Mother Mary: Anne Hathaway vs. the Nope Alien

★★★—A movie that asks, after an hour of nonsense, what if Taylor Swift was possessed by the Nope alien, except red.   

Solid but confusing as shit. About a popstar of the Gaga/Swift persuasion who is losing her humanity, so she goes back to the last person she was able to relate to as a normal person, her old dressmaker, whom she has had a falling out with. This is all if you are looking at it as metaphor. I don’t see the world like that, I’m way too literal, but I try to look for it. This one, I really struggled with. So this red ghost/demon/alien/ribbon is the popstar chick’s humanity? But it is possessing her? And that is a bad thing? What is happening? 

It’s also like the 5th popstar horror movie I’ve seen in the last couple years. Not sure it knows what it wants to be. A few minutes in I start thinking it’s not horror. Then we get some Suspiria Markos Dance Academy shit. Maybe it is horror. Then it veers toward queer relationship movie, but pulls back. And then goes back to horror again, I think.    

Whole movie henges on three actors—Anne Hathaway, Michaela Coel, and Hunter Schafer. Coel was in one of the Black Panther movies, a Star Wars flick, and some Black Mirror. Schafer is the young lady from Cuckoo. Hathaway needs no introduction. She always bringing it. Plus, she has looked 30 for the last 25 years. Hasn’t noticeably aged at all since the Dark Knight Rises. They pull it off.    

Overall, some things to like. Music is surprisingly solid. Great performances. Feels like a play. Highly stylized. Exceptionally beautiful…. Not a single line uttered by a man, which is interesting. But nothing happens. One hell of a swing. But it goes foul. Trying too hard. Plot was not my cup of tea. Got bored more than once. Took a long time to get going. 

A visually stunning film that lingers despite some flaws

I Saw the TV Glow - Jane Schoenbrun - 2024

★★★-Was one of the movies at the top of my watch list. Didn’t think I was a fan. Drags too much, especially at the end. But I can’t stop thinking about it, and have been listening to the soundtrack non-stop.

For starters, it’s not anything I’ve ever seen before. Stunningly stylish. Like the way it was shot. Dreamlike, beautiful, nostalgic, surreal. But the story was pretty meh. Not that I’m the target audience. It’s not for everyone. Saw the director, one Jane Schoenbrun, say if you don’t vibe with this, congrats on having a wonderful childhood. Alright. 

 

I can relate in some ways. Like having a friend that pops in and out of your life that you at some point realize is insane. Also being obsessed with a television show. Have bought many episode guides in my day, especially in the late 90s, when most of the movie takes place. 

 

It’s really touching, and sweet, at times. Super intimate. Very sad. Said to be an “egg crack” allegory. This is moment when a trans person realizes their true identity differs from their gender at birth. The horror is living inauthentically, in living in one’s assigned gender. Not what you’d call conventional. 

 

Stars one Justice Smith in the lead role of Owen. He’s in a bunch of stuff I’ve never seen like Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, All the Bright Places, Detective Pikachu, and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. Brigette Lundy-Paine plays his friend Maddy. She was Ted’s daughter in Bill & Ted Face the Music. She gets Owen into the show The Pink Opaque before she goes missing. She shows back up years later saying that she has been living in the show and that Owen should bury himself alive with her to get to that place. He declines and talks her before running off. The Pink Opaque is kind of a mashup of Buffy and Are You Afraid of the Dark. 

 

Owen’s dad in the movie is a real fucking asshole. Played by none other than Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, Robert Durst’s son (JK). Owen’s mom dies and he checks out. Knows something is going on with his child, but is incapable of parenting.

Directed by Schoenbrun, who is transfeminine and non-binary. They have said that Owen’s decision not to bury himself alive with Maddy, along with his ensuing existential crisis, reflects their own fears about possibly living life without transitioning. They also directed the film We're All Going to the World's Fair, which I hated, though it was also critically lauded. Zero-for-two for me. 

