Push: Evading a supernatural killer while having a baby is what Republicans think abortion is

★★★--Tense home-invasion having a baby while evading a killer movie. Really ups the ante here. Some memorable shit goes down, which the flick definitely has going for it. There are some good, scary scenes, most notably one featuring an elevator. 

 

Directed by David Charbonier and Justin Powell (they directed The Djinn together a few years back), and starring Alicia Sanz and Raúl Castillo (never seen either of them before but they were solid). It was alright. 

 

I was crazy about it until the third act. Becomes a real bummer of a movie at that point, and maybe goes supernatural. The end also implies that the survivor girl and her baby actually die and the killer is out on the loose. Then it all could have been a dream. Pretty obnoxious.

Fear the Night: Sisterhood of the vengeful deaths

Fear the Night - Neil LaBute - 2023 

★★★★-Loved this flick. I could watch beautiful women murder right-wingers every day, which I pretty much have for the month of October.  

Gist of this film is Tess, a battle-scared Iraq War vet with booze issues, comes home to pick up the pieces and mend fences with her sister, Beth, on their way to their other sister’s bachelorette party at the old family farmstead. On the way, she makes some wannabe military good old boys feel small and then keys one of their trucks, I love that shit. Now we are getting a feel for Tess. She’s uncomfortable in a crowd and hostile toward jerky men and senses some bull shit going down with the farm's caretakers.  

As the party gets underway, lone wolf Tess spends most of her time by herself outside. During a stripper chef routine, the group gets ambushed by a gang of hilljacks who make the fatal mistake of killing Rose, the younger sister. Tess, with all her combat training, goes full Rambo, turning the farm into a fortress and leading the remaining party-goers in a desperate fight for survival.  

Only face I recognized was Maggie Q, as Tess, from her role as the lead in the CW television series Nikita. The others billed include Kat Foster, Travis Hammer, and Gia Crovatin.  

Directed and written by Neil LaBute. He’s done some stuff I liked alright, notably Your Friends & Neighbors and Nurse Betty, and some episodes of Billions, as well as some stuff that I really didn’t, the remake of The Wicker Man (2006). But I pretty much loved this flick. 

Some notes... Not all the women are created equal here. Opening the door, for example. This leads to most of them getting captured. It all ends up being over a small grow/meth operation. 

The sister throwing the party, Beth, fucking sucks. I guess we don’t know why she hates her veteran sister who has issues with alcohol and men, but she hates her. 

Stripper chef is a funny and disgusting concept. I bet he can’t cook for shit. He’s a handsome bald guy but could have just as easily played one of the rednecks. When shit hits the fan, he tries to take over, as guys do, but it doesn’t end well.  

Trigger warning here. Dudes are really focused on the rape aspect of the home invasion.  

The guys think the caretakers were the ladies’ boyfriends, which is insane. Thinks Tess is slumming it. He ends up giving “her an out.” However, she is all about killing this guy in hand-to-hand. This fucking tweaker. She hands his ass to him, quickly and with vengeance. And all they did was cost her a sister and her sobriety.  

Fucking cops show and just do a lot of victim blaming. Female lawyer that takes no shit is having none of that shit. But then the end implies that one of the sisters knew about the meth lab, so I guess he was right in the end to suspect them of something. If I read that right, it was meh, but I’m ignoring it to give this movie four stars.  

Overall take: Watching badass bitches kill right-wingers is my kink. Sexually. Personally, I like the Courtney Love track star chick who offers herself up as bait. She doesn’t run like a track star, though she is wearing men’s shoes. But she is adept at smashing a guy’s skull. Lot of top-tier flicks like this lately. The Becky films. You’re Next a decade ago. 

The Wrath of Becky: Just like your childhood, but clever and with vengeance

The Wrath of Becky - Matt Angel and Suzanne Coote - 2023 

★★★★★-Even better than the original, I could watch this little girl kill people for at least three more movies. Gruesome and clever kills with a stellar performance at the center, and villains that have it coming. Super satisfying watch.

Directed and written by the duo Matt Angel and Suzanne Coote. Lulu Wilson is back as Becky, dolling out more righteous vengeance, with Stiffler, Seann William Scott, playing the big bad. Half-assed internet research says it was filmed in 18-days in New Jersey, which is insane.  

Gist of the flick is Becky, three years following her traumatic encounter with Neo-Nazis, which ended badly for them, 16-year-old Becky has been living off the grid, bouncing between foster homes and honing her survival skills, even more ready to kick ass. Her and her very good boy Diego find a home with Elena Cahn, a woman who treats Becky like a daughter and doesn’t ask many questions. However, three members of an extremist group, the Noble Men, basically alt-right identitarian Trumpists, follow Becky home from her waitressing job, murder Elena, knock her unconscious, and steal her dog. Thus, Becky is thrust back into killing nazis, tracking down the Noble Men and uncovering their plot for an armed insurrection against a senator. Not far out of the realm of possibility.  

