Another gritty take on the Dark Knight

The Batman - Matt Reeves - 2022

★★★★★-Yet another, darker take on Batman. If it didn’t have Pattinson and Paul Dano, I wouldn’t be watching this. I am way over superhero shit. Three hours. Jesus. How many of these can I possibly watch in my lifetime? One more, apparently. 

So, how was it? Easily my favorite Batman movie. I think it edges out Watchmen as my favorite superhero movie. Wow. WTF. Was not expecting that. Takes elements from everything I care about and all my favorite movies and turns it into a Batman flick. I mean, good god. 

Gist of it is the masked vigilante, early in his crime fighting career, pursues the Riddler, a serial killer targeting the city's corrupt elite, while digging up a conspiracy of deep-rooted corruption between the city's officials and the crime underworld. Seems to be following “Batman: Year One” and “The Long Halloween” arcs. Obviously heavily David Fincher inspired. Riddler is basically John Doe from Se7en with some Jigsaw from Saw shit in there as well. Batman has a Rorschach quality to him with the voiceover stuff. 

Directed by Matt Reeves, who also made Cloverfield, Let Me In, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and War for the Planet of the Apes. He co-wrote the screenplay with one Peter Craig. Movie stars Robert Pattinson as Bruce Wayne/Batman, Zoë Kravitz as Selina Kyle, Paul Dano as The Riddler, Jeffrey Wright as Gordon, John Turturro as Falcone, Peter Sarsgaard as the Gotham DA, Andy Serkis as Alfred, and Colin Farrell as The Penguin. Pattinson is great. Real professional, this guy. Zoë Kravitz, whom I generally don’t care for, as Catwoman. She's pretty great in this one, though. Colin Farrell is doing De Niro basically. Score is great. The Batman's song is powerful, as is Nirvana's “Something in the Way”. Grossed just under $771 million worldwide against a roughly $200 million budget, making it the seventh grossing film of 2022.

This is a VERY different Batman. First, this is the only Batman movie that really touches on Batman's detective aspects. Not that he is that great. All the murder weapons mean something, as well as the victims. I'd make a great detective if this were really what it was like. 

Then there is the look, which is completely different from what we've seen before. All the Bat-toys are less military, and more DIY, which is super cool and a different take. Reeves wanted the look of the Batsuit and Batmobile to feel as if Batman used spare parts to create it on his own. Used Vietnam era tactical gear for inspiration. 

But the biggest thing the film does is question the ethics and material wealth of the iconic character. Unlike the other Batman films, this one delves into the social inequalities within Gotham. Veers hard left from Christopher Nolan's libertarian version. Unlike earlier adaptations that leaned towards right-wing themes, the film explores the idea that Batman's wealth doesn't alleviate his suffering and raises questions about his responsibility to be more philanthropic. 

The three primary characters—Batman, the Riddler, and Catwoman (Kyle) are all orphans in different classes that had very different childhoods that all led them to where they are. Wayne represents privilege, Riddler basically lived through Hell, and Kyle was kind of middle of the road, having love, but experiencing hardship. The Riddler, of course, turns to crime out of desperation. The system is set against him, he has no chance in a system this corrupt. He wants to burn it down, eat the rich, give him and his kind some power by bringing chaos to the order, thereby bringing everyone down to his level. Batman's worldview is completely black and white, solely working toward justice. Kyle represents the feminist perspective. Her father is wealthy but doesn't support her, even after her mother, who raised her, dies. Like Batman, she is motivated by her desire of justice, but she also understands the systemic inequalities plaguing Gotham like the Riddler. Not the token love interest for Batman, she is a character with depth and nuance. While they come from different backgrounds, they remain connected in more ways than one, and are ultimately on the same page when it comes to the main problem plaguing Gotham. It takes the Riddler and Kyle's influence for Batman to turn his attentions toward poverty and social injustice. Though, Batman is worried about looting, like a “Boomer”. Whatever. 

Just a couple of little complaints. The way he flies with his little sugar-glider outfit and then wipes out hurt to watch. Don't think he'd be walking away from that. Batman and Gordon are sort of dumb. “Rat with wings” immediately sounds like a bat to me, too. 

Biggest thing is the movie sort of loses itself in the second hour with all these sins of the father being visited on the son stuff. Then the Falcone storyline wraps up, but there is still a whole lot of movie left, and it doesn't seem that anyone is anywhere near putting the Riddler in cuffs. Oh, it's nice to have a Batman movie without a Joker teaser at the end... Sigh. 

Going to be a part of a new shared Batman universe. Again, here we go. Supposedly there are going to be two sequels, the first, The Batman II, set for an October 2025, and three spin-off television series, one focused on The Penguin, one on Arkham Asylum, and one on the Gotham City Police Department. 

Overall, while not perfect, it's truly great. Grim and dark, the film features incredible, authentic performances, especially Pattinson and Kravitz, with believable action. Rich with both noir and horror elements, this is more crime thriller than superhero. It's grounded in realism in ways that even the Nolan films aren't. I adored this film. 

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - A Marvel-ous animated adventure

 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman - 2018

★★★★★-I was more or less done with superhero flicks, but I kept hearing about how great this and the new one are. So here I am, back in the Marvel Extended Universe. And glad to be, as this film was great. 

Drawing inspiration from the "Spider-Verse" story arc and the debuts of Miles Morales in the Ultimate Marvel comics. Gist of the film is that Miles assumes the mantle of Spider-Man and joins forces with other Spider-People from parallel universes to protect his own reality from the villainous Kingpin, among other familiar foes. 

Computer-animated Marvel flick that follows the Miles Morales as Spider-Man storyline. Directed by Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, and Rodney Rothman in their feature directorial debuts. Solid ensemble cast includes Shameik Moore as Morales, accompanied by the voices of Jake Johnson, Hailee Steinfeld, Mahershala Ali, Brian Tyree Henry, Lily Tomlin, Luna Lauren Vélez, John Mulaney, Kimiko Glenn, Nicolas Cage, and Liev Schreiber. 

Nothing but positive things to say. Soundtrack was dope. Really felt the going from public school and quietly killing it to struggling at private school. Though I wanted to be there. Smart, rich girls was indeed where it was at. Great depiction of a father-son relationship. Pretty beautiful really. 

I loved all the Spider “People”. I'd watch a short about each of them. One of my favorite things about the flick. 

