Us is the greatest movie of all time

Us. If you wanna get crazy, we can get crazy. Great use of "I Got 5 on It" which takes me and the characters back to the mid-90s. Really loved it. But it ain't no Get Out. Academy Award Nominee this will never be, even in this year of complete shit.  Feel like director Jordan Peele has the potential to be hated for the same reasons that M. Night Shyhamalan is hated. Mainly the twist stuff. That seems unlikely, at least IMO. Good sophomore movie though.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: With Jordan Peele's second inventive, ambitious horror film, we have seen how to beat the sophomore jinx, and it is Us.

Gist of the movie is that Adelaide played by Lupita Nyong'o (she was female lead in Black Panther) runs into her doppelganger whilst vacationing at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk (the same one where they filmed The Lost Boys) right around the time of the Hands Across America event in 1986 where people all over America formed a human chain, holding hands from coast to coast (that didn't quite work but it was indeed a shit ton of people holding hands for something [to fight hunger and homelessness] that was soon forgotten). This, apparently, you know, fucks her up. Cut to 30 something years later and see she has married one Gabe Wilson played by Winston Duke and birthed two kids, Zora played by Shahadi Wright Joseph and Jason (Evan Alex). The group goes on vacation to their fly-ass home near the beach hanging out with a couple, played by Tim Heidecker from Tim and Eric Awesome Show and unfortunate Scientologist Elisabeth Moss of Mad Men and The Handmaid's Tale fame, and their twin daughters. One evening they are visited by their clones--the clones are "tethered" in a way where their actions on the surface were mirrored by the doppelgangers underground--who we find want to coexist peacefully. JK. They want to murder them and then perform their own Hands Across America.

A lot of the clone stuff is unexplained which I liked. Don't like how they sustained themselves whilst down there. Slaughtering rabbits and what not. My clone wouldn't do that (another JK). They say they were cloned by the government or something but it isn't really the focus. Just that they are there, trying to take over. What their endgame is though is also sort of mystery. The Doppelganger Hands Across Clonemerica is a great first day, I guess, but what are you gonna do after that? Like a guy whose retirement plan is to sip margaritas on a beach somewhere, these guys need to start thinking long-term.

The movie is a pretty effective social commentary. On one hand, preaching to the choir. On the other, I think we need as much of this shit as possible during this Trump era of bullshit. Peele, for his part explained it thus to The A.V. Club :

"One of the central themes in Us is that we can do a good job collectively of ignoring the ramifications of privilege. I think it's the idea that what we feel like we deserve comes, you know, at the expense of someone else's freedom or joy. You know, the biggest disservice we can do as a faction with a collective privilege like the United States is to presume that we deserve it, and that it isn't luck that has us born where we're born. For us to have our privilege, someone suffers. That's where the Tethered connection, I think, resonates the most, is that those who suffer and those who prosper are two sides of the same coin. You can never forget that. We need to fight for the less fortunate."

Peele sees our pleasure as someone else's pain in a way that is hard to disagree with. Basically everything we buy comes at the cost of someone's suffering, which is fucked and at times debilitating, at least for me.

Anyway, the hands down MVP of the movie is Winston Duke whom you may remember from his part as M'Baku from Black Panther. I'd say the dude was meant to be an upper middle class guy throwing out dad jokes for 90 minutes, as he did in this movie, if he wasn't so great in BP. Also, have a soft spot for my vegetarian, former college football playing brethren. 