All this murdering gets the attention of the United States Federal Government who recruit her into the CIA, who want her to eliminate the last of the Noble Men with extreme prejudice. 

Wilson once again taking on the bad guys with a vengeance. The film's comedic shift in tone is appreciated, plus I thought the pace was better in this than its predecessor. It’s basically a fun-filled slaughter-fest. Who doesn’t love that? Looking forward to the third one! 

Becky Unleashed: A darkly comedic tween home-invasion revenge phantasy

Becky - Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion - 2020

★★★★★-Holy hell. I love a wild, home-invasion revenge story. Tense, taught flick with solid acting, and over-the-top, darkly humorous violence. My brand, for sure. 

Directed by the duo of Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion with script from Nick Morris, Lane Skye, and Ruckus Skye. Never heard of any of them. Stars one Lulu Wilson, who is baller in the leading role. Her performance is bratty, rage-filled, and flawless. Also stars Kevin James as the big bad and Joel McHale as Becky’s dad. James' character becomes increasingly absurd and dumb as the film progresses, which is always the case with Neo-Nazis. 

Gist is 13-year-old Becky Hopper (Wilson) finds herself amid a home invasion at her family’s lakefront home led by escaped skin-head prisoner, Dominick Lewis (James), and his gang. After Becky's father, Jeff (McHale), gets murdered for a mysterious key that Becky has on her person, she starts dispatching the intruders with extreme prejudice. Her methods include gouging out a guy’s eye with the sought-after key, decapitating a dude with a bush hogger, chopping a guy up with a boat propeller, and stabbing a guy in the neck with a ruler. When questioned about the incident by law enforcement, however, Becky feigns amnesia, though we are all pretty proud of what she’s done. 

Again, loved this film, basically Die Hard with a little girl, and the sequel is even better. Think a little girl John Wick that everyone underestimates for obvious reasons. Fuck with her dog, or dad, I guess, and she is probably going to rip your head off with her bare hands. Even a child-murdering Nazi is like, “woah, you have a darkness in you that you have to get in check.” She shoots him in the face and screams like a banshee.  

What would you do for a letter of recommendation to a made up Ivy? Such is the question at the heart of "You're Killing Me"

You're Killing Me - Beth Hanna, Jerren Lauder - 2023

★★★-Sort of up and down but an overall enjoyable movie. Available on Paramount+. It's a pretty effective trapped in a room with people trying to get in movie. Also, a decent if obvious social commentary. Can't we just start eating the rich already?

Follows high school senior Eden, who goes to a 'Heaven and Hell' party at the rich, senator kid's house in the hopes of getting a letter of recommendation to an elite university from the dad. Once at the party, though, things quickly turn to shit, and she's gotta fight for her life. The usual teen party stuff. 

Horror thriller directed by Beth Hanna and Jerren Lauder. Stars McKaley Miller who plays lead character Eden, Dermot Mulroney as the senator, and Anne Heche in her last role as the senator's wife. Great one to go out on. She's pretty stellar. 

Brice Anthony Heller plays the senator's son. Don't really recognize the other kids. They are played by Wil Deusner, Keyara Milliner, and Morgana Van Peebles (she's the daughter of Mario Van Peebles and Chittra Sukhu, and the granddaughter of Melvin Van Peebles).

Some notes... Can sort of relate to the storyline of a scholarship kid looking for a recommendation from a powerful parent of a kid who is a fucking asshole. The school I went to was a lot like that, but being an asshole was more or less socially unacceptable. I was one of those scholarship kids, but I didn't exactly have Ivy ambitions. Those kids were a different breed.

Also, everyone knows about game-theorying admissions. There was a girl in my class that went to Princeton with like a 1300 SAT, as opposed to 1600, because she played an obscure instrument. Knew a guy that got into Northwestern with below average for Northwestern grades by applying on a gym teacher track. Killed it and transferred into a better school within the university. He's an attorney now with his own law firm. All kinds of people do things like this. Applying for nursing at Duke, for example. Hell, I went to Wake Forest for grad school doing this shit. You still have to be smart as fuck generally though, but this sort of thing is the only way it's possible unless you are a perfect student sort of shit (they were the ones most likely to be super fucked up, by the by). And even then, you better be offering something. I figured this out, and I was a first generation college student. 

Main girl's dad is a small business owner, but the film treats her like she is completely destitute. She looks like she could be Billie Lourd's younger sister, but isn't. Locking phones up is a good idea in this day and age for high school kids. Fucking kids pulling out knives and other shit that have puncture wounds. Not recommended. 