Overall take: Great story. The art looks great. Well acted. What sets it apart is the skillful balance it strikes between embracing its source material and cleverly satirizing it. From the very start, viewers are drawn into an immersive world, filled with vibrant colors and thrilling adventures. Probably my favorite animated film I've seen since Coco back when it was in theaters. Can't wait to see the new one. 

The Dark Knight - Christopher Nolan - 2008

★★★★-Pretty much an unquestioned masterpiece. Easily the best live-action Batman movie of all-time, though it isn't perfect and is probably middle of the road for Nolan movies. 

Second installment of Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy, co-written with his bro Jonathan. By far his most linear movie. Doesn't even have a flashback. Ensemble cast includes Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Morgan Freeman, among other. Gyllenhaal is a vast improvement over Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. Eckhart's ark is pretty interesting. Could be read as the fall of a great man, pushed to his limits. Or a man that wasn't that great to begin with, self-serving and power-hungry that was always capable of evil. What I think of as Dibo's, aka “Tiny” Zeus Lister, final decent role.

Gist of the film is Batman, police lieutenant James Gordon, and district attorney Harvey Dent, join forces to combat organized crime in Gotham City; but, their plans are thorted by the Joker, a chaotic mastermind intent on pushing Batman to his limits. Standard Batman stuff on paper. But this is way more than your standard superhero fare. It's probably the best superhero film ever made. Definitely is in my book.

Heath Ledger's Joker is, of course, incredible. Every time he's on-screen is a gift. Starts with one of the best openings to any movie ever. Then the meeting with Lau, the Chinese guy, where the Joker does his magic trick is incredible exposition. The Harvey Dent fundraiser. Chasing Harvey Dent. When Batman interrogates him. All are rewatchable gems. It's the little things that really make the performance stellar. Slicking his hair back as he walks over to an incapacitated Batman, sticking his head out of the window as he rides away in a cop car after his escape, holding up his hands and repeatedly smacking the detonator to the hospital that doesn't explode (this was apparently improvised). Dude was a talent. Nolan was a genius for just letting him play hero-ball. What we get is a true agent of chaos. 

Never gets than his conversation with Dent after killing his lady. Talks about “plans” and “schemes” and so forth. Then delivers the best monologue of the movie: 

“Nobody panics when things go 'according to plan.' Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all 'part of the plan.' But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds. Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.”

Fucking great. And accurate. 

Another great and accurate quote comes from Dent at the end when he says, “You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced, fair.”

There are some things, though. Don't like all the doggo death, even if they are trained to kill. The stuff with Lau was pretty messy. Multiple cellphones that aren't allowed that cause a bunch of havoc. Drags and is pretty unnecessary, going to China, wasting like 20 minutes of screen time. Could have been cut down and not had the extraction and kept things a little simpler. It's sort of a slog the fifth or so time you watch the film. Also, I'm pretty sure an authorized plane in Chinese airspace wouldn't end too well. The stuff with the other Batmen is also completely improbably. How do they find a major drug deal going down in a parking lot? There are more parts that sort of drag, in that first hour especially. The cell phone stuff at the end was complicated and weird and unnecessary, too. It's not like the government doesn't use shit that is just as fucked up all the time. Ever hear of Stingray?

Harvey Dent being unable to recognize the Joker until he takes off his N95 is genuinely hilarious. Don't get a lot of unintentional comedy in Nolan movies, but this, and then pretty much every time Bane opens his mouth, are funny as shit. 

The film's impact is obvious, especially with DC's grittier, crime-focused approach, probably to the detriment of film as a whole. It basically ushered in the great IP era of film when it comes to superhero movies. 

Batman Begins - Christopher Nolan - 2005

★★★★-When this came out, I thought it was the best Batman movie. Now, this being something like my fifth viewing, I've got it at third behind Burton's 1989 film and The Dark Knight. Have it just ahead of Batman Returns.Heavily influenced by two of the best Batman graphics, Year One and The Long Halloween, also Blade Runner. The look is all Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns.

In the summer of 2005, when this was released, my expectations were pretty low even though I was already a Nolan fan, and was pretty much all in on Christian Bale. However, I didn't see this in the theater. It took some word of mouth convincing, which was right on. Sort of a bummer that this remains the only Nolan movie I didn't see on the big screen save for Following.

Like that Nolan anchors this universe in something resembling reality. The dark aspect of it is one of its major strengths. Now, all DC movies are like this. On a related note, I'm so fucking over comic book movies... 

Storyline is pretty much perfect. Get an origin story that was actually good which then segues into his training, followed by his return to Gotham where there is a plot to throw the city into complete chaos. Mixed in there, I liked the way Wayne is portrayed as a bratty billionaire, as a persona, not actually the man he is. 

Casting is perfect. The villains are great. Liam Neeson as Ra's al Ghul and Cillian Murphy as the Scarecrow are stellar. Also dig Tom Wilkinson as a realistic Carmine Falcone. Gary Oldman as James Gordon, Michael Caine as Alfred, Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, all great. Only weak spot, in my opinion, is Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. She was pretty meh, milquetoast, a total soup sandwich, but it's not like she had a lot to work with. When she is replaced in the second movie, it's barely a blip on the radar. 

Oveall, a great flick. Nolan immerses us in this bleak world and makes it real, giving Gotham City a soul. It's edgy with solid effects that aged well. In the hands of Nolan, it's no wonder that the film transcends the superhero summer blockbuster genre. 

Wonder Woman is the greatest movie of all time

I've touched the darkness that lives in between the light. Seen the worst of this world, and the best. Seen the terrible things men do to each other in the name of hatred, and the lengths they'll go to for love. Now I know. Only love can save this world. So I stay. I fight, and I give... for the world I know can be. This is my mission, now. Forever. 

Trully the greatest movie of all time? Yeah, not quite. Visuals are stunning, action sequences are insane. Plot is decent. Gal Gadot is a star, sort of, but her lines and acting weren't the best. However, she nailed the role. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Thrilling, earnest, and buoyed by Gal Gadot's charismatic performance, Wonder Woman succeeds in spectacular fashion.

Cool to see Germans that aren't Nazis. WWI, so the Nazis are still the bad guys. Cast is great, like with any super hero movie. Lot of "that guy" actors. Liked that Danny Huston was in it. Love a Huston in any movie. Also, Robin Wright is smoking. More so now than ever. Grrr. 

