The Magnificent Seven - John Sturges - 1960

★★★★-I didn't watch many westerns growing up and having a gaping hole in my knowledge of the genre. Not sure why this is as I'm crazy about the genre now. So I've never seen this before.. It's fantastic. Sturges directing Brynner, Coburn, McQueen, Mother Fuckin Charlie Bronson. Shit yeah. 

Gist is a group of seven skilled gunfighters are hired to protect a small Mexican village from a band of ruthless bandits. Favorite part was when they go and wrangle up all the gunfighters. It's a western-style remake of Akira Kurosawa's 1954 Japanese film, “Seven Samurai.” Also fucking sick. 

Directed by John Sturges. Other movies of his I love include Bad Day at Black Rock, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, andThe Great Escape. Stars Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen. The movie kind of kickstarted his career. Rounding out the seven are Charles Bronson, Horst Buchholz, James Coburn, Brad Dexter, and Robert Vaughn. The big bad is played by Eli Wallach, I mostly think of him as Tuco (The Ugly) in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, one of my faves, and Don Altobello in The Godfather Part III. 

Apparently, McQueen and Brynner hated each other and even had a physical altercation. Too much ego. McQueen supposedly took over the production, much to everyone's irritation. He especially hated Brynner and tried to fuck with him constantly. Something I found watching a video about their issues were Brynner, who was like 5'6”, would kick up these little dirt mounds to stand on to look taller while filming. McQueen would then kick over these mounds. Dumb stuff. But pretty funny. 

McQueen and James Coburn jump off the screen. Bronson is pretty cool, but doesn't know how to chop wood for shit. One of the things I loved about his character is how the kids warm up to him. He is a real badass. 

Amazing musical score by Elmer Bernstein. He was nominated Academy Award for Best Original Score. Lost to Ernest Gold for his work on Exodus. No idea. Bernstein's music for this film was No. 8 on the AFI's 100 Years of Film Scores list. I think it's the “Beef. It's what's for dinner” song. 

Horst Buchholz is terrible and irritating. He really hams it up in a grating/distracting way. There is also a forced love interest for him that doesn't make a lot of sense. There is this really stupid scene where he waltzes up to the bad guy posse and hangs out. This is like a group of like 25 guys and they just assume he is one of them, which seems unlikely. 

Overall, solid film. An unquestioned classic western, from what I've seen. But not perfect. Mostly good to great, but the sentimental shit and bad actors take it down a peg. Watch the Kurosawa version for an all-time great. 

In the Heat of the Night - Norman Jewison - 1967

★★★★★-First ever viewing of this profoundly outstanding film. Skilled direction and compelling performances. Deserves its stop on the AFI Top 100. 

Set in a racially tense small town where a black detective, Virgil Tibbs, from Philadelphia helps solve a murder. That's the gist, but it's deeper than that, going into racial inequity in the deep South while telling a compelling story and not getting preachy. It refrains from contrived inspirational moments, thank fuck, and instead presents complex, flawed characters. Truly masterful filmmaking. 

Stars the Sidney Poitier as the black detective opposite Rod Steiger (On the Waterfront) as the racist sheriff. Commanding performances from both of them indeed. I got more impressed with Poitier as the movie went along. He drips poise and dignity. Sort of hard to believe he didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award for this performance. Feels like a glaring omission that he wasn't for a timely film about Southern racism. Though Steiger's performance also really blew me away as well and he definitely earned his Oscar. 

Others you might recognize include Lee Grant (Damien: Omen II, Mulholland Drive) who is a real beauty who holds her own, Warren Oats (Badlands, Stripes, The Wild Bunch), and a young Scott Wilson (he was Herschel in The Walking Dead,one of the killers in In Cold Blood, and had a small but memorable part in one of my favorite horror comedies of all-time in Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon).

As much as any movie I can think of, the setting is also a character in the film. Feels like an authentic, hot and grimy small Southern town. Every scene is vivid, gritty, and real. 