There is a weird turn a little past the halfway point that makes no sense. A conflict that is just dumb and unnecessary that takes the movie off the rails. With all the violence and shit that these people cause, the phone with evidence on it is sort of beside the point. Then the obvious, inevitable thing happens. They go down a certain road that if you've ever seen a movie, you'll see coming a mile away. Everyone should have known better. But whatever. 

Just write a girl a fucking recommendation. Jesus fuck. Especially if you and the fam have skeletons in the closet. Senator getting me into an elite school and paying me off. Bitch, do you know how much college costs and how hard those schools are to get into? Quire the moral conundrum... I'd say as I had the guy calling up the admissions office. Otherwise, people like this are gonna fuck your world up. That's how the world works, probably. Didn't have to watch the video even. But they did. And then you can't unsee that shit. And shit is back on like Michelle Kwan. 

Overall, it treads in familiar territory, but boasts stellar performances and is an engaging teen horror/survival thriller that is worth a watch. The film is extremely predictable, as the beats are telegraphed from miles away. But, it makes effective use of its mostly single-location setting by creating a claustrophobic, tension-fueled storyline that never lets up. It's taut, suspenseful, and boasts a high body count with some decent gore. Lastly, I can hardly get over Heche's totally badass performance. She really kills it. 

Unwelcome - Jon Wright - 2023

★★★★-Yet another reason I'm an anti-natalist and will never celebrate pregnancy. Little magical goblins that demand a blood sacrifice or they run amuck. Basically what it's like living with senior dogs.

Love an Irish folktale yarn, though it seems like most of the Irish movies I've seen are about a mythical creature known for stealing babies. This is an Interesting flick.  I really liked it. Basically two stories. Outsider married couple who are dealing with trauma get harassed by the yocals which culminates in a home invasion situation where the wife has to fight and give birth at the same time. 

The yocals are really something. A family of laborers the couple hires to fix the roof and renovate the kitchen start doing what dumb inbreds do. One of them, as soon as we meet him, goes through their drawers while taking a shit, which he doesn't flush, and finds a vibrator. Turns it on, smells it, licks it. Fucking sick. The patriarch insists everyone call him “Daddy.” Daddy is played by Colm Meaney from the John Huston movie The Dead, however, most probably know him from his role as Miles O'Brien in Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The daughter is violent and mean. Hodor is rapey. And it quickly escalates from there. 

The male lead, played by one Douglas Booth, is pretty much worthless and a piece of shit. Gets emasculated and takes it out on his pregnant wife, whom he thinks is breaking down mentally. Then it's time to fight or die, and dude basically chooses die. Wife ends up making a sacrifice for him that isn't worth it. You root for the home invaders a little bit when you realize how it's gonna end. And then the end comes around, and it is super weird. One of the weirder endings to a movie I've ever seen, and I have seen some shit. 

The pregnant wife is played by Hannah John-Kamen. She was in Ready Player One and Ant-Man and The Wasp. Nice strong female lead. I loved her in this movie. Got some talent, this one. 

Overall, I think the tone was a little all over the place, but it was still a solid flick. Not as good as the previous Jon Wright movie I watched, Grabbers, which was firmly in camp territory. But it was more than passable. Nothing too groundbreaking, but it is super memorable and I think more people will like this than not.

Sick - John Hyams - 2022

★★★★-You had me at home invasion slasher from Blumhouse written by Kevin Williamson of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and The Faculty fame. The whole COVID-19 backdrop is having a smart toilet in April 2020 shit. With that, I was able to make due with the rolls I embezzled from work until the supply chain stabilized. Fuck yeah. 

So how was it? Not too bad. Fun, tight slasher that made me sort of nostalgic for the start of the pandemic when I thought I was going to die and never left the house. Fun times those were. Also fun, a movie that gets some audience participation, which this film does by throwing us back into the early days of the lockdown. 

The flick follows two best buds, Parker (Gideon Adlon) and Miri (Bethlehem Million), riding it out at one of their parents' secluded lake house. To try and make quarantine “fun”, Parker’s on-again, off-again DJ (Dylan Sprayberry) shows up. He's trying to save whatever they have after a video surfaces of her making out with some other dude on spring break or whatever. Soon after they hit the hay, shit goes down. A masked killer (remember, social distancing!) slips in, steals their phones, and begins to terrorize them, first with loud music and then violence. Major plot hole here, by the by, why not just kill everyone in their sleep and not wake them up with bullshit? Sport/torture, I guess, plus we gotta get to it somehow. 

