Top 10 of 2025: Tie—10. The Monkey

★★★★--Watched exactly 100 movies from this past year. This out of 219 total for the year. First was Get Away. Last was Neighborhood Watch. Neither of them made my best of, though Neighborhood Watch was a lot of fun. 

Some honorable mentions include The Smash Machine, Weapons, Companion, Bugonia, The Shrouds, Invader, Marty Supreme, and Dead of Winter. Any year I struggle to put just 10 movies on my favorite list is a good year. 

 

A lot of these are “better” than the films on my list, these are just the ones that are my 10 favorite.

 

Anyway, The Monkey. The third twin movie on this list. It’s not a perfect movie. Star Theo James is much more believable as the cool, dickhead brother. 

 

Based on a Stephen King story. I read this three or four years ago before watching Monkey Shines, which I thought was based on King’s work. It wasn’t, but is still awesome. 

 

This is the only of Osgood Perkins’s three movies I’ve really cared for so far, the other two being Longlegs and Keeper. Here he delves deep into his personal trauma. His father, Anthony Perkins, you know, Norman Bates, died when the director was young of complications of AIDS, which he contracted as a closeted gay man. His mother, Berry Berenson, also an actress, was on American Airlines Flight 11 that crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center during the 9/11 attacks. Perkins has said as much, saying specifically it’s about the melancholy of living. How casual tragedy becomes, like with the priest treating the funerals as a joke. Most of the deaths are funny as hell. But it’s inevitable, tragedy, death, and it comes in ways you don’t see coming, but is always just around the corner. Embrace the absurdity of living, this film says, or you are gonna have a hard time. That’s my brand.

31 Days of Halloween: Silly Scares Night: A Self-Aware/Hilarious Twist on Horror Tropes

Tucker & Dale vs Evil - Eli Craig - 2010

 

★★★★★-Day 10 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Silly scares night. One of my favorite genres. This is an old favorite. Nearly an annual watch. Partner loves it as well. 

Gist is two well-meaning hillbillies, Tucker and Dale, are mistaken for killers by a group of college-aged dipshits. While the bumpkins are on vacation at their dilapidated cabin in the woods, a series of misunderstandings lead the students to believe they are being hunted by roughneck psychopaths. The bumpkins, meanwhile, think the kids are in some kind of suicide cult as attempts to “rescue” their friend Allison results in a series of gruesome accidents.

Alan Tudyk and ­­Tyler Labine star as Tucker and Dale respectively. Tudyk is always fun and his performance in this film is no exception. I mostly thinking of him from this role and as Steve the pirate in Dodgeball which I fucking love. 

Labine, for his part, has this comedic horror lane locked down. He had a solid run in the 2010s, starring in a couple of my favorite shows with Reaper and Deadbeat, but it appears he’s had some health issues in the last few years and taken a little bit of a step back. 

Hoping director Eli Craig gets to make many more movies in the future. As of this writing it just this and another comedy horror flick Little Evil. It’s no Tucker & Dale, but it’s not bad. Has a movie that is supposed to come out next year based on the YA slasher novel Clown in a Cornfield. I am so seeing that flick. 

The college kids all kind of blend together and just there to pad the body count save for the group’s alpha, Chad, and Allison, she’s the one Tucker and Dale “kidnap”, played Katrina Bowden. She is the incredibly hot receptionist in 30 Rock. I have a bit of a weird connection to her. A girl I dated briefly 20 years ago dated her ex-husband before we got together. He is the frontman for this emo band Armor for Sleep. She occasionally talked to him on the phone while we were dating just to make me jealous. I, however, didn’t give a shit. Our relationship was fucked.

Chad, love that the college douche is named Chad, is played by one Jesse Moss. He is the group’s self-appointed leader and the film's main antagonist. He seems like your average frat bro but becomes obviously more mentally deranged as his suppressed psychotic tendencies and prejudices towards hillbillies start coming out. Hadn’t seen him in anything else, but he is great in this. You can tell he is having a good time. 

The film is absolutely spectacular, subverting horror tropes and effectively blending comedy with gory. A fun twist on the typical horror genre, with plenty of laughs and unexpected turns. 

31 Days of Halloween: Samara Weaving Night: The Babysitter: Killer Queen -- A Bloody Return to Culty Chaos

The Babysitter: Killer Queen - McG – 2020

 

★★★-Day 7 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Samara Weaving night. Don’t mind if I do. 