The racist stuff can be pretty hard to watch. People in this town just lose their minds seeing a black guy. Pretty disturbing that this is how it was and probably still is in some parts. Multiple attempts are made on Virgil's life. The most powerful scene, for me, was when he goes with the sheriff to question the richest guy in town. Out front there is a racist statue and he employees black people in menial jobs that he obviously doesn't think highly of. He tells Virgil, while in his greenhouse, “Of all the orchids in this place, you should prefer the epiphytics. I wonder if you know why.”

“Maybe it would be helpful if you'd tell me,” Virgil says.

“Because, like the Negro, they need care and feedin' and cultivatin'.”

Uh, yeah, thanks for that insight, bra.

When Virgil questions him about the murder, the guy slaps him. Virgil, without missing a beat, slaps him back. Incredulous, the guy asks the sheriff what he is going to do about it. When it's clear he isn't going to do anything, he says he could have had him shot for that not long ago before crying like a punk. We then get one of the many attempts on Virgil's life, this seemingly unconnected to the slap. 

So, yeah, great film. All this said, however, the end was sort of a letdown. Builds and builds and then it's over. Also, for a hot shot detective, Virgil's police work and theories seem pretty suspect. Still though. Best movie about the South I can think of. Available on the Criterion Channel.

Marnie - Alfred Hitchcock - 1964

★★★ - I’ve always been led to believe this was a great movie. It was not a great movie. Hardly any of it makes sense. Doesn’t really feel like a Hitchcock movie. Lotta melodrama.

I felt like Tippi Hedren mostly phoned it in. Sean Connery was pretty good. The actress that plays Tippi’s mother is maybe the worst performance in all of Hitchcock. Her accent is literally incredible.

The gist is Tippi’s character be scammin’. Connery, his character seems to be into that sexually or something. Never really figured out what his motivation was, honestly.

Like when Connery catches her, he has her tell him her story. She tells a tale about her mom being dead and desperate for cash. Let’s her go on forever and then tells her how he knows that was all bullshit. Then he decides to take care of her. Alright.

Ought to be sending her to jail. She ripped off a bunch of friends of his and stuff. When he marries her, those friends are at the wedding. She’s like, “welp, I’m going to jail.” But instead, Connery says that they want after he tells them what he has to say. No idea what the hell he’s gonna say to smooth that shit over.

Something I’ve noticed after 25 or so flicks. Men in Hitchcock movies are always forcing brandy on women in the morning.

Also, Hitchcock did love the violence-leading-into-sex move. When Connery inevitably gets rapey, the Bernard Herman score is at its most frantic and horrible. The whole time you ask, why is he doing this.

What an insane living situation this is. Sean Connery and his fake wife, his dad, and his widowed sister-in-law that is in love with him all under the same roof. Tippy has a nightmare, her normal, reoccurring one where she’s screaming. “Don’t hurt my mama.” The sister-in-law comes and shakes the shit out of her while Sean Connery is just looking at her. The sister-in-law leaves their room and sees the book Sean Connery is reading, “Sexual Aberrations of the Criminal Female.” If any of this is happening to me, I am reassessing as life has become way too complicated.

Everybody is sort of familiar with it with many claiming it as one of Hitchcock’s greats. But when you get into this run of films, things get pretty weird in his universe. Definitely question his genius at this level.

Overall, to me, it felt like someone imitating Hitchcock. Same with the Bernard Herrmann score. The whole movie just felt kind of off.

Rosemary’s Baby - Roman Polanski - 1968

★★★★ - From hell night for the Nightmare on Film Street challenge. 

My first ever watch of this believe it or not. My dad was just telling me that he saw it at the drive-in with his parents when he was like eight years old or some thing and it scared the shit out of him. Watched it on the plane on the way to New York. Liked it enough that I went and checked out the building it was filmed that.

Never gets better than early on in the weird orgy scene where Mia Farrow’s husband rapes her in the best case scenario. Dreamlike and fucking crazy, getting crazier. Then she realizes it isn’t a dream. “Oh my god! This is real!” Really fucked and terrifying. 

Ultimate mother terror as excitement about being pregnant gives way to terror. 

Lot of solid talent in this movie. Mia Farrow is cute AF, by the by. Maude from Harold and Maude. Husband’s an asshole. Gives Mia Farrow shit about her hair, for example. She has had a pretty rough in her day. 