Adlon was the only young person I really recognized, though they all are pretty stellar. You may remember her from Blockers. I sort of get her confused with Mikey Madison who was Manson gal Sadie Atkins in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood, one of the kids in the fifth Scream movie, one of the daughters in Better Things, so forth. What is weird is that Better Things is a show where Pamela Adlon raises her girls, one who looks just like this woman. Then I find out the star of this movie is Pamela Adlon's real daughter. Some others that show up are one of the Langmores from Ozark, Marc Menchaca, who's lane is apparently creepy lake person, and the actress Jane Adams whom I recognize from The Anniversary Party and Happiness which I've been trying to forget since watching in 1999, fucking IFC. One Joel Courtney makes an appearance and is murdered at the beginning. I couldn't place him but looked him up. He was the main kid in Super 8, which was great. Only other things I've seen from director John Hyams was the exorcism episode from the second season of Chucky, a show I'm kind of obsessed with, and an alright movie from 2020 called Alone. Someone else in the movie that is sort of interesting is one Chris Reid. He is Brad Pitt's stunt double. Pretty good likeness. 

Besides the irritating plot hole, there were a couple other things that maybe should've been work shopped. Not trying to give anything away here, but the whole vengeance/motivation was a little weak. However, it isn't obvious. Also, I guess everyone's motivation for becoming a slasher in these types of movies is pretty bullshitty. So whatever. 

The other thing is that the killer thinks they're going to get away with it. When a victim points out that there is DNA everywhere, the solution is to burn down the house and the cops will blame it on selfish kids who couldn't social distance nor even keep a cabin from going up in flames. Well, that won't work since there are murders at multiple locations and people that aren't even part of the group. Whatever, best not to overthink. But these things were sort of dumb. 

However, all in all, this is a film that pays off. It snapshots a collective shitty time for everyone, and offers some surprises. Not a lot more I could ask for. Good shit.

Missing - Nick Johnson and Will Merrick - 2023

★★★★-Interesting, pretty solid flick. I was kind of surprised at how inventive the movie was and how much I liked it. Definitely worth a watch for people that can stomach the new way of doing found footage. 

Gist is one June Allen, embarks on a mission to locate her mother who mysteriously vanished while vacationing in Colombia with her new feller.The journey takes her through all the usual and not so usual twists and turns as she unravels the truth behind the truth type of shit. 

Movie stars Storm Reid who I only know as Meg from A Wrinkle in Time, and Nia Long. Nia Long is one of those unmistakable actresses that I know and love, but when I look at her filmography it's a bunch of stuff I haven't seen. At least for the last 30 years or so. 

There are also several “that guys” in Joaquim de Almeida who hasn't aged a day since I first saw him in Desperado, Ken Leung who is always the creepy Asian guy, and Amy Landecker who I see in stuff all the time but have trouble placing her for whatever reason. She reminds me of a cross between Jane Lynch and Amanda Peet. Also, June's dad, played by one Tim Griffin, looks exactly like Steve-O. It's distracting how much he looks like one of my favorite vegans (go team!). 

The shocking twist at the halfway point was bananas. Completely changes the movie's direction. It gets completely nuts. So nuts at this midway point that you know some shit is really going to go off the rails in the third act, which it does. It ends up being a really sad, fucked up movie. 

Learned a new word after watching this flick--”screenlife”. This is what you call a film that unfolds entirely through computer screens, tablets, smartphones, so forth. Some notable examples include Host, which is dope, Unfriended, and Searching (which is also great) with Harold from Harold and Kumar.

Funny little Easter egg is when the lead watches the Netflix special about the shit that goes down, the person who plays her is Jasmin Savoy Brown. On the one hand, of course she would play this girl in a fictionalized version. On the other, she is way to big at this point to do a reenactment on a true crime anthology. 

Knock at the Cabin - M. Night Shyamalan - 2023

★★★-Knock at the Cabin. M. Night Shyamalan's latest. Another apocalyptic psychological horror flick with some Christian bullshit at the center. Based on a 2018 novel called The Cabin at the End of the World by one Paul G. Tremblay. 

The stellar cast includes Dave Bautista who is hard not to love, Jonathan Groff from Mindhunter and the new Matrix movie who is phenomenal in everything (including this), Ben Aldridge whom I've never seen, Nikki Amuka-Bird (don't know her either), a little Asian girl named Kristen Cui, Abby Quinn who sort of steals the show, and Rupert Grint who played Ron in the Harry Potter movies.