Overall, it's fine, but I didn't think it was anything special. Sure, Gal Gadot is solid and hot. I mean she's no Margot Robbie, and sort of seems like an idiot, but she's an A-list act/beauty. But the film is a lot of really bad Wonder Woman dialogue. A lot of Gal Gadot saying to Chris Pine, "let's save those people," him being like, "are you crazy? We can't do that," and Wonder Woman being all, "We do nothing? I will do it myself." Then doing it. Repeat. 

Also, a lot of bad CGI. I'm not sure what is going on with DC's CGI, but it always looks like shit. I dig how colorful the DC movies are when it visuals. But they get super cartoon when fighting the big bads at the end. 

While it's the best of the DC movies going back to the Christopher Nolan Batman flicks, it'd be in the back half if it were a Marvel movie. Villains are extremely forgettable and numerous. Ares is no Loki, for example. But it's solid and fun. 

Brightburn is the worst movie of all time

Brightburn. Take the world. What if Superman was evil? This movie asks that question. Lame. Fucking hated it. Like any child hitting puberty, this kid turns into a dick. What happens when a little shit discovers he has superpowers is he rages out and kills everyone with his godlike power. He does this because fuck it, that's why. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Although Brightburn doesn't fully deliver on the pitch-black promise of its setup, it's still enough to offer a diverting subversion of the superhero genre.

Gist of this piece is this little kid discovers he has superpowers and decides to stop taking shit from adults, instead just straight up murdering them. Movie stars Elizabeth Banks who is lovely and wins the movie and David Denman who was Pam's first dude in The Office as the parents, Jackson A. Dunn who is the super kid, and Meredith Hagner and Matt Jones (Badger in Breaking Bad) who play his aunt and uncle. The Jones character's death is fucked as he jaw comes off in a real and sick way.

The movie is super uncomfortable. Not only is this kid killing the shit out people for slight perceived offenses, he is also becoming interested in girls. I was scared he was going to start raping little girls to death and such but they spare us this, thank fuck. But in the movie this would kind of make sense since when he breaks bad he gives no more shits.

Doesn't seem to be any way to take this kid down in this universe either. They have Cryptonite, or whatever, that Banks tries to kill him with. But no one is ever going to figure that shit out since it is hidden under the barn and what not. In the end we see him blowing up buildings and just being a super, flying dick. This begs the question, how long before we take something like this down with like a nuke or something. He isn't the only Justice League type hero out there fucking shit up either. We learn this in a nice little cameo tirade from the actor Michael Rooker who is some right-wing conspiracy TV guy like Alex Jones. This was about the only thing, besides Banks, I liked in the movie. In this scene we learn there is a "half-man/half-sea creature capsizing fishing vessels in the South China Sea" and "some kind of witch-woman who chokes people out with ropes." So basically Aquaman and Wonder Woman.

Anywho, we don't really see if the kid is the last of his kind like Superman but I would assume not. They make a big deal of him being like a parasitic wasp raised by bees in a hive that the wasp infiltrates and takes over. So, yeah, this kid's "parents" eventually, once they figure out they fucked up, both try to kill him, so like the wasp in this metaphor, he decimates those that raise him. You really feel for Banks as she is making a huge sacrifice in trying to kill this kid that she loved. This is why she wins the movie. Just like a real child though, he don't care, and takes her up to 30,000 feet and drops her. Bloop. He then immediately takes down a plane that is approaching, killing another couple hundred people. Lame and depressing, this ending. The news and shit picks this up and treats the kid as a victim which doesn't make any sense as the cops were there investigating him for murder and shit and called dispatch saying shit was going down after which they just disappear. Whatever.

Incredibles 2 is the greatest movie of all time

Incredibles 2. Before the movie we get the cast talking about how cool the movie is going to be, how long and hard they have been working on it, and how it is going to be worth the 14 year wait since the last one... And it totally is. After watching the original in the theater when I was in college, I made the joke "it was, dare I say, incredible," to my girl friend at the time's amusement. I forewent the joke on my female companion this time around... But I told her about it because it is hilarious. Totally accurate, too, as other than a few nitpicks here and there it was a perfect movie. In fact, greatest of all time.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Incredibles 2 reunites Pixar's family crimefighting team for a long-awaited follow-up that may not quite live up to the original, but comes close enough to earn its name.

Pros: Great story line. The characters are incredible. The side heroes are dope. The 1950s/60s in this universe look amazing. The Screenslaver visuals were cool. Short at the beginning of the movie was great and made me cry.

Cons: The supervillain is a slight step down from Syndrome.

Gist of the movie is super heroing, still illegal. Maybe more so after the family--consisting of papa Bob, momma Helen, kids Violet and Dash, and baby Jack-Jack--wrecked whatever city this takes place in (the movie starts up at the fight with Underminer who showed up at the very end of the original). The owner of a telco with some political pull wants to change that but he needs Helen to sway public opinion. So while she is out fighting crime, Bob is home taking care of the kids. The movie is the 20th Pixar film and stars Holly Hunter as Helen/Elastigirl, Samuel L. Jackson as Lucius Best/Frozone, Catherine Keener as sister of the telco owner Evelyn Deavor, Huck Milner as Dash, Craig T. Nelson as Bob/Mr. Incredible, Bob Odenkirk as the guy bank rolling the super stuff,  and Sarah Vowell as Violet. Also with smaller roles in the film are Jonathan Banks (Mike from Breaking Bad), the film's director Brad Bird as the unforgettable Edna Mode, and Isabella Rossellini.

Wha? A chick on a motocycle?

Some stuff that stuck out... The movie really transports us to this alternative 1950s with all this cool retro tech and without the racism. But sexism was still a thing, apparently, as Mr. Incredible has a hard time dealing with his wife going out and working while he stays home and cares for the kids. Not really breaking any real ground there but it is good to remind dudes through media not to be assholes, especially right now.

The supervillain isn't bad but I won't spoil it since it is a new movie. But this person is not on Syndrome's level. The motivation for this person is pretty solid which makes it sort of predictable, not that I necessarily mind that, and the execution of plan and what not was solid and looked cool but once they got to the big reveal, I don't know, I was sort of meh. And for the love of shit don't go see this movie if you are prone to seizures as the strobe is a little much.

The other supers they introduce and have to battle with are both interesting and pretty funny. The ones that stuck out Brick the really big/dumb one, Krusher who crushes metal with his mind and is also big and dumb, Voyd who creates portals and is an Elastigirl super fan, and Screech who is like an owl/queen. But one, Reflux, has the most disgusting super power of all time as he vomits up lava as a gross defense mechanism.

