Dark Glasses - Dario Argento - 2022

★★★★★- Another Nightmare on Film Street challenge movie. This one for Italian films. Argento, the master of Italian horror, has a new film so that was an easy choice. A true return to form for him. Loved it.

Gist is a guy who is out there killing prostitutes. One played by Ilenia Pastorelli, a very pretty lady, loses her sight in a car accident that results when the killer pushes her car into oncoming traffic. Her car hits and orphans a Chinese kid. 

She eventually goes to visit the kid in an orphanage. He escapes and they make a deal. He’ll be her guide if she lets him stay there. Eventually, they get to tracking down the killer to get their revenge.

Like what they have going on here, the female lead and the Chinese kid. That is until the kid calls the killer thinking it's a cop the killer murders cop. By the by, this features a lot of incompetent Italian cops. You don't say, right? Anyway, the kid tells the killer where they are hiding out. Spoiler. Kids are fucking stupid. 

This all leads to a cool scene where her and the kid work together to try to shoot the killer. 

Another cool scene comes when Pastorelli’s character gets lost in the woods and feels her way to a building. Once there, she accidentally turns the lights on and has to get them off before the killer shows.

It becomes clear at one point that Argento doesn't know much/anything about snakes.

Great dog movie. Good girl. Also, it is a positive portrayal of sex work. That’s sweet. Like Dressed to Kill, but not transphobic.

Inferno - Dario Argento - 1980

★★★- Found it pretty boring. Beautifully shot but the action is meh. Not a lot happens. Style over substance. Was sort of a chore to get through. 

Didn’t like the cat attack scene. Giving little baby kitties a bad name. 

In typical Argento/giallo fashion, when I think the movie is wrapping it up, I check the time remaining and there’s still a half hour left. Gotta save room for the 17 twists you tack on to the end, I guess. 

There is a guy in this movie that has the most insane unibrow of anyone I’ve ever seen (yet still somehow doesn’t run away with the most absurd eyebrows in the movie award). He makes Anthony Davis look like one of us normals. He has more hair between his eyes so that he does on his head. Plus he is a cat killer. So yeah pretty much hate this movie.

What Have You Done to Solange? - Massimo Dallamano - 1972

★★★ - Good score. Protagonist is a fucking asshole. Cheating. Get sexual with his students. Super aggressive. Type of guy who has naked lady posters in his office. Good looking guy though.

After one of the murders, the young victim’s parent ask if she died badly. Well, we are dealing with a killer who stabs women in their vaginas. Cop makes a point of saying she died slowly and alone. So, yeah. “Well, fuck. Sorry I asked. Was she raped?” “ Sort of.”

Another stylized nontraditional detective figuring shit out that we follow around. My jam. I can totally relate.

A lot of rape shit in this movie. Really don’t like seeing that. Also a lot of gratuitous nudity with women showering and drawing each other off and such. Just a couple of warnings.

Overall, I liked it though it doesn’t really stand out from the many other giallo flicks I’ve seen.

The Evil Eye - Mario Bava - 1963

★★★★ - Highly influential film with John “motherfucking” Saxon. Love that guy. Some scenes were straight ripped off by Deep Red.

The logic of this movie is crazy. But it is a movie so whatever. Woman is hospitalized and everyone writes her off as insane. Then she recognizes the doctor and suddenly she’s out. Then the doctor that claimed she was crazy is like you did witness a murder except it’s one that happened 10 years ago which is way more sane. Spoiler. She acts way more insane after this. What she does with yarn is some creative crazy.

All of this condoning her eccentricities just bolsters her confidence, making her seem more insane. Speaking of, this is another deranged murderer that completely loses it once she comes clean and goes off.

Legitimately good movie. Very end is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen. This was at the very end after the murders have been solved and all that shit and they are just sort of wrapping things up. John Saxon and the main girl are on like a ski lift thing going up a mountain when some guy on another one just start shooting the people that are coming down. It’s fucking crazy and sort of hysterical. A completely unrelated matter. Anyway, John Saxon made the main girl promise no more true crime or anything ever again. Then they see that. John Saxon is like, that was crazy! And the woman is like I didn’t say anything, I’m not talking about true crime anymore. It was nuts.