 

Scariest thing that happens, for me, is Owen comes up to a downed powerline at one point, which is pretty terrifying. He gets out the car, which you are not supposed to do. Ever. I knew a guy that had his legs blown off doing that. No shit. 

 

Probably a movie that requires multiple viewings. Shouldn’t have to do that. Life is too short to rewatch movies you weren’t that into the first time.

In Fabric: A giallo-inspired blend of satire and style

In Fabric - Peter Strickland - 2018

★★★★-Satirizes corporate culture, art, contemporary dating, and the fashion industry. Totally nails the giallo feel. Music was great and on point as well. Also has a Lynchian vibe. Sort of an anthology with people coming into contact with the dress and things going down. Little like Cat's Eye, but with a dress. It's an exceptionally weird movie. I strongly disliked it, though there were moments when I found it enjoyable. I haven't stopped thinking about it either. The more I contemplate it, the more I like it, but I'll never watch it again. 

Written and directed by Peter Strickland. A24 film. Available on Paramount+. Gist is a malevolent red dress haunts its various owners, bringing a death curse into their lives. The solid cast includes Marianne Jean-Baptiste (Without a Trace ,Blindspot, Homecoming), Hayley Squires, Leo Bill, and Gwendoline Christie (the giant from Game of Thrones and Wednesday). Haven't really seen any of them except Jean-Baptiste and Christie before. Julian Barratt from The Mighty Boosh and Mindhorn plays a bit part.

First owner is a woman that's a lonely hearts type (played by Jean-Baptiste). She's a single mom with an adult son. He's an “artist.” He's also a fucking asshole. She walks in on him eating out his girlfriend (Christie) in the middle of the night in the living room. Come on, man. The girlfriend sees her and starts moaning louder. Fuck that chick. Sees the son's gross art of her butthole and her underpants with her son's face on them. This poor mother. 

When we see her on her first date, the guy goes from being a real wet blanket to a piece of shit. Plus he's got a dumb looking face. She's way too good for this shit, before she gets her killer dress. 

The sales lady says some mysterious, weird shit, but she seems pretty cool. I'm definitely buying whatever sartorial accoutrements she is peddling. This store is pretty fucking weird. Just gets more insane from there. The brawl at the end is pretty bananas and fun, and likely my favorite part of the movie.

One of those, what is this type of flicks. Pretty funny at times. Like when one of the guys tells the bankers of this dream he had of his wife giving birth. When the doctors pull the baby out, it is wearing the dress. He waves and the baby “has none of that,” and flips him off. He bangs on the glass and the doctor hoses the glass off. 

Definitely has a style that I appreciated. Direction and acting were both above average. It is a weird one, but my kind of weird. Atmospheric, stylistic, powerful. Wild, weird, and beautiful. I loved it. If you like Suspiria, this will be your type of film. 

Talk to Me: Don't walk out

Talk to Me - Danny and Michael Philippou - 2023

★★★-Talk to Me. An Australian supernatural horror film directed by Danny and Michael Philippou, marking their first feature film. Seems like this is more or less universally loved. However, I wasn't so high on this, though I do respect it and still think it was pretty good. The Philippous started out as YouTubers and segued to short films and then made this.

Gist revolves around a close-knit group of friends who stumble upon the arcane knowledge of summoning spirits by holding onto an embalmed hand set in a ceramic casting. As long as they don't go over 90-seconds, everything is fine. Any more than that, and the spirit wants to stay. I will say that the fact that this thing exists after all the shit its caused is somewhat incredible. You'd think someone would smash and burn it at some point. Personally, I wouldn't touch it. 

Anyway, intrigued by the dark power they wield, they succumb to the lure of this newfound thrill, giving them a rush that isn't unlike a drug. However, their experimentation takes a dreadful turn when one of them delves too deep into the supernatural realm, unwittingly releasing terrifying forces beyond their control. Eventually, they find themselves in a battle for survival against the unleashed horrors.