Split is the greatest movie of all time

Holy shit. I fucking loved this movie. People fucking hate on M. Night Shyhamalan (MNS). Those people don't know what the fuck they are talking about. While I haven't seen all of his movies—this may end up being an upcoming project, who knows—wasn't interested in The Happening, The Last Airbender, or After Earth (I am ignoring his early stuff that isn't even on my radar [Praying with Anger and Wide Awake]), there is a lot there of his I fucking loved. As of now my tally is didn't really care so much for The Sixth Sense, disliked The Visit for a few things I felt unforgivable, consider Unbreakable god tier, loved Signs, loved The Village even though I was told the twist ending during the movie, and I fucking loved Lady in the Water aka “The Turd in the Pool” which enjoys a 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. Whatevs. Loved the first season of Wayward Pines too even though the end was the most unintentionally hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life. I know there is much hyperbole in this blog. This should be taken literally. I could not stop fucking laughing to the point that my female companion was worried about my sanity. Anyway, Split is a return to god tier.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: Split serves as a dramatic tour de force for James McAvoy in multiple roles -- and finds writer-director M. Night Shyamalan returning resoundingly to thrilling form.

Pros: McAvoy is an amazing actor. Phenomenal pacing (no time for bullshit). The “twist” is understated and fucking sick.

Cons: Some really uncomfortable stuff regarding child molestation. The ending, before the “twist” that is, is somewhat anticlimactic.

Disclaimer: HERE BE SPOILERS

Remember that shit? Yeah, you do

I'm in no way against spoilers. Sometimes I read a wikipedia article about a movie before deciding if I want to see it. Generally, if someone tells me something is fucking dope and has a sick ending, I want to know what it is. Such was the case for this one. When a coworker was talking about this and how awesome he thought it, he asked if I knew about the customary MNS “twist”. I had not. “What is it?” He was all, “I can't spoil that for you, man.” Generally this makes me a psychopath or something in most people's minds. But he ended up telling me after some goading. Split is in the same universe as Unbreakable. Shut the fucking front door, I need to see this shit for myself.

Did not disappoint. Near fucking flawless.

The movie, which I took basically no notes on I was so inthralled, starts with the kidnapping of three 16ish girls by this super neat guy named Dennis play by James McAvoy who has a buzzcut, glasses, and a button-up that is done up all the way to the top who sounds like Robert De Niro. Come to find out that this is one of 24 personalities that live within this severally traumatized and splintered gentleman named Kevin Wendell Crumb. The kidnappees, locked in a room together and then separated for transgressions, try to figure a way out of the situation, ultimately resigning which, if any, of the diverse bunch of “alters” could help them in this task.

This all goes on while Kevin's psychiatrist, Dr. Karen Fletcher, played by Betty Buckley who is lovely, discovers something sinister is going on via vague emails from alter Barry, a fashion designer, that is having his sessions with doc coopted by the predatory personality Dennis. Dennis poses as Barry during these meetings in an attempt to prove that everything is all right. Eventually she catches on to this and Dennis explains to her what he has been slowly getting at with the girls, that his new personality, The Beast, is coming and is on a mission to do some really bad shit.

Once The Beast actually shows at the end (there was some question on if that was going happen or if The Beast was fake or something), which Dennis and this female personality that run the show at the end say is to protect the innocent/child personality, it is fucking bananas. This ego is pure fucking chaos. This comes as sort of a shock. It's like, “oh, so this dude and the movie weren't fucking bullshitting us. This is indeed really happening.” Anyway, The Beast it seems possesses supernatural powers with the ability to climb walls, bend metal bars, sprint like a madman, take shotgun blasts like a champ, so forth, all while using the girls for sustenance. Yeah, The Beast is fucking insane.

Fucking terrifying

After killing the two milk toast teens and his doctor, the survivor girl, who we come to find out has lived through some horrible fucking shit, gets cornered by The Beast and is a really bad way when we get to the first ending. This girl, played by that young blonde girl in The Witch, who lived through the fucking horror of living with her molester after her father died, it is revealed has been coping with this by cutting and has been doing it for a very long while. The Beast sees this and identifies with her and lets her go because she is wounded.

With the witness living and all, this shit is obviously all over the fucking news now. And that's when MNS lays out that fucking phenomenal second twist on us. Hear that shit on the Philadelphia news, where the movie takes place, in this little diner. Some lady at the counter is like, “this is some crazy shit, it's like back when with that one crazy guy in the wheelchair, whats-his-face,” and then there is fucking Bruce Willis's bald mug to remind everyone, “Mr. Glass.” Fucking sick. I instantly wished that I had seen it in the theater to have experienced that one communally. There is even buzz that this Kevin fellow made an appearance in Unbreakable which is plausible. And while that sequel you know is coming is likely to be shit with the hype already surrounding it, for right now, the idea of it is fucking insane. Anticipating the shit out of that one. 