A horror-comedy sequel to The Babysitter, picking up two years after the pre-pubescent star survives a satanic cult led by his babysitter. He must once again fight for his life when the cult he Home Aloned to death returns for revenge, still after his virgin blood.

 

Starts with the survivor virgin dude from the first one (a youngan named Judah Lewis) being pretty much a pariah with his little girlfriend, played by Emily Alyn Lind (she was Snakebite Andi in Doctor Sleep), now with the school’s jocky douche. You'll probably also recognize Ken Marino from Party Down and Wet Hot American Summer and Leslie Bibb from Trick 'r Treat and Talladega Nights. They were in the first movie with slightly bigger parts as the parents of the protagonist.

 

Directed by McG. He did several movies in the aughts that no one cared for. Charlie's Angels movies, We Are Marshall, Terminator Salvation (that’s the one where Christian Bale lost his shit on the director of photography). These Babysitter flicks are dope though.

 

More brutal than the original (decapitations, spontaneous combustions, death by propeller, so forth), this one also has its share of humor. Like trying to bone so he isn’t so pure they want to kill him and what not.

 

I have trouble telling Lind apart from Kathryn Newton and Rose McIver. In this flick, she is also consciously trying to resemble Samara Weaving, who herself looks a lot like Margot Robbie. They are all very beautiful women, but sort of out of hot blonde central casting. There is a pretty sweet Ortega vs. Lind Gen Z “it girl” off at the end. I liked it. But less than the first one. Still waiting on that third one, though. 

In Fabric: A giallo-inspired blend of satire and style

In Fabric - Peter Strickland - 2018

★★★★-Satirizes corporate culture, art, contemporary dating, and the fashion industry. Totally nails the giallo feel. Music was great and on point as well. Also has a Lynchian vibe. Sort of an anthology with people coming into contact with the dress and things going down. Little like Cat's Eye, but with a dress. It's an exceptionally weird movie. I strongly disliked it, though there were moments when I found it enjoyable. I haven't stopped thinking about it either. The more I contemplate it, the more I like it, but I'll never watch it again. 

Written and directed by Peter Strickland. A24 film. Available on Paramount+. Gist is a malevolent red dress haunts its various owners, bringing a death curse into their lives. The solid cast includes Marianne Jean-Baptiste (Without a Trace ,Blindspot, Homecoming), Hayley Squires, Leo Bill, and Gwendoline Christie (the giant from Game of Thrones and Wednesday). Haven't really seen any of them except Jean-Baptiste and Christie before. Julian Barratt from The Mighty Boosh and Mindhorn plays a bit part.

First owner is a woman that's a lonely hearts type (played by Jean-Baptiste). She's a single mom with an adult son. He's an “artist.” He's also a fucking asshole. She walks in on him eating out his girlfriend (Christie) in the middle of the night in the living room. Come on, man. The girlfriend sees her and starts moaning louder. Fuck that chick. Sees the son's gross art of her butthole and her underpants with her son's face on them. This poor mother. 

When we see her on her first date, the guy goes from being a real wet blanket to a piece of shit. Plus he's got a dumb looking face. She's way too good for this shit, before she gets her killer dress. 

The sales lady says some mysterious, weird shit, but she seems pretty cool. I'm definitely buying whatever sartorial accoutrements she is peddling. This store is pretty fucking weird. Just gets more insane from there. The brawl at the end is pretty bananas and fun, and likely my favorite part of the movie.

One of those, what is this type of flicks. Pretty funny at times. Like when one of the guys tells the bankers of this dream he had of his wife giving birth. When the doctors pull the baby out, it is wearing the dress. He waves and the baby “has none of that,” and flips him off. He bangs on the glass and the doctor hoses the glass off. 

Definitely has a style that I appreciated. Direction and acting were both above average. It is a weird one, but my kind of weird. Atmospheric, stylistic, powerful. Wild, weird, and beautiful. I loved it. If you like Suspiria, this will be your type of film. 

Chucky: A killer can't miss

I am going to be real. You might not believe this, but Chucky is great. Incredible at how good it is. Keeps continuity and improves the movies in retrospect. If you cared enough to watch like half of the Chucky movies, you owe it to yourself to watch the show. If you didn’t, I recommend you suffer the movies to experience this show on the electric teevee machine 

That there is continuity with this show that ties in all the movies is insane. Don Mancini, who wrote all the movies and the show, does a phenomenal job of writing his way out of every implausible web from the movies. 