Gist is an affluent family consisting of two dads, Andrew and Eric (Aldridge and Groff), and their adopted daughter Wen (Cui) are hanging out at their beautiful cabin in rural PA when they get a knock on the door by a stranger named Leonard. He claims that they are the “chosen ones” (sigh) to prevent the impending apocalypse by sacrificing one of themselves. When they refuse, saying these folks are obviously delusional and scamming them for some reason, they kill one of their group, saying “a part of humanity has been judged.” Pretty shitty "knock, knock" joke, am-I-right? Following that the world experiences “a plague.” The doctor, secular dad suspects that the attack is motivated by revenge and he escapes to get his gun and tries to prove that the intruders were lying. Eventually, the family realizes that the intruders represent the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse though I don't really think they line up very well with a few of them but whatever. Also, airplanes generally don't just tumble out of the sky when they crash. They can still glide even if both engines are out. But I digress. In the end, they have to decide if they are going to kill one of their loving family as they decide what they believe. 

Right after I watched it I hated it, however, I can't stop thinking about it though it is a total bummer of a movie with some stuff that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Plus, the acting was out of this world. This Abby Quinn gets trying to act normal when extremely frantic down in the way of the insane I've been around in such a state. That mania in her eyes. Overall, interesting concept but a bullshit movie. Definitely better than Old, and far worse than Split. 

Who Invited Them - Duncan Birmingham - 2022

★★- Watch a lotta Shudder’s new stuff. Every once in a while you get a Mandy or Revenge. Mostly you get shit like this, though. Sort of entertaining but forgettable garbage movies. 

This one is about a couple who host a party at their new house they got a deal on because of murders that happened there decades before. When the party is over they discover a couple neither one of them invited who claim to be their neighbors. Things go well, but they won’t leave. Hijinx ensue. 

Stars Ryan Hansen from Party Down fame, Melissa Tang, Timothy Granaderos, and Perry Mattfeld. People that look familiar but you can't quite place. 

There were times when it was really engaging. Then there were things that happened that didn’t really go anywhere or add to the movie. Not great, but the performances were solid.

Assassination Nation is the greatest movie of all time

Solid but fucked up movie. Really intense. Home invasion shit is REAL. This is a terrifying movie. Comes out the gate with a trigger warning. You should pay attention to it. 

More or less a data hack horror flick where a small town's secrets are exposed. Ultimately, chaos descends and four girls must fight to survive as the town blames them even they were victims of the hack themselves. While things start out being set in reality, things devolve into The Purge by the end. 

Supposedly a satirical black comedy, I didn't see much humor in the film. Directed by Sam Levinson. Ensemble cast has some star power behind it. The star is this Odessa Young woman. Only seen her in The Stand so far. Her crew consists of Suki Waterhouse, Hari Nef, and Abra. 

A bunch of minor but pivotal roles from Anika Noni Rose (who was a real heat check performance), Bill Skarsgård from It, Joel McHale, and Colman Domingo from the new Candyman flick. 

Feel super shit for the principal. A photo of his child in the bath got leaked. She's like kindergarten aged. Everyone is sure he is a pedophile. "Look at the context of who I am as a person!" Nah, "LOCK HIM UP!!!" 

Bret Easton Ellis aspect to it. Example, there is a voice-over about why a girl loves a guy while he berates her IRT.

Superhost is the worst movie of all time

Superhost. “This episode is the most special episode yet! Be sure to like and subscribe as we hunt down your favorite host, Teddy. First impressions of this place are not good. There is blood EVERYWHERE and I found a dead body in the basement. Absolutely zero stars.” That shit is pretty funny. This movie though, uuuugggghhhhh. Not my cup of tea. Though it has a 92% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomato. So what do I know? Judge for yourself if you have access to Shudder. 

Gist is that a couple of influencers with a travel vlog do what they do whilst stressing about their dwindling follower count. They decide to start creating content focused around their "superhost," Rebecca, who is out of her fucking mind and really wants a great review. Everything as far as plot goes hinges on them having shit cell service. But they have good enough WiFi to upload videos. Okay.

Directed by one Brandon Christensen who also did the movies Z and Still/Born. The movie stars Sara Canning (Claire) and Osric Chau (Teddy) as the sloggers, and Gracie Gillam as the psycho Rebecca. Gillam, who also goes by Gracie Phipps it appears, looks and carries herself like a girl I boned back in the day. The girl I knew wasn't nearly as insane, to my knowledge. But this fucked with me for some reason. 

Anyway, the always lovely and talented Barbara Crampton shows up in the flick too for what I assume was a half-day of filming. MVP is sort of a toss-up between Chau and Gillam who are both more than serviceable if over-the-top.   

Acting is solid all around. The crazy chick is believably insane, the female lead is a major buzzkill, and the Asian guy is a huge bitch. They are all super good in these roles.   

Glad I don’t have to care a lot about my number of followers is all I’ve got to say. Looks way stressful and fucking terrible, being an influencer who depends on that shit. Legit sad. 

I had a cousin who was a YouTube influencer who was like this, and I thought it was pretty pathetic. But what do I know with my sub-300 Instagram followers? I like using YouTube and blogging and posting photos and such, obviously, but I do it more for me and my friends and don’t have to worry about making a living at it, with all my high-level marketable skills and all (I kid [sort of]). 