The Visit was the worst movie of all time

I know it is cool to hate on M. Night Shyamalan but I like more of his movies than I dislike. This one had its moments where I really liked it and was seriously fucking terrified. However, a lot of it didn't make sense and the last five minutes are fucking horrible and pointless. Should have just ended the movie after the climax. Instead we get inappropriate rapping. It's like the scene at the end of Alice in Wonderland when Johnny Depp randomly starts dancing for a half hour except with a child rapping about getting a diaper full of shit pushed in his face and how that shit did not taste like chicken. What the hell is going on here? I have no idea.

Pros: A lot of good here. Fucking scary. The obligatory twist is insane. Strangeness works in its favor.

Cons: A lot of bad here. Mostly jump scares. The ending is cringeworthy and stupid. Child rapping.

Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain spoilers. I don't give up the ending in this one since the MNS twist is fucking crazy, but I do include lots of plot details.

Notes: Kids are making a documentary about going to their grandparents' house for the first time. Their mother left the house on bad terms a decade and a half before. Mom is sad they are leaving. Cries as she runs next to their train as it rides off. The girl is a dick to the ticket taker then the brother freestyles about sex with his fifth grade girl friend. The first half of the movie is this kid rapping.

Grandparents seem normal. If they were this would be a different movie. They have a 9:30 bed rule. That is when Grams and Pop-Pop get into their weird shit. Nana pukes repeatedly on the floor and the next day while the kids are playing under the house she chases after them on all fours like a crazy lady. After that when she gets up and walks away, her dress is ripped and we see all the way up to one of her butt cheeks. If you are keeping track of the drive-in totals that is one butt cheek. It is insane and sort of hilarious.

Some loser shows up confirming they are actually psychologists of some kind so able to hold down a job. From the shit they say I'd say they are amateur at best. PP says later he worked in the coal industry but got fired after Talks about all the gossip at the hospital. Some recovering drug addict comes by later and basically says the same shit. She eventually comes back and sort of disappears. She shows back up towards the end hanging from a tree out back. This is totally unexplained and goes nowhere. I have no idea what the fuck is up with that.

The grandparents basically start out fucking insane and progress to deranged. I have a rule about getting the fuck out if anything insane happens the first time I go to your house. That is especially true if it involves relations of people. I call it my Blue Velvet rule. These kids should adopt a similar rule.

Around here the kids get to learn about incontinence. Senior moments really start to escalate. PP attacks some guy and puts on a tuxedo for a costume party. NN scratches up and down the wall like a cat. And she is naked. That's two more ass cheeks. Mom says yeah, it's fine. Ask NN about mom. NN makes her get in the oven then NN has a freakout and thrashes about. Can't ask about mom anymore. Also, I bet they provide great medical care.

Sister lets the brother vamp for a while about playing football when he was eight, also, don't let your kids play tackle football when they are eight (or at all). He then turns the camera on her and makes her cry for no reason. They cry about their dad leaving and being a dick.

NN laughs like an idiot at the wall and says she has a deep darkness and she has to laugh to keep it in. Okay. Catch Gramps with a shotgun in his mouth. He is “just cleaning it” he says way too many times to be true. Start secretly filming them at that point. That night NN finds the hidden camera immediately and nearly scares the piss out of me.

Fucking gross

NN starts talking about aliens in the bottom of pond. What the hell is up with this? After watching Going Clear and whats-her-face's documentary, I am pretty sure all of this can be chalked up to Scientology.

And then THE TWIST is fucking insane. What the fuck is happening? The last half hour is genuinely terrifying and total fucking bananas. Except for the last which are fucking dumb.