Not an all-time favorite, but I really appreciated it for its influences down the line. Hereditary, for example. A Horror 101 movie.

The Evil Eye - Mario Bava - 1963

★★★★ - Highly influential film with John “motherfucking” Saxon. Love that guy. Some scenes were straight ripped off by Deep Red.

The logic of this movie is crazy. But it is a movie so whatever. Woman is hospitalized and everyone writes her off as insane. Then she recognizes the doctor and suddenly she’s out. Then the doctor that claimed she was crazy is like you did witness a murder except it’s one that happened 10 years ago which is way more sane. Spoiler. She acts way more insane after this. What she does with yarn is some creative crazy.

All of this condoning her eccentricities just bolsters her confidence, making her seem more insane. Speaking of, this is another deranged murderer that completely loses it once she comes clean and goes off.

Legitimately good movie. Very end is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen. This was at the very end after the murders have been solved and all that shit and they are just sort of wrapping things up. John Saxon and the main girl are on like a ski lift thing going up a mountain when some guy on another one just start shooting the people that are coming down. It’s fucking crazy and sort of hysterical. A completely unrelated matter. Anyway, John Saxon made the main girl promise no more true crime or anything ever again. Then they see that. John Saxon is like, that was crazy! And the woman is like I didn’t say anything, I’m not talking about true crime anymore. It was nuts.

Blood and Black Lace is the greatest movie of all time

Blood and Black Lace. "The sight of beauty makes him lose control of himself, so he kills." "Listen here, you little idiot." What a delicious flick this is. Full of luscious, vivid colors, that aspect is reminiscent of the old Batman series (had to be shot with the same film), except extremely dark and violent. The clothing, the colors, the beautiful people, the architecture, the way the film is shot--all beautiful. A total feast for the eyes. 

Gist is that a model for a lux Italian fashion house where everyone is on coke is strangled by a masked killer (obvious visual inspiration for DC's the Question and Rorschach from The Watchmen). When her diary shows up, it turns out everyone has something to hide, and models start turning up dead. Everyone is a suspect, including the fashion house owner (who looks like Julia Fox) and her lover. Also, not to give too much away, the ending is wild. 

If the violence wasn't so over the top, it might be a good movie to trip to, if you are so inclined. But it's too brutal for all that, IMO. For example, of the film, critic Chuck Bowen of Slant Magazine wrote: 

Thematically, Blood and Black Lace offers the giallo an irresolvable obsession with female violation that's simultaneously cruel and heartfelt. Here, the murders are understood to reflect a debasement that suggests a furthering of the debasement of modelling, a suggestion that's literalized by the killer's placement of the bodies in hideous poses [...] This thematic is complicated further by the identity of the killer, who reflects the fashion industry's self-loathing and self-consumption, driven by a mixture of profound self-interest and neurosis that would be enormously influential to the subgenre at large. In a giallo, a woman's worst enemy is often a woman driven to shirk the chains of status quo that shackle her. 

So, yeah, the debasement of women is not really a place I want to go whilst out of my mind. 

This is a must-watch if you want to delve into the world of giallo ("yellow" in Italian) cinema.  Blood and Black Lace is credited as being one of the first of the genre. The film created some of the tropes that giallo is known for. Shit like exaggerated color, killer POV, women getting slapped in the face, extravagant set pieces, red phones, mannequins and harps, and the killer wearing black gloves. 

The word "giallo" comes from Italian crime/thriller novels Il Giallo Mondadori known for their distinctive yellow covers. You can think of the genre as highly stylized blends of murder mysteries and proto slashers. A lot of their DNA comes from Agatha Christie novels that they were just ripping off. If you are familiar with the spaghetti western genre that was coming out of Italy at about the same time, it is similar in that it takes a popular genre and repurposes it with post-war Italian fears and sensibilities whilst upping the sex and violence. 

Directed by one Mario Bava, who repeatedly defied convention with his use of wild, saturated color. In those days, color was used exclusively for comedies and musicals. Thrillers such as this were typically done in black and white. See Diabolique, Night Train, Psycho, The Hitch-hiker, so forth. The use of color is actually integral to the film, which Bava color-codes, linking each character and killing to a specific hue. 