Favorite episode has a crazy meta quality, where the possessed, Jennifer, Tilly becomes part of a sort of quasi-intervention with Gina Guerschon, Joey pants, Meg, Tilly. Chucky like Jose like it’s a talk show or clip show or something. He’s got this wrestler chick with him. He says the Food Network is getting restless because he hasn’t killed anyone or used his 10 F bombs that he gets per episode. Cut to a clip of the wrestler on a podcast saying that she wants to be murdered by checkers. So Chucky starts stabbing her to death and saying fuck repeatedly.

Of course, you get Brad Dourif as the voice of Chucky. Always love that guy. Kids include Zackary Arthur, Björgvin Arnarson, Alyvia Alyn Lind, and Teo Briones. Never really care about the kids. They further the plot, but the fun stuff is with the legacy characters. Mean girl storyline is weak. She goes from reality show terrible to being totally one of the gang with no arch or anything. 

Former Tiger Beat cover guy, Devon Sawa shows up as various characters in both seasons. Others you'll recognize include Brad Dourif's daughter Fiona Dourif, Alex Vincent, Christine Elise, and Jennifer Tilly from the previous movies. They are all fantastic, especially Tilly. 

Hilarious part when the priest calls the Vatican and tells them what is going on and that he needs assistance for an exorcism on a Chucky doll. You get his said and says stuff like, “yes, of course, I understand.” Then he hangs up the phone and says, “I've been excommunicated,” all with extreme calm.

Overall, it's fun for the casual watcher of these films, and incredible for the fans. Both seasons boast a solid 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. The humor is creative, the horror absurd, the performances solid, and just a great time. All this while keeping the essence and continuity of the franchise alive. Plus, there is a “Little Buff Boy” Chucky that is hilarious.

Renfield - Chris McKay - 2023

★★★-It was pretty fun, but not as fun as I was expecting. Think they should have leaned into the comedy a bit more. While the tone was a that of an action/comedy, it didn't really have many jokes that landed. Plus, it felt like it mostly just of pretty bad CGI. And lastly, I think Awkwafina was somewhat miscast. Also, it was kind of a mess. 

Gist is Renfield, Dracula's loyal henchman/long-term inmate at an asylum, yearns for a life free from his master's relentless demands and the gruesome bloodshed that accompanies them. Goes to codependent anonymous meetings to break away, but it doesn't go well for anyone. 

Directed by Chris McKay. He also did The Lego Batman Movie and The Tomorrow War. Cast includes Nicholas Hoult in the title role, Nicolas Cage as Dracula, Awkwafina as a cop/love interest, Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec), and Shohreh Aghdashloo (House of Sand and Fog and 24).

Spent some time in development hell. Universal was planning on doing a series of reboots based on the old monster flicks with a shared universe, which would have been cool. This was supposed to be the next movie after the Tom Cruise led film The Mummy, released in 2017, but it bombed. Later, screenwriter Robert Kirkman, who did the original draft, presented a rewrite that was more comedic in nature, which was eventually green-lit. 

Overall, it was alright, mostly because of the performances by Cage and Holt. Renfield, on the whole, is played for laughs – though make no mistake, it is a gorefest. Over-the-top, bloody action is always appreciated, by me at least. Can't get past that CGI though.

Cage's portrayal of Dracula steals the show, blending humor while still drawing inspiration from past actors who played the iconic character. Lugosi, Christopher Lee, and Gary Oldman come to mind. Whenever he takes center stage, the film comes alive in ways it doesn't when it's Holt and Awkwafina. Say what you will about the guy, Cage is always super captivating. 

However, Renfield falls somewhat short due to not capitalizing on its promisingly hilarious premise. While entertaining, the film hints at a more vibrant, dynamic, and absurdly amusing movie yearning to break free. It's enjoyable, but one can't help but feel that it missed the opportunity to be truly extraordinary.

American Carnage - Diego Hallivis - 2022

★★-Another America themed movie for those less inclined toward blind nationalism. Fucking terrible. Get Out vibes with camp thrown in. The story is a mess, and they waste Jenna Ortega's talents. 

Gist is a governor gives an executive order to apprehend the children of undocumented immigrants even if the kids were born here for harboring fugitives. The detained youths are given a chance to avoid charges by volunteering at an eldercare facility, only to uncover a shocking conspiracy masterminded by the governor and the facility's supervisor, putting both the young volunteers and the elderly residents in extreme danger. 

