The Visit was the worst movie of all time

I know it is cool to hate on M. Night Shyamalan but I like more of his movies than I dislike. This one had its moments where I really liked it and was seriously fucking terrified. However, a lot of it didn't make sense and the last five minutes are fucking horrible and pointless. Should have just ended the movie after the climax. Instead we get inappropriate rapping. It's like the scene at the end of Alice in Wonderland when Johnny Depp randomly starts dancing for a half hour except with a child rapping about getting a diaper full of shit pushed in his face and how that shit did not taste like chicken. What the hell is going on here? I have no idea.

Pros: A lot of good here. Fucking scary. The obligatory twist is insane. Strangeness works in its favor.

Cons: A lot of bad here. Mostly jump scares. The ending is cringeworthy and stupid. Child rapping.

Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain spoilers. I don't give up the ending in this one since the MNS twist is fucking crazy, but I do include lots of plot details.

Notes: Kids are making a documentary about going to their grandparents' house for the first time. Their mother left the house on bad terms a decade and a half before. Mom is sad they are leaving. Cries as she runs next to their train as it rides off. The girl is a dick to the ticket taker then the brother freestyles about sex with his fifth grade girl friend. The first half of the movie is this kid rapping.

Grandparents seem normal. If they were this would be a different movie. They have a 9:30 bed rule. That is when Grams and Pop-Pop get into their weird shit. Nana pukes repeatedly on the floor and the next day while the kids are playing under the house she chases after them on all fours like a crazy lady. After that when she gets up and walks away, her dress is ripped and we see all the way up to one of her butt cheeks. If you are keeping track of the drive-in totals that is one butt cheek. It is insane and sort of hilarious.

Some loser shows up confirming they are actually psychologists of some kind so able to hold down a job. From the shit they say I'd say they are amateur at best. PP says later he worked in the coal industry but got fired after Talks about all the gossip at the hospital. Some recovering drug addict comes by later and basically says the same shit. She eventually comes back and sort of disappears. She shows back up towards the end hanging from a tree out back. This is totally unexplained and goes nowhere. I have no idea what the fuck is up with that.

The grandparents basically start out fucking insane and progress to deranged. I have a rule about getting the fuck out if anything insane happens the first time I go to your house. That is especially true if it involves relations of people. I call it my Blue Velvet rule. These kids should adopt a similar rule.

Around here the kids get to learn about incontinence. Senior moments really start to escalate. PP attacks some guy and puts on a tuxedo for a costume party. NN scratches up and down the wall like a cat. And she is naked. That's two more ass cheeks. Mom says yeah, it's fine. Ask NN about mom. NN makes her get in the oven then NN has a freakout and thrashes about. Can't ask about mom anymore. Also, I bet they provide great medical care.

Sister lets the brother vamp for a while about playing football when he was eight, also, don't let your kids play tackle football when they are eight (or at all). He then turns the camera on her and makes her cry for no reason. They cry about their dad leaving and being a dick.

NN laughs like an idiot at the wall and says she has a deep darkness and she has to laugh to keep it in. Okay. Catch Gramps with a shotgun in his mouth. He is “just cleaning it” he says way too many times to be true. Start secretly filming them at that point. That night NN finds the hidden camera immediately and nearly scares the piss out of me.

Fucking gross

NN starts talking about aliens in the bottom of pond. What the hell is up with this? After watching Going Clear and whats-her-face's documentary, I am pretty sure all of this can be chalked up to Scientology.

And then THE TWIST is fucking insane. What the fuck is happening? The last half hour is genuinely terrifying and total fucking bananas. Except for the last which are fucking dumb.