Scream 7 is trash

Stu, you know, this guy.

★★--Oof. This film was all-nonsense. Kevin Williamson really fell off. Here are some of the things that really stuck out as stupid from this movie… 

 

The panic room that makes no sense, they leave, and you can access through the wall. Why even have a panic room? Also, why don’t you have more guns? And why can’t you shoot for shit? Also, Joel McHale, Sidney’s husband, is the town’s sherriff, you’d think maybe he’d have the cops he works with protect his family since Ghostface is actively trying to kill them. And it has long been heavily implied that Sidney’s husband was Detective Mark Kincaid from the third movie. In maybe Scream 4 we are told that he is named Mark, but now it’s this other Mark. I guess that name isn’t off the table for ole Sid, which sort of implies that they never had a serious thing going on. Ok. 

 

Ger.

Speaking of dumb retcons, spoilers below, Matthew Lillard is back as Stu Macher, sort of. He is pretty funny and obviously having a good time. Is that a positive though? Overall, the characters in this film are bad and include all the stereotypes except athlete. Have the boyfriend. The weird boy They are played by Asa Germann and Sam Rechner and are interchangeable. The black BFF. The gay guy. The theater chick, who was the only one of them I recognized. Played Mckenna Grace from the post-covid Ghostbuster films and who was just in that Regretting You movie. And the survivor girl. They all barely have names.  

Woman that plays Sid’s daughter, Isabel May, at least looks super cute. She does look 30 though. Is 25. Her face is kind of an amalgamation of Juliet Lewis, that Linda Cardellini woman from ER and Freaks and Geeks, Alison Lohman from the aughts, Maria Bello, and some Jennifer Lawrence. 

 

Gail is still a bitch. Though now she’s traumatized. You feel sorry for her. Courteney Cox looks pretty good compared to the other last few movies. She’s crazy as fuck though and she moves like an old lady. Neve Campbell is back as Sidney nee Prescott. Everything about her character and performance were lame. And Jimmy Tatro who I still think of as the alleged dick-drawer in American Vandal is there as the dumb guy half of the standard opening kill. 

 

Camp, who seems like a real C U Next Tuesdee, talked a bunch of shit on social, saying “The boycott didn’t work. The critics hate didn’t work. The pathetic leaks didn’t work. What worked was audiences coming out and making the film a success.” I’d wait to see how long you stay in that top spot before doing a victory lap, but that’s just me though. 

 

Which brings me to the two main legacy characters from 5 and 6 that aren’t there and are never mentioned, which is super weird, while Randy’s niece, played by Jasmin Savoy Brown, and nephew, Mason Gooding, are there for reasons that make no sense. Mason is Cuba Gooding Jr.‘s kid. Jesus, he is extremely handsome, even by nepo-baby standards. He is a legit future STAR, in my opinion. I’ve been holding onto his stock since Scream 5… But it hasn’t paid out quite as much as I would have expected at this point. Maybe Heart Eyes and this will change that. Two franchises ain’t bad. Also, Hollywood isn’t forcing him on us like Austin Butler. He seems to be coming up surprisingly organically. 

Ger.

Anyway, so I guess Gooding and Brown will carry the franchise on going forward since they conveniently survived. That Melissa Barrera girl got fired because she told the truth about Israel engaging in state sanctioned terrorism. This resulted in the previously mentioned boycotts. Yeah, fuck that Camp lady. I guess Jenna Ortega is too big.

Some more shit is that when the first sort of red herring Ghostface guy gets dispatched in record time, they sure do take their time on masking the guy. When they finally do, you can see why. It was just some crazy guy.

 

They introduce AI into the plot, like someone has made an app or whatever where users can change into legacy characters. Just cheesy as shit. I briefly suspected it was Joel using the program because of their similar heights and looks and weight and what not. Not long after Stu shows back up, we get a story from a crazy guy working at the local mental hospital. I recognized him from all kinds of things from the 90s, including Dutch and Can’t Hardly Wait. He tells Sidney that Stu is alive and has amnesia. Yeah, things t’s getting crazy. But, you know, recognize that guy. So obviously he’s the killer. Or one of them. At one point, in regard to Stu possibly being alive, Randy’s niece starts talking about the rules. “Ridiculous retcon by any franchise standards,”she says. Her brother then says something like “we’re not doing the rules anymore.”

