Showing posts with label Greatest Movie of All Time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Greatest Movie of All Time. Show all posts

Sunday, January 18, 2026

Top 10 of 2025: 1. One Battle After Another

★★★★★--Paul Thomas Anderson making a movie based sort of on a Thomas Pynchon novel staring Leonardo DiCaprio and deals with stoner/leftist politics and offers a little bit of hope. Was this made for me? To quote Bludo in the flick, “yeah, kinda.” 

How was it? Loved it. Easy favorite of the year. Hell, this is in the running for my favorite movie of the century. In the company of Mulholland Drive, There Will Be Blood, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood, Mad Max: Fury Road, and Zodiac

Watched it back-to-back the first and second time it played. Theater was packed in both. Saw it again a week later, and then once more in IMAX. The only movie I’ve ever seen four times in the theater. Went as Ghetto Pat for Halloween even. I absolutely adored this movie. Anyone who didn’t is a loser and probably MAGA. 

Speaking of, the Thomas Pynchon novel it’s based on, Vineland, which I love, was a critique of Regan policies and the hippie movement. This is also a critique of right-wing BS but mostly has to do with white supremacy. Also, way more accessible. I did watch a few winger reviews. Lot of bitching about Hollywood being woke, PTA being overrated, and them not getting laid. They called it propaganda and said it glorified violence. Cry me a fucking river. Obviously probably not going to like it if you are on the right side of the political spectrum, i.e. a piece of shit, but this movie doesn’t give a shit about you, so fuck you, Nazi. 

Stellar acting. Easy to do a lot with characters written this well. Leo is an absolute legend. I think he maybe wins his second Best Actor statue, though Michael B. Jordan is ridiculous in Sinners. I was a little concerned that the tone wouldn’t be right from the first trailer. Not comedic enough. Leo’s character seemed a little unlikeable, not one of my stoner buddies. But ends up being your zany far-left terrorist flick with characters that share a lot of similarities with some of my closest friends, if ya get me. “Viva la revolución!”

Have other Academy Award winners in Sean Penn and Benicio del Toro. Benicio is throwing a 100 miles an hour in this flick. He has a Harriet Tubman situation going on. Penn is pretty amazing as a deeply unlikeable racist federal agent. Great at making him scary and also buffoonish. Both are nominated for Best Supporting. Again, a strong performance from Delroy Lindo in Sinners may box them out. Teyana Taylor is great, but her character is a real bummer. One of several hard to watch postpartum depictions this year. Best that her character is mostly out of the picture after the first act. She got the Supporting Actress nod, though Regina Hall and newcomer Chase Infiniti, from Indianapolis(!), are both amazing.

Out of PTA’s movies, where does One Battle After Another rank? For me, it’s second. There Will Be Blood still ranks as the best movie of the century, IMO, and is an untouchable masterpiece. Then I like The Master and Phantom Thread, but they aren’t nearly as rewatchable as this one. Magnolia and Boogie Nights both fell way down the list for me with my most recent rewatches. Punch-Drunk Love, on the other hand, I now see as one of his best. So, my official listing goes thus: 1. There Will Be Blood, 2. One Battle After Another, 3. The Master, 4. Phantom Thread, 5. Punch-Drunk Love, 6. Inherent Vice, 7. Licorice Pizza, 8. Boogie Nights, 9. Magnolia, 10. Hard Eight. That said, I truly love them all. 

A few final notes: Love the dark humor. Also that it is more hopeful than the novel. Good guys win. Looks at the youth as really having a lot of potential, which is refreshing with the way people generally shit on them. Lastly, there is a car chase scene where they are going up over these hills. Like riding waves. Fantastic effect. It is out of this world. 

Sunday, October 13, 2024

31 Days of Halloween: Underrated Vampire: Near Dark: The Best Neo-Western Vampire Film You Are Ever Going to See

 Near Dark - Kathryn Bigelow - 1987

 


★★★★★-Day 13 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Underrated vampire movie night. An ultraviolent vampire movie with neo-western elements and some serious acting chops directed by Kathryn Bigelow and penned by the guy that wrote The Hitcher, Eric Red. Plus you get a fan-fucking-tastic atmospheric synth soundtrack by Tangerine Dream. This is one of those best movies no one has ever seen deals. 
 
Gist is a small town Oklahoma bumpkin, Caleb Colton, gets himself entangled with a nomadic family of vampires after being bitten by mysterious drifter Mae. As Caleb deals with his transformation and the group’s extremely violent lifestyle, the film explores themes of loyalty, survival, and identity. 
 
The group of vampires has a True Knot from Stephen King’s The Shining sequel, Doctor Sleep, quality to them. Vagrants in an RV. Sort of feels like a Clive Barker movie. Not going to complain about that. 
 
Some of the people they kill sort of deserve it. Some don’t. Guys hitchhiking that immediately talk about rape, yeah, they have some shit coming to them. The truck driver just trying to drop a load. Not as deserving of death. His only crime is picking up hitchhikers, which is mad dangerous. He is super likeable and you hate to see him go. 
 
Directed by one of my favorites, Kathryn Bigelow. She has some real bangers with Best Picture winner The Hurt Locker (which also earned her an Academy Award for Best Director), Zero Dark Thirty, and one of my personal favorites, Point Break. Hell, my senior yearbook quote, “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true,” was from Point Break. It’s the best surfer bank robber movie you are ever going to see. 

Adrian Pasdar from Heroes plays Caleb, the lead. He is pretty sleazy. A lot of the plot has to do with whether he will choose to live this violent, vagabond, outlaw lifestyle. The lovely Jenny Wright plays the love interest vampire that turns him. This is her largest and best roll. Somewhat forgotten, Wright carved out a nice little career but retired in the 1990s. Had a bit part in the Robin William/Glenn Close film The World According to Garp in 1982. She was part of the so-called “Brat Pack”, check out the documentary Brats to see how the moniker impacted all of their careers and mental health, because she worked with Anthony Michael Hall, Rob Loew, Eric Stoltz, and so on, and appeared in the film St. Elmo's Fire. She was also in the totally bananas The Lawnmower Man from 1992. She does do the horror convention circuit, signing autographs for a reasonable $25. It appears that she will also sign photos for free if you write to her, which is pretty freaking cool. Their relationship goes from a creepy guy practically whipping it out to them being tied together in what appears to be 15-20 minutes of driving around and trying to get laid.