The breakout star of this film is obvious to anyone who has seen the film. It is most definitely Jack-Jack. I fucking hate babies and generally dislike them on film. This, however, is one hell of a crazy baby with some 15 super abilities on display. The ones I remember are flying, telekinesis, interdimensional travel, growing into a giant baby, multiplying himself, shape shifting, bursting into flames, producing lightning, shooting lasers out of his eyes, passing through objects, turning into jello, and turning into a demon. These powers, which sort of spring forth randomly, really keep everyone on their toes and lead to some of the best scenes in the flick. Two examples here are the fight with the raccoon, this poor creature, and with Aunt Edna with Jack-Jack walking about the same way she does after she designs his little costume to basically make it possible to keep him under control.

Ready to kick ass

Before said movie there is a little short animation. A little amuse-bouche for the flick. If you have seen other Pixar films you know what I'm talking about. The short before Incredibles 2 called Bao was exceptional among these and has been getting a decent amount of attention in its own right. I LOLed and cried during this little film. Directed by Domee Shi, who started out as a Pixar intern, the short focuses on an older Chinese woman who creates a sentient dumpling that she raises from a baby as a surrogate child. At first things are cool but she eventually covets the little guy too much and he turns into a little dick. When the dumpling eventually brings home this chick--a white chick who at first doesn't seem to respect Chinese custom which freaks the mom out--with A RING ON IT the mom grabs the little guy so he can't get away and eventually eats him whole. He is such a little asshole that the shock of it is really funny. At least for me it was. Then her real son comes home; he has the same girl friend, same facial hair, and same shithead attitude. The mom is hurt and sad but the son starts to realize what a dick he's been. The dad sort of shoves him toward his mom to make him show his mother some damned affection. They have a good cry. I have a good cry as well. Then we see all four of them--the mom, the real son, the wifey, and the dad--making fucking dumplings. The son sucks at it but the girl friend isn't so bad, we see, she's making an effort and the mom and her are getting along. And that's it. Great film. Great little short.

Deadpool 2 is the greatest movie of all time.

Oringal Deadpool was definitely my favorite super hero movie of all time. After one viewing, I like Deadpool 2 probably just as much. Just a heads up, I'm probably going to spoil the shit out of this bitch so read no further if you want to go in cold. Oh, by the by, Deadpool 2 is the greatest movie of all time.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Though it threatens to buckle under the weight of its meta gags, Deadpool 2 is a gory, gleeful lampoon of the superhero genre buoyed by Ryan Reynolds' undeniable charm.

Pros: Funny and fun. Great pacing. Casting is dope. Reynolds is the fucking man. That Zazie Beetz and Morena Baccarin are both pretty ladies. Get the best Deadpool rival/X-Men villain which I will spoil later.

Cons: The constant jokes get somewhat exhausting, I imagine it is more so on the second viewing. Deadpool is too fucking nice.

Spoilers... Deadpool 2 was fucking sick. Reynolds as Wade Wilson and his alter ego Deadpool goes berserk after his wife (Morena Baccarin) is killed, again, spoiler, eventually teams up with the X-Men... but straight up murders a guy while helping out a powerful and violent mutant child. Both Deadpool and the kid, Firefist played by Julian Dennison from Hunt for the Wilderpeople, get sent to mutant jail where time traveling mutant cyborg Cable (Josh Brolin who is also Thanos right now) comes to settle an old score... with the kid, going back in time to end him when it is easy, Terminator style. Turns out the kid grows up to be a shit. Firefist, however, turns out to be a lot harder to kill than expected and Deadpool goes from protecting him to trying to stop him, forming a team rival to X-Men, the X-Force. The 11th X-Men movie that may actually fit into that universe as we see a bunch of them behind a random door at the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. The film also stars Beetz (ger) from the show Atlanta as Domino, Brianna Hildebrand as that Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Jack Kesy whom I've never seen before as Black Tom, Shioli Kutsuna is Yukio who is the NTW's girlfriend, T. J. Miller reprises his role as Weasel, and Karan Soni is back as even more irritating Dopinder. We also get cameos from Terry Crews, Brad Pitt (who is in the movie for all of three seconds max), and Bill Skarsgård who was Pennywise in the most recent It movie.

When I was checking the movie's IMDB page when I came across the plot summary provided by the studio that made the film, Twentieth Century Fox. It is a bit different and totally unrelated to the movie, which is fitting. It reads: "After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Miami's hottest bartender, while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor - finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World's Best Lover."

Okay, time to talk about the Juggernaut. Wow. That is tits. Only the second time he has been in the X-Men movies. First time he was remotely done right. The first he showed up was in X-Men: The Last Stand which was more or less universally hated (I thought it was okay but was disappointed while the girl I saw it with wanted to leave the movie--my tolerance for garbage is insane though). In that version of Juggernaut Vinnie Jones was more or less a normal sized dude with slight powers (he couldn't be stopped when he got going) who was irritating AF. Around that time there was that "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch" video that came out. It was considered pretty funny, though I didn't really get it, and it became sort of sort of hilarious to scream, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch" at inappropriate times. What was super insane about ,X-Men: The Last Stand was that Vinnie Jones's character fucking said "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" which was fucking bananas. I thought for fucking sure he was going to say it in this flick as well but it didn't happen.

Anyway, now we have the truly massive Juggernaut (my favorite scene from any of the Deadpool comics was Juggernaut this size on a commercial flight) with his super strength, regeneration, unstoppable momentum, and metal helmet that keeps Charles Xavier, his brother (in the comics as least) from fucking with his mind (Magneto style). When he first showed up in this movie it was shocking. Deadpool, like the audience, breaks the fourth-wall to show what a super he is of one of his biggest enemies. Juggernaut, for his part, rips Wade in half which leads to him walking around with little baby legs, which was genuinely hilarious. But yeah, Juggernaut showing up was the best little surprise of the movie. It was sort of disappointing when they seemingly killed him off, "you can't kill him off already!", but then at the end you seem him pulling himself out of the pool he was being electrocuted in. Need that guy for the franchise, main!