In addition to Ortega, the movie stars a bunch of people I don't really recognize. They include Jorge Lendeborg Jr. (he's the lead), Brett Cullen, Eric Dane, Jorge Diaz, Allen Maldonado who's my age and plays one of the “kids” (he's basically a minstrel character), and Bella Ortiz.

Seemed fine for a while and then goes off the rails, and then really goes off the rails. Two twists is one twist too many. Though I'm all about the movie's “agenda”, it wasn't a winner. Usually all about a twisted horror-comedy, but this didn't work.

Bloody Hell - Alister Grierson - 2020

★★★★-“What would you do with that (knife)?” “I would save myself and kill your family. You know, standard stuff.” Gist is a guy goes to prison for killing a bunch of bank robbers in the midst of a hostage situation that results in multiple fatalities. I'm not a vigilante guy, but this guy getting eight years was bull shit. I assumed this was made by a foreign winger who doesn't know how the American justice system lauds “good guys with guns,” or a Trumper who thinks this is what really happens despite people like George Zimmerman and Kyle Rittenhouse walking free. But I'm making a lot of assumptions.

Anyway, while in prison, he shoots a spitball at a world map to decide where he is going to move once he gets out. Lands on Finland, where he is immediately kidnapped upon arrival by a family of psychopath cannibals. Some low-hanging vegan jokes. “A vegan is like a person, but...” This in a movie about a cannibal monster. 

The vigilante guy is played one Ben O'Toole. Never seen him before, or anyone in this film for that matter. He reminds me of this maniac roommate I had in college. A combination of him and Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Icould see either of them getting into this type of situation. Meg Fraser plays the hot daughter, dad is played by Matthew Sunderland mom is played by Caroline Craig. She's an older Malin Akereman type. Come to find out they are basically the same age, just a few years older than me. 

Is it perfect? No, but I really, really liked this flick. An over-the-top comedy horror romance movie with a heck of an original weapon to kill the big bad. Can't beat this “how did you you two meet” story either, which he tells to a group of people at a bar, much to everyone's horror. For a guy who is obsessed with saying something cool before he kills someone but fails every time, he delivers a phenomenal last line of the film, which I shan't spoil. Available on Shudder. 

Summoning Sylvia - Wesley Taylor and Alex Wyse - 2023

★★★★-All camp and low budget, it's super fun, original, and good for some laughs. I actually LOLed even and it was female companion approved. However, one of my homosexual homies said the movie was "too gay" for him. For me, the gags are unpredictable and imaginative. Frankie Grande, brother of Ariana, is a sassy, scene-stealing delight. And it is a breezy 74 minutes.

Gist is a group of gay dudes host a bachelor party for their buddy at a haunted house in the sticks. They have a séance, as one does, and shit starts getting weird. Funniest scene is when Grande seduces the pizza man, thinking he was a ghost.

Cast of gays are Travis Coles, Grande, Troy Iwata, Noah J. Ricketts, and Michael Urie (Ugly Betty). The ghost Sylvia is played by Veanne Cox who was in Erin Brockovich, and Harrison, the asshole straight brother, by Nicholas Logan from I Care a Lot.

The film works as a social commentary as well as a while staying fun. The groom's straight ex-military soon to be brother in-law unexpectedly shows up and dumps cold water on the night, almost says the F-word at least once, acts completely disgusted, and other shit like that. It could have taken a darker turn, but doesn't, thank fuck. This guy is something of a homophobe with a history of substance abuse and violence. But don't let that worry you. It does a good job of showing how this dude is a wrong, but also how people like this can come around. 

In all, the movie is a complete success, though I was surprised to see it has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. It's not perfect but it's really good. Plus, I would have thought some bigots would have brought that down. It's also cool to see a raunchy gay horror comedy that has mass appeal. I'm all in for a sequel. Totally great and worth your time. 

Cursed Friends - Laura Murphy - 2022

★★- More forgettable crap. Group of friends play a fortune telling game as kids and the stuff they predicted starts happening when they are adults. 

Not exactly how they come up with this, but they  think they have to like kill the people they predicted they’d marry to break the curse. Then if one does kill their spouse, the curse is broken for all of them, so they mistakenly think. Long story short, Guillermo straight up murders Rob Riggle, and his friends are cool with it. This even though it doesn’t work. Which is all to say, a crazy, complicated storyline that is nearly impossible to follow. 

So, yeah. Overall, pretty bad, but fun. Sort of. They were advertising the shit out of this when I was in NYC a few months ago right before it came out… but why?