Something of an Aliens reunion. You have Jenette Goldstein who play fan-favorite Vasquez. Bill Paxton who dropped “game over, man.” And Lance Henriksen, who was the android Bishop. One of the few to make it out “alive”. In Near Dark, they play Diamondback, Severen, and Jesse Hooker, the leader, respectively. All three of them are incredible.
 
Rounding out the cast are journeyman actor Tim Thomerson as Caleb’s dad, “that guy” actor Troy Evans in a bit part, and Joshua John Miller. Miller is a legit great for a child actor playing a several hundred-year-old night walker. He is, IMO, the creepiest vampire I’ve seen in any movie, by far. He is actually 100s of years old but trapped in this preteen state for eternity. Really fixates on the protagonist’s little kid sister. Giving off real molester energy. 
 
The ending is outrageously convenient and unbelievable. I’m not going to give it away, but I will say it does some shit that is definitively not how being a vampire works. These made-up creatures have rules! Only other knock is that some of the effects are cheap/dated, but are by no means the worst I’ve ever seen.
 
It was considered a box office bomb, bringing in $3.4 million on a $5 million budget, but has gained a bit of a cult following for its refreshing take on vampire lore and its atmospheric, gritty wild west style that is beautifully shot. Every shot is framed amazingly well as all the best westerns are. Plus, it is perfectly acted and super tense. 

Saturday, August 5, 2023

Thriller, mystery, meditation on morality, buddy cop, garbage crime: Se7en is all of that and more

Se7en - David Fincher - 1995


★★★★★-I've written and thought about this movie more than any I've ever seen. It's not often that a film changes my behavior profoundly. Books have done this, but with film, it is rare. Director David Fincher has done it twice, or at least gotten me on that path. With Fight Club, the seeds of anti-consumerism were planted. With Se7en, it was anti-moralism. It's telling that Fincher made two of the best films of this century (Zodiac and The Social Network) and those flicks might not be in his top two all-time, at least for me anyway. 

Gist of it is retiring police Detective William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) teams up with the newly transferred David Mills (Brad Pitt) for his last case before retirement. As they delve into the investigation, they uncover a series of intricate and sadistic murders. It becomes apparent that they are facing a methodical serial killer, John Doe (Kevin Spacey), who selects his victims based on their seven deadly sin, killing one each day. As the suspense intensifies and they get closer to the final day, Somerset forms an unexpected bond with Mills' pregnant wife, Tracy (Gwyneth Paltrow), who is deeply concerned about raising her child in a city plagued by such chilling crime.

That's the surface, though Se7en is a hard film to describe. It's got some gallows humor, but it is dark, and deeply disturbing. Mills indeed has his moments. His wife Tracy says “he is the funniest man (she's) ever met.” His deadly sin, in my opinion, is fashion related though. His ties are truly atrocious. One has a basketball going through a hoop on it. This seems to be his favorite tie. Also, at one point I caught him wearing his watch over his shirt cuff. This is the eighth deadly sin, by the by.

More than anything, this is a dualistic film that eventually morphs into nihilism. There is good and evil, until there isn't. There is extreme good in Tracy, and extreme evil in Doe. 

It's an odd couple cop movie, as well, which highlights this further. One an old, African-American detective just shy of retirement. A cynic that has seen it all. He is methodical, experienced, learned, and patient. He's a philosophy. The other a young, idealistic Caucasian that calls himself Serpico with just a little irony. He is hotheaded, impulsive, and immature. He's new to this city, a Hell-on-earth. They do not get along. But slowly, they become friends. That friendship presumably ends, however, as both are stripped of their meaning just before the credits roll. 

The city they fight crime changes everyone in this world. One of the weird details of the movie is all the unhomed people shuffling around in nearly every scene. Pretty much dystopian. Rains constantly. We are constantly reminded that this world is not “a fine place.” It's a bizzaro version of LA with Virgil showing Dante the ropes. The other cops here, for the most part, don't care at all. If a child witnessed his father murder his mother, it “doesn't concern us,” a detective tells Somerset. He's just happy it's an open and shut case. Tells Somerset that the other “dicks” are going to be happy when he retires, asking them such things. There are more examples of this. Another cop doesn't check vitals. SWAT, the only ones who seem to enjoy what they do other than Mills, relish the violence they impose on the lost souls. It's just a part of this world, the police sort of have to move around these people they supposed to protect, mostly just treating them like they aren't there. 

John Doe, himself, is a dualistic figure as a divinely inspired serial-killer. Doe is a truly evil POS. One of the great villains of all-time. (On a personal level, he ruined marble composition notebooks for me! My first 25 or so journals looked a lot like these, usually duct taped after a while. Got tired of the comparison and now carry Moleskins. Better for reporters anyway. [Speaking of. I used to be a crime reporter. You'd be surprised how close you can get to a crime scene, and how quickly with scanners in every newsroom. And by the by, no reporter has money to pay for information, let alone to pay “well” for it. One of just a few nits I'm able to pick. But if you don't know, you don't know.]) With his death, that dualism is ended, of course, as he becomes nothing. But legacy was what he was after. 

Doe's “work” is kind of performance art. Like the worst kind of art, in general, he simultaneously projects his self-loathing and sense of superiority with an all-out, full-court press of an attention seeking spectacle. Getting people to pay attention, though, is indeed tough. Gotta hit them over the head with a sledgehammer. I'm not sure Doe doesn't mean that literally. When serial-killers barely shock people anymore, in Doe's words, “in a world this sick,” you've really got to do something spectacularly disturbing to become part of the zeitgeist. For every Gacy, you have a Randy Kraft. Every Dahmer, a Arthur Shawcross. Every LISK, a Lonnie Franklin. So forth. Really gotta swing for the fences, I guess. 