Lisa and the Devil - Mario Bava - 1974

★★★ - Definitely not my favorite Mario Bava movie, but respectable. It’s a pretty bewildering flick. At times it’s hard to tell who is doing what, which has to be by design. Definitely can’t tell what is real or who is bad.

The intro is super cool. A terra card reading for the viewer introducing the stars.

The gist of the movie is a woman gets accosted and kills a guy, ends up fleeing and getting a ride with a rich couple and their chauffeur. Have car trouble and end up at this castle where Telly Savalas, my grandma’s celebrity crush, is the butler, sucking on his trademark Dum-Dums. He walks around with these creepy lifelike puppets. Also, everyone keeps recognizing the main girl, telling her stuff like we’re glad you’re back.

Sorta reminds me of Tourist Trap with all the puppet shit. Dead bodies like walking around and shit made animatronic. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight with the castle that may or may not be real also comes to mind.

Not sure if this is technically giallo. Highly stylized but no killer in black gloves. Way weirder than most of these flicks I have seen, which is saying some thing. Not bad, but not great. Loses points for an awful ending. Really didn’t need to see the sexual assault next to a dead body either.

The Cat O’Nine Tails - Dario Argento - 1971

★★★★ - No cats in this movie. I feel cheated. Still pretty good though.

Karl Malden is the big name in the movie. He plays a former newspaper man. The main character, portrayed by one James Franciscus (sort of a cross between Charlton Heston and Burt Lancaster), is a reporter forced to play detective after people start dying horribly with the police doing nothing, per use in the genre.

My favorite procedural or spy movies are the ones where a journalist or some other dude is thrown into the shit. Obviously some romanticizing/daydreaming on my end. The one last job, old guy movie doesn’t hold a candle to that shit.

Malden is Mr. Magoo I’ve decided. He is literally a blind detective in this movie. Fun facts about this guy. He grew up in Gary, Indiana. He won an Oscar for A Streetcar Named Desire. He was married to his wife for 71 years. Also, he seems to have some weird shit going on with a little girl in the movie. Says some shit like, “I don’t have any relatives. She doesn’t have any parents. We need each other.” Um, gross.

Get a good death by train murder. A paparazzi photographer gets a photo of it. It’s chaos, obviously, in the paparazzi or somewhere like, “oh shit, the starlet!“ And then go take photos of her forgetting about the guy cut in half. But then the picture is on the front page. Murder as it’s happening is some Pulitzer shit.

There is great I’m comfortable barber saying. Reporter guy is getting a straight razor shave after he wrote the murderer could’ve been a barber. The barber then plays fast and loose with a weapon next to his jugular. But then he explains why it couldn’t have been a barber so everything’s good.

Demons - Lamberto Bava (Cowritten by Dario Argento) - 1985

★★★★- Yeah, even though it’s called “Demons“, I thought it was giallo just based on the director and it being dubbed and all that shit. Adjacent, I guess you could say. This is full on supernatural horror. 

Gist is a mask causes a zombie outbreak at a movie premiere. Love a movie within a movie. The mask is completely unexplained, which is interesting. I like movies that just throw you in it like this. Anyway, the mask is featured in the movie and causes a zombie outbreak. If you know that, you know, maybe don’t bring it to the premier people to touch and what not. 

When shit goes down in the theater people don’t really notice because the screaming on the screen drowns out the real screams. Once a zombie/demon (these terms are interchangeable here) busts through the screen, it is too late. Obviously inspired the opening scene from Scream 2. 

Zombie kills are nuts. OG zombie vs. samurai sword movie. Plus some cool zombie vs. helicopter blade action.

Love the scene where a guy screams “smash everything“ repeatedly before smashing everything. He seems to be a pimp, maybe. He’s the only one who knows how to deal with the situation. Gives some orders and when people don’t follow them, he tells them they aren’t worth a shit. I identify, bra. These people get him killed. A real shame. 