Cast is made up of mostly newcomers in Sophie Wilde, Alexandra Jensen who plays best friend Jade, Joe Bird (the best friend's little brother, Riley), Otis Dhanji (everyone's love interest), Chris Alosio, Zoe Terakes, and Miranda Otto who plays Jade and Riley's mom. Wilde, who plays the lead, Mia, is great. Might end up a star. She carries the film, but everyone is solid. Otto is the only person I recognized. She was Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings movies. Also in The Thin Red Line and War of the Worlds. 

Love a high school hangout movie. That's when the movie is its best. I really liked the duo of Alosio and Terakes, who are sort of in charge of the hand, play the characters Joss and Hayley respectively. Every high school has kids like this. Real presence. You sort of hate them, but want to hang out with them and frequently warm up to them before once again falling out. 

Had a couple triggers for me. Animal suffering and the self-harm of a child. I can deal with a lot, but when those things popup on screen, I have to close my eyes and cover my ears. This was especially bad. Pretty much everything that happens to this kid is incredibly awful. The dog is fine, though. 

Few confusing things, too, like when these ghosts are torturing the kid and the brother of the previous owner, who was stabbed in the opening scene by said brother, is like, “meh, just wait it out, he'll be fine.” 

Spoiler here. They make a big deal about the consequences of holding on past 90 seconds. The spirits will want to stay, which is what causes things to go bad. 

Sticks the final landing, though, which is all I'll say about any of that. Not often that a horror movie makes you feel something, but it's becoming more common with “elevated horror.” Keep thinking about Mia's poor dad. He's been through a lot, and you barely know anything about him. 

Does have extended universe potential, which is fun. I definitely see a prequel of where the hand came from in the future. 

Not super scary, though it is unsettling. Camera work is great and super interesting, but it felt like pretty much every other A24 horror film. Had similar beats to Hereditary.

Watched this at 5:00pm the Friday of its opening weekend here in Bloomington, Indiana. I was one of two people in the theater. The other guy grumbled a few times and left at the start of the third act. So I can honestly say half of the audience walked out. The crazy part, though, is that two elderly women, one with a walker, came in a few minutes later to catch the end. It was like some weird math problem. “What is the percentage of people who watched the movie,” so forth. I talked to them after, they were early to their showing of Mission: Impossible and figured they'd see what this was about. Different breed of movie watcher than I. Might have been a better experience with a larger crowd that was feeling it. 

Pearl - Ti West - 2022

★★★★- Thought the Maria Goth performance was GREAT but the movie was not. Close though. Love a period horror movie. Many allusions to The Wizard of Oz, which was interesting and cool. Also love Ti West. And this Mia Goth is something special. Never better than when she was playing hero ball. 

This is the second of a trilogy. Takes place during WWI. The origin story of the psycho biddy from the first film, who was played by Goth as well who had dual roles in the flick. Get to see her Hollywood dreams and the seeds of craziness growing into violent psychopathy. Nice. 

In addition to Goth, film stars David Corenswet, Emma Jenkins-Purro, Matthew Sunderland, and Tandi Wright, none of whom I recognized. 

Super captivating and memorable. Liked the style and music. Love the final scene too. That was uncomfortable and awesome. You could hear people in the theater being like WTF. Love those kinds of communal view experiences. Excited AF for that third installment, which goes to the 1980s. 

Everything Everywhere All at Once is the greatest movie of all time

Everything Everywhere All at Once. Insane. I loved this crazy adventure flick. In fact, it was one of the funnest movies I’ve seen in a long time. Can’t get enough of an absurdist action-dramedy. Hilarious, great fight sequences, completely original. Kung fu. What more do you fucking want?

Movie is about a Chinese-American woman being audited by the Internal Revenue Service. Her home life is also going to shit. Whilst meeting with the IRS, she discovers that she must connect with parallel universe versions of herself and prevent an all-powerful being from causing the destruction of the multiverse. Obviously shares a lot of DNA with The Matrix and Rick and Morty. Homages to various kung fu flicks throughout. Stuff like Master of the Flying Guillotine. Except instead of the flying guillotine, they use a dog and fanny pack. However, it is definitely its own thing. Boy is it ever. No explanation does this movie justice. It has everything. Googly eyes. A version of Earth with no life. A version where people evolved to have hotdog fingers. It is a true experience that includes a black everything with literally everything.