Also, this lady, not marriage material. Yeah, she cute, but fucking with someone else’s livelihood for followers and likes is low as fuck. Now the host did end up being crazy, but that is beside the point. The chick he wants to marry, we see, has a track record of this. I just can’t get over how little I respect this dude’s character. Think about what you want out of life and a partner, dipshit. He can barely even go downstairs to check out strange noises and shit. This dude needs to learn how to be a fucking man. Of course she doesn’t really say yes by the way. As you can guess, the rest of their video is bound to be stellar.   

A lot of bad horror movie decisions. Idiot logic like going back to the house instead of the car because the killer might be waiting on them even though the house is monitored by surveillance cameras and locked via codes she provides. They had so many opportunities to run when they were able-bodied, but the dude, as been established, is a bitch. Also, there is a security system they could have set off to get the police there but they didn’t. I guess if the killer had remote access or something, but, again, no cell reception. They waited too long though and she was able to turn it off with a fob. Could have hit the panic button, but these two don’t want to live. I feel like this is on-brand for them though and they get got because of it. Fucking noobs.  

Villains is the greatest movie of all time

"You know what I think the most telling thing about you is? It's the little girl you have chained in the basement." Really solid movie. Gist is a couple that robs houses and gas stations for a living have car trouble whilst on the run from the law and break into a house where they find a chained up little girl. Too fucked for even criminals to ignore, they try to decide what to do when the homeowners show up and shit goes down. This movie is pretty fucking dark but has its humorous moments. Mostly just from the quippy dialogue. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Led by a quartet of strong performances, Villains offers genre fans a delightfully dark thriller with a sharp comic streak.

There are less than 10 people in the movie but really it's mostly the two couples that make up pretty much the whole movie. They are Bill Skarsgård (Pennywise from It Chapter One and It Chapter Two), Maika Monroe whom you may recall from It Follows or The Guest, Jeffrey Donovan from Burn Notice and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, and Kyra Sedgwick from Singles and The Closer. Sedgwick is also married to Kevin Bacon. 

All of the performances are stellar, but Donovan is on another level. He is throwing 100 miles per hour. I can't believe this guy isn't a bigger star. He's totally the MVP with his over-the-top performance. 

Green Room is the greatest movie of all time

Green Room. Movie is good shit. Of the two movies I've seen from director Jeremy Saulnier, this and Murder Party, both are out of the park (gonna have to watch his other film, Blue Ruin, as well). While Murder Party had a literal $0 budget, Green Room is obviously spending some coinage as this cast is dope and not at all amateurish and includes Sir Patrick Stewart. The movie is intense, brutal, has a solid storyline. It is the greatest movie of all time.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Green Room delivers unapologetic genre thrills with uncommon intelligence and powerfully acted élan.

Pros: Super engrossing with highly tense situations. Nice premise. Patrick Stewart! This guy brings it. Rest of cast is solid too. Little bit of unexpected humor in there as well.

Cons: Not super taut. A couple of things don't make a lot of sense. Pretty violent.

Gist is a bust of gig, a band of struggling punk rockers lands a show that they are warned is a little different that ends up being at a neo-Nazi venue where they play a song with the hook "Nazi punk fuck off" which the Nazi punks consider confrontational. They are run off the stage early, back into the green room where a murder has taken place. They lock themselves in and the movie then turns into a very much nontraditional home invasion flick. Reminds me of a Trump-era Your Next, also a home invasion movie with a twist, if you are familiar with that masterful piece of cinema (though it came out before all the Trump supporting racists came out of the woodwork). Directed by Saulnier, whose shit I fucking love and seems to be the new Ti West, has cemented himself as a dude whose flicks I will anticipate for sure. Staring in the film are Macon Blair (a favorite of Saulnier) who was in Blue Ruin and Murder Party, Imogen Poots from films such as 28 Weeks Later and Need for Speed, Alia Shawkat who is Maebe in Arrested Development and was in Final Girls which was one of my faves from the last few years, the Patrick Stewart, and Anton Yelchin, known for Alpha Dog, Hearts in Atlantis, and Star Trek, in one of his last roles (he died in a freak accident in 2016).

Only true complaint about the movie is that some shit that doesn't add up is why exactly the girl they stumbled upon with the knife in her head dies in the first place. I guess they sort of explain it but it is super confusing. Then the dead girl's boyfriend, also a Neo-Nazi, flips sides and starts helping the green room peeps. This too makes no real sense. I mean, it is sort of explained, but that explanation is hard to follow and pretty weak.