His work is one of poetic justice. The concept has been around forever. Hence the “pound of flesh” from one of my favorite Shakespeare plays, Merchant of Venice, probably his most ironic play, which is considered a comedy (I wrote about that, too, a couple of times in college). Goes back even farther than that, though. For example, “He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death,” is about as ironic as it gets, working on multiple levels even. 

It's also pretty much how we view Hell culturally in the West. While it's existed likely since the beginning of our days dabbling in concepts of an afterlife, Dante is the one that really fleshed it out. His epic masterpiece, Divine Comedy, the most important work ever written in my opinion, is all about justice and retribution. The souls he sees in Inferno and Purgatorio receive their punishments or cleansings in a manner that either mirrors or starkly contrasts their sins. Called “contrapasso”, it is a word derived from Latin “contra” and “patior”, meaning "suffer the opposite.” Its comes up in literature, theology, and popular culture constantly ever since. Some examples off the top of my head: The Faerie Queene, A Christmas Carol, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, so forth. 

My personal favorite depiction, beside Se7en, of course, is from The Simpsons. It happens in the “Treehouse of Horror IV” segment, “The Devil and Homer Simpson.” Therein, after Homer sells his soul for a donut, he finds himself in the depths of Hell, subjected to being force-fed “all the doughnuts in the world” in the “Hell Labs' Ironic Punishment Division”. Despite the demon's efforts to torture him, Homer revels in the gluttonous experience, even requesting more doughnuts when the ordeal is over. 

No donuts for “the fat boy” in this film though. These tortures are of the most sadistic nature. These poor people. As the attending physician says of the Sloth victim, “he's experienced about as much pain and suffering as anyone I've encountered, give or take, and he's still got Hell to look forward to.” Huge apartment for a shithole that this guy spends his last year in, though. 

Quick shoutout to Mrs. Gould, here. Her husband, Eli Gould, represents Greed. He was an attorney that supposedly got rich by lying to get his clients off. Doe's second victim, he says of Gould, “this is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets!” Like the others, he was killed brutally with irony. John Doe broke into Gould's law firm, knocked the attorney unconscious before he could depart for the weekend, and bound his hands together. Doe forced him to cut out a pound of his own flesh on a set of scales. Gould eventually died of blood loss, which was the basis for the “comedy” in Shakespeare's play (See parenthetical below). Doe also marks a photo of Gould's wife with blood, circling her eyes. 

Somerset, in his wisdom, figures out that Doe marked her as such because she's supposed to see something. So they make their way to where she is stashed in a safe house, making this woman hysterical with grief look at her husband's crime scene photos. Mills says to her, “Mrs. Gould, I'm truly sorry. I truly am... I need you to look at each photo very carefully. Look and see if there's anything strange or out of place, um. Anything at all.” When she says no, he asks if she is sure as she sobs like someone looking at pictures her husband's horrific murder. “Please! I-I-I just, I-I can't do this right now!” But she does and find a clue! A painting is upside down, which leads them to fingerprints on the wall, taking them to Sloth. She is a real trooper, this lady. 

(If you are interested, this is whole of the reference. Shylock, a Jewish money lender (only Jews could practice “usury” at the time) has his Christian rival Antonio put a pound of his flesh as a security on the lone. When Antonio defaults, Shylock demands the pound from his heart. But Shylock had no right to any blood, and is therefore charged with attempted murder of a Christian, carrying a death penalty, and Antonio is freed without punishment. Eventually the rival Antonio, whom he obviously hates, commutes the sentence to giving him half of his ducats and converting to Christianity, thus making it illegal for him to make his living. He then leaves the play feeling ill. Hilarious!)


Only Fincher's second film. Also the second one I saw during its theatrical run. Only two Fincher movies I didn't see in the theater were Benjamin Button and Mank, which doesn't count. Pandemic and all. After Fincher's experience on Alien3, supposedly he said he'd rather have colon cancer than make another film, though I can't find an original source. Might just be part of his mythos. 

Anyway, studio wanted a different ending, you know, where a head doesn't end in a box. But as Somerset says, “this isn't going to have a happy ending.” I remember on the DVD there was storyboard of an ending where Somerset shoots Doe, which was really weird. The ending we get is pretty memorable, “what's in the box!” But I'm not sure it couldn't have used a little workshopping. 

My beef with it is that I kind of feel Doe's whole final plan that he is working to doesn't make a lot of sense. He murders a woman, Tracy, who is seemingly innocent of a deadly sin, at least from his perspective, and he makes a big deal about none of them being “innocent.” Right after that, Doe claims himself as Envy, which is nonsense as he likely doesn't feel anything except Pride. Maybe Envy in the classical sense, more wanting one's demise instead of wanting Jesse's girl. But that doesn't seem to be what Doe is talking about. I guess Mills is a victim of Wrath, to an extent. However, he is more of a victim of Doe just being psychotic than him trying to prove anything. Since he invites his work to be studied, I say it's sort of bull. 

Several of the sins are like that, kind of falling apart under scrutiny. In reference to Lust, for example, the threat of death is no defense for murder. That guys another victim. Good luck with intercourse the rest of your life. 

Lastly, there is the library card stuff. Absolutely no one would care about this sort of thing, at least now, post-Patriot Act. Also, I read almost all of the books mentioned or shown in the film in my education as an English, philosophy student. In fact, I played a drinking game my sophomore year where we had a beer every time a book was mentioned, shown, or quoted that we read in the film. My focus for lit was on epic poetry, and took a decent amount of theology in my philosophy studies. So I was completely trashed by the end of it. Since most of these are staples of the Western canon, I would think that Doe would own most of those, especially if he went to a bible college or seminary or something. 

I watch this every few years. Wrote about it in college for a Dante class and grad school for a philosophy course. One of my all-time favorites.

Originally saw it in 1995 in the theater with my junior high basketball team. It was quite the crowd-pleaser, which is insane. A Yoda with a library card that's got some things to say to a bunch of kids that have likely never read a book before in their lives. Practically got a standing ovation. Different breed. Those kids.