Overall, super solid and at times legit terrifying with a lot of Cronenberg-esque body horror. If you’re looking for a disgusting, fast 90-minute movie with a killer punk/hair metal soundtrack, and lots of twists and turns, this has you covered.

Knife + Heart - Yann Gonzalez - 2018

★★★★★ - Wow. Brilliant movie. A contemporary queer giallo-inspired movie. Follows this group making gay pornography in 1979 Paris. They are lead by this director chick, played by one Vanessa Paradis, who is the star of the movie. This masked killer shows up and starts killing them one by one. 

I'm not exactly the target audience, but I have seen more giallo than anyone I've ever met. This is contemporary, subversive giallo.

Several great scenes. One is where all the actors have a wrap party picnic when it starts storming. One person gets caught out in the woods. As she (a trans actor) yells for her mates, the camera pans in fast circles giving the viewer a sense of being lost. A few times around we see the killer in the distance. Every time it goes around after that, the killer gets closer and closer, before you know. 

I thought it was a great, beautiful, captivating flick with a killer score by M83. However… let’s say this is not a family film. Not one you’re gonna wanna watch for your kids. You’ll know pretty quick what you’re in for when you fire it up.

My favorite thing about the movie is that the porn director gets questioned by the police about an actor in her stable who is murdered by getting repeatedly stabbed in his rectum. She immediately turns the experience into gay porn. I am crazy about films within films. This is an interesting, unique take on that. There is also a sacrilege porn, which was indeed something. 

The premiere for this movie based on the killings of the actors looked fun despite everything. JK, it was depressing and crazy as shit. Then after it is over you hear all the dudes in there buckling their pants. A lovely touch. Then there is more murder. 

This might sound sort of funny, but it ends up being a pretty moving scene where the fluffer cries and talks about how fucked up it is that they are filming a scene based on this dude's extremely violent and disturbing death. But then, with tears in his eyes, he's called in for duty. A professional, this guy. Turns out he's not even getting paid. Yeesh.

I like that about the flick, that they make the porn star lifestyle way less glamorous than say Boogie Nights. I'm not against it or anything, but it seems like a pretty sad grind, and this is definitely of that mentality, with all the stars on heroin or traumatized or what have you. 

One of my favorite things about the movie is that when the Killer is revealed and dealt with, they give him a really sweet and touching sendoff by showing a story and having this pretty profound voice over that tells a really powerful story. We see he is a victim too. The backstory of a slasher like Jason Voorhees for example it’s probably super sad and fucked up. Makes you think about me that. Then again, the deaths are so fucked up that maybe that lessens the impact a bit.

Trauma - Dario Argento - 1993

★★★--It's no Deep Red. I don't think there is any way to take it seriously. I don't think any idea got thrown out. I loved it!

Gist is the main dude (sort of a combo of James Spaider and Tony Goldwyn) sees a young woman (the lovely Asia Argento) about to kill herself on the ledge of a bridge. He talks her out of it and she eventually lives with him. This girl is like 16 and in some clinic for mentally troubled kids. It's called the Faraday Clinic--basically a decapitation-based sex cult. Turns out she is bulimic which is more or less what the movie is about with some crazy murders thrown in there for fun. 

I like when the dude finds out the girl is bulimic, his friend at the TV studio he works at tells him all about her "anorexia" with such authority. "How do you know some much about it?" "I watch Oprah and Donahue." So a real expert. Not sure how we are supposed to take this, but however we are, it is hilarious. This guy is actually supposed to provide some insight and he got it from watching a few episodes of a talk show. Or, he is supposed to be an idiot with no idea what he is talking about but the main guy takes him seriously. Either way, dude takes this complete nonsense to heart. 

She is staying with him and is obviously infatuated. Should obviously know this, maybe does, but still brings this random coworker of his home to fuck with his door open. He seems to be a groomer type guy--yeah, a pretty unlikeable protagonist--trying to fuck with her mind while white knighting her. Obviously, this is a contemporary interpretation. He does end up having sex with her, by the by. Yeah. 