Ravenous - Antonia Bird - 1999

★★★★- Like ‘Cannibal! The Musical,’ it’s based on this Donner Party-type incident regarding one Alferd Packer, who ate some dudes on an ill-advised trip for gold. It’s up for debate whether he or someone else on his trip, whom he said he killed in self-defense, murdered people in the party.

A frontier/cannibal comedy-western about getting "the hunger" after eating human flesh as well as coked-up energy and super healing. It was pretty great. 

I somehow watch a lot of cannibalism movies. I can’t stomach the thought of meat—long time vegan. (Parker is rumored to have been a vegetarian after this all went down, by the by). I feel like a starving in the wilderness scenario would be the only way I would ever eat meat again. But that would indeed be some shit that I would t be able to bounce back from. It’s one thing to say that you could do it if you were starving. But having a chunk of long-pig in front of you that you gotta eat to live. That would fuck up me real bad. So, yeah, exploring the deep questions here. Ye olde “would you eat someone” dilemma.  

The Curse of Bridge Hollow - Jeff Wadlow - 2022

★★- Fun dumb kids movie. Nothing spectacular. Pretty forgettable. Sort of in that whole Goosebumps lane.

Gist is an evil old spirit named Stingy Jack brings Halloween decorations to life, which is a pretty cool premise. The protagonists are Brooklyn transplants, among them a dad (a teacher at the local high school) that hates Halloween, a mom who wants to start a vegan bakery but can't bake for shit, and their overachieving daughter who sort of hates her embarrassment of a father, forced save their small New England town.

People you'll recognize include Marlon Wayans as the dad, Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child fame as the vegan baker, John Michael Higgins as a harmless Satan worshipping principal, Lauren Lapkus who is most recognizable from her time as a guard on Orange Is the New Black and is always unhinged, Rob Riggle, and Helen Slayton-Hughes who just died the other day.

The Munsters - Rob Zombie - 2022

★★ - This movie is so fucking insane. I didn’t hate it, but there is no way Rob Zombie ever works again. Find his films pretty hit or miss. Wanted to like this so bad but it’s a miss. 

I love Rob Zombie and Sheri Moon. Sweet vegan people. Go team. I know a guy that was a guitar tech for him-and a bunch of other people-and he says they are the kindest people. And have I mentioned they’re vegan?

However, I have no idea who the audience for this movie is. I feel like maybe me, but hell, I don’t know. Sort of for kids but no way they’re going to get 50s references thrown at them a mile a minute.

Nick at Nite was big when I was a kid. I watched this in the Addams family all the time. I remember debating with my friends on which one was better. I’m still not sure which way I go. I fucking love both of them. Gateway into horror shit. 

That said, sigh. This movie makes some odd choices.

Rockstar/standup comedian Herman Munster is anti-funny. He’s over the top but wasn’t the worst either. For the record, Hurley from Lost is the worst. 

Sheri Moon Zombie I think is underrated as an actress. She plays Lily. People think she is terrible, but I think she is more than fine. The grandpa guy was solidish, too.

Thought that Lily was going to be pregnant at the end and that was gonna lead into a sequel, but that didn’t happen. One of those movies I was sort of into but had no idea what was happening. Think I’ll forget about it entirely in a year.

Drag Me to Hell - Sam Raimi - 2009

★★★★ - My underrated movie for the Nightmare on Film Street challenge. My third watching since coming out. Still dig it.

What’s not to love? Humor, gypsy curses, falling anvil, Deadites, talking goats, so forth. Plus literal draggings to Hell.

Stars  Alison Lohman, Justin Long, and Bonnie Aarons as the old woman. 

I’m gonna watch anything that Sam Raimi does. It is my opinion he has not made a bad movie. I’ll put this one in the middle for him but still pretty great.

Most people probably know this but Raimi features “The Classic,” a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 that he supposedly lost his virginity in, in nearly all of his films. It was Ashy Slashy’s car in the Evil Dead movies, for example. The gypsy drives it in this flick.

So, liked it. But I can not abide by a movie where they killed the cat.

2001 Maniacs is the worst movie of all time

2001 Maniacs. “If I had a dollar for every college kid came through here spouting off about flesh eating ghouls, I’d retired along time ago.” Not what you want to hear from the police. Terrible movie, by the by. An over-the-top gory, unfunny comedy horror film. 