Speaking of the future of the series, it's impossible to tell where the franchise is going as the timeline is completely shot to shit during the closing credits so make sure you stay put for that. What happens is the Negasonic Teenage Warhead fucks up bad. She "fixes" Cable's time machine and just gives it over to Wade who is like "I'm gonna abuse the shit out of this!" at which point she is like, "uh, I just really fucked up." Uh, yeah, dude goes back in time and basically made the whole movie sort of unnecessary with his time travelling. Immediately he stops the big twist that happens at the beginning of the movie and sets up everything that goes down. He is shown saving Peter who's the normal dude who joined them because it sounded fun, Deadpool was all "fuck yeah!" when he wanted to join X-Force though he was obviously going to die. Also, dude gets weird with it. He kills off the Deadpool from X-Men Origins: Wolverine, for example, and in a super meta-moment he kills a Ryan Reynolds just after he's finished reading the script for Green Lantern. So yeah, dope from start to the post credits.

Deadpool is the great movie of all time

IMO this is the best Marvel movie. I've watched it five times, the most recent in prep for the sequel, and it is still dope. Here is some masturbatory preamble... I didn't get into comic books until my mid 20s. At that point it was mostly just because and my literary tastes had already been long established (self-aware meta shit was my jams). That being the case, I went into a comic book store and asked the stereotypical fat comic book dude what I should read. He gave me Planetary and Deadpool both of which I still love. For DP it was the series "The Circle Chase" which featured The Juggernaut who was mad hot at the time because of that "I"m The Juggernaut, bitch," video that my girlfriend of the time found to be the most offensive thing of all time. Shout out to Clare (she definitely had a point). Later he became my go to hero whilst playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, probably my favorite game of all time. Gotta love that regeneration and teleportation, main. This, more than anything else, got me into the character. I mention all this to let the world fucking know that I was into that shit before anybody. I'll cut you if you accuse me of jumping on that bandwagon. Cut you. Anywho, love a character who can enjoy a good chimichanga is what it comes down to. So I was stoked to see the character on screen. And the shit did not disappoint. Knocked it out of the goddamned park and Deadpool was indeed the greatest movie of all time.

Colossus. Russian. Metal. Good job.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: Fast, funny, and gleefully profane, the fourth-wall-busting Deadpool subverts superhero film formula with wildly entertaining -- and decidedly non-family-friendly -- results.

Pros: Solidly funny. Pokes a lot of fun at the superhero genre like Scream does with horror. Ryan Reynolds is dope. Great pacing. Gina Carano is a pretty lady. The first X-Men movie to not fuck up Colossus.

Cons: Some may call it crass and juvenile. It is but it was fun in the end.

Carano. A pretty lady

Gist of the first one is that mercenary Wade Wilson meets a chick, they get engaged, he gets cancer, undertakes experiment treatment that is basically just torture which leads to disfigurement and superpowers, becomes Deadpool, tells jokes, searches for the guy who fucked his shit up (Ajax), meets up with X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead (meh), kicks ass. The movie stars Reynolds as Deadpool, Morena Baccarin (who I'm pretty sure was crazy eyes in How I Met Your Mother) as DP's love interest Vanessa, Carano who was an MMA fighter, Brianna Hildebrand as NTW, Stefan Kapičić voices Colossus, T.J. Miller who played Erlich Bachman in Silicon Valley, Ed Skrein as Ajax, Karan Soni as the annoying cab driver, and Leslie Uggams as Blind Al who I fucking swore was Nichelle Nichols (Uhura on Star Trek) but I'm an idiot apparently. It's technically the eighth X-Men movie but has to be in a different universe and is hard to tell where in the universe it fits in which it pokes fun at. It also shits on several timelines including the first movie Deadpool appears in, X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Some of the best shit from the flick is the opening scene, which is one of those stopping time dealies. It is a moment in time right before a bunch of carnage in the middle of a big highway fight scene where the bad guys are getting thrown from an SUV that is flipping sideways. They lay nonsense credits over scene--stuff like staring "a hot chick," "a CGI character," "god's perfect idiot," "written by the real heroes here," and so forth--while the song Angel of the Morning by Juice Newton (it's that song that goes "Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby"). Once time starts moving again one guy is decapitated, one guy is thrown 30 feet into an exit overhead sign, and one is crushed under the SUV. Deadpool, in this moment, worries about if he left his oven on. In case you haven't seen it, here it is...

The post-credit scene is also a nice bit of nonsense. Deadpool, donning a bathrobe, says something to the effect of "why are you still here," Matthew Broderick from Ferris Bueller's Day Off style in a total nod to that scene. Makes sense that they would reference that movie as both are solid examples of metafiction where both characters tool on the audience for still being in the theater after the movie is technically over. Bueller is sort of Deadpool's brethren when you think about it. Snarky all nonsense characters that like to break the fourth wall. I love that shit. Deadpool also goes a little further, as Marvel movies are wont to do, when he talks about the sequel which he says will feature Cable and then goes into possible casting before finally making a few more little jokes how the Marviel Cinematic Universe teases the next flick in the series during the post-credit scene in every fucking movie. We then get the final "chika-chikaa" from the song "Oh, Yeah", by Yello, that's featured in FBDO. Here it is, for your viewing pleasure.

Anywho, the movie is basically one-liners and action. I like the one-liners more than the action which I think is sort of universal but don't know. The action is pretty cool, especially with Colossus who finally looks like the comic book character and is finally Russian for Christ's sake, but it's still watching someone else play a video game. Probably the most humorous stuff though is how he makes fun of superheros. Like how cool NTW and Ajax's names are and the super hero landing they are always doing. Shit we've all thought about and are hip to as lame devices. So yeah, a solid first feature film for the character with a bunch of ridiculous jokes, disembowelment, a raging superhero, and sympathetic alter-ego. Shit is dope.

Avengers: Infinity Wars is the greatest movie of all time

Avengers: Infinity Wars. Spoilers. Mad spoilers, bra. With a decade of Marvel Studios flicks, Marvel Cinematic Universe has all been building up to this. To give you an idea of the size, it is one of the most expensive movies ever made, Wikipedia lists the budget at $300-$400 million, it has the highest grossing weekend of all time and is already in the top 50 highest-grossing films ever. Most critics love that shit, too. All the action. All the feels. Greatest movie of all time.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Avengers: Infinity War ably juggles a dizzying array of MCU heroes in the fight against their gravest threat yet, and the result is a thrilling, emotionally resonant blockbuster that (mostly) realizes its gargantuan ambitions.

