Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is easily the most disappointing movie of all time

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Steven Spielberg - 2008

★★-Upon my first watching, in my opinion, it wasn't a complete train-wreck, but just an okay movie, which made it by far the worst Indiana Jones movie. But still, not completely terrible. Just average, which was a disappointment. Appreciated chances were taken, but those chances didn't work. However, it was unenjoyable on some levels. This was all wishful thinking. 

Now, after some estimated 3,000 movies. Oh, it's shit. 

Gist of it. Set in1957, the story follows archaeologist Indiana Jones, who is racing against Soviet KGB agents to locate a telepathic crystal skull hidden in Peru. To aid him in this perilous mission, Jones is joined by his former lover, Marion Ravenwood, and their son, Mutt Williams. The film's supporting cast includes Ray Winstone, John Hurt, and Jim Broadbent, adding depth and excitement to the cinematic journey.

Stars Harrison Ford, Karen Allen is back as Ravenwood, Shia LaBeouf plays the son. This was in the middle of Harrison Ford's “why am I here?” phase. He has moments, but isn't really Indiana Jones. Cate Blanchett plays the main KGB agent, one Irina Spalko. She gives us an Oppenheimer reference. Quotes the famous “Now I become death. Destroyer of worlds.” Dealing with Cold War stuff, after all. 

Other notables include John Hurt (Alien 1984, Midnight Express, The Elephant Man, so forth) and Ray Winstone (mostly think of him as the lead in Sexy Beast and as Nickolson's right-hand man in The Departed that asks Leo if he is on his period when he orders a cranberry juice). Hurt plays a crazy rival of Dr. Jones who was with Ravenwood romantically but just lays down when Indiana comes back into the picture, which sure. Winstone is a triple agent, or some such shit. Basically a poor man's Belloq.

Directed by Steven Spielberg. Near the bottom of his films. Fourth installment in the Indiana Jones series. Last of the Spielberg films in the series. 

Not a whole lot to like here. Going to South America was cool. LaBeouf is solid. Feel his performance is the best part of this movie, but his storyline doesn't quite work. In the middle there when him and Indiana are walking around in the caverns is pretty decent, actually. 

Now for the stuff I didn't like... Lot of age related jokes. “Get on, gramps,” “what are you like 80?”, so forth. Horrible exposition. The scene with Ford and Shia is awful. Followed up with really bad stunt doubles. It's also too long. A real slog to get through. The crystal skulls isn't a story we know like the best of the films. This MacGuffin is no Ark of the Covenant, for example. Also, there is a stupid/infuriating scene where Shia swings his way across the jungle like a monkey, like a human with no experience can suddenly just do something like this. 

Finally, there are two parts I really, really hate. Opening is unbelievable and dumb and unwatchable. No way Russians would be able to organize and break in to a classified area with basically no problems in the 1950s. Then the government tests a nuke with all of this shit with the Russians going on. What is happening? This is the infamous “nuking the fridge” scene. More or less everything in that first 25 minutes is just painful. 

Look for my rankings of the Indiana Jones films in the near future. Probably not going to come as much of a surprise, but I might have a couple of spicier takes.