Gist of the movie is that a bunch of college kids go to through the Deep South on their way spring break but get caught up this town Pleasant Valley, which, as I sure you know, is not. Things start fine as the mayor, played by Robert Englund, convinces them to stay for the town’s annual barbecue, but then the townsfolk start to killin’ them. Yee-Hah. Fucking die. 

The maniacs are these uneducated hill jacks with fucked up politics obsessed with the South rising again who are stuck in the past. Some racial motivated killings. General northern hate. Pasttimes include pussy strangling and incest. Stars and Bars everywhere. Cannibalism. Typical trip to the South, I’d say. 

Not a good movie. Mostly Robert Englund playing hero all. Bob Shaye’s sister Lin is it. Since Freddy and Lin Shaye are more or less the leads, I assumed it was a New Line movie, but it is Lion’s Gate. Also got a glimpse Kane Hodder. He is the guy that most people think of as Jason Vorhees since he really leaned into the role. Played Jason in  Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, and Jason X. No else I recognize. 

I see it's a remake of a Criterion movie, the 1964 film Two Thousand Maniacs! written and directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis.. Shan’t be watching that one. 

Old is the worst movie of all time

Old. AKA "Wrinkles in Time." “There is something wrong with this beach!” You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

Old was the worst movie I haven't walked out of. Jawdropping, hilariously bad. The most likable character in the movie is a guy named “Mid-Sized Sedan.” It is horrible as a horror movie. Pretty extraordinary as fully unintentional comedy. “I can’t believe he got the money to make this movie, but I'm glad as fuck he did, ” said one of my viewing companions. It has a Rotten Tomato score of 50%. That is incredible. I can't believe people aren't dunking on this movie. 

Gist of the movie is people at a resort are taken to an island and rapidly age so that a half hour is about a year. That's it. Then there is a twist. 

Gonna start with the awkwardly hilarious dialogue horribly acted in a way that takes you out of the movie. 

“Where are the resort people? I think we all have to leave this beach.” 

“Wait, why?"

“They left already?” 

“Whahappened?” 

Points to a corpse in a blanket. 

Obviously truly mesmerizing dialogue. Overall a fascinating movie. Not for good reasons though. 

At first you think the kids (who start out YOUNG and end up in their 50s) still have a six year olds understand of the world. But then they are like wise, problem solving old people. Also, everyone is a fucking expert about this place. I mean, I like a mystery and thinking the fuck out of it over an afternoon. Especially science shit. Like figuring out how the stars rotate in the sky over the course of night/day. But I don't think I’d be able to logic what's going on out when I'm getting old and developing Parkinsons. But these guys get all of what is happening on the nose and how to escape it. Exposition, I guess. Gotta know why this is happening for the inevitable twist. That's my guess. 

Spoiler from the trailer so not a spoiler, I guess. When the young chick shows up pregnant, it was more like, “ok, we are indeed really going there. That’s weird. Oh, it's over.” Completely gratuitous and unnecessary. Also forgettable somehow. Reminded me of The Blue Lagoon but way fucking crazier. Yep. The twist at the end is completely unnecessary, by the by. M. Night Shyamalan could have lopped off the last half-hour and no one would have noticed. But he needed to dial up the WTF just a little more. 

This movie is batshit. BA-nanas. It was completely unlike anything I've ever seen before. That's for fucking sure. I wasn't bored. But goddamn. Maybe I sort recommend it for a hysterical laugh fest. I also like how the little boy ages into Stanley Tucci. Not literally, but he looks enough like him I heard other people in the theater whispering, “that’s Stanley Tucci.” 

Favorite unintentional comedy moment was when a woman with a calcium deficiency is freaking out at the kids, screaming “don’t look at me.” Something you have to know here is that everyone heals like Wolverine, more or less instantly. Anyway, this lady went from being an actress who was one of the concubines in Fury Road to being wrinkly with a hunchback. The kids, now in their early 30s, of course keep lighting their matches to look at her. She gets progressively more pissed and starts throwing rocks at them. The rocks get bigger and bigger until she has a giant bolder over her head. Except her brittle arms can't sustain it. Her arm breaks and she falls, breaking the other arm. The kids light another match. She rages the fuck out. Just flailing her broken limbs around in a full-on tantrum. Quite an impressive and dissonant meltdown. 