Meh

Pros: Story is fucking solid. Even though there are like 400 people in it they do a good job of getting everyone a lot of screen time and telling how everyone sort of fits in. So much star power it is insane. Some truly shocking moments that are quite emotionally affecting. Thor continues to be hilarious and awesome.

Cons: Feel sort of nitpicky listing any of these as "cons" because the movie fucking ruled. It was just with the movie being so long there were just several little things to list, some more valid than others. First, I was not emotionally ready for the ending. Plus, knowing the bare minimum about comics, the weight of that ending is undercut by the fact that no one in comics ever dies. Thanos is sort of lame. Too much of the story relies on us giving a shit about Gamora (who probably gets the most screen time) which is tough because she has basically just been the love interest up to this point. Not enough Captain America and his click.

Gist of the Infinity War is that most but not all of the Avengers (notably missing were Ant-Man and Hawkeye) and some of their super buddies (the Guardians of the Galaxy, basically, and Dr. Strange and some Black Panther) get it on with the most powerful villain in the Marvel Universe, Thanso, who is going about trying to complete his little set of Infinity Stones which he wants to use to kill half of living things in the universe because of resources. Like Killmonger in Black Panther, he's not wrong, he's just an asshole.

The movie was directed by Russo bros Anthony and Joe features the ensemble cast of all the usuals. Going back over the cast, this shit is insane. Basically this is a who's who list of Hollywood talent. See it listed is pretty cray. A partial list, in alphabetical order, includes Dave Bautista as Drax, Paul Bettany as Vision, Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, Josh Brolin as Thanso, Don Cheadle as War Machine, Bradley Cooper as Rocket Raccoon, Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr. Strange, Benicio Del Toro as The Collector, Vin Diesel as Groot, Peter Dinklage as Eitri, Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Captain America, Karen Gillan as Nebula, Danai Gurira as Okoye, Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Tom Holland as Spider Man, Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, Anthony Mackie as Falcon, Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch, Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, Chris Pratt as Star-Lord, Mark Ruffalo as Hulk/Bruce Banner, Zoe Saldana as Gamora, and Sebastian Stan as Bucky. This only scratches the surface.

A lot of stuff I have been thinking about that I loved here. First, the film is book-ended by two scenes that were shocking as fu-uck. The one at the beginning which was just fucking nuts was when Thanos, already with the Power Stone in hand, hops on the spaceship with all the Asgardian refugees on it following the events of Thor: Ragnarok to strong arm the Space Stone in that there old Tesseract cube from the various flicks. In the process Hulk comes out of the woodwork to end this bullshit and gets beat the fuck down which was a serious WTF moment. With him out of the way, Thanos and his group of underlings called The Children of Thanos (consisting of Corvus Glaive, Ebony Maw, Proxima Midnight, and Cull Obsidian), they easily bitch Thor, kill Loki (played by Tom Hiddleston), and Heimdall (played by Idris Elba) before blowing up the ship, killing everyone but Thor (who just floats through space until the Guardians find him) and Hulk whom Heimdall beamed to Earth with the Bifrost before he met his end. Hell of a way to start things off, I'll tell you.

Then there is the ending which was a complete fucking shock. Obviously spoiling shit here so don't give me shit. At the end we have all the characters coming together in Wakanda, getting it on with Thanos, and seemingly sort of stopping him by destroying the final stone in his collection, the Mind Stone, by killing Vision. Woohoo. No. Thanos, who can bend time, space, reality, so forth, but generally chooses close quarter hand-to-hand, turns back time reassembling Vision and plucks the stone from his melon, killing him again. If you've seen Dr. Strange you should probably sort of expected this but if you are like me then you didn't think of it until it went down. It was cray AF. Thor shows up here with his newly forged hammah and smacks the shit out of Thanos who teleports the fuck out of there. Sort of think it is over or whatever but then they start disintegrating with half of them and half of all life in universe fucking dying. When Black Panther blew away it was too much, main. "No!" I yelled in my car at the drive in. We also lose all the Guardians except Rocket. Damn. But, yeah, after it's over its hard to know how to take all this death/the movie in general. Obviously all the ash characters can't stay gone. There are two more Black Panther movies coming out for Christ's sake. 

Anywho, another thing of note here was that Thanos knew Tony Stark by name, which is interesting. Tony, for his part, claims that Thanos has been "inside my head"--or something like that--for six years which was the whole shit that went down in New York in the first Avengers movie. Thanos, on the other hand, seems to only have respect for one human,Tony, whom he sees as the main Avenger aka protector of earth or whatever, I guess. Regardless, they are obviously connected and what not and I'm thinking Tony will have to sacrifice himself or some such shit since Dr. Strange gave up an Infinity Stone to save his life though he said he would not do that just a few scenes before. But after Strange had his little vision, which is the only way it played out that they defeat Thanos, so he must need to live for that shit to play out. 

Chris on Chris action

Some other shit that I'll mention was that Dinklage shows up out of nowhere. He is a fucking dwarf but is a giant dwarf. He ends up being the tallest person in the movie which is probably a fucking wet dream for dude and what not. The best shit of the movie though was the Chris Hemsworth vs Chris Pratt doofus off where they both crack wise at each other despite Thor having just lost all his people in mass genocide and Star-Lord having just caused the end of half of all life in the universe because he is an idiot.

The last thing I shall mention is that this flick has really put out some dank ass memes. Most of them revolve around Thanos either looking ridiculous or being an asshole or obsessing over his stones. I leave you with these, some of my faves, for your viewing pleasure.

Black Panther is the greatest movie of all time

Black Panther (BP). So hyped I thought it was going to be impossible for it to live up. For the most part it does. It's a super solid movie and is at worst a top three Marvel Cinematic Universe film. I'd put it at second behind Ragnarok and just ahead of the first Guardians movie. Dope but not perfect, basically. But culturally it is what we need, or at least that is my unoriginal take.

Fake news

Forever it's been the unspoken rule that black movies don't sell. Just like R-rated superhero movies would sell tickets before Deadpool.  This became the spoken rule when the Sony leaks came out. But it's the foreign audience that is racist... Right... But here we are.  With this dope black movie that is fucking crushing it. Right time? Right circumstances? Definitely. Yeah, what we need. Also a dope movie in a kick ass universe. Hopefully studios learn the right lesson here which I shan't get into.