For example, the character of Isabella, whose murder opens the film, wears a red coat and has red fingernail polish. We also keep coming back to her red diary, which survives her and calls back to her killing as a beautiful MacGuffin. It is generally accepted that this is an homage to Edgar Allan Poe's story "The Masque of the Red Death," set in an allegorical series of colored rooms. Bava was highly influential in this regard. Fellow giallo director Dario Argento (Deep Red, Inferno, Suspiria, Tenebrae) also uses vivid pops of color in his wonderful films. For a nice source on the genre, check out the blog The Giallo Files. 

Overall, the film is super fun with great a score with insane use of color. Extremely underappreciated, it created its own genre, which is pretty dope, like Scream did with self-aware horror. Favorite scene is when the roommate puts the diary in her purse and it individually cuts to all the usual suspects staring at the bag, breathing heavy and sweating. 

Witchfinder General is the okayest movie of all time

"If they swim, the mark of Satan is upon them. They must hang." Yeesh. Too much torture, rape, hanging of innocent people, and screaming in agony for my taste. Even see a woman get burned alive while her husband is forced to watch. While a "good" movie, I fucking hated watching it. Therefore, okayest, I guess. 

Gist of this extremely disturbing movie is that Matthew Hopkins, a real POS, and his even worse assistant, John Stearne, wander the English countryside gathering up supposed witches before torturing confessions out of them and condemning them to death. 

Law and order are pretty much nonexistent. The film takes place during the English Civil War between the Royalists and Parliamentarians when everything was in complete chaos. The film mostly focuses on a Royalist soldier named Richard Marshall who pursues Hopkins and Stearne for raping his fiance, Sara, and murdering her priest uncle, John Lowes. 

Released in 1968, the film was directed by Michael Reeves. It stars Vincent Price, Rupert Davies (Lowes),  Hilary Dwyer (Sara), Ian Ogilvy (Marshall), and Robert Russell (Stearne). It was based on the book of the same name by Ronald Bassett. 

Vincent Price plays the role of Hopkins, the witchfinder general, a historical figure, making it all the more disturbing (though this is highly fictionalized). It was in the government's interest to murder clergy at that time. Clergy lived off tax money, so murdering them meant that they could just pocket that money. They paid sociopaths like Vincent Price's character to do this shit. It was cheaper to pay them a one-time fee than continually pay the clergymen. Plus, they could seize the land and whatnot. So, yeah, these witchfinder general types not only loved killing and inflicting pain, but it was also in their best interest to make shit up and kill as many "witches" as they could. The world has never been just. But eventually, Parliament got uneasy with his mass murder and such and accused him of witchcraft, because why not, and forced him into retirement. When Oliver Cromwell tells you you need to chill the fuck out, you are indeed wilin' out. 

Anyway. This is part of a folk horror collection on Shudder. It's considered part of the unholy trinity of the genre, along with Blood of Satan's Claws and The Wicker Man. I saw the remake of the latter, a real insane piece of work staring Nicholas Cage, this is the "not the bees" movie. I'll probably check those out. If they are equally brutal, I'm done with folk horror. 

The Apartment - Billy Wilder - 1960

★★★★★-The Apartment. When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara... That's how it crumbles... you know, cookie-wise. Jesus. I adored this movie. Jack Lemmon is seriously phenomenal in everything I've ever seen him in. Also, Billy Wilder is three-for-three in the movies I've blogged about, also loved Some Like It Hot and Sunset Boulevard, and half a dozen others I've seen at some point in life are also dope. Don't see this ever listed among the greatest movies of all time but it should be. Hands down the best and most rewatchable romantic comedy, IMO.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Director Billy Wilder's customary cynicism is leavened here by tender humor, romance, and genuine pathos.

