Scream 7 is trash

Stu, you know, this guy.

★★--Oof. This film was all-nonsense. Kevin Williamson really fell off. Here are some of the things that really stuck out as stupid from this movie… 

 

The panic room that makes no sense, they leave, and you can access through the wall. Why even have a panic room? Also, why don’t you have more guns? And why can’t you shoot for shit? Also, Joel McHale, Sidney’s husband, is the town’s sherriff, you’d think maybe he’d have the cops he works with protect his family since Ghostface is actively trying to kill them. And it has long been heavily implied that Sidney’s husband was Detective Mark Kincaid from the third movie. In maybe Scream 4 we are told that he is named Mark, but now it’s this other Mark. I guess that name isn’t off the table for ole Sid, which sort of implies that they never had a serious thing going on. Ok. 

 

Ger.

Speaking of dumb retcons, spoilers below, Matthew Lillard is back as Stu Macher, sort of. He is pretty funny and obviously having a good time. Is that a positive though? Overall, the characters in this film are bad and include all the stereotypes except athlete. Have the boyfriend. The weird boy They are played by Asa Germann and Sam Rechner and are interchangeable. The black BFF. The gay guy. The theater chick, who was the only one of them I recognized. Played Mckenna Grace from the post-covid Ghostbuster films and who was just in that Regretting You movie. And the survivor girl. They all barely have names.  

Woman that plays Sid’s daughter, Isabel May, at least looks super cute. She does look 30 though. Is 25. Her face is kind of an amalgamation of Juliet Lewis, that Linda Cardellini woman from ER and Freaks and Geeks, Alison Lohman from the aughts, Maria Bello, and some Jennifer Lawrence. 

 

Gail is still a bitch. Though now she’s traumatized. You feel sorry for her. Courteney Cox looks pretty good compared to the other last few movies. She’s crazy as fuck though and she moves like an old lady. Neve Campbell is back as Sidney nee Prescott. Everything about her character and performance were lame. And Jimmy Tatro who I still think of as the alleged dick-drawer in American Vandal is there as the dumb guy half of the standard opening kill. 

 

Camp, who seems like a real C U Next Tuesdee, talked a bunch of shit on social, saying “The boycott didn’t work. The critics hate didn’t work. The pathetic leaks didn’t work. What worked was audiences coming out and making the film a success.” I’d wait to see how long you stay in that top spot before doing a victory lap, but that’s just me though. 

 

Which brings me to the two main legacy characters from 5 and 6 that aren’t there and are never mentioned, which is super weird, while Randy’s niece, played by Jasmin Savoy Brown, and nephew, Mason Gooding, are there for reasons that make no sense. Mason is Cuba Gooding Jr.‘s kid. Jesus, he is extremely handsome, even by nepo-baby standards. He is a legit future STAR, in my opinion. I’ve been holding onto his stock since Scream 5… But it hasn’t paid out quite as much as I would have expected at this point. Maybe Heart Eyes and this will change that. Two franchises ain’t bad. Also, Hollywood isn’t forcing him on us like Austin Butler. He seems to be coming up surprisingly organically. 

Ger.

Anyway, so I guess Gooding and Brown will carry the franchise on going forward since they conveniently survived. That Melissa Barrera girl got fired because she told the truth about Israel engaging in state sanctioned terrorism. This resulted in the previously mentioned boycotts. Yeah, fuck that Camp lady. I guess Jenna Ortega is too big.

Some more shit is that when the first sort of red herring Ghostface guy gets dispatched in record time, they sure do take their time on masking the guy. When they finally do, you can see why. It was just some crazy guy.

 

They introduce AI into the plot, like someone has made an app or whatever where users can change into legacy characters. Just cheesy as shit. I briefly suspected it was Joel using the program because of their similar heights and looks and weight and what not. Not long after Stu shows back up, we get a story from a crazy guy working at the local mental hospital. I recognized him from all kinds of things from the 90s, including Dutch and Can’t Hardly Wait. He tells Sidney that Stu is alive and has amnesia. Yeah, things t’s getting crazy. But, you know, recognize that guy. So obviously he’s the killer. Or one of them. At one point, in regard to Stu possibly being alive, Randy’s niece starts talking about the rules. “Ridiculous retcon by any franchise standards,”she says. Her brother then says something like “we’re not doing the rules anymore.”

 

Lastly, the killer has unexplained super strength. Ghostface lifts some guy by the head, puts his head through a pointy tap, and then beers starts coming out of his mouth. I guess that was cool.

There is one good thing, a 15-minute stretch that is as tense as anything in the franchise. Things got a little rowdy in my theater on opening night during that run. But it didn’t last, and afterwards I heard everyone universally talking shit, even people that didn’t look like cinephiles, if you know what I mean. 

Immediately upon leaving the movie, I had it second to last. VI I had lower. But after writing about this a little bit, I now think this seventh film is the nadir. My ranking is Scream, 4, 2, the fifth one just titled Scream (2022), 3, VI, and 7. The original is a five-star movie. 4 and 2, four stars. 5 three stars. 3, VI, and 7, two stars. If it weren’t for that tense 15 minutes, this would be a one-star movie. On a related note, I’m done with this franchise. Unless the next one has insane buzz, I’m not falling for this again.