 

Lastly, the killer has unexplained super strength. Ghostface lifts some guy by the head, puts his head through a pointy tap, and then beers starts coming out of his mouth. I guess that was cool.

There is one good thing, a 15-minute stretch that is as tense as anything in the franchise. Things got a little rowdy in my theater on opening night during that run. But it didn’t last, and afterwards I heard everyone universally talking shit, even people that didn’t look like cinephiles, if you know what I mean. 

Immediately upon leaving the movie, I had it second to last. VI I had lower. But after writing about this a little bit, I now think this seventh film is the nadir. My ranking is Scream, 4, 2, the fifth one just titled Scream (2022), 3, VI, and 7. The original is a five-star movie. 4 and 2, four stars. 5 three stars. 3, VI, and 7, two stars. If it weren’t for that tense 15 minutes, this would be a one-star movie. On a related note, I’m done with this franchise. Unless the next one has insane buzz, I’m not falling for this again.

Fearful Inequalities: Brea Grant's "Lucky" unmasks gender dynamics with a horror that unmasks deeper societal fears

Lucky - Brea Grant - 2020

★★★★★-A seemingly typical home-invasion thriller takes a twisted turn, revealing a much more unsettling and enigmatic narrative. Lucky is not just another horror movie. It delves deep into profound themes, exploring violence against women, trauma, and gender-based assumptions. 

Gist is a self-help relationship author who isn't selling and her dude (a philosophy professor) have a supernatural psycho slasher “guy” come to their home and try to kill them every night. So this is in the trailer so no spoiler, but she doesn't know that this happens when the movie starts, though she has been married or whatever to this guy for however long. He knows what's up and is like, “oh, the guy, he tries to kill us every night; we better get to fighting for our lives.” Totally a mundane part of his day. This guy seems like a real turd, of course, but he is not the only one. As time goes by, we see all these shitty ways that her husband and those that write it off are terrible. “This has nothing to do with my husband,” she keeps saying. The most obvious metaphor I've ever seen, sure, also the reoccurring image of cracked glass, but the movie wants to be obvious. The slasher (who looks just her husband wearing a clear mask) is directing all this violence at her, you see. It is a part of her life and this dude treats it as normal. It's actually pretty powerful. 

Stars Brea Grant, who also directs, in the lead. Also, Dhruv Uday Singh as Ted (the husband), Kausar Mohammed as her assistant, Yasmine Al-Bustami as her sister-in-law, Leith M. Burke as her publisher, and Hunter C. Smith as "The Man". Mostly unknowns. One woman I recognized from the Rob Zombie Halloween movie. The one who played the PJ Soles role. Kristina Klebe is her name. I like her. She pops up in this type of horror flick from time to time. Most recently saw her in Brooklyn 45. 

Deconstructs a lot of the conventions of the genre. Also, as a man, I'm guilty of some of the things that these shitty people do in this movie. Obviously not to that extreme, but enough to know that I need to try harder. It's not often that a piece of media elicits real change. It's a metaphor for #yesallmen. i.e. there may be only one literal guy attacking her, but the other men share some of the blame for their part in "normalizing" it.

This is the biggest margin between the Tomatometer and the Audience Score on RT that I've ever seen. 93% among critics; 29% for us regular schmoes. Based on the trailer, I was thinking Happy Death Day or something like that. This is way, way more unsettling/disturbing than the preview makes it out to be. 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the audience score is mostly reflective of the type of dudes the movie is saying might want to tone it down, show a little empathy, and acknowledge that what women go through is often terrifying in lots of shitty ways, and such. I get why it makes people so angry. Everyday misogyny is indeed horror.

I think it stems from self-important groupthink. Probably from the people that watch a movie that offends them because they are terrible/weren't raised right and shit on it because it challenges them. Critics get paid to critically think about this stuff. There is a reason we care about their takes, which obviously discourages groupthink. 