Depending on the day, this might be my favorite of his films. Hard to pick between this, Fight Club, Zodiac, and The Social Network. The performances alone are worth the watch. Freeman is at the top of his game, this is Pitt's first really great leading role, Spacey is dark and disturbed (just like in real life!). Mesmerizing and suspenseful with a fantastic screenplay, the film is gruesome and shocking. It also features one of the great on-foot chase scenes. An all-time classic from Fincher, who was just getting started. 

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Barbie - Greta Gerwig - 2023


★★★★★-Movies are back! Barbenheimer weekend is here! Come on Oppie let’s go party! It’s fantastic! I haven't been this excited for co-releases in my life. Watched Oppenheimer on 70 mm IMAX in the row that Nolan says I was supposed to watch it in. This in the very first showing open to the public. Then followed it up with Barbie on its true release date. Both were instant classics. While Cillian Murphy might be the biggest lock of all-time for Best Actor, I believe Margot Robbie is close for her portrayal of Barbie. Wow, what a weekend!

Barbie was beyond what I was hoping for. Fantasized that Ken and Barbie would become self-aware, and the movie would basically turn into Drive. Which basically happened! Masculine rage, consumer take down, female empowerment, pro social progress. What a film. Had some flaws, but the good stuff was really unbelievably good.

Margot Robbie takes the lead as the icon, while Ryan Gosling plays a doofus, yet charming Ken. Together, they embark on a captivating journey of self-discovery, following Barbie's existential crisis. Robbie and Gosling are amazing. I mean, dear god, Robbie is spectacular. At different points, Amy Schumer and Anne Hathaway were considered for the main role before the rights transferred to Warner Bros. In 2018. Would have probably been a completely different film. I couldn't imagine anyone but Robbie. I'll watch every movie she is in from here on out.

Gosling's Ken is just out of control. I laugh just looking at this facial expressions. His Ken is a dumb guy that discovers sexism. His rage is absurd. As is his "Ken's Mojo Dojo Casa House" and love for patriarchy and horses. America Ferrera (Ugly BettySuperstore), who plays a mom going through her own existential stuff who joins Barbie on her quest, is great as well. She delivers the best monologue about what it is to be a woman I've ever seen. This should be required viewing for all penises. 

Other Barbies include Kate McKinnon as Weird Barbie, Hari Nef (a trans actress) as Dr. Barbie, Dua Lipa as the Mermaid Barbies, and Issa Rae is President Barbie. Like that Weird Barbie wasn't “Crazy” Barbie. She just looked odd, but had gained experience. McKinnon is great. 

Rest of the main cast consists of Ariana Greenblatt coming in hot with the Gen Z perspective as the daughter, Rhea Perlman as co-founder of Mattel and creator of Barbie Ruth Handler, Helen Mirren as the narrator, and Will Ferrell as the Mattel CEO. Everything to do with the Mattel Corporation was cringy. Maybe worse than Nike in Air with how they basically claim that they “created” Michael Jordan. This is a Mattel movie, after all, so they are “in” on the joke of the movie, which somehow makes it worse. All that stuff is also unfunny and doesn't work. Could have cut it completely, and it wouldn't have mattered. There was a moment when I was truly concerned, but we got out of that storyline and were back to Barbieland. 

The Kens, collectively, are hilarious. Ones I recognized were John Cena as Kenmaid, a merman Ken, Scott Evans (brother of Chris), and Simu Liu, he was Shang-Chi in the Marvel flick Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. He's really funny as Gosling's rival Ken, beaching each other off. Sort of recognized a few other Kens, but they are kind of a dime a dozen. 

Loved Michael Cera as deep cut character Allan, who in the Barbie universe is Ken's BFF and knocked up Midge, who also appears in the movie. In the film he comes off as an awkward tiny man who doesn't have any idea why he is. He doesn't beach very well, but does some ass kicking. 

Directed by Greta Gerwig, who is quickly becoming one of the best directors alive, she brings Mattel's beloved Barbie and Barbieland to life. She also co-wrote the screenplay alongside Noah Baumbach. The set design is unreal. It feels like The Truman Show, The Wizard of Oz, Singin' in the Rain, and The Matrix all rolled into one. 

The very end wasn't the best, didn't really land the pink plane, but the end leading up to that was solid. In fact, the whole third act was incredible and completely bananas. There were a lot of little kids in my showing. I can't imagine what they thought of what was happening then. As an adult, though, it's awesome. The Kubrickian opening was phenomenal as well. Highly recommend. 

Saturday, July 15, 2023

Sisu - Jalmari Helander - 2023


★★★★★-It's about as close to an obvious Tarantino-style movie as you can get and still be good. Best Tarantino clone out there. Django-esque, but way more violent and fucked. This movie is fucking bonkers and incredible. Fucking awesome.

Gist is a guy in Finland in 1944 is off the grid finds a shit ton of gold when Nazis show up and try to take it. All hell breaks loose as this dude is really not to be fucked with. Bag of gold always equals death. Should have read Chaucer. That's all you need. 

This is director Jalmari Helander's first movie. What a debut. Stars Jorma Tommila as the Rombo-esque lead. You might recognize him and his son, Onni Tommila, who plays one of the Nazis in this flick, from Rare Exports or Big Game. Also stars Aksel Hennie (The Martian, The Cloverfield Paradox), Jack Doolan (he looks like a Nazi John C. Reilly, he played Horse Tommy in The Boys), and Mimosa Willamo (never seen her) as the most developed female character. 

I'm gonna make a bold statement here. I fucking hate Nazis. Where do I find the courage? What do I hate worse than Nazis? Raping (see the Nazi John C. Reilly), dog (attempted) and horse killing SS Nazis. Can't really get worse than that. These guys are immediately repulsive in the most extreme way. That's my shit. There is no one I'd feel better about dying horribly than someone like that. Revenge at its finest, although unbelievable (but that's the point). Love the overkill of the last guy, by the by. 

