This is definitely one of those movies
I will completely forget about in a year or so. Canadian horror
anthology. It's not great. I respect the low budget flicks like this
for just getting a bunch of amateur actors together and putting shit
on screen. I love that shit and love people who do this. Salt of the
earth, these people. More than I've ever done. Great for them... But
by movie standards, this was only sort of watchable.
The basic gist: while taping Dr.
Nasty's Cavalcade of Horror, a late night television program that
does little skits between a pair of featured films, made up for this
anthology, things on the set descend into what the fuck over the
course of early morning. Pissed about Dr. Nasty's (the host)
appalling behavior and her prick boyfriend, the director, the nurse
sidekick loses her mind and gets all murdery.
Pros: It's pretty good about
telling a story that sort of starts and sort of ends. Interesting
concept. Nurse nasty is all right. Canadian anthology.
Cons: Shitty acting. Shitty
stories. Characters are incredibly milk-toast. Has that soap opera
look. Dr. Nasty is so disgusting. Canadian anthology.
Disclaimer: My notes pretty much
always contain some spoilers but I rarely give away the ending.
Notes: Always thought it would
be a dope job to be one of these late night horror hosts. The people
who made this must agree. Dr. Nasty's: The credit scene is great.
Over the top computer graphics. All downhill from here. Dr. and Nurse
Nasty. Local horror host. Show looks terrible. The crew agrees. Next
week on this show trailer. A clown movie. Night Clown. Meh clown.
First movie: Dinner for Monsters
Chef is hired to cook a dinner for six.
Goes to person's house. At the door he has a moment with the maid who
is like “it's a shame you are here for dinner,” he is like,
“huh.” The rich couple greet him. The guy is joking with him.
Says something like, “you might say it would save your life right
now if you were to turn around right now and leave!” He also goes
on a rant about how animals should not be used for consumption. I
totes agree. Is this what I sound like? Well, this is where our rants
veer. Yeah, they want him to cook a human. Takes very little
convincing. Sort of threaten him. He starts his work. Sort of freaks
out. This is how I feel about meat in general. First course is a
Greek salad. Ha. Killer mortgage rates commercial. Make him eat some.
He flips and starts killing everyone. Only ones left are the main
couple. Now in the basement where the “live stock,” humans, are
grazing. They are basically zombies. Throws the host dude in. Have a
really good kill here. The humans rip the guy apart with their bare
hands and eat him. Shite. Now chef dude is serving human at his
restaurant. Uh, okay. Keep throwing around “humano carne” as the
type of meat. Always thought it was “long-pig.”
Back to this Dr. Nasty shit. He is
getting blown by some intern wearing the nurse wig. The real nurse is
like, “fucking gross,” and the old man is like, “know your
place, bitch.” Then they do a stupid skit and play the next movie.
Second Feature: Slit
Guy who gets paid to cut cutters on
their back. There is a slasher/killer guy out there, apparently. Guy
getting cut asks the cutter, “you didn't do it, did you?” Claims
no. Goes and sees a new chick client. She lives in a real shit hole.
Asks him how he gets his job. Demand he says. She is disgusting.
Addict maybe. Has all kinds of cutting scars. He cuts her. She tries
to jump his bones. He is pissed about this. Starts to leave. She
stabs him. Chases him around. She is no athlete. Corners him. Cuts
and rips her face off. It is bananas. He runs away but dropped his
client list with his address in it.
At home, dude orders a pizza like a
total maniac. Calls, says he needs a pizza at such and such address.
They ask what he wants on it. He says, “I don't give a shit! I just
want it here now!” Seem like about the worst way to order food I've
ever seen. If you do this the person making the pizza will probably
get pretty creative with the toppings if you know what I mean. Then
the pizza guy shows up. Dude is passed out. Leaves a ball jar of
change out front to pay. Psycho girl tapes him up. Doesn't wake up
until the end. She lectures him with a bunch of nonsense about
getting fucked over by guys like him then she murders him by stabbing
him in the dick. Now she is moving on to killing his clients, it
would appear, as he shows up at the first guy's house.
Back to Dr. Nasty's set. He is being
gross, as usual. Nurse is still cuffed from previous skit. He starts
whipping her like an insane person making her bleed a shitload. She
is like, “you are totally fired.” The manager guy doing her is
like, “yeah, he has a really good contract, so...” Nurse quits.
Her BF talks her down. Says they are going to fire him. The nerdy guy
with glasses who is obviously in love with her is with her icing the
whip wounds. Talks about how he loves her butterfly tat. She is like,
“um, ok, I'm going to go.” Tells her they are going to start
shooting on Monday for this movie they are making. Intern comes in
gloating about getting the lead. Nurse goes pretty reasonable but her
BF/manager just turns into a complete dick for no reason and
fires/breaks up with her. Is insanely cruel about it which is sort of
out of nowhere. She grabs a knife to kill him. Sneaks up on him, his
back to her. Yep, he already dead. So is the intern with dude's
severed wang in her mouth. Turns out everyone is massacred by nerdy
guy who is torturing Dr. Nasty. He did it so she could get her own
show. He also has a matching butterfly tat. She is fucking stoked
about it. Scene. So a shit movie ends. 
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