoking pot, and having premarital sex." My kind of chicks but not this guy's as Jason beats one to death with the other.

So yeah, that is Jason X in a nutshell there. Jason gets shot out into space multiple times before his mask falls back to Earth and lands at Crystal Lake setting up a possible sequel that never came. And I've made it to Freddy v. Jason, finally. Excited about that shit.

Detention is the greatest movie of all time

I looooooved this fucking movie. Totally one of those kitchen sink type movies, there is a lot going on. The film has lots of meta, self-referential humor,
features a slasher based on a Saw esque movie within the movie called
Cinderhella, time travel, prom, Freaky Friday body swapping that makes the old noodle hurt to think about, a vegan protagonist, a guy with fly DNA, Canadians, and even aliens. It is fucking awesome.

The basic gist of the movie is a killer obsessed with the fictitious horror franchise Cinderhella dons the costume and kills a bunch of Grizzly Lake High School students. The group of suspects/potential victims include protagonist Riley Jones (Shanley Caswell, a pretty young lady who was in The Conjuring but not much else I've seen) who is sort of a suicidal outcast with a broken leg, her love interest/buddy from childhood Clapton Davis (Josh Hutcherson who was Peeta in the Hunger Games), his love interest and her one-time homey (whose mother has inhabited her body, sending her mind back to 1991--it's best not to think to hard about this) the cheerleader Ione, the "nerd" that's obsessed with Riley, Sander Sanderson (A.D. Johnson), and the jock with fly DNA that is obsessed with Ione, Billy Nolan (Parker Bagley), and numerous others including a Canadian. The principal, Dane Cook, gives all the usuals all-day detention in an effort to keep Cinderhella from murdering anyone at prom. 

Pros: Pacing. Pretty ladies. Meta as fuck. The survivor girl is a vegetarian. Casting. Soundtrack. This movie rocked.

Cons: Sometimes it is tell what the hell is happening. There may be too much going on here (at times).

The pacing of this movie is fucking insane. It's a movie for people with no attention span and it really jumps all over the place. It's like being on Adderall. We start out with a killing, segue to Mean Girls, get some more killing, suddenly get a dude with fly DNA, more killing, get the ludicrous solution to the killings (put them all in detention) when they start watching the Cinderhella movie where they see the movie is about a bunch of kids in detention are watching a lower budget movie of about a bunch of kids in detention watching a very
low budget movie of about a bunch of kids in detention watching a possible porn movie of about a bunch of kids in detention. 

It is here when we get my favorite line in the movie which sort of requires a bit of backstory. For a long time my female companion and I would seek out ridiculous Canadian horror. It is a sub-genre I encourage everyone to explore. Some of these movies are genuinely good movies with lower costs to make like Ginger Snaps, Ponypool, Trick 'r Treat, or The Witch (2015). Others decide to mix in elements of comedy, these being along the likes of Horns, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, and Wolfcop. And then there are the ones that are just a train wreck that ends up sort of working, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare and Zombie Nightmare both  come to mind here. Zombie Nightmare even had a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode devoted to it where they address this sub-genre at one point saying that the movie had "Canada's stink all over it," which is something we often say and both said while watching this movie. So it really tickled us when one of the kids in detention, watching one of these low budget slasher flicks inside of flasher flick, and so on, asks, "what is this, Canadian?" It was the first time we had ever heard this addressed and could not stop laughing. 

Another hilarious moment and reference to Canada comes near the beginning of the movie from Gord, the Canadian, is easily my favorite character (but they are all pretty amazing). He is facing off again the main girl in debate class on vegetarianism. This fucking rant he goes on is fucking golden and complete nonsense and it comes at you in that style of debate where information is just thrown at you at insane, breakneck speed with "facts" that have no basis in reality. I don't usually include fucking dialogue (or monologue or whatever) in these things but this is fucking out there. It goes thus: "Yes, I'd like to start off by saying that this girl's argument is ridiculous! Vegetarians who eat fish are hypocrites! She thinks because fish may feel no pain they don't value their lives. Absurd! And notice how she expresses almost no sympathy for chickens. That's because Americans hate chickens. For example, KFC serves popcorn chicken to assure the customers that the chicken was blown to bits, yet the meatball sub at Subway isn't called 'popcorn cow.' Americans want chickens to die! Lame! Personally, I do feel sympathy for animals, which is why I choose to only eat baby animals. They have not lived as long, and they are not leaving as much behind. Baby clams, chicken wings, baby seals - no... big... loss! If we don't eat meat, we lose out place in the food chain. Eating animals gives us confidence as humans. Vegetarians like this girl, who is only wearing one shoe, have less confidence than everybody else."

More comedy than horror, we are treated to a mullet beats ponytail battle where two dudes fight in the style of Swayze and Seagal, time traveling and freaky Fridaying (for no reason), a dude with fly DNA (again, for no reason other than referencing another horror movie), the best possible answer to "do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" ("the easy way"), and an out there ending involving aliens and Canadians.  We get lots of meta-references like talking about how the murders at the beginning are like Scream, a cop says the goings on in the school really "nuked the fridge," and so forth. And when the vegetarian decides to eat meat again we get a dude that comes down in pieces on the grill, making the burger falls out of her mouth in disgust (noice). Movie is sweet and definitely worth your time. 

Update: My Dr. Carver Auteur Autopsy review...