Movie is a bunch of healthy catharsis. Crank that shit up. This fucking guy kills more Nazis than Indiana Jones! One-man army, Ason? Also, like that this guy has a cute little dog that is just as tough and hard to kill as he is. 

When they find the dude's dog-tags, they call the Nazi general who says forget it, don't fuck with this guy. The leader of this battalion disregards this and goes at him, thinking this is his way out of getting hanged when the Allies win the war. Then, when the one guy who is like “naw” tries to take off and not die, dude says, “desertion is punishable by death,” the fucking balls on this guy. 

Lastly, spoiler, the guy doing all the killing doesn't talk until the last scene of the movie, in Finish, which isn't translated. Looked it up. After all the shit and killing for his bags of gold. He goes into a bank and dumps it out, saying that he wants to trade all that in for large bills to make it easier to carry. Incredible. This fucking guy. 

Overall take: unbelievable. It's all of the scorched earth, good shit variety. Dude is a legend. Everyone except the Nazi is like, “y'all fucked up.” And they have as this guy is a silent maniac who kills people in John Wickian ways in the style of exploitation films from the 1970s. Did I mention Tarantino? We are talking righteous retribution. If you cross him, you are royally fucked. You cannot kill this guy because he will not fucking give up. He just refuses to die and kills people in incredibly entertaining ways. Give me sequels and prequels of this mother fucker. Remarkable film. Fun as fuck. 

Sunday, July 9, 2023

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark - Steven Spielberg - 1980

★★★★★-In contention for my favorite movie of all time. Probably is. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Story by George Lucas. Staring Harrison Ford and Karen Allen. John Williams score. What is not to love?

I've watched it around once a year every year that I can remember. I fantasized I was Indiana Jones as a child. I've seen it twice on the big screen and will go anytime a local theater plays it. This is the most important movie to both at young and now middle-aged AB. It's perfect. Also, seeing Nazis get theirs is my kink. 

Here are my observations over the years... I've been super conscious of exposition over the last few months. Since watching Aliens, basically. When it is done well, it is a thing of beauty. A recent film that comes to mind is Attachment. This film, however, is pure mastery. The scene where they explain to the government guys the Ark of the Covenant, which extends to the scene in Jones's home with Brody telling him “this is the Ark of the Covenant, not something to be taken lightly.” 

Maybe my favorite line of the movie is when Indiana Jones says, “It's not the years; it's the mileage.” Also love Marion Ravenwood's “You can't do this to me! I'm an American!” while she is being kidnapped just before one of the times she is almost blown up. 

Random notes: The big Nazi. Such a professional. Wakes up. Sees there is a fight going down. Pops his shirt off and is ready to go. The monkey reminds me of my cat, Richard Parker. Mischievous little shit. Some shit that makes me feel old. Paul Freeman, the guy that plays Belloq, is like five years younger than me in the movie. 

Snakes are definitely one of those things we are evolutionarily terrified of. Not many animals terrify me, just the usual. Bears and wasps. Bats, though I find them cute, I have an irrational fear of rabies. And of course snakes. I didn't think I was afraid of them, but running I've seen them in the wild and I jumped as high as I ever have in my life. So I feel Indy here. 

Soooo, while Indiana Jones is like the coolest, and Harrison Ford is the best looking man ever in this role, Marion Ravenwood is also so damn cool and Karen Allen so beautiful. I love the combo.

A lot of really interesting casting what-ifs. Jeff Bridges, Bill Murray, Nick Nolte, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and Jack Nicholson, among others were considered for the title role. Tom Selleck more or less had it but did Magnum,P.I. Instead.There is a pretty famous and shitty screen test with him and Sean Young. That seemed to work out for everybody. Lucas wanted Debra Winger for Ravenwood, but she turned it down. Spielberg wanted his girlfriend Amy Irving (she was one of the mean girls in Carrie), but she left him for Willie Nelson. Some actress named Stephanie Zimbalist and Barbara Hershey were also considered. 

The two most interesting what-ifs, for me, are Danny DeVito in the role of Sallah (played by John Rhys-Davies), and Klaus Kinski for the leather clad Nazi (maybe take off the leather duster in the desert, ya know?) Toht (played by Ronald Lacey because he reminded Spielberg of Peter Lorre). They wanted DeVito as someone like the title character from Gunga Din. Both were offered the roles, but had prior engagements. 

This movie is perfect, but there are two things I'll address. First, I used to read a lot of movie novelizations as a kid. This included most of Spielberg's movies through Hook. Raiders was one that cleared a major issue up that friends in the fourth grade complained about. Namely that Jones survives the submarine ride across the Mediterranean. In the novelization (and a deleted scene), it is explained that the sub stays on the surface. U-boats rarely submerged during peacetime. Submerging was primarily for combat situations due to the limitations of battery power and electric motors, with a maximum of two hours submerged. Plus the water would have been pretty warm. 

Minor nitpick that survives. Belloq should have known that Ark would kill everyone. In an undergrad religion class I learned this. Both 2 Samuel 6:3-8 and 1 Chronicles 13:7-11 tell of the tragic fate of Uzzah at the hands of the Ark. Gist of this tale is he accompanied the cart carrying the Ark as David brought it to Jerusalem. However, when the oxen stumbled, causing the Ark to tilt, Uzzah instinctively reached out to steady it, unknowingly transgressing divine law. As a consequence, the Lord promptly smote him. So, yeah, don't fuck with that shit. 

Raiders of the Lost Ark stands as the extraordinary American adventure film. It is brimming with humor, ingenuity, and style. It masterfully combines heroic escapades, thrilling cliffhangers, and exhilarating chases, all infused with a delightful blend of nostalgia and cleverness drawn from the golden age of World War II pulp thrillers, comic books, and serials. From its very first frame, this cinematic gem seizes your attention, propelling you on a relentless journey of awe-inspiring exploits. As the credits roll, you find yourself transported back to reality utterly spent and grinning. Wouldn't have gotten that with Selleck, just saying. This is the reason I go to the movies. 