There is a kid in this movie, this little dork, that I hate so much it is alarming. He almost kills himself when he wraps the complicated murdering tool--this like drill with a wire loop on it that decapitates people--around his neck. When he is interrupted from self-annihilation, he kills this little lizard by squeezing it to death. Fuck this fucking turd. I can't even look at him. Absolutely no need for him in this movie. Also, Argento loves a slow decapitation. 

Finding these movies have these complicated, impossible-to-follow MacGuffiny subplots that speed the action along. Like the movie I watched last night had a bunch of nonsense about chromosomes indicating a propensity for violence and this being world-changing, this in the 1970s, long before DNA testing. This movie is similar with this whole Faraday Clinic/anorexia/main dude saving this young girl business. Clinic just keeps picking her up, she keeps getting broken out, people keep coming for them. This repeats throughout the movie multiple times. I assume this is all metaphorical. 

At some point Brad Dourif shows up. You are instantly like, oh, yeah, he's probably the killer. I won't say if he is or not, but you know it based on reputation. He doesn't disappoint and dials it up a time or two.  

Oh, and by the way, the "trauma" the movie refers to would indeed be the most traumatic thing to ever happen to anyone if it were real. In this bananas flick, the sheer impossibility of it it is so goddamned hilarious. Sorry if you watch it and whatever happens happened to you, lol. 

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh - Sergio Martino - 1971

★★★- Within the first six minutes of the movie we get a gruesome murder and a graphic slow motion rape. Wasn’t sure how far into this I was gonna make it. Then they try to lull you back in with gratuitous nudity. For the first 20 minutes it’s rare to see a woman with her clothes on. Between multiple shower scenes, rapes, and even a nude murder, there isn’t a lot of time for clothes, I guess. 

A moment I audibly said “Jesus.” They make Mrs. Wardh go to the station and get questioned in front of her rapist for some reason. Not exactly sure how the justice system works in whatever country this is filmed in but this seems cruel and unusual. I assume it’s Italy. But they end up in Spain at some point. 

Hottest take territory stuff: If you go to more than two countries, your movie is bullshit. No one has ever said, “oh cool look they’re in Morocco now or wherever the fuck.” Fuck off with that shit.

Great in this movie though. I think that goes for mostly American movies. The scenery is crazy opulent. The cinematography is insanely beautiful. So are the clothes and just beauty in general. It’s all out of place for such an insane movie. Love the main girl’s style in the rare instances she’s clothed. She’s got it going on. 

Overall, dug it… but, it was way inconsistent. Soundtrack is the cheesiest shit I’ve ever heard. Movie gave me the heebs in so many ways. Weaving in and out of traffic on a motorcycle with a passenger and no helmets. The casual joking about being rapey while people are getting raped and murdered. 

Too much going on in this movie. It’s hard to keep up. The last 20 minutes are completely bananas. Has to have an all time record for twists… still hesitantly recommend.

Eyeball - Umberto Lenzi - 1975

★★★★- Easing into Halloween season with giallo flicks. September and all. This one is completely absurd and probably forgotten. But it totally shouldn't be. It's way out there fun. 

The very basic gist is a of diverse American tourists do what American tourists do, stopping along with the others in the tour bus to go about and act like typical Americans abroad. Eventually though a maniac wearing a red coat starts killing them off and gouging out their eyes. A real bummer for them, I'm sure. 

The dubbing is hilariously bad. The whole movie is almost a spoof. The ladies are all unbelievably attractive. The character Mark starts the movie with the most disgusting mullet of the early 70s but is normal the rest of the movie. Lot of hair continuity issues come to think of it. 

There is a scene that establishes that all of the characters are terrible where someone does something problematic and the camera does a zoom in on their face and they look into the camera like “I could be the killer.” Really let’s you see how poorly everyone’s eyebrows and facial hair is groomed. 

Once the murderer is revealed, this person becomes completely deranged. Dialed it the fuck up. An insane performance. 