The film stars Gael García Bernal (Amores perros, Coco, The Science of Sleep, Y tu mamá también) who is not good, Vicky Krieps (never seen her), Thomasin McKenzie (Jojo Rabbit), and Alex Wolff (main dude in Hereditary). Rest of the cast includes Rufus Sewell (lead in Dark City), Abbey Lee (one of the escapees in Mad Max: Fury Road), Ken Leung (the asian-american guy in Lost), and Eliza Scanlen (the crazy murderer girl in Sharp Objects), among others. 

MVP of the movie is that Rufus Sewell guy. He's actually pretty good. Whenever he shows up I always think that guy is pretty solid, where do I know him? Why isn't he more famous?

Anyway, yeah, hilarious, zany comedy. Shit serious horror movie. I mean, they knew this was bad while they were making it, right? 

House (1977) is the greatest movie of all time

House. "The girls will wake up... when they are hungry." "Bananas... everywhere!" This movie is fucking bananas. It is out there. Obviously influenced some of my favorite horror, but this was something else. Definitely a lot of fun, but I'm not sure it is good. Basically takes the whole haunted house trope, and turns it into a zany movie of extremes that I guess are sort funny. Like Evil Dead II, but not nearly as good. I was really feeling it and then the last 10 or so minutes were terrible. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: House is a gleefully demented collage of grand guginol guffaws and bizarre sequences.

Gist is a young woman and six of her schoolmates travel to her elderly aunt's home in the country, which, indeed, turns out to be haunted. Thats one way to explain it, I guess. But what ensues is pretty indescribable. 

House is made in 1977. The Japanese horror comedy was directed, written, and produced by one Nobuhiko Obayashi. It came about after a film company approached him (he was previously a director of commercials) about writing a script "like Jaws." When he came back with the screenplay for this nonsense and the company was like, "what the fuck is this shit?",  and he figured he'd have to make the movie himself if he wanted his vision to come to life. 

Amateur actors are okay, but the real MVP of the movie has to be Obayashi for getting this psychedelic flick made. It is also pretty engaging and beautiful. From the trailer, I was expecting way less in terms of plot, not this this has a real coherent narrative or anything. It is worth a watch if you are into extremely weird shit. 

The Love Witch is the greatest movie of all time

The Love Witch. "Men are like children. They're very easy to please as long as we give them what they want..." "I'm the love witch! I'm your ultimate fantasy!" I loved this movie. Like Season of the Witch except good. Solid movie with a lot of layers to unpack. Plus it is extremely visually appealing. Would be a hell of a movie to trip to. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: The Love Witch offers an absorbing visual homage to a bygone era, arranged subtly in service of a thought-provoking meditation on the battle of the sexes.

Gist is a a modern-day witch uses her magic to get men to fall in love with her before killing them for failing to live up to expectations. She drugs them with love potions made out of hallucinogenics before giving men "what they want." She is totally deadpan, which allows the guys to project whatever they desire onto her, which drives them crazy. It's a playful tribute to 1960s horror and Technicolor films, combined with its serious inquiry into contemporary gender roles. It's a super interesting take. 

Came out in 2016. Was written, edited, directed, produced, and scored by Anna Biller. Stars Samantha Robinson (a very pretty lady) as Elaine Parks, the modern-day witch who uses spells to get men to fall in love with her. She played the role of Abigail Folger in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood. Didn't really recognize anyone else from the movie, but all the acting was serviceable. One of thems, one Laura Waddell, looks just like Chassie Tucker from At Home with Amy Sedaris, which is like my favorite show. Others include Gian Keys, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, and Jennifer Ingrum, if you've heard of any of them.

Watched this on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. It was his Valentine's Day special. He has a great interview with Biller. His drive-in totals highlight the six "wang doodles" in the film. Also talks a lot about how the movie is super colorful and looks so good because it was shot on 35mm film, instead digital. The last bit focuses on this crazy sequence near the end that involves a random renaissance fair and includes a mock wedding. It's out there... Again, love.

Really hard to pick an MVP in this since Robinson is so great in this role and Biller's vision is so well executed. Ultimately giving it to Biller for putting together such a fine and visually appealing film. Good shit. 

Body Bags was the okayest movie of all time

Ah, body bags. You see, if it's murder, suicide or a nasty accident, they put them in here. Checked off a lot of boxes for me. Anthology comedy horror with two "masters" of horror directing. A rip off of Tales from the Crypt with lots of fun cameos. Stacey Keach, Debbie Harry, and Sam Raimi. I figured this would be dope. But in the end, not really my cup of tea. 