Sunday, June 25, 2023

Interstellar - Christopher Nolan - 2014


★★★★★-More Nolan. Hard rain today so I'm knocking out three of his flicks. Feels a little weird watching this one right after submarine disaster. But at least these adventurers have a noble goal in mind. This is an intensely captivating, stunning, thought-provoking film. I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. 

Gist of the film. It's 2067. Future: dystopian. Humanity is going extinct from a global famine caused by ecocide. Like we are starting to face now, really. 

A team of astronauts embark on a space mission to find a habitable planet for humanity as Earth faces an impending implosion. They traverse through a wormhole near Saturn to jump across the universe where they encounter mind-bending phenomena and race against time to ensure the survival of humanity. Thats the short of it. It also explores themes of love, time dilation, and the exploration of the unknown. 

Something I've thought long and hard about is this: How does one navigate a wormhole? I'd think you just get what you get. Best case scenario. You go in. It doesn't kill you or drive you mad. You get crapped out wherever you get crapped out in the universe. That seems to be the way it works in this flick. 

Anyway, dude loves his daughter. Barely remembers he has a son pretty much, but the son is sort of an asshole. Doesn't really listen to her or care about his opinion though. Goes on an obvious suicide mission, ignoring all the red flags and what not. So, I use the laughing/crying gif a lot for my sad laugh. But this movie is a gut punch. 

Stars Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway (my queen), Bill Irwin, Ellen Burstyn (the mom from The Exorcist), Matt Damon, and Michael Caine. This was the first thing I ever saw Jessica Chastain and Timothée Chalamet in.

At the start of the movie, for a minute, at least, it sounds like the government is actually figuring shit out in this future. But “freedom” and what not. Lot of books are banned. Moon landing was faked. Food is scarce because of the “wastefulness” and greed of the people in the 20th century. 

“This world is a treasure and it has been telling us to leave for a while now. Mankind was born here, it wasn't meant to die here,” McConaughey's character says. I agree with the first part, biology has determined the second part was a lie. 

Anyway, lot of sacrifice. Go to a planet where every hour is seven years. End up spending 23 Earth years. It's Nolan, so you gotta expect a little bit of time fuckery. Grandpa's dead. Kids have grown up. Poor guy left on the ship also experienced the time jump. Poor fucker. Requires a lot of faith for the people left behind. Plan A is to turn it around on Earth. Plan B is to go elsewhere. Decades go by and they are waiting to see if we have a place to go. How we get there is a good question, but you know. 

Speaking of, we aren't leaving this planet. We might get to Mars, but no where livable. Have about as much chance of that as time travel. Shit ain't happening. Once we finally fuck this planet up enough, that's it. Doubt it happens in my lifetime, but we're already seeing the beginning of the end.

Great wrist watch flick. Features the Hamilton Khaki Pilot Day Date and the Khaki Field (Murph). Both are great watches. Hamilton might not be as great as it was 50 years ago (mostly uses the ETA 2824 if you know anything about watches and is now Swiss owned), it is still a solid brand. My next watch will probably be a Hamilton. Maybe one of these. 

For me, this is a better, more accessible version of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which I hated. Ambitious, exceptionally beautiful, insanely complex, this is fucking cinema at its best. How people go to this and don''t fall in love, I have no idea. This film moved me. Nolan, again, is a master filmmaker. 

Memento - Christopher Nolan - 2000


★★★★★-"We all lie to ourselves to be happy." Wow. Still fucking genius. Maybe more so than I remember. Holds the fuck up, I tell you. Christopher Nolan is perhaps my third favorite living director, depending on the day. This is the film that put him on the map. Rightfully so. 

Gist is a dude with anterograde amnesia (the inability to form new memories), can't remember anything short-term after 15 minutes. He got this way from an injury resulting from an attack on him/his wife, who was raped and murdered. Having developed a system where he uses Polaroids and tattoos to track information, he is tracking down his wife's killer. 

The film is told through two sequences. The ones in color tell the story backwards in little chunklets. Basically, the audience sees shit the way he does, in these short increments with no idea how we got here until we get to the next chunk of time. The black-and-white scenes show what is happening chronologically. These sequences meet at the end of the film, producing the complete narrative. It is clever as fuck. 

Stars Guy Pearce as Lenny, the guy with the condition. I bought a shit ton of Guy Pearce stock after LA Confidential. Really paid off here. Some really good that guys in this film--you get Ned Ryerson (Stephen Tobolowsky) and Lieutenant Dangle (Thomas Lennon). Plus, total that guy Mark Boone Junior (most memorable part, for me, is as the pizza stealing FBI guy in Se7en). Jorja Fox, whom you might recognize from ER or CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, plays Lenny's wife. 

The only substantive female role is that of Carrie-Anne Moss's character. A lot going on with her. For a while, I thought she was just getting revenge on the guy that killed her person. She says some genuinely awful shit to Lenny and calls him a "retard." Even steals his pens so he can't write anything down before she tells him she is going to fuck him over (and fuck him) and that she will enjoy it more knowing that he's too stupid to remember. Ouch. But she ends up helping him. She might have figured out that the death of her dude was more the result of this other guy, played by Joe Pantoliano (the true villain of the movie), which is probably somewhat accurate. Still, I think she sees Lenny as a victim too, which is why she helps him. Her whole look and vibe are exactly like this girl I dated in 2002, who I watched this with. She thought that Lenny was the real villain, which I still think is insane. 

Nolan is the obvious MVP of the movie. Pearce is perfect but goddamn. It's hard to get over how great this film is or what it was like watching it for the first time. I've seen it roughly five times and like it more after every viewing. I still don't 100% get it, but I get closer with every watch. Multiple viewings are definitely a requirement. Crazy good.

Saturday, June 17, 2023

Aliens - James Cameron - 1986


★★★★★-Might be the greatest sequel of all time. Takes the world/premise of the first movie and dials it way up. Plus, no one is better at subtly shitting on corporations than James Cameron. All of his movies are a soulless corporate entity focused on profits to the extreme, causing preventable death to completely innocent people (or aliens or whatever) on a massive level. My kind of dude. With this flick, he goes all out with it and when in doubt, throws a couple exploding aliens in there. Incredible. 