This movie has everything. A killer fixated with eyeballs. Gratuitous nudity. Natural queer representation. A person of color. Crazy 70s clothing. A woman eaten by pigs. 

Soooo, I loved it! A foreign movie with American stereotypes (including people wearing American flag clothing) bumming around together in Spain, getting picked off one by one. Yes, please.

Blood and Black Lace is the greatest movie of all time

Blood and Black Lace. "The sight of beauty makes him lose control of himself, so he kills." "Listen here, you little idiot." What a delicious flick this is. Full of luscious, vivid colors, that aspect is reminiscent of the old Batman series (had to be shot with the same film), except extremely dark and violent. The clothing, the colors, the beautiful people, the architecture, the way the film is shot--all beautiful. A total feast for the eyes. 

Gist is that a model for a lux Italian fashion house where everyone is on coke is strangled by a masked killer (obvious visual inspiration for DC's the Question and Rorschach from The Watchmen). When her diary shows up, it turns out everyone has something to hide, and models start turning up dead. Everyone is a suspect, including the fashion house owner (who looks like Julia Fox) and her lover. Also, not to give too much away, the ending is wild. 

If the violence wasn't so over the top, it might be a good movie to trip to, if you are so inclined. But it's too brutal for all that, IMO. For example, of the film, critic Chuck Bowen of Slant Magazine wrote: 

Thematically, Blood and Black Lace offers the giallo an irresolvable obsession with female violation that's simultaneously cruel and heartfelt. Here, the murders are understood to reflect a debasement that suggests a furthering of the debasement of modelling, a suggestion that's literalized by the killer's placement of the bodies in hideous poses [...] This thematic is complicated further by the identity of the killer, who reflects the fashion industry's self-loathing and self-consumption, driven by a mixture of profound self-interest and neurosis that would be enormously influential to the subgenre at large. In a giallo, a woman's worst enemy is often a woman driven to shirk the chains of status quo that shackle her. 

So, yeah, the debasement of women is not really a place I want to go whilst out of my mind. 

This is a must-watch if you want to delve into the world of giallo ("yellow" in Italian) cinema.  Blood and Black Lace is credited as being one of the first of the genre. The film created some of the tropes that giallo is known for. Shit like exaggerated color, killer POV, women getting slapped in the face, extravagant set pieces, red phones, mannequins and harps, and the killer wearing black gloves. 

The word "giallo" comes from Italian crime/thriller novels Il Giallo Mondadori known for their distinctive yellow covers. You can think of the genre as highly stylized blends of murder mysteries and proto slashers. A lot of their DNA comes from Agatha Christie novels that they were just ripping off. If you are familiar with the spaghetti western genre that was coming out of Italy at about the same time, it is similar in that it takes a popular genre and repurposes it with post-war Italian fears and sensibilities whilst upping the sex and violence. 

Directed by one Mario Bava, who repeatedly defied convention with his use of wild, saturated color. In those days, color was used exclusively for comedies and musicals. Thrillers such as this were typically done in black and white. See Diabolique, Night Train, Psycho, The Hitch-hiker, so forth. The use of color is actually integral to the film, which Bava color-codes, linking each character and killing to a specific hue. 

For example, the character of Isabella, whose murder opens the film, wears a red coat and has red fingernail polish. We also keep coming back to her red diary, which survives her and calls back to her killing as a beautiful MacGuffin. It is generally accepted that this is an homage to Edgar Allan Poe's story "The Masque of the Red Death," set in an allegorical series of colored rooms. Bava was highly influential in this regard. Fellow giallo director Dario Argento (Deep Red, Inferno, Suspiria, Tenebrae) also uses vivid pops of color in his wonderful films. For a nice source on the genre, check out the blog The Giallo Files. 

Overall, the film is super fun with great a score with insane use of color. Extremely underappreciated, it created its own genre, which is pretty dope, like Scream did with self-aware horror. Favorite scene is when the roommate puts the diary in her purse and it individually cuts to all the usual suspects staring at the bag, breathing heavy and sweating.