Air Force One - Wolfgang Petersen -1997

★★★-Imagine Die Hard, same beats and everything, on a plane, with the President. That is exactly what this movie is. I went to this opening weekend when I was 16. Ludicrous, sure, but that's the charm. Perfect movie for Fourth of July weekend. 

Couldn't help think of what our real presidents would do under threat of capture with an escape hatch on board. 46 would have stayed on the plane and died as he isn't a superhero. 45 would have absolutely ditched his family and probably wouldn't have given a shit. Figure H.W. would have had the best chance, but he was a bit old at that point. Maybe Ford, LBJ, or JFK. Eisenhower was too old, maybe. I won't conjecture past that. 

Stars Harrison Ford as the President who we learn in exposition was a Medal of Honor recipient, Gary Oldman as the head Russian terrorist, Glenn Close as the VP, Wendy Crewson as the First Lady, “that guy” actor Xander Berkeley, and Liesel Matthews as the First Kid. Fun fact, her family owns the Hyatt hotel chain among other things. They control a fortune worth over $15 billion, though she had to sue her shithead dad to get any of the fortune. She's probably worth close to a billion. Also, William H. Macy, Dean Stockwell, and Paul Guilfoyle play various cabinet members. 

It was the fifth highest-grossing film of 1997 and was incredibly nominated for two Academy Awards (Best Sound and Best Film Editing), losing both to Titanic. Directed by Wolfgang Petersen. He did Das Boot, The NeverEnding Story, In the Line of Fire, Outbreak, The Perfect Storm, and Troy, among other things.

The movie has two modes, action-packed, and sort of boring. The pacing is insane and could have been way tighter. It feels like it takes place in real time with A LOT of walking around the isles of the plane and Ford prairie dogging his head from one level of the plane to the next. There is more, like the scene where the President reads a phone manual and later sends a fax. Also, there is this crazy time-consuming subplot where Dean Stockwell as the Defense Secretary tries to get the VP to invoke the 25th Amendment to get the President declared incapable. It really doesn't work. A bunch of CGI, too, that ages pretty poorly. Like Mortal Combat level graphics.

No one in the movie really has anything to work with except Harrison Ford. Close, for example, could have been replaced by a D-lister and the movie wouldn't have suffered at all. But the reason this movie rules and why it was a blockbuster are it was an excuse for Harrison Ford to play hero ball and be a kick ass action star. Mission accomplished. 

Cookie's Fortune is the worst movie of all time

Cookie's Fortune. Nobody in this family commits suicide. Suicide is a disgrace. Only crazy people commit suicide. Man, this movie is a bunch of bullshit. Hey, quick thought, can this movie use the word "cookie" a few more times? That would just really touch me.

Robert Altman movie. He of the M*A*S*H*, The Long Goodbye, and Nashville fame. Second of his movie's I've watched this week. Gosford Park, the first, was sort of meh. Gave it the greatest of all time, but I think that was bullshit. It was a garbled mess. This is so much worse. I don't think I care for Robert Altman. RIP.

Congratulations

Solid cast includes Ned Beatty, Glenn Close (who I guess won the movie), Charles S. Dutton, Lyle Lovett, Julianne Moore, Niecy Nash from Reno 911, Patricia Neal, Chris O'Donnell, Liv Tyler, and Courtney B. Vance.

Gist of this movie is Cookie, who is this rich old senile broad played by Particia Neal, kills herself. Her sister, maybe (I'll get into that later), played by Glenn Close, and niece, Julianne Moore, find her, destroy evidence, and make it look like a murder. Charles S. Dutton gets blamed. Shit goes off the rails.

Man, I can't get over what a shitshow this turned into. After it gets wrapped up with Glenn Close getting charged with the murder because of a fuckton of physical evidence she leaves behind, they drop this bombshell that would have ruined a better movie. As this was already shit, it made my head throb. Basically, the end becomes this fucking mess of a garbled family tree out of nowhere for no fucking reason. The whole movie, Glenn Close is Julianne Moore's mother who is Liv Tyler's mother. Then, they get some complicated blood evidence and, like, I thought it meant that either Glenn Close was Liv Tyler's mom or Patricia Neal. But I have no idea because Liv Tyler starts saying stuff like "my daddy is my uncle, my sister is my aunt, my daughter is my sister, my momma is god knows who." It's the end of the movie, what are we doing here? Let's make everyone question who they are related to in the most confusing way right here before rolling credits. What the fuck is happening? I don't know who shat who out, and I'm not sure most the characters know either.

Lot of bullshit with this movie. Julianne Moore's character is real dumb. Like practically drooling dumb. But she is the star of this play within the movie (Oscar Wilde's "Salome") and is this amazing actress. No one comments on how dissonent this is so I'm guessing that it is just Julianne Moore going for it and being sort of out of character. Also, everybody pretty much knows that Patricia Neal committed suicide, but Moore and Close couldn't get their stories straight, so the law is like, ha, you dumb bitch, you are fucked now. So basically, everyone is just okay with Glenn Close wrongly going away for murder, and they know it. I mean, she is terrible. But so is this movie.