To hammer this home, the first half hour of this movie is the most brutal shit a character has ever had to endure mentally. After floating in space in stasis for close to 60 years instead of the eight weeks she was expecting, Ripley wakes up to find her daughter got old and died. She is then forced to explain why she destroyed company property and gets fired and her space license revoked. They treat her like a criminal and even talk jail time. Then, when she suggests they check out the planet, a suit tells here that there are people there now! 60–70 families. “No complaints from them.” She immediately knows they are all going to die. Some real heavy shit to wake up to. Just put me back into stasis, Jesus fuck. 

Wrote a paper in college about this movie for a religion in film course I took. We all had to present on a couple of the predetermined movies. No one wanted this one because it took real work to make something of it. Intellectually confident as I was by senior year, I took this on by choice. Back as a stupid freshman, I dated a girl that was more or less identical to Ripley in this flick after the haircut. We did not have a good breakup and I harbored let's say dislike (she broke up with me because she thought I was a shitty writer, which has like always been MY thing, don't ya know, so I hated her) and I kind of held it against Ripley. So my take was siding with the Xenomorphs, which fucking killed. “They didn't ask to be born killing machines, they aren't the evil ones, they are just following their instincts in fighting this hostile group encroaching on their territory.” Lot of stuff like that with a bunch of digs on Bill Paxton. When I graduated, the professor from that class, one of only two classes I got A+s in, wrote me a letter saying he hopes I continue being a voice for “the other,” which was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten, and I think about often. I feel this way with damn near every creature feature I watch these days. Down with the status quo, I say! Rip that guy's head off, Cocaine Bear!

Admittedly, the Ripley-Newt relationship is surprisingly touching though, which makes it hard to all out root for their deaths, though I managed. She's sweet for a feral child, she won the “Citizenship Award” for her second grade class. I, too, won the citizenship award in second grade. I was opinionated and still loathed everyone, but I was much quieter about all that back then. It wasn't until high school that I realized I was also hilarious and developed my barbed wit and general gift of gab. So, yeah, on a related note, I've been in my fair share of tussles since ye olde citizen boy award of 1989 with that combination. The most terrifying part of the movie is when Newt is in the like sewage system or whatever with chest level water and the inevitable happens. Spoiler. Also, back to the movie, I thought Newt was the same feral child in Mad Max 2 aka The Road Warrior until adulthood. 

Remember them being in space a lot more. Most of the movie takes place on the ground with this nuclear disaster looming with blue lightning and everything. What this series is pretty much. Trying to get out and kill the aliens before wherever they are explodes. Anywho, this is why the marines can't use guns at one point, which is eventually ignored. Plot science at its finest, “you can't fire bullets, you're inside a nuclear reactor!” So it's basically go in there and die, which they do. 

It was probably crazy to see a bunch of aliens back when this came out. But I saw this before the original and was sort of surprised and let down the first time I saw the Ridley Scott movie as a kid with it just being the one. Something nuts, Cameron only had six Xenomorph costumes. It looks like there are hundreds. I shit you negative on this. Plus, we get the first queen, which is just amazing. 

Cast is nuts. Stars Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley, of course. As an athlete, I love critiquing running form in film. And not a good runner, Sigourney Weaver. Form is beyond terrible. Worse than Harrison Ford's old man run in The Temple of Doom. Still looks great in underpants and a tank top though. Also get Bill Paxton, Michael Biehn from The Terminator and Tombstone, Paul Reiser from Mad About You, Lance Henriksen from Pumpkinhead who is probably most remembered from this flick and his character Frank Black from The X-Files its dope spinoff Millennium, and Carrie Henn as Newt. 

A little on Michael Biehn. I pretty much love every movie this guy is in. Bought a lot of stock in him after The Abyss, but it never really happened for him. 

The film, I'm sure everyone knows, has a happy ending. Yay! But then after another crazy long stasis we get bold Ripley in Alien 3 and see that the kid and Biehn died and there were facehuggers all over the ship. Boo. 

The one-two punches that both Ridley Scott and James Cameron had after their first movies in this franchise are unmatched. Scott made Alien and then Blade Runner (a top 10 all time), then Cameron makes The Terminator followed by Aliens. He also wrote the screenplay for Rambo: First Blood Part II during this same period. Fucking sick. 

Friday, June 16, 2023

Alien - Ridley Scott - 1979


★★★★★-One of the all-time great cats in this flick. I love that kitty boy, Jonsey. Save the fucking cat indeed.

Everyone knows and loves this flick. Sigourney Weaver taking on Xenomorphs in her tiny underpants and a tank top. Rock on. 

Ridley Scott's second film. Released in 1979. Written by Dan O'Bannon. Follows the space crew of the Nostromo, just a bunch of working stiff space folk who bring an alien onto the ship to everyone's detriment. The alien was designed by the artist H. R. Giger who is famous for this type of shit. That thing is cool as hell. The film won a bunch of awards but got mixed reviews at the time. Critics really fucked up on this one. 

Super cast with Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright (the little girl from The Birds), my surrogate grandfather Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm (Bilbo Baggens), and Yaphet Kotto. What a crop!

However, there are several plot holes that are distracting. Of course, there is the facehugger getting through the helmet of a space suit and the acid blood. But one really irritates me. 

My beef is this, how the aliens go from being squirrel-sized to Yao Ming is ridiculous. Of the six movies, none allow for any kind of reasonable window for the aliens to grow to full size. One molting cycle, no food, and a half hour, and they are enormous. They really do grow up so fast! No, if you’re going to gain 100 kilos, you’re going to have to eat like a lot of stuff, and you’ve got to molt and shed and shit somewhere. It's fucking physics or biology or whatever, I'm not a scientist. 