Just stop

The dumbest shit I've seen said about this movie is from fucking Breitbart which I shant link to (ever). At first the right said it sucked. Created Facebook events to flood Rotten Tomatoes with negative reviews to tank the audience score and shit. This was the alt-right reaction to what they call "social justice warriors" or SJWs. When that didn't work they took to condescending everybody with their "hey black people, Wakanda does not exist." No fucking shit. No one fucking thinks that. Gotham, Metropolis, Atlantis. No one believes they exist either. When Justice League came out no one said anything like this. Shit is racist. Now, typically, they are claiming as their own which is fucking absurd. The dumbshit at Breitbart in "The Movie’s Hero Is Trump, the Villain Is Black Lives Matter" trolls us with shit like "If T’Challa is Trump, Killmonger is Black Lives Matter. Did I just write that? Yes. I. Did." At first I thought he had only watched the first half of the movie because T'Challa abandons his isolationist philosophies but then we get this shit: "By the end of the movie, T’Challa is even more like Trump inasmuch as he sees that his country of Wakanda cannot completely isolate itself from the world because he has a moral responsibility to help others," and "if T’Challa were a left-wing Democrat — a Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton — he would oppose bringing people together." What's that now? This has to be a fucking joke. Not funny though. And the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Black Panther elevates superhero cinema to thrilling new heights while telling one of the MCU's most absorbing stories -- and introducing some of its most fully realized characters.

Pros: Story is fucking dope. Get some vegetarian representation, finally (though that character does make a joke about feeding a dude to his kids ["JK. We don't eat meat."] which was sardonic and hilarious). The cast is sick.

Cons: The action is meh, like always. Every movie is Some of the CGI was shockingly bad. Like in the scene during the big battle near the end when BP tackles a rhino I laughed out loud it looked like such shit. It was worse than anything in the Lord of the Rings movies from 15 years ago. Definitely the worst CGI I've seen in a MCU flick.

To start, if there is hot black actor in a show or a movie you've seen in the last couple years, they are probably in this movie. Got Chadwick Boseman as T'Challa / Black Panther. Was James Brown, Thurgood Marshall, and Jackie Robinson. Lot of sweet historical roles there. Michael B. Jordan who was Creed in Creed, Wallace in The Wire, and QB1 in Friday Night Lights, is Killmonger (or as I call him, Murdergasm), the main villain dude. Lupita Nyong'o who was in 12 Years a Slave, Star Wars: The Forece Awakens, and The Jungle Book is one of the female leads/love interest, Danai Gurira who is Michone in The Walking Dead, Daniel Kaluuya who is the main dude in Get Out, Angela Bassett and Forest Whitaker who need no introduction are in it, as is Sterling K. Brown from This is Us and played Christopher Darden in American Crime Story. Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis (who was really dope) are the white dudes that are also in the movie.

The films gives us T'Challa who rises from prince to king--which comes with the perk of receiving the powers of the Black Panther--of the technologically advanced isolationist nation state of Wakanda. As seen in Captain America: Civil War, the previous king, T'Challa's old man, was killed in a terrorist attack. After a brief reign on the throne, Killmonger, T'Challa's cousin who's dad (T'Challa's paternal uncle), seizes power with the intention of using Wakanda's tech to cause worldwide uprisings for oppressed peoples (he isn't wrong but is sort of a total asshole [with his {spoiler} dying breath he basically tells T'Challa "You still a slave, bitch" but much more eloquently). Shit then hits the old fan.

Two things I've been focusing on with this movie--one of which came up in conversation while the other came up in a podcast--were how his suit works and vibranium as a metaphor for culture. The suit comes out of the dueling black panthers' necklaces. It sort of engulfs them. But late in the movie, at a point when the vibranium that they run on is neutralized, we sort of see the suit pealing off sort of thing where we get bare skin. So are they naked underneath that? Are their clothes like stuffed in those little teeth on the necklace? How are they clothed when the suit completely disappears? So forth. The vibranium as a metaphor for culture is the hottest take I've heard on the movie. Heard it on the podcast The Daily Zeitgeist. The guest was talking about an African friend of his who came up with this. Slick viewing, this guy. This guy says vibranium is "a treasure trove of artistic and spiritual resources that, like Wakanda, are 'hiding in plain sight'-- disdained by whites, but also always at risk of being exploited by them." So basically look for academic study on this film in the future (which I'm totally into).

Only thing I can really shit on besides the CGI are the weapons that Okoye (Gurira) and Shuri (T'Challa's sister who is played by Letitia Wright and is like a super genius) use in the battle scenes. Okoye has these magic frisbee golf  discs while Shuri has these lame wizard hands that shoot concussion blasts of vibranium. Shit is whack. But, yeah, other than that shit is dope. You should watch it as it is the greatest movie of all time.

Justice League is the worst film of all time

So the Justice League is bad but also is really bad. But not as bad as I was expecting. Out of the 2.75 DC Universe films I've seen, I basically couldn't finish Batman vs. Superman and haven't seen Man of Steel or Wonder Woman yet, I'd put this as the most enjoyable. Again, though, pretty bad. Justice League, in fact, was the worst film of all time. I know I just said it was better than two other movies but we are binary in this bitch.

When it comes to the comics I'm into, I much more of a DC than Marvel guy. However, with the movies, there are no DC over Marvel people, though the Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy was god tier. Saying such a thing would give one limited credibility. Based on all the shit that DC is putting out, I'd be surprised if we get much farther in that world before it all falls apart. That said, let's get into it.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Justice League leaps over a number of DC movies, but its single bound isn't enough to shed the murky aesthetic, thin characters, and chaotic action that continue to dog the franchise.

Ger

Pros: Music--both Danny Elfman's original (which included some dope samples of previous Batman and Superman themes) and the soundtrack. That Gal Gadot is really something. That Superman guy, Henry Cavill, is pretty good too.

Cons: The CGI is shockingly bad. I fucking can't get past it. Steppenwolf, the villain, looks especially horrendous. He is also a loser. The plot is confusing and is all over the place. The Flash running looks stupid. The Flash is basically Spiderman. The jokes that they sandwiched in for the reshoots are fucking terrible and need to stop.