There are a lot of times in the movie where things appear to turn the green room people's way but then doesn't which really gets you. Like when that guy flips sides. He has info on what is going down and how they can survive and what not but then dies immediately. Bummer. Then when the group gets a shotgun you think they are going to at least take some people out. But that does no good either and ends with a horrific death.

Best scenes of the movie are also some of the hardest to watch. Like when Chekov (Yelchin) and the rest of them negotiate with Stewart and the Nazis, the gun for getting out alive, when the skinheads double cross them and nearly cut off Chekov's hand. The most satisfying scene though, in a movie without many of them, comes when Poots and Yelchin's characters are the last two standing from the room, spoiler, and they stop "playing war" and start using their noodles and do some real damage. Also like the scene at the very end when everyone is dead and this dying pit bull that has killed multiple people finds his Nazi owner, who is dead, sidles up to his guy, lays down with him, and presumably dies. Even though the dog is a terror and his master is a Nazi, I was still touched by it... Dogs are just so goddamned loyal.

MVP here is Stewart who elevates the film from punk indie to legitimate hard-hitting thriller. His Neo-Nazi is truly impressive. He is always sinister and not to be trusted. He comes off as a real leader in a totally different way than he does as Dr. Xavier. He is a Shakespeare villain who is awesomely intense and wicked. This movie probably works without him but it's not nearly the same level of film with broad appeal.

That's Green Room. You definitely should check it out. I'm pretty stoked for to watch Saulnier's other movie, Blue Ruin, as well as his new flick that is due out next month, one Hold the Dark which is coming to Netflix. It starts Blair (of course), daughter of Lisa Marie Presley one Riley Keough from Mad Max: Fury Road, Alexander Skarsgård (Skarsgård the lesser) of The Legend of Tarzan (not the Skarsgård from It which is his bro), and Jeffrey Wright from Westworld among other things. So, yeah, that shit is definitely on my radar.

Funny Games is the worst movie of all time

Funny Games is a remake of an Austrian movie of the same name which I haven't seen and never will. Someone presumably saw this and thought that there needed to be one in English as well. I strongly disagree. The only people I could see liking this are the type of people who think Hostel is the greatest movie ever made and Ramsay Bolton is their favorite character in Game of Thrones.

I watch some fucked up movies but am a very sensitive man. As such, every couple of years I see a movie that makes me sick to my stomach. Some horror fans may call this an endorsement. It is not. It's too goddamn real and too goddamn brutal. Don't watch this. If there is something wrong with you and you like this sort of thing, the last movie that got to me like this was a movie that takes place right here in Bloomington and stars a friend of mine's son called Found. I had no idea this guy's son was the lead until one night my buddy wore a teeshirt that said something about that movie on it to which he said “my son starred in this movie which people like for some reason.” It was so bad that my female companion and I both got sick to our stomachs on Halloween 2014. I had to get the fucking DVD out of my house that night I was so disturbed. Funny Games rivaled that and I only made it to the hour mark before turning it off.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: Though made with great skill, Funny Games is nevertheless a sadistic exercise in chastising the audience.

Pros: It does what seeks out to do: deeply disturb the viewer. The actors do a good job which doesn't make the film any easier to watch.

Cons: Crass. Brutally. Derivative. An appalling film.

Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain some spoilers but I rarely give away the ending.

Notes: Silent credit opening. Thought the sound bar was off. Followed by opera and a family on the road. Playing guess the composer/opera. Stars Naomi Watts and Philip Roth. Suddenly cuts to the shittiest metal I've ever heard. Drowns out everything the family is saying and doing. Dissonant and unnerving. Also in the movie are this Michael Pitt guy who is always a psychopath and is of course one in this unwatchable home invasion and some other guy who I've never seen.

The thought of someone fucking with the dog was some shit I could not fucking deal with. Almost turned it off early because of this. A lot of the beginning is knowing shit is about to go down. It's fucking brutal. Then shit does go down and I proceeded to freak out for the rest of the movie. Early on on I was convinced I couldn't deal with this shit. My fight or flight had kicked in and had me on extreme edge. This shouldn't happen while watching a fucking movie.

They eventually take the family hostage for shits. Bet the family they won't live to morning. Break the fourth wall. We are indeed on the hostages side here. Sexually assault Watts. Whenever she gets naked in a movie it is excruciating. You don't win points for finishing a movie like this. I trudged on just hoping it would turn out alright and these pricks would get theirs. Then they kill the kid. That was it for me. Read the summary of the rest. Yeah, fuck this movie.   