Still, the greatest sci-fi/horror movie of all time. A slasher in space, scary as fuck. When it gets Dallas, coming out of nowhere, always scares the shit out of me. How low-energy it seems in the escape pod makes it somehow scarier/realer. When it comes face to face from the girl from The Birds, it basically scares her to death. Hence, the incredible tagline, “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

Saturday, June 3, 2023

Influencer - Kurtis David Harder - 2023

★★★★★-You see, this movie is why I don't become a influencer. Incredible movie. The best new horror movie I've seen in 2023. Wow. Available on Shudder, by the by. 

Going to give as little away as possible. But explaining any of the plot is a minor spoiler. 

The flick is centered around social media influencer Madison, played by Emily Tennant of Riverdale. As you often hear about these Instagram people, despite her popularity, she feels lonely and dissatisfied with her life and occupation, which took her on a trip to Thailand. Irritated about how her boyfriend (played by one Rory J. Saper, whom I've never seen) canceled going along, he seems to make Instagramers, she meets a mysterious woman named CW (Cassandra Naud, don't recognize her either), who has a distinctive birthmark on her face and is radically antisocial media. Taking CW up on her offer to explore the most Instagram-worthy spots, she goes about adventuring with her new friend: getting a feel for the local culture, engaging in deep conversations, so forth. However, shit goes off the rails when CW leads Madison to a surprise location—an uninhabited island completely disconnected from the world.

Movie opens with a girl washed up on a beach. The title card is the point we see how she got there. 

One of those “the real movie starts a half hour in” flicks. You can tell because that's when you get the title sequence just as the shocking twist hits home. Somewhat cliché at this point, me thought. I've seen like five movies do this in the last couple of years, but that's the only thing that's cliche. 

I can't believe this doesn't have 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The bad reviews say it was predictable, which is insane. Also shallow. Whatever.

The movie is legit terrifying. The bad is a sociopath that I've never seen before. This person is a predator that kills in a pretty inventive way. Also, like that deep fakes are being used in horror now. Check it out.

Saturday, May 27, 2023

M3gan - Gerard Johnstone - 2023

★★★★★-AB says "check it out." Second from auteur Gerard Johnstone that I loved. The first, Housebound, is one of my favorite horror movies from the 2010s. It is crazy good and will keep you guessing. Check out my take on that here.

So M3gan. Total masterclass in bad ethics. Shitty parents probably watch the first 30 minutes of this movie and think “open up the fucking pod bay doors, mother fucker!” Then M3gan kills a dog and it is all down hill. 

The movie is basically your standard cautionary tale involving artificial intelligence. In a world that learned nothing from The Terminator nor The Matrix nor like 10 other movies I can think of off the top of my head (2001, Age of Ultron, the whole Alien franchise, Blade Runner, Dark Star, Deadly Friend, Ex Machina, RoboCop, Singularity, Wall-E, WarGames, Westworld [that's like 15 without looking up shit]), AI is the new big thing in tech. For years we've heard that AI is going to probably make all of us irrelevant and will definitely end the world. And here we are, expecting to see M3gans rolling off the assembly line any day now and murder us folk with annoying doggos. 

Anyway, the creator of this literal monstrosity, is robotics engineer Gemma, played by Allison Williams, who embarks on the risky endeavor of having the robot she just created raise the child that is thrust upon her by her very selfish sister who went and died. Real frumpy dump, this sister, dying and all. The orphan niece child, Cady, is played by a kid named Violet McGraw. She does a fine job of playing a terrible child. 

Something fun is that “resting bitch faced” M3gan is something of a gay icon. From the New York Times

“Gay men are protective of women like M3gan, the gorgeous and loyal but messy and insolent ones. (In the horror genre, where awful is wonderful, looking good and being depraved is a métier.) We consider our M3gans to be family, and we will fight you if you even look at them cross-eyed.

“To find M3gan’s gay roots, flip the calendar back to October, when Universal dropped the first trailer. A gay perfect storm helped it go viral: It was National Coming Out Day and Halloween month. Gay stan Megan Thee Stallion tweeted it. And — for me this was the clincher — the trailer featured a snippet of the sinister, awkwardly leggy dance M3gan does that’s set to a remix of Taylor Swift’s “It’s Nice to Have a Friend,” a song that isn’t even in the movie...

“The trailer’s gayness might not be readily apparent. My mom wouldn’t notice it. But to me it’s there, and nowhere more so than when M3gan enters a room and pointedly removes her sunglasses, as if she’s Miranda Priestly surveying her panicked minions. Here’s the thing: M3gan doesn’t need sunglasses. She’s a doll. She wears them for drama.”

"I will murder you for this indignity"
Before you make M3gan a part of your chosen family though, remember all the murder, which shouldn't be too hard since you don't often see uncanny valley push a shithead child in front of a pickup too often these days. I mean, as soon as you put that doll with the other toys, it will murder the shit out of someone just to cope. 

Here's something to freak you out, just because. AI is here already, by the by. It is unfathomably smarter than people think. It can do remarkable things like not only recognize faces, but also pick up subtle shit that gives away things about your mood and behavior. Like, for example, if you are cheating at cards in a casino, this shit is gonna know. It can pick up things like fucking eye movement and betting patterns and know what you're up to before you even do it. That's what's fucking up. 

Honestly, it would know how people around her talk, something that it fucks up on in the movie. AI don't make mistakes like that. With enough data, it'll write in your voice. It has access to pretty much everything on the internet, doesn't need to learn, just access information and it runs with it. AI is way more conceptually terrifying than is fucking believable. This movie is indeed terrifying, and AI probably isn't going to kill you as it's not evil, but the people behind it might be. Looking at you Google, Facebook, Amazon, so forth. 

Last thing, the flick has pretty good movie references sprinkled throughout. A lot of Sam Raimi style slapstick. There is a silliness to it that I knew was inspired by the The Evil Dead himself. Googled that shit and director Johnstone sites Raimi as an inspiration, of fucking course. A second robot named “Bruce,” which doesn't seem like a co-een-kee-dink, looks like the big bad ro-bit from RoboCop 2. Plus, M3gan Terminators around the work shed at the end of the movie. This movie is fucking awesome.