Directed by Wilder, he and one I. A. L. Diamond co-wrote the screenplay. Nominated for 10 Academy Awards, winning five including Best Picture, Best Director, and Beast Screenplay. Gist of the movie is that insurance agent Bud Baxter (Lemmon) allows his higher ups to use his Upper West Side apartment to take their mistresses for affairs with the promise of moving up the corporate ladder. When Bud's prick of a boss, Sheldrake played by Fred MacMurray (whom I recognize from Double Indemnity and as the dad in My Three Sons) brings elevator operator Fran Kubelik, played by the lovely Shirley MacLaine, a woman that Bud is secretly in love with, shit gets real.

This movie is way darker of a romantic comedy than we are used to today featuring attempted suicide and married men promising to leave their wives, we know how that is, right ladies? Behind the concept was even darker shit as Diamond incorporated a life experience of one of his friends who came home after breaking up with his girlfriend and finding her dead, having committed suicide in his bed into Wilder's original comedy about adultery. Yeesh. Also included elements of another true story where Hollywood agent Jennings Lang was shot by producer Walter Wanger for having an affair with his wife, actress Joan Bennett, having used the apartment of one his low-level employees to conduct the affair.

A few bullet points... Shirley MacLaine is adorably cute. Pixie hair, quick wit, cosmopolitan. She is a cool chick. Easy to see how Bud genuinely falls for her. You feel protective of her as Sheldrake does what he does to her. It's really heartbreaking when she almost kills herself which everyone assumes was Bud's fault as his neighbors think he is just constantly bringing chicks home. The physician down the hall, one Dr. Dreyfuss played wonderfully by Jack Kruschen who was nominated for Best Supporting, who saves Fran's life, along with the landlady, give Bud hell for breaking the girl's heart when in reality it was Sheldrake (though it did look bad for him since he was drunk and brought back this other woman). Then, after she spends a couple of days at his apartment, her brother in-law, she is living with him and her sister, shows up and kicks his ass. Good stuff. Also, Lemmon easily wins the movie. Dude is funny and genuinely good. Kevin Spacey dedicated his Best Actor Oscar for American Beauty (maybe the movie from the last 20 years to age the worst that was once considered good) to Lemmon.

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? is the greatest movie of all time

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?. Insanity. Pair of crazy old biddies, Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, who play sisters, going at each other. In the film and in real life. So much unhinged from Baby Jane and Mommy Dearest. Davis, as Baby Jane, is fucking terrifying and completely unhinged.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? combines powerhouse acting, rich atmosphere, and absorbing melodrama in service of a taut thriller with thought-provoking subtext.

Gist of the movie is a pair of sisters, Blanche and Jane Hudson, go back and forth relying on and resenting each other. At first Jane is a child star Vaudeville performer and treats Blanche like shit. Later, after film has caught on, Blanche is the star and Jane is the forgotten one. It was then that Blanche ended up paralyzed under mysterious circumstances with Jane in a drunken haze, unable to remember anything. Everyone assumes Jane ran her over with her car but Blanche eventual admits that she tried to run Jane over but instead wrecked her car and paralyzed herself in the process.

Jane's treatment of Blanche progresses from bird killing and cooking to starving/dehydrating and straight up murder. So basically from fucked to completely deranged. Directed by one Robert Aldrich who did Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte which was originally going to put Crawford and Davis back together but they couldn't be in the same room (more on that later), The Dirty Dozen (1967), and The Longest Yard (1974).

The film feels, in some ways, like the Samuel Beckett play Endgame where the crippled character Hamm asks his servant Clov why he doesn't leave for more or less the entire thing with interludes of trashcan parents popping up and dying, ending with Clov trying to leave but standing in the doorway, unable. Minus the absurdism, both these works of art feature characters that rely on a resentful servant in a home they are all more or less trapped in. At the end of WEHTBJ? we see Jane finally leave the home for good but she still, after everything, feels that she has to take Blanche with her.