I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore is the greatest movie of all time

I fucking love this movie. Also, strangely relatable. Story time: Last year, I had an experience that everyone universally gave me shit for when I confronted a dude that stole a bunch of my things. After riding my bike for an hour, I hopped off, locked it up, and started getting prepared for a run. While I was stretching, I noticed a guy messing with his in the little parking area right there (off Country Club where B-Line begins, Bloomington folks). He’s looking at me. I think he’s tweaking. So back to my stuff. Put my helmet through the bike chain. Tied my seat cover down as well as I can. My pouch with my gloves and my tools is basically an easy target. Don’t know what to do with my high end front and rear lights. I sort of think to myself, “he probably isn’t going to steal your stuff; stop being an asshole.” But I am still thinking about it on my run. My intention was to go three miles and then run back. This time I decided to go a half mile, run back, check my stuff. When I got back to shit, yep, most of it was gone. So quickly I hopped on my bike and booked it in the opposite direction of the way I ran. About a half mile down the trail, there was the guy. Putting my pack on his bike. Screech. Hopped off the bike. Said something along the lines of “are you going to give me my shit back or am I gonna have to kick your ass.”  

I was insane. I am not a violent person, god help me if I ever get into a fight, but I was going on rage. The guy practically shit his pants. If you have never seen me, know that I am large. I am 6 feet 2 inches, 235 lbs. with low body fat. I was a pretty solid linebacker in college and am bigger and stronger than I was then. In tight fitting workout clothes I am superhero esque and am pretty intimidating. He didn’t know what to do so he told me a lie about buying my stuff for $10 from some kid. My response was, “I don’t give a fuck, I am getting my stuff back.” So yanked off my pack (which was damaged and I later found lacked my riding gloves) and grabbed at his backpack. In it was my seat cover but I forgot about my lights until I got home. I thought about attempting a citizen’s arrest but was there alone, with no phone, in a very isolated area. Also in his backpack were women’s shoes and underpants.

After I told people about this, everyone universally thought this was insane and gave me endless worst case scenarios. This movie is one of those scenarios.

Pros: Clever. Original. Funny(ish). Some interesting film noir elements. This is more or less a detective movie. Female protagonist who unearths the mystery of who broke into her home and stole her things and why. It's Pynchonian. I really loved this movie.

Cons: Sometimes a little too cute for its own good. Paints sort of a dark picture of humanity (which could honestly be a pro).

Notes: Start with a girl having a real shit fucking day. Works as a nurse. Dying lady's last words are “keep your goddamn monkey dick out of my good pussy.” Family wants to know the last words. Goes to a bar. Reading some book series. Some ass hat who is also into it spoils the ending for her. Fuuuuuuck. Comes home. House was broken into. The finest sort of blame her. Calls someone. Wants to come over. Cut to her talking it out. The violation of it is what gets to her. So forth. See she talking to a young child. Starts reading a story to the child and breaks down. Kid is like, what the fuck, man. Smokes out with the mom. Basically talking it out. The mom chick says something about her having it better than most. The main girl responds with but people are all “assholes... dildos... fuck-faces...”

Stays there that night much to the dad dude's annoyance. She comes home the next day. Aw shit. Dog turd on the walkway. There is Frodo walking his dog, oblivious. She throws the poop at him. I like this chick.

She finds a footprint in the back yard of the thief. Plasters it. Talks to the neighbors who don't know shit. Then she gets to Frodo's. Rocking out and lifting weights in the backyard. He is sort of an intense weirdo but seems decent. He loses it when she tells him about the robbery he is so moved. Yells at his dog. Whips out nunchucks. She eventually gets a ping for her laptop. She grabs Frodo for backup when retrieving it since the cops won't do shit. They go in. Frodo is fucking insane. Whips out a fucking mace. Some guy tries to grab it. Hits himself in the face with it accidentally. Throws and ninja star and a cherry bomb randomly. They get the laptop back but the people apparently bought it from a consignment shop. Frodo and the girl are amped. They drink and dance about. Looks like a good time.

Cut to the dude wearing the shoe that left that plastered print. He is at a party taking a dump in water receptacle in the back of the toilet. Following this he ganks some more stuff before assaults the host of the party when he threatens to call the cops. He also stares in the mirror like a freak for way too long. He ultimately ends up in the woods smoking meth with other crazy people.

The main girl and Frodo go to the shop where they find her silverware and some geriatric behind the counter. She sees the guy with the shoes and follows him out. The old man chases her down for walking off with the silverware. She sort of accidentally sort of on purpose decks him with with the case. He gets up and breaks one of her fingers like a lunatic. Frodo then pops the guy judo style. It is insane.

They eventually track the guy down to an address, his rich parents' house. For the rest of the movie things grow increasingly more insane as the main girl gets farther and farther into her investigation. Happenings include stealing lawn art, someone get hit by a bus, abduction and forced participation in a home invasion, and projectile vomiting. That is before the wheels come completely fucking off at the end. At that point it turns to more of a traditional horror movie. Fucking great flick.