Overall, I loved it. The payoff near the end is insane and super powerful. From a scary movie perspective, it had a lot of suspense. A horror movie that makes you think and unnerved. Every dude should watch it. 

Sick - John Hyams - 2022

★★★★-You had me at home invasion slasher from Blumhouse written by Kevin Williamson of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and The Faculty fame. The whole COVID-19 backdrop is having a smart toilet in April 2020 shit. With that, I was able to make due with the rolls I embezzled from work until the supply chain stabilized. Fuck yeah. 

So how was it? Not too bad. Fun, tight slasher that made me sort of nostalgic for the start of the pandemic when I thought I was going to die and never left the house. Fun times those were. Also fun, a movie that gets some audience participation, which this film does by throwing us back into the early days of the lockdown. 

The flick follows two best buds, Parker (Gideon Adlon) and Miri (Bethlehem Million), riding it out at one of their parents' secluded lake house. To try and make quarantine “fun”, Parker’s on-again, off-again DJ (Dylan Sprayberry) shows up. He's trying to save whatever they have after a video surfaces of her making out with some other dude on spring break or whatever. Soon after they hit the hay, shit goes down. A masked killer (remember, social distancing!) slips in, steals their phones, and begins to terrorize them, first with loud music and then violence. Major plot hole here, by the by, why not just kill everyone in their sleep and not wake them up with bullshit? Sport/torture, I guess, plus we gotta get to it somehow. 

Adlon was the only young person I really recognized, though they all are pretty stellar. You may remember her from Blockers. I sort of get her confused with Mikey Madison who was Manson gal Sadie Atkins in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood, one of the kids in the fifth Scream movie, one of the daughters in Better Things, so forth. What is weird is that Better Things is a show where Pamela Adlon raises her girls, one who looks just like this woman. Then I find out the star of this movie is Pamela Adlon's real daughter. Some others that show up are one of the Langmores from Ozark, Marc Menchaca, who's lane is apparently creepy lake person, and the actress Jane Adams whom I recognize from The Anniversary Party and Happiness which I've been trying to forget since watching in 1999, fucking IFC. One Joel Courtney makes an appearance and is murdered at the beginning. I couldn't place him but looked him up. He was the main kid in Super 8, which was great. Only other things I've seen from director John Hyams was the exorcism episode from the second season of Chucky, a show I'm kind of obsessed with, and an alright movie from 2020 called Alone. Someone else in the movie that is sort of interesting is one Chris Reid. He is Brad Pitt's stunt double. Pretty good likeness. 

Besides the irritating plot hole, there were a couple other things that maybe should've been work shopped. Not trying to give anything away here, but the whole vengeance/motivation was a little weak. However, it isn't obvious. Also, I guess everyone's motivation for becoming a slasher in these types of movies is pretty bullshitty. So whatever. 

The other thing is that the killer thinks they're going to get away with it. When a victim points out that there is DNA everywhere, the solution is to burn down the house and the cops will blame it on selfish kids who couldn't social distance nor even keep a cabin from going up in flames. Well, that won't work since there are murders at multiple locations and people that aren't even part of the group. Whatever, best not to overthink. But these things were sort of dumb. 

However, all in all, this is a film that pays off. It snapshots a collective shitty time for everyone, and offers some surprises. Not a lot more I could ask for. Good shit.

The Furies - Tony D'Aquino - 2019

★★★★- Games gone wrong night for the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge.  Love a good hunting humans movie. Goes back to the days of Surviving the Game and The Pest for me. So a logical game gone wrong night for me. Really liked it, though it is not for everyone. Female viewing companion liked it as well. Just saying. 

Gist is a woman is kidnapped and wakes up in the woods. She and a group of other women find themselves fighting to stay alive as unwilling participants in a deadly game where women are hunted by “masked” men. The masks are all disgusting. One has a Leatherface thing going except with a whole human outfit. 

The main girl has a friend who just sucks. Giving her tough love and what not because she isn’t tough enough. This is not what I want from a friend, yo. 

In the middle of that when the ladies get kidnