Mother Mary: Anne Hathaway vs. the Nope Alien

★★★—A movie that asks, after an hour of nonsense, what if Taylor Swift was possessed by the Nope alien, except red.   

Solid but confusing as shit. About a popstar of the Gaga/Swift persuasion who is losing her humanity, so she goes back to the last person she was able to relate to as a normal person, her old dressmaker, whom she has had a falling out with. This is all if you are looking at it as metaphor. I don’t see the world like that, I’m way too literal, but I try to look for it. This one, I really struggled with. So this red ghost/demon/alien/ribbon is the popstar chick’s humanity? But it is possessing her? And that is a bad thing? What is happening? 

It’s also like the 5th popstar horror movie I’ve seen in the last couple years. Not sure it knows what it wants to be. A few minutes in I start thinking it’s not horror. Then we get some Suspiria Markos Dance Academy shit. Maybe it is horror. Then it veers toward queer relationship movie, but pulls back. And then goes back to horror again, I think.    

Whole movie henges on three actors—Anne Hathaway, Michaela Coel, and Hunter Schafer. Coel was in one of the Black Panther movies, a Star Wars flick, and some Black Mirror. Schafer is the young lady from Cuckoo. Hathaway needs no introduction. She always bringing it. Plus, she has looked 30 for the last 25 years. Hasn’t noticeably aged at all since the Dark Knight Rises. They pull it off.    

Overall, some things to like. Music is surprisingly solid. Great performances. Feels like a play. Highly stylized. Exceptionally beautiful…. Not a single line uttered by a man, which is interesting. But nothing happens. One hell of a swing. But it goes foul. Trying too hard. Plot was not my cup of tea. Got bored more than once. Took a long time to get going. 

Slanted: The things you do to become the promcoming dance queen

★★★—Watched this last night at AMC Scream Unseen event. If you love Mean Girls and body horror, then you’ll probably like it. First off, there is a character named Cat Fisher, which caused me to audibly groan when her name gets said at the climax of the movie. Not where you want to be watching a movie when the shit starts to go down.

However, for an ok movie, this really disturbed me, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. The idea of completely changing who you are externally is nothing new. Hell, some people do it IRL. But this transracial concept is extremely interesting. Sort of touches on a lot—assimilation, belonging, beauty standards, race—and it’s heavy with metaphor. But it all felt a little obvious/shallow. Just sort of throws these ideas out there without any real emotional payoff, with a few exceptions, notably when the parents celebrate 10-years in America while their daughter goes to the big promcoming dance, which she is absolutely obsessed with. I get that maybe some kids do care about such things, but it is such a trope at this point that you really must do something extraordinary to subvert it. I feel that it had potential there but didn’t get over the hump. 

Ger

That said, the performances were flat out stellar with the females being especially strong. Shirley Chen and McKenna Grace (just saw here in Scream 7) take turns as the lead. Both knock it out of the park. Vivian Wu plays the mom, who maybe stole the show. Maitreyi Ramakrishnan from Never Have I Ever is very good. Then there was Amelie Zilber, the alpha mean girl from the high school. She basically IS Regina George. Except hotter and more of a bitch. Good god she is fine. Kind of reminded me of Mia Sara. Her character was flat AF though with no emotional payoff. She is just kind of there, being horrible, and then suddenly not. 

Overall, the tone might be the biggest problem. In immigrant teen satire territory at times, but then with disturbing body horror thrown in making it not funny. Then it ventures into heartwarming, coming of age with a deformity with a meh, lame, run-of-the-mill ending. Result is some ick/WTF, and a feeling like maybe director Amy Wang either lost creative control and/or focus at the end. 

Push: Evading a supernatural killer while having a baby is what Republicans think abortion is

★★★--Tense home-invasion having a baby while evading a killer movie. Really ups the ante here. Some memorable shit goes down, which the flick definitely has going for it. There are some good, scary scenes, most notably one featuring an elevator. 

 

Directed by David Charbonier and Justin Powell (they directed The Djinn together a few years back), and starring Alicia Sanz and Raúl Castillo (never seen either of them before but they were solid). It was alright. 

 

I was crazy about it until the third act. Becomes a real bummer of a movie at that point, and maybe goes supernatural. The end also implies that the survivor girl and her baby actually die and the killer is out on the loose. Then it all could have been a dream. Pretty obnoxious.

31 Days of Halloween: Second Chance Night: Ginger Snaps: A Tale of Teenage Transformation

Ginger Snaps - John Fawcett - 2000 

★★★-Day 12 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Second chance night. Like it more than my first watch like 20 years ago. But I’m still not a huge fan. It's just fine.

Gist is two teenage sisters, Ginger and Brigitte, are obsessed with death and are kind of outcasts in their suburban high school. Ginger gets attacked by a werewolf and shit starts getting weird between them. You know, Ginger becomes more violent, both physically and behaviorally unrecognizable, and Brigitte searches for a way to reverse the werewoof curse. Clever title, ya dig? This all while navigating the dangers of adolescence, family dynamics, and such. Explores themes of puberty, identity, and the monstrous feminine, blending body horror with dark humor.

Emily Perkins as Brigitte and Katharine Isabelle as Ginger. Perkins I mostly think of as Bev Marsh from the 1990 It. Isabelle pops up here and there in mostly horror. She was the star in American Mary, played teen fodder in Freddy vs. Jason, and even appeared in a lesser Nolan film with Insomnia.
 
Others you may recognize include Kris Lemche as a drug dealing werewoof expert. He was in Final Destination 3, the one with the roller coaster, and shows up pretty frequently on the electric teevee machine. 
 
Mimi Rogers plays the mom. She famously introduced Tom Cruise, her husband from 1987 through 1990, to Scientology, which she left after the divorce. Looks like her and David Miscavige fucking hate each other and she’s on the Scientology naughty list, considered a “suppressive person.” Good for her. 

Jesse Moss plays a douche bro who gets turned. Was just writing the other day about Tucker & Dale vs Eviland saying haven’t seen him in anything else, though he plays a convincing prick. Of course, I randomly watch a movie with him in it the next day. 

Directed by one John Fawcett. He’s worked steadily since the early 1990s, directing mostly episodes of TV, most notably a huge chunk of Orphan Black. Film-wise, he’s mostly known for this flick.
 
Something funny is that the sisters are doing some art project where they stage suicides and photograph it. My theme for AP Art Studio this same time was suicide. Still have a few of those pieces from high school. One is a self-immolation. Another is the old death by hanging with a belt. I wasn’t a particularly dark kid but have always wanted that to be an option for people. 

Reminded me of sex ed from elementary school. How women have periods while dudes have nothing seemed infinitely unfair to me. “You mean women go through this traumatic experience every month for 30 to 40 years? Do men have anything like that. No. Crazy.”

Anywho, the flick wreaks of Canada. Canadian horror can be pretty fun. Pretty niche blend of psychological tension, atmospheric dread, and dark humor. There is the country's vast, often landscapes, lending itself to themes of isolation and identity. Emphasize slow-building tension, cerebral scares, social anxieties, fears of transformation/otherness. You get the idea. Usually can tell if a film is Canadian within a few minutes. There is an old joke, is this the United States 10 years ago, or Canada today?
 
Lot of dead dogs. Now I remember why I didn't like it as this is a great way to turn me off. Poor Baxter. Rest in peace, Norman. On the other hand, if you are going to keep a dog chained up, go fuck yourself. But, yeah, too much dead dog. 

31 Days of Halloween: Tetsuo: The Iron Man - A Surreal Dive into Industrial Body Horror

Tetsuo: The Iron Man - Shinya Tsukamoto - 1989

 

★★★★-Day 8 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Body horror night. Went all out with this bizarre Japanese flick with this weird communicable cyborg thing going on. Imagery is beautiful, the “iron man” has this this industrial, modern art thing happening that I dig. Also, what’s a Japanese movie without a lot of phallic imagery? It’s like going to Tokyo on a rare Godzilla-free day. 

 

Not a lot to follow plot-wise. You are just in this world and going with it. That’s not to say it isn’t entertaining. It is funny/fun in a slapstick sort of way. I imagine director Shinya Tsukamoto gets a lot of Cronenberg and Lynch comparisons, but I also get a whiff of Sam Raimi.

 

Overall, well-acted, ugly beautiful, superbly stylish, and extremely interesting, though it kind of feels like a joke that you don’t quite get. Regardless, I can 100% say it is not like anything I’ve ever seen before. 

31 Days of Halloween: The Underground: Nightbreed: Clive Barker’s Unappreciated Masterpiece

 Nightbreed - Clive Barker - 1990

 

★★★★★-“Everything is true. God’s an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, Midian is where the monsters live... And you came to die.” Day 4 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Down in the Underground night. Not sure what that means really so I took it literally and used it as an excuse to revisit this old, favorite, Nightbreed, featuring one of the most outrageously cute Boston terrier ever.
 
I adore this movie. Written, directed, and adapted by Clive Barker from his 1988 novella Cabal. My favorite Barker movie, by far, though it is generally less appreciated than Candyman and Hellraiser, which are also classics. I mean, I LOVE Hellraiser, but this holds a special place, seeing it at a time I was devouring horror flicks, circa 1993, when I was in 5^th grade. It was my X-Men, though it literally is not the same film I saw way back when. 
 
It's a bummer we never got sequels as Barker envisioned the project as a “Star Wars for monsters,” but studio interference led to the heavily recut theatrical version, which was meh. Was more of your traditional slasher, causing it to sort of bomb at the box office which meant no further world-building. But I still revisited it every few years, catching every iteration ever released to home media. The Directors Cut is the way too go, by the by. 
 

Getting this version is sort of lost media miracle. Back in 2009 missing footage was rediscovered (the studio knew it existed but didn’t give a shit), leading to the creation of “The Cabal Cut.” Mark Miller, Barker’s producing partner, ended up tracking down two VHS workprints with nearly an hour of additional footage that wasn’t in the theatrical version.
 
I missed this cut when it was making the horror festival rounds, showing originally at HorrorHound Weekend in Indianapolis. I lived in North Carolina at the time. I tried to make it up for the premier, but I was too broke in 2010. Then, after I moved back to Indiana, it was shown at "Mad Monster Party" in North Carolina in 2012. I was a sportswriter at that time and was still too poor to do shit. 

However, the extended 159-minute cut renewed fan interest, leading to the so-called “Occupy Midian” movement, a phrase coined by Anne Bobby, who plays the female lead, Lori Winston, who is the protagonist Aaron Boone’s girlfriend in the film. In 2013 Shout! Factory released a Cabal Cut that was a little different than what was shown at the horror cons. 

 
The 2013 release sparked enough interest that Shout! Factory tracked down the original film elements in the Warner archives in 2014. This became yet another version deemed “The Director's Cut.” The Blu-ray added an addition 20 minutes to the theatrical run time which featured 40 minutes of footage. The whole process was overseen by Barker himself, marking the culmination of efforts to restore the film to its original, intended form. This is now the definitive cut. It is fucking amazing.
 

Gist of the film is Aaron Boone (Craig Sheffer), falls under the care of serial killer Dr. Decker (played by David Cronenberg), who manipulates Boone into believing he's a murderer. Drugged with LSD, Boone attempts to surrender to authorities but ends up escaping and taking refuge in the underground world of Midian, home to monstrous peoples known as “Nightbreed.”
 
Casting is perfect 1990s nostalgia, like the casting of Doug Bradley, who will always be Pinhead to Barker fans. Craig Sheffer plays lead Aaron Boone. He was quarterback Joe Kane in the greatest football movie of all-time, The Program. He has had a steady career, but never achieved A-list status, which is a shame as he steals the show in everything he is in. Also, quick sidenote, Sheffer was in a relationship with all-time beauty Gabrielle Anwar, she was Fiona on the USA series Burn Notice, which is great. They have a daughter together, Willow Anwar, who does some acting herself. They are now divorced, but they are close enough that Sheffer serves as the godfather to Anwar's children from her later marriage, which you like to see. 


