There is no way to look
at the greatest movie of all time, Idiocracy, as anything but
prophetic. Now, with the collective year us smartypantses have had,
it hard as fuck to laugh at this movie in any way besides
sardonically. This is our fucking reality and it's fucking sick and
hilarious. The entire time I was watching this with a nervous cringe
saying stuff like “oh my fucking god” because it didn't take 500
years to get here, man. I am obviously a little worked up on this
July 4 in the year of our lord 2017. Fuck.
ANNNNyyyy who,
Idiocracy is about how Luke Wilson, an average soldier dude, and Maya
Rudolph, a prostitute, are put in hibernation for what is supposed to
be one year as part of a top-secret military project. When the bases
shuts down, the duo are forgotten only to be disturbed from their
slumbers 500 years later in the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505. They
wake to a dystopian future where Americans (and one would presume the
rest of the world) having become so dumb and lazy that Wilson's
character, Joe, is easily the smartest man alive. The satirical
science fiction comedy was directed by Mike Judge of Beavis and
Butthead and Office Space fame and also features Dax
Shepard as, I shit you not, Frito Pendejo, Justin Long as Dr. Lexus,
and Terry Crews in what I still think is his best roll as President
Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
Pros: A
terrifyingly accurate representation of where we are headed. Fucking
hilariously dumb. Insanely slick satire.
Cons: Some would
fault it for its pessimistic view of the future (but they are
probably Trump supporters).
Notes: Some of
the disturbing shit that Judge got right... In the future they use
offensive words like “faggot” and “tarded” and it is socially
acceptable. Take this advise that Joe gets from his physician, Long
as Dr. Lexus: “Don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but it
says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag,
and your shit's all 'tarded... Don't worry scro'! There are plenty of
'tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was
'tarded. She's a pilot now.” As someone writing this waiting to
board a plane, I am not impressed.
Using profanity in
advertisements seems to be pretty ok now. I remember someone,
American Apparel maybe, using “OMFG” as its slogan for a minute
there. Examples from the movie, Carl's Jr. (Hardees for us
Midwesterners), whose slogan at the time was “Don't bother me, I'm
eating,” devolves into “Fuck You, I'm Eating,” Fuddruckers
becomes Buttfuckers, and Starbucks serves handjob lattes. This isn't
really that out there. If we can elect a guy that openly mocks the
handicapped, boasts about grabbing pussy, and openly admits to
obstructing justice without any consequences whatsoever and still
retain the full support of his dipshit party, then electing five-time
Ultimate Smackdown Champion and international porn superstar Dwayne
Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho President of the United States
of Uhmerica is within the realm (that is fucking crazy)... And he'd
be a better Commander in Chief! President Camacho totally defers to
people that are smarter than him, he is honest as fuck, and he isn't
blind to the fact that some issues are out of his goddamned control.
This Cracked article makes a strong case for Camacho for el Presidente.
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| Who would you rather have as the leader of the free world? |
Something else that is
horribly accurate is the whole entertainment aspect of the movie. The
most popular shows on television are Ow My Balls! and Monday
Night Rehabilitation. The first is a program that just features a
guy getting repeatedly whacked in the nuts while the latter is a
Running Man style reality program that features gladiators in
monster tanks murdering criminals. I suspect these shows would be
wildly popular if you put them on TV because people getting hurt,
especially in the crotchal region, is always hilarious. Know what
else is always funny? Farts. The top grossing movie in the future,
according to this flick, is a film titled ASS which is just a
hair butt farting for an hour and a half. It's dumb and sort of
whatever. Thankfully we aren't there yet.
 |
| America, fuck yeah! |
There is just so much
that you will catch new shit every time you watch it. This was my
sixth time watching and this time I picked up two new things I've
never noticed before. The first comes when Joe is at a Carl's Jr.
kiosk. The voice asks him if he would like an “extra big-ass taco
now with more molecules,” which is pretty damn funny. The second is
at the end of the movie after the credits roll. Rudolph, throughout
the movie, keeps talking about her pimp, Upgrayedd (the other “D”
is on account of his double-dose of pimping), who she says always
finds a way to get his money. It seems ridiculous because he is
surely long dead. However, the last shot is of Mr. Upgrayedd waking
up and stumbling out of his hibernation chamber talking about getting
his money.
If you haven't seen
this movie yet, then you are doing yourself a disservice. You owe it
to yourself to watch this glimpse into our ridiculous future.
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