An A24 film (this production company is fucking bringing it) directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (collectively known as "Daniels"). They also made the highly original Swiss Army Man, another great one. Stars Michelle Yeoh, an incredible talent who you’ll know from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Memoirs of a Geisha, Reign of Assassins, and as the character Ying Nan in the Marvel Cinematic Universe film Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.

Ke Huy Quan. My man was Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Data in The Goonies. Some iconic shit right there. Also Jamie Lee Curtis, Stephanie Hsu (she was also in Legend of the Ten Rings and has a recurring role in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), and James Hong (Blade Runner, Big Trouble in Little China, a very memorable role in Seinfeld). Jenny Slate (whom I really like) shows up throughout the flick as well.

The Daniels are the MVPs here. Creating something this special. My god. Yeoh is incredible as well. Internet research says that the lead role was originally written for Jackie Chan. I love Police Story and a lot of his work, sure, but thank fuck he’s not in the movie. His whole support of the Chinese government is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Ke Huy Quan. Holy shit. What a fucking return to the screen. He was phenomenal. Everything I’ve seen him in is a goddamned classic. This movie was perfect.

X is the greatest movie of all time

X. I thought it was amazing up until a somewhat stupid thing thrown in at the end that sort of changes how you can interpret the movie but doesn't really change anything. Without giving anything away, it is one of those, "oh, um, okay, whatever," things that are sort of irritating. However, movie redeems itself with an incredible last line. Fantastic. Glad Ti West is making horror again. 

Set in 1979, a group of young people set out to make an adult movie in a rural Texas farmhouse. The elderly couple, it turns out, has some creepy shit going on and shit hits the fan when the wife gets all riled up. It's what you'd call a psycho-biddy movie. 

All the men in the movie, in true final girl genre fashion, are extremely incompetent. They are the first to die, are sexually worthless (except for Cudi's character), and don't recognize when they are in extreme danger. Typical dudes in slasher shit, except they each display a little complexity. Not as much as the women, who are extremely well done, but come off as real people instead of just existing to die. I'm currently reading The Final Girl Support Group so this is all fresh in my mind. 

Some real talent on display here in this A24 picture. Not only is it West's return to horror, it stars Mia Goth from the Suspiria remake, Jenna Ortega (who is having a real moment), this Martin Henderson guy I only know from Smokin' Aces, and Kid Cudi (the rapper guy). Rounding out the cast are ones Brittany Snow, Owen Campbell, and Stephen Ure, none of whom I know. 

This Jenna Ortega chick is on fire right now. She was dope in Scream and is in two other movies at the top of my watch list -- American Carnage and Studio 666. She's great in this flick, too. But the real star and MVP of the movie is Goth. She plays both the final girl porn actress and the old psycho lady. They are two sides of the same coin, sympathetic victims, both of them, one getting opportunities because of her looks and drive, the other who is old and has lost much of her self-worth. She is incredible in both parts. 

See it as something of a love letter to the movies West grew up on, like Tarantino for horror, especially Tobe Hooper's 1974 masterpiece The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The layout of the murder house even appears to be the same as the one the family occupies in Chain Saw. There is a lot to love here. First off, I am a sucker for a meta treatment, the whole film-within-the-film with an adult twist with The Farmer's Daughter. This is the way to go with a contemporary slasher if you want it to be any good. 

Other obvious influences include Psycho (1960), Hardcore (1979), Alligator (1980), and Boogie Nights (1997). Also 1970s pornography--I hear, though I am not familiar. 

Lastly, West secretly made a prequel, Pearl, which was shot back-to-back with X. It's part of a trilogy, apparently, which I am stoked about.