Anne Bobby shares significant screen time. She is great and unexpectedly pops up from time to time. She was in the infamous television show Cop Rock which was a pretty heavy police procedural with musical and dance numbers thrown in. I remembered it fondly and then revisited a few years ago and found it utterly unwatchable. She was also in the Todd Solondz film Happiness, a real pick-me-up that featured a lot of rape and pedophilia that earned itself an NC-17 rating. Saw that in high school and really didn’t like it. 
 
Canadian director David Cronenberg is absolutely stellar as the villain. His performance is next level, and damn he looks cool in that mask. It is fan-fucking-tastic. The scene we first see him wearing it, when he kills this middle-aged couple and then climbs the stair toward a crying little boy is some brutal, disturbing shit, especially considering that the violence against the child is implied. 

Obviously I love this movie. If I text or message with you, I've probably sent you the ridiculous clip above where the guy pulls off his own scalp. Bananas and perfect. Great quick representation of the film as a whole. 

Infinity Pool - Brandon Cronenberg - 2023

★★★★- Near great film, but afterwards I had to ask myself, why the fuck do I keep watching this disturbing shit? 

Gist is a struggling writer and his wife are on vacation when they meet a couple at their resort and go to a forbidden beach to get drunk and give/get hand-jobs. On their way back, the writer hits and kills a local, punishable by death. Some I Know What You Did Last Summer shit. They cover it up, get caught, and learn that if you have the cash, then the country they are staying will create a duplicate of you and kill that instead while you watch. Shit gets weirder from there. 

Stars Alexander Skarsgård, Mia Goth and Cleopatra Coleman. Directed by Brandon Cronenberg, son of the famed Canadian director David Cronenberg. He also directed the films Antiviral and Possessor. Echoes Cronenberg the elder and Harmony Korine at times.

Goth is an immense talent. Where the hell did she come from? Skarsgård is no slouch either. But Goth is a goddamned star. She makes everyone in every movie she’s in seem like an amateur. Her lack of eyebrows is a little weird though.

There is a disgusting ejaculation scene. Can we just not put that in movies? This is not the first time cum has about made me puke while watching popular entertainment recently. Call me a prude, but I can barely deal with my own semen. The scene itself reminded me of Single White Female. Right after this is when he kills a guy and then pays to have himself cloned and have the clone killed in his place. In the end, quite a price to pay for an awkward, unwanted handy. But it's not like he really learns anything other than life is pointless and there are no consequences if you have money. 

Favorite line is “Never marry a broke writer.” Pretty good advice. 

Building a double to execute seems like some shit rich people would be into and not give a shit about. Your clone calling out to your wife for help. No coming back from that, really. That is indeed some shit that will break me. 

Thought the end was going in a completely different direction. That I knew what was happening, but I did not. Last half hour of the movie really just off-the-wall and completely unpredictable. Solid flick. Definitely recommend, especially with it being available to stream on Hulu. 

Huesera: The Bone Woman - Michelle Garza Cervera - 2023

★★★★-Another movie that affirms my child-free status. Solid debut from director Michelle Garza Cervera available on Shudder. This is not my kind of movie though. Again, Rotten Tomato had it right there at the top that this maybe wasn't my cup of tea: 98% Critics Ranking, 63% Audience Score. However, I made it through, and I'm thankful I did as this was another thought-provoking horror flick that has something to say. Plus, the end gets totally cray. 

Never seen anyone in this film before in my life. Stars Natalia Solián as Valeria, the protagonist of the film. She is a really pretty lady. Like a combination of Rosario Dawson and Cristin Milioti of Palm Springs. Her husband is played by one Alfonso Dosal, who seems to be something of an up-and-comer. Others whom I don't know that are in this movie include Mayra Batalla in the role of Octavia, Sonia Couoh as the sister, Mercedes Hernández as the aunt, and Aida López as Valeria's mother. 

Gist is this woman Valeria finds out she is preggers. Her joy at becoming a first-time mother sours when she starts to realize she is cursed by a sinister demon or something. Danger closes in, most people think she is insane and definitely unfit to be a mother. Shit escalates until she turns to traditional ways to rid herself of this dark entity. 

Valeria is obviously under a lot of stress. Her husband is one of those, “what are you talking about, you crazy woman?” types that are some prevalent in horror movies. “You're just a hysterical woman!” So is her family. Her mom and her sister are fucking horrible. Her “spinster” aunt seems pretty cool, but the worst thing that could happen in this family is ending up like her. Then the sister tells her, “people like you shouldn't have children.” Thanks for the support. Of course the husband sides with the family. In general, everyone treats her like an insane person. 

Takes us on a weird side story suddenly that follows a female lover of the protagonist, I thought. This Octavia, the lover, is hanging out with this lesbian couple. One is leaving. The other is staying to go to college even though her brother was killed in the city they were planning on fleeing. “What is happening here,” my notes read. At some point I realized that this was her back in the day. It took me an embarrassingly long time to pick up on that. Anyway, they obviously had a good life, but it didn't work out. Now, Octavia has a pretty dope life in her non-child ways. She hangs out with lesbians, boxes, goes to rock shows and house parties, has casual sex. Her freedom is showed in contrast to Valeria, who keeps creeping back into Octavia's life. 

Several pretty unsettling scenes of the body horror persuasion. Lots of bones poking through skin. There is also a poor chained up dog that barks like crazy and then ends up dead. If you do this to a dog, we are going to have problems. You and me. But one of the most subtly fucked up things I caught was a picture in the OBGYN's office of a baby coming out of a woman's stomach. I'm not sure if it is surgical or what, but it's just casually there to freak the patients out, I guess. Then, of course, there is this defenseless baby whose life gets played fast and loose with. I had to Google “does the baby die” to see if I could finish it. Just FYI, if that triggers you. 

Had myself a sort of feminist film triple feature with this, Unwelcome, and Lucky. The gist of all of them was when your wife or daughter is pregnant or going through some real shit and maybe having some mental health issues, maybe don't berate her. Crazy idea, right? But this is how we act as a society. Have compassion. Be cool and fucking care. 

Ravenous - Antonia Bird - 1999

★★★★- Like ‘Cannibal! The Musical,’ it’s based on this Donner Party-type incident regarding one Alferd Packer, who ate some dudes on an ill-advised trip for gold. It’s up for debate whether he or someone else on his trip, whom he said he killed in self-defense, murdered people in the party.

A frontier/cannibal comedy-western about getting "the hunger" after eating human flesh as well as coked-up energy and super healing. It was pretty great. 

I somehow watch a lot of cannibalism movies. I can’t stomach the thought of meat—long time vegan. (Parker is rumored to have been a vegetarian after this all went down, by the by). I feel like a starving in the wilderness scenario would be the only way I would ever eat meat again. But that would indeed be some shit that I would t be able to bounce back from. It’s one thing to say that you could do it if you were starving. But having a chunk of long-pig in front of you that you gotta eat to live. That would fuck up me real bad. So, yeah, exploring the deep questions here. Ye olde “would you eat someone” dilemma.  

Castle Freak - Stuart Gordon - 1995

★★ - Real bummer of a movie. Son dies and daughter is blinded when Jeffrey Combs’s character gets hammered and crashes with them in the car. He then inherits a castle, which he hopes will reignite his and Barbara Crampton’s sex life. But, alas, the castle comes with a freak. 

Metaphor horror. Freak’s dick is cut off. Jeffrey Combs, who moves into the castle with the freak, isn’t having sex (until he brings home a prostitute that the freak kills). They're lives are parallel. JK. This movie is just nuts. 

Really not fun scene towards the end when the naked, penisless freak gets rapey with the blind girl who looks to be a child. I don't want to see that shit. Not my favorite.

Fresh - Mimi Cave - 2022

★★★★★ - Comedy/horror night for the Nightmare on Film Street movie challenge. From some time back.