Not the look of someone you want to fuck with...
Unless you are Joan Crawford

Davis definitely wins the movie but Crawford does a hell of a job as well. By most accounts, Davis was slightly less of bitch than Crawford in real life but both had their moments and daughters that wrote extremely fucked up tell-alls about their famous moms (Davis's is actually in the movie, she's the teenage girl that lives next door). However, both were pretty progressive for their day as life-long California democrats and have a sort of a status of gay icons. Crawford was especially surprisingly cool and had a very close bond with her silent film co-star from the 1920s, William Haines, whom the studio tried to romantically link her with to keep his sexual preference out of the spotlight. When that didn't work, Haines left acting and became an outrageously successful interior designer and antique dealer with life partner Jimmie Shields. When Haines died in 1973, Crawford unsuccessfully tried to keep Shields out of the throws of deep depression which led to his suicide. Afterward, of Haines, Crawford said, "He had never kept it a secret that he was homosexual. It was never anything that mattered to me, but most people in Hollywood didn’t like it. I can’t imagine why they thought it was any of their business. What mattered to me was that for a long time, he was my best friend." So, yeah, pretty cool there. You can read more about it at much ado about cinema in this excellent article.

One last thing, what wasn't cool though was how Crawford sabotaged Davis's chances at winning an Academy Award for the role of Jane. Not only did she call Oscar voters to talk shit, Crawford reached out to all the Best Actress nominees to see which among them would be unable to attend the ceremony, offering to accept the award on their behalves. Eventual winner, Anne Bancroft for her part in The Miracle Worker, agreed and on the night of the show, Crawford gleefully accepted. Davis's reaction was indignant astonishment. Books have been about this shit.

The Birds is the greatest movie of all time

The Birds. Wasn't all that excited to see it. But great flick. Also, ridiculous. If, like me, it has been probably 30 years since your last watch, you likely remembered it as constant birds attacking and completely terrifying. In reality, it's mostly a very strange love story with some mommy issue stuff that turns into an insane creature feature for the last half of the movie. But you needn't concern yourself with any of this shit. All you really need to know is that the birds go crazy and start killing people. There is a weird sort of love triangle thing going on, the male lead has some weird shit going on with his mom, and the Lambert from Alien as a little kid is in it. But you don't really need to know or remember any of that shit because the take away from this movie is, if they wanted to, birds could fuck you up.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Proving once again that build-up is the key to suspense, Alfred Hitchcock successfully turned birds into some of the most terrifying villains in horror history.

Pleshette and Tippi. Ger. Fine AF

This movie, is ridiculous. There are few things that have made me laugh like this movie. One, Pet Sematary, was unintentional. This, I suspect, was sort of supposed to be funny. What I refer to are two birds attack scenes. The first, first time the birds really lose their shit, is at this little kid, the kid one Cathy Brenner played by Veronica Cartwright from Alien, birthday party. Here we get gulls trying to lift kids up and fly off with them and others laying there, kicking and screaming, just sort of taking it as a lone bird pecks at them and shit. Fucking funny. The next is the big climactic one that is almost Zoolander esque with everyone that we give a shit about, save for maybe a straggler, sort of congregating at a diner filled with clueless yokels, half of them, incredibly, ornithologists who don't believe them. As they look out the windows, they see the birds attacking and the town descending into chaos which culminates in a gas station attendant spraying gas everywhere. We get the obligatory explosion when an idiot decides this the perfect time to light his cigar. This attracts more gulls which then attack the people that are out there trying to put out the fire. Slapstick AF.

Have to say Hitchcock wins the movie for the subtle humor and extreme building suspense. Doesn't get much better or more nerve racking than the scene where socialite Melanie Daniels, played by the lovely Tippi Hedren, sits outside of the school where Cathy and other kids get their learn on, next to the playground where more and more crows keep gathering on the equipment as she cluelessly chills with her back to the murder.

Really though, Mitch Brenner, played by Rod Taylor, whom I think of as the guy from The Time Machine, is the one who wins at the genetic lottery, as he has two crazy beautiful women totally in love with him in Daniels and school teacher Annie Hayworth played by Suzanne Pleshette. But really dude is a fucking loser as he lets his mother, Lydia Brenner played by Jessica Tandy, dictate his love life and shit. In the end, though, Hayworth gets pecked to death and Daniels is PTSDed as fuck. Let this be a lesson to all you mamma's boys out there.

Dr. Carver's Auteur Autopsy presents Creature of Destruction

Dr. Carver's Auteur Autopsy presents Creature of Destruction! Come watch our first movie together where I will be trying hypnotizing my lovely nurse and turning her into a blood-thirsty monster!