31 Days of Halloween: Samara Weaving Night: The Babysitter: Killer Queen -- A Bloody Return to Culty Chaos

The Babysitter: Killer Queen - McG – 2020

 

★★★-Day 7 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Samara Weaving night. Don’t mind if I do. 

A horror-comedy sequel to The Babysitter, picking up two years after the pre-pubescent star survives a satanic cult led by his babysitter. He must once again fight for his life when the cult he Home Aloned to death returns for revenge, still after his virgin blood.

 

Starts with the survivor virgin dude from the first one (a youngan named Judah Lewis) being pretty much a pariah with his little girlfriend, played by Emily Alyn Lind (she was Snakebite Andi in Doctor Sleep), now with the school’s jocky douche. You'll probably also recognize Ken Marino from Party Down and Wet Hot American Summer and Leslie Bibb from Trick 'r Treat and Talladega Nights. They were in the first movie with slightly bigger parts as the parents of the protagonist.

 

Directed by McG. He did several movies in the aughts that no one cared for. Charlie's Angels movies, We Are Marshall, Terminator Salvation (that’s the one where Christian Bale lost his shit on the director of photography). These Babysitter flicks are dope though.

 

More brutal than the original (decapitations, spontaneous combustions, death by propeller, so forth), this one also has its share of humor. Like trying to bone so he isn’t so pure they want to kill him and what not.

 

I have trouble telling Lind apart from Kathryn Newton and Rose McIver. In this flick, she is also consciously trying to resemble Samara Weaving, who herself looks a lot like Margot Robbie. They are all very beautiful women, but sort of out of hot blonde central casting. There is a pretty sweet Ortega vs. Lind Gen Z “it girl” off at the end. I liked it. But less than the first one. Still waiting on that third one, though. 

American Carnage - Diego Hallivis - 2022

★★-Another America themed movie for those less inclined toward blind nationalism. Fucking terrible. Get Out vibes with camp thrown in. The story is a mess, and they waste Jenna Ortega's talents. 

Gist is a governor gives an executive order to apprehend the children of undocumented immigrants even if the kids were born here for harboring fugitives. The detained youths are given a chance to avoid charges by volunteering at an eldercare facility, only to uncover a shocking conspiracy masterminded by the governor and the facility's supervisor, putting both the young volunteers and the elderly residents in extreme danger. 

In addition to Ortega, the movie stars a bunch of people I don't really recognize. They include Jorge Lendeborg Jr. (he's the lead), Brett Cullen, Eric Dane, Jorge Diaz, Allen Maldonado who's my age and plays one of the “kids” (he's basically a minstrel character), and Bella Ortiz.

Seemed fine for a while and then goes off the rails, and then really goes off the rails. Two twists is one twist too many. Though I'm all about the movie's “agenda”, it wasn't a winner. Usually all about a twisted horror-comedy, but this didn't work.

X is the greatest movie of all time

X. I thought it was amazing up until a somewhat stupid thing thrown in at the end that sort of changes how you can interpret the movie but doesn't really change anything. Without giving anything away, it is one of those, "oh, um, okay, whatever," things that are sort of irritating. However, movie redeems itself with an incredible last line. Fantastic. Glad Ti West is making horror again. 

Set in 1979, a group of young people set out to make an adult movie in a rural Texas farmhouse. The elderly couple, it turns out, has some creepy shit going on and shit hits the fan when the wife gets all riled up. It's what you'd call a psycho-biddy movie. 

All the men in the movie, in true final girl genre fashion, are extremely incompetent. They are the first to die, are sexually worthless (except for Cudi's character), and don't recognize when they are in extreme danger. Typical dudes in slasher shit, except they each display a little complexity. Not as much as the women, who are extremely well done, but come off as real people instead of just existing to die. I'm currently reading The Final Girl Support Group so this is all fresh in my mind. 

Some real talent on display here in this A24 picture. Not only is it West's return to horror, it stars Mia Goth from the Suspiria remake, Jenna Ortega (who is having a real moment), this Martin Henderson guy I only know from Smokin' Aces, and Kid Cudi (the rapper guy). Rounding out the cast are ones Brittany Snow, Owen Campbell, and Stephen Ure, none of whom I know. 

This Jenna Ortega chick is on fire right now. She was dope in Scream and is in two other movies at the top of my watch list -- American Carnage and Studio 666. She's great in this flick, too. But the real star and MVP of the movie is Goth. She plays both the final girl porn actress and the old psycho lady. They are two sides of the same coin, sympathetic victims, both of them, one getting opportunities because of her looks and drive, the other who is old and has lost much of her self-worth. She is incredible in both parts. 

See it as something of a love letter to the movies West grew up on, like Tarantino for horror, especially Tobe Hooper's 1974 masterpiece The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The layout of the murder house even appears to be the same as the one the family occupies in Chain Saw. There is a lot to love here. First off, I am a sucker for a meta treatment, the whole film-within-the-film with an adult twist with The Farmer's Daughter. This is the way to go with a contemporary slasher if you want it to be any good. 

Other obvious influences include Psycho (1960), Hardcore (1979), Alligator (1980), and Boogie Nights (1997). Also 1970s pornography--I hear, though I am not familiar. 

Lastly, West secretly made a prequel, Pearl, which was shot back-to-back with X. It's part of a trilogy, apparently, which I am stoked about.