Probably the longest start of the movie to opening credits I’ve ever seen. Follows the girl from Where the Crawdads Sing, Daisy Edgar-Jones, who meets handsome and seemingly sweet Sebastian Stan. They go on a few dates and decide to take a trip together. Shit really hits the fan then. 

This is a trigger of a movie. According to my partner, this is what everyone woman is warned about and fears. Really made me empathize with her and everything women go through. Not really what I was expecting from a random horror movie. 

Totally loved it. It is crazy intense and disturbing. It’s gonna make you think about stuff you don’t really want to think about. But, again, great.

Crimes of the Future - David Cronenberg - 2022

★★★★ - One of the great food movies of all time. JK. People eat either plastic or a mixture of what looks like guacamole, nacho cheese, and creamed corn. Yum!

Gist of this science fiction body horror film by David Cronenberg is that a performance artist couple performs surgery for audiences. Evolution apparently accelerates for people in the future and mutations come in the form of growths. 

Stars Viggo Mortensen and Léa Seydoux as the artists. Kristen Stewart is in the flick as well. She takes her character in some weird/distracting directions. Other than her, I was digging it up until the last 20 minutes and then it gets strange even by his standards.

Visually it was pretty cool. I’d say it is worth a watch if you are into movies like The Brood with some extreme body stuff thrown in.

Demons - Lamberto Bava (Cowritten by Dario Argento) - 1985

★★★★- Yeah, even though it’s called “Demons“, I thought it was giallo just based on the director and it being dubbed and all that shit. Adjacent, I guess you could say. This is full on supernatural horror. 

Gist is a mask causes a zombie outbreak at a movie premiere. Love a movie within a movie. The mask is completely unexplained, which is interesting. I like movies that just throw you in it like this. Anyway, the mask is featured in the movie and causes a zombie outbreak. If you know that, you know, maybe don’t bring it to the premier people to touch and what not. 

When shit goes down in the theater people don’t really notice because the screaming on the screen drowns out the real screams. Once a zombie/demon (these terms are interchangeable here) busts through the screen, it is too late. Obviously inspired the opening scene from Scream 2. 

Zombie kills are nuts. OG zombie vs. samurai sword movie. Plus some cool zombie vs. helicopter blade action.

Love the scene where a guy screams “smash everything“ repeatedly before smashing everything. He seems to be a pimp, maybe. He’s the only one who knows how to deal with the situation. Gives some orders and when people don’t follow them, he tells them they aren’t worth a shit. I identify, bra. These people get him killed. A real shame. 

Overall, super solid and at times legit terrifying with a lot of Cronenberg-esque body horror. If you’re looking for a disgusting, fast 90-minute movie with a killer punk/hair metal soundtrack, and lots of twists and turns, this has you covered.

Scanners is the greatest movie of all time

Scanners. "We're gonna do this the scanner way. I'm gonna suck your brain dry! Everything you are is gonna become me. You're gonna be with me Cameron, no matter what. After all, brothers should be close, don't you think?"

Directed by David Cronenberg in 1981, I consider this his masterpiece. This movie doesn’t fuck around. Gets weird immediately and just keeps moving toward some real shit. The famous head explosion happens in the first 10 minutes, a real surprise. Don’t even know who anybody is at that point. 

Does an incredible job of world-building, no wasted time. Still is clear without exposition. Cronenberg is a master filmmaker. Special effects are out of this world. Cronenberg is the guy for body horror. Has a lot of that. Bulging veins and bleeding, eyes popping out, so forth. 

Main character, Stephen Lack, is a pretty good actor. Reminds me of the guy from the outsider. Doesn’t act anymore. He is now a painter. The guy who plays Revok, Michael Ironside, is a poor man’s Jack Nicholson. He is outstanding. 

Word of advice. If you’re pumping gas and a telephone wire spontaneously burst into flames, don’t pull the pump out of the car so it pours onto the ground under said burning wire. 

Ending is pretty weird and ambiguous. Awesome flick.