Three segments. John Carpenter hosts and introduces each story. He is this morgue employee, it seems, who is into some weird shit. Sort of tells us about how some of the people there die and are brought in in body bags. These are their stories. 

The first segment was the slowest and most traditional/run of the mill of the three. Slasher stalks a gas station attendant. Cool setting and lots of great bit parts, but it doesn't hold up at all when it comes to logic. The plot holes in this one are too distracting, and I'm not one to care about that generally. But you ask yourself a couple of questions and it comes undone as shit. Robert Carradine, bro of David, plays the killer. Get cameos from David Naughton from American Werewolf in London, and directors Wes Craven and Sam Raimi.

Second segment is easily my favorite. Stars Stacey Keach, the obvious MVP of the movie, as a dude going bald who is fucking obsessed. He has a pretty girlfriend who is supportive, but dude just won't let it go. Fucking paints his head and shit like that. It's fucking gross. But everywhere he looks he sees dudes with like 80s rockstar hair, or some dog with a golden mane, and dude loses his shit. So he goes to this Hair Club for Men type place and gets some hair treatment whilst nurse Deddie Harry is all over him, telling him how sexy he'll look with long flowing locks. He's fucking stoked when he pulls off the bandages and has hair down to his ass. It's crazy ridiculous and obviously looks like shit. But he gets what he wanted, but, you know, this is a horror anthology, so that shit comes at a price. 

Third segment is sort of the same as the second. Dude loses a part of himself, his eye, is obsessed with getting it back. Does an experimental surgery. Gets what he lost back. Is ironically tortured by the eye. It's the old, got an eye from a dude that got executed, now I see his crimes and will start killing myself bit. If you're a Simpsons fan, it's the same plot as "Hell Toupée" from "Treehouse of Horror IX" where Homer gets Spike's hair after he got the chair and then Homer starts having urges to kill and what not. The guy that gets the eye, by the by, is Mark Hamill. He is basically out there playing hero ball during his whole segment. 

Directors are listed as Carpenter and Tobe Hooper. Carpenter did "The Gas Station" and "Hair" while Hooper did "Eye". Not what either are going to be remembered for, for sure. But definitely not either of their worsts. Plus, I think Carpenter is a genius and generally love his work. That said...

There were moments that I had fun, and the casting was amazing. But overall I thought it was sort of meh. I thought the bookend segments with John Carpenter as a morgue attendee ghoul were especially disappointing. Too much a really bad rip off of Tales from the Crypt without the humor. I mean, they tried, but the jokes were shitty and sad. 

Freaky is the greatest movie of all time

Oh my God, it's a slaughterhouse! Why are you smiling? Ah, I've heard that before. As a former reporter, my sense of humor is pretty dark, I guess you can say. On many occasion, when explaining some horrific thing I covered, my partner would whisper, "you have to stop smiling." 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: An entertaining slasher with a gender-bending, body-swapping twist, this horror-comedy juggles genres with Freaky fun results.

I loved this movie. Same director as Happy Death Day, Happy Death Day 2U, and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. Sort of the same take as Happy Death Day. Take a popular movie, Groundhogs Day, or in this case Freaky Friday, and turn it into a horror flick. I'm definitely a massive fan of this Christopher Landon guy. At four for four, I will definitely be watching everything this guy does in the future. 

Cast is great. This Kathryn Newton girl is really having a moment. She was also in Lady Bird and Three Billboards. They do that thing where everyone treats her like she is hideous when the movie first starts. Sloppy bullshit. No one buys that this beautiful young woman is so ugly to be a pariah. The kids at her high school treat her like she's the spitting image of Janet Reno or something. But then when her and the killer switch bodies, the killer pulls her hair back and puts on different clothes. Now everyone wants to fuck. She looks the same, honestly. Don't jerk me off, man. 

Does get a killer line though when she tells this rapey asshole, "Your touch makes my pussy as dry as sandpaper, you fucking monkey. I can't wait to kill you." 

Her friends, played by Celeste O'Connor and Misha Osherovich, neither had I seen, are great sidekicks with solid comedic timing, especially Osherovich.  

But the best is Vince Vaughn. He is perfect and hilarious. Total MVP of the movie. He is the reason to watch this flick. Carrying himself like a young woman is pretty great and not as offensive as I was expecting. This might be his best role of all time. He comes in smoking hot and kills it as a high school girl. 

Definitely going on my Plex server. Solid kills. Solid directing. Good performances. Fun and funny. My type of flick.