Saw Dark Shadows years ago at the Starlite Drive-In right har in Bloomington when my female companion was out of town. I liked it and, more importantly, Aberline, back when she was an only pupster, fucking loved it. I think she liked how quick paced it was and the killer soundtrack. We had a good time that night, me and her.
Anyway, now, since Rachel is so into vampire comedy horror, What We Do In the Shadows might be her all time favorite movie, we have another movie she has agreed to watch with me. Also, she has a much lower threshold for shit than I do so anything I get her to watch will have to be pretty decent. Otherwise that shit gets turnt off.
The movie is about this vampire named Barnabas Collins that is buried alive in the 1770s, escapes in the 1970s, goes back to back to his old castle home that is still standing and owned by his dysfunctional family. The rest of the movie is basically his interactions with them, the vampire lady that indirectly imprisoned him (they vampire hate fuck), and his wooing of this girl who looks like his long lost love and is like 18. Despite what the critics say, I thought it solid.
Rotten Tomato Consensus: The visuals are top notch but Tim Burton never finds a consistent rhythm, mixing campy jokes and gothic spookiness with less success than other Johnny Depp collaborations.
|You're freaking out, man|
Cons: This is around where we collective grew tired of Johnny Depp's shit. Here he is at his most Johnny Deppish. The movie is all over the place.
Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain some spoilers but I rarely give away the ending.
|Jinkies! I can't see without my glasses|
|Low hanging fruit: Cooper as an ugly woman jokes|
Anywho, two favorite scenes before everything goes down at the end include this weird (and PG) vampire-on-vampire sex scene between Depp and the chick who turnt him. They basically hate fuck with super powers. They get it on while flying around and cling to the ceiling and stuff. It's pretty cool and not something I think I've ever seen before. It's not hot though so no need to shield the youths. This chick, by the way, needs to fucking let it go. She again goes all ragey again when Depp loses interest.
The other scene comes as Depp is still trying to impress Victoria with how normal he is by holding a ball in order to get to know the people in their Maine town. The chick from Kick-Ass, Pfeiffer's daughter, who is like way over sexualized with Depp talking about how she needs to hurry up and get married before her uterus dries up—no one wants to hear that—suggests booking Alice Cooper who I am sure wasn't busy playing at giant arenas at the time or anything. The get “her” and Depp says Cooper is the ugliest chick he has ever seen which is LAME. But Cooper proceeds to rock out to like three songs. It's dope. Easily Abby's favorite part.