The basic gist here is Aquaman (Jason Momoa who was Kahl Drogo in GoT), Batman (Ben Affleck), Cyborg whom I hate (Ray Fisher who I've never seen in anything else), Flash (Ezra Miller, a Justin Long/Chris Kattan hybrid), and Wonder Woman (Gadot who is really something) come together to fight off this stupid looking CGI dude wearing a horned helmet named Steppenwolf who is all about enslaving Earth with the use of the three Mother Boxes, don't ask, and his flying, insectile goons called Parademons that feed on fear and also look stupid. All this is sort of vaguely follows Justice League #1 for the The New 52, especially when it comes to these Parademons. To defeat Steppenwolf, however, they require what-have-yous of Superman who is at present living impaired. So they must resurrect the uber man like the Christlike figure that he is to kick ass and take names. 

Steppenwolf, basking in his lameness

Things go wrong right off the... ugh... bat. The movie starts with a little phone video of Superman. Obviously one of the reshoots as his lip looks weird. Because actor Henry Cavill had in his contract for another film--Mission Impossible 6 (which I'm sure will be... great)--that he couldn't shave his stache, they had to CGI it out. This is not a good first impression. Nor does the CGI get any better as, again, Steppenwolf is just looks fucking god awful. Steppenwolf is also super fucking bland and boring. His motivation is crazy fucking vague, too.

The most cringe worthy acting comes from Fisher, Miller, and Momoa though it is hard to say if it is actually the performance or the shit they have to say. While I still can't get behind Affleck as Batman, I guess he does alright. Superman is cool and dark and has insane pecs. Gadot is an attractive lady who moves like a bad ass and is quite compelling. Jeremy Irons is okay. Everyone else is just there.

The best parts of the movie were when they wake up Superman and he loses his shit on everyone, basically any time Wonder Woman is on screen doing her thing, the scene where Aquaman (a total bro in this flick) confesses a bunch of uncomfortable stuff for a bro because he is holding Wonder Woman's lasso (which was the funniest scene in the movie), and the end, post-credit scene when Lex Luther (played by Jesse Eisenberg) meets with Deathstroke, saying that they should "form (their) own league." Best scene in the movie shouldn't be hyping another movie, obviously... but it sort of got me interested/excited about what might be on the horizon for the DC Extended Universe.

Spider-man: Homecoming is the greatest movie of all time

Out of the three Spiderman reboots I've seen in my adulthood, I'd put Spider-man: Homecoming slightly above the Sam Raimi/Tobey Maguire iteration. People that hate on either of those don't fucking know. What puts this one above the other two is, more than anything, its tying into the wider Marvel Cinematic Universe. First Spiderman movie to do that since that has been a thing, which is dope.

Having just come off his debut in the MCU in Captain America: Civil War, this film follows young Peter Parker as he adjusts to life as a superhero whilst going through normal, infuriating high school drama. After helping save the world or whatever, Parker finds life with his guardian Aunt May (the still lovely Marisa Tomei) to be pretty fucking boring. Plus he has father-figure Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Happy (Jon Favreau), Stark's bodyguard, monitoring his every move. As Parker hones his skills as a crime-fighter, the blue-collar villain Vulture (Michael Keaton) shows up to fuck shit up because reasons. It's not super clear but just roll with it. 

Noice

Pros: Fun. Funny. Solid cameos. Keaton. The beautiful Tomei. They skip the origin story. Outstanding soundtrack. Solidly grounded in the MCU. The twist at the end. Cool Stark engineered suit with the Iron Man talking computer thing.

Cons: Villain is sort of weak/small timey. A lot of the high school kids are sort of annoying. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Spider-Man: Homecoming does whatever a second reboot can, delivering a colorful, fun adventure that fits snugly in the sprawling MCU without getting bogged down in franchise-building.

Notes: The movie opens with an origin story for the bad guy rather than yet another rehashing of Peter Parker's transformation. With Spiderman we just get a little bit of a rehashing of what happened in Captain America: Civil War. I still like that they use a person that could actually pass for a high school student instead of someone in his mid to late 20s (although actor Tom Holland is in fact 21). They even portray him as sort of a screw up. Like when his buddy tells everyone at school that Parker knows Spiderman most no one believes it, especially this raging prick who is more or less Parker's bully. There is some humor that comes about as a result of this like when Spiderman pounces down on his car or something while fighting crime, smashing the car, as Spiderman swings away the dude asks him "if he knows Peter Parker." That dude is a fucking hater. Anyway, after that little recap of Civil War we jump right in. All of this is appreciated. Have a lot of time to do some character developing and what not instead of giving us a bunch of shit that everybody already knows.

He'll always be Troy to me

This is the funniest/most fun of all the movies in the MCU. We get humor almost right off the bat with Tony Stark (Robert Downy Jr.), whom is a father figure as both a business man and as a superhero in his alter ego Iron Man, ending a conversation with Parker in a limo by reaching over him to open the door. Parker thinks he was coming in for a hug. Stark goes out of his way to explain that was not in fact a hug and that he just wanted him out of his car. Lot of the other humor somewhat relies on the cameos and your having to know who several B-listers are and their appearance is amusing. One is Hannibal Buress, Peter Parker's gym teacher, who is in no way athletic and might genuinely be insane. His role as a teacher and coach is absurd in that he has obviously not one for physical fitness and is more one for getting stoned and eating garbage. He is also into showing his students videos of Captain America, as any true gym teacher would be. The other stellar cameo is that of Donald Glover who is Troy on Community, the main dude on Atlanta, and soon to be Lando Calrissian in the Hans Solo Star Wars prequel. He plays some sort of stoner drug dealer dude who is not phased by anything and super unimpressed with Spiderman. Also of note are small roles by Kenneth Choi (Lewis from Last Man on Earth, Judge Ito in The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story), Martin Starr (whom you may recall from Party Down and Freaks and Geeks), and the Tom Hardy doppelganger from Prometheus (Logan Marshall-Green). Also get a glimpse of a picture of Kafka, one of my heroes and why I'm a vegetarian, who wrote the story "The Metamorphosis" about a dude who turns into a bug. It's god tier.

Way to crush those dreams, yo!

Another solid little thing I appreciated was that there were no Maguire spidey lips. When Parker scales the Washington Monument when his academic decathlon team travelled to DC and saves them from falling down an elevator shaft, his love interest, who has a thing for Spidey, stands near the elevator with Spiderman dangling upside down. She sort of starts to go in for the kiss but his web busts. No stupid kiss. Yay!

Anywho, I'm not going to spoil the twist at the end other than to say that there is one and woah ho ho. Also, the outro credits are really cool to watch while you wait for the standard post credit scene at the end of every MCU movie. This one was dope. The best, I say.