Single White Female - Barbet Schroeder - 1992

★★★-Saw this when I was way too young, at around 10, and it has haunted me ever since. To this day I warn people of the dangers of living with someone you don't know who may start trying to look like you to give your boyfriend fellatio. Revisiting for my second watch after 30 years, the movie is still creepy as shit, but this mostly comes out of the incredible performances and memorable scene as the movie is pretty shit. I feel especially leads Leigh and Fonda are going all out in what amounts to a trashy movie. 

So let's get to it. Gist is one Allison Jones (Bridget Fonda) catches her fiancee cheating and kicks him out. To make ends meet, she begins to rent an apartment room to one Heady Carlson (Jennifer Jason Leigh). At first its all great. Puppies, hanging out and watching old movies, swapping jewelry. Then Fonda starts getting back with Sam and things go down hill immediately. 

Ger

Directed by Barbet Schroeder. He did the 1995 remake of Kiss of Death with a killer ensemble cast that includes David Caruso, Samuel L. Jackson, and Nicolas Cage. Cage's performance in that flick is bananas if you've never seen it. Anyway, this film stars Bridget Fonda, Jennifer Jason Leigh (JJL) as the psycho biddy, and Steven Weber as Fonda's on again, off again fiancée. 

Fonda is extra cute. Looks a whole lot like a girl I date in grad school. Two of my old man's gems were “son, never date a chick with shorter hair than you,” and “son, never date a redhead with shorter hair than you.” This might be a thing for me. Anyway, so, everyone is thirsty as shit for Fonda in an extremely creepy way. Ned Ryerson gets all rapey. “It's a doozy!” JJL (who also throws herself at Steven Weber) is also obviously thirsty for her. Fonda is constantly oversleeping, causing her to be tardy though, which is super unattractive. 

Some real what the shit is happening red flags that characters just keep ignoring in regard to Heady. First, there is stuff with a dog. As soon I saw that puppy, I had a really shit feeling. JJL kicks at it once and it ends up dead. This at the 42-minute mark. The coming down with the same haircut is a real what in the actual fuck moment. But the most WTF happens with Steven Weber in his hotel room when we get to see his O-face. Some rape shit from this chick. 

Ew

At one point, near the end, JJL hints that Fonda would get blamed for all the murder and such because people would think that it was actually Fonda as they look just alike. Would have been an even scarier movie if no one had actually seen JJL or there weren't other breadcrumbs that suggested she exists. As is, since several people have seen her at this point and her parents are calling and so forth, it is more just another way that JJL is messing with her mind. 

Lastly, I know it is hard to end a movie, but this ending was bad. After all the action goes down, Fonda's character gives an incredibly dumb voice-over to take us out. The gist of it is basically, “I cried every day for a week, but my gay best friend says I should get over it. I guess I need to move on. That was JJL's problem, she never moved on. Don't want to end up like her. She taught me a lot.” WTF? That's what you're leaving us with? Fine, whatever. 

Miami Blues - George Armitage - 1990

★★★★-Another insane erotic thriller with an improbably beautiful and drug-free prostitute that falls for a john. 

Gist is a criminal gets out of prison and goes on a series of rampages for the entirety of the movie while courting a young prostitute, telling her he has gone legit. It's pretty hilarious. This character is completely out-of-control. He gets so used to playing a cop that when he runs into the guy whose identity he's stolen screams, “Freeze! Police!” He screams back, “Freeze! Police!” Ridiculous, and laugh-out-loud humorous. 

It stars Alec Baldwin, Fred Ward, and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Nora Dunn, who looks pretty fine, makes a couple of appearances. Based on the novel by Charles Willeford. Directed by George Armitage. He also directed Grosse Pointe Blank and wrote The Late Shift about the Letterman/Leno saga to take of for Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show.” Was one of Roger Corman's proteges. Not sure what happened with him, as he hasn't directed anything since 2004. A real shame. 

Dude asks her a little about herself and she starts talking about how she is working as a call-girl to pay her way through college. He says to her, “the first thing they should have taught you in hooker school is not to ask so many fucking questions.”

Opens to Baldwin getting out of prison and going on sort of having a low-key rampage through the airport. Steals a bunch of shit and breaks a Hare Krishna's finger. Homicide comes out. Detective is like WTF? Apparently the guy died of shock, which is weird thing to kick off a movie with. This guy definitely belongs behind bars. Cop investigates him, and he goes to his home, assaults him, and steals his badge. He then impersonates a cop to steal shit. He'll stop a crime, like a purse snatching, and then will take it himself. 

Says he wants a normal life. Lot of red flags. I wouldn't marry him. “Don't want to have kids. This world's a shit-hole.” Couldn't agree more. 

Lot of dark humor in this flick like that. I LOLed a couple of times. For example, Baldwin's character tells JJL that he is done with crime but keeps coming home progressively more physically messed up. Gets run over inside a convenience store after stopping a holdup while playing cop, which was wild. (The kid behind the counter has a killer Miami Heat tank top on. They were a new expansion team when this was made. Pretty cool.) Eventually, he gets his fingers chopped off by a machete. Yet he still tries to keep up the con. 

I vividly remember the cover of this movie in the video store. Had Baldwin shirtless aiming a gun. I assumed it was a serious cop movie and never watched it. Little did I know the insanity that I was in store for. Features on of the most revolting dinners I can imagine that features something called vinegar pie for dessert. Hard to believe I watched this on the Criterion Channel type of flick. However, highly recommend. 

Crimes of Passion - Ken Russell - 1984

★★★★-A slapsticky erotic thriller. This movie is insane, even by my standards. It's pretty much a farce. Reminded me of Jim Jarmusch doing soft-core pornography. I didn't hate it, but it's crazy that I watched this on the Criterion Channel.

Gist is one Joanna Crane (played by Kathleen Turner) is a successful fashion designer by day and a prostitute that goes by China Blue by night. China Blue is one extremely imaginative prostitute, basically catering to every guy's fantasy. Engages in simulated rape, dresses up as the Statue of Liberty, violently pegs a cop (who spits on her after sex), so forth. She even gets hired by a woman whose husband is dying, and she wants him to get laid before he dies. It's really sad. His wife doesn't want to go near him because of his sickness. Guy does look pretty close to death. Turns out the actor lived another 30 years, dying at 93. 

Directed by one Ken Russell. Never seen any of his movies. Apparently they are out there. 

Anthony Perkins is a real creep with escalating violence. He's a perv preacher. “I'm here for your benefit!” he screams at her before telling her about watching people die and serenading her with “Get Happy.” 

Never seen the main beefcake guy before, one John Laughlin. Anthony Perkins kicks his ass at one point. Big muscles, but little functional strength, I guess. This guy is not great, though his performance has moments of hilarity. Does the thing with a prostitute that happens in movies where the guy says, “that was real, I know you felt it too.” Yeah, sure bud. Like every dude she sleeps with in her various costumes says the same shit. She is very good at her job, you see. I would think this is more high-class call-girl stuff, but her world is pretty grimy. He tells her, “I wish I could tell my wife about the way you make me feel.” I wouldn't recommend it. Then he says that she would say “it's all just part of my imagination.” Turner says that it was, and sends him off on his way, back home to Annie Potts. 

This guy is really something. Puts a hot dog through the pee-hole of his shorts. Does a “magic act” that consists of him tying basketballs to his ankles, popping his shirt off, and being a "human penis." Highly recommend checking this scene. Cheats on his wife and comes home and treats her like shit. Blames her for their sexual problems. This piece of shit I'm sure really turns on the ladies. Fucking child. “I'll grow up when I'm ready,” he says. Again, huge turn on. Pretty quickly, wouldn't you know it, he's single again, ladies!

Favorite line in the movie is: “She's not a slut. She went to Ohio State!” “Every two years they let a slut into Ohio State. Her timing was just good.” Completely insane ending with an even more insane last line that I shan't give away.

It gets pretty graphic at times. So heads up. Though the film is crazy and seems pretty weird for everyone involved, Turner and Perkins both spoke well of the director and the experience. Perkins even got ordained and married the director and his girlfriend at the wrap party. I definitely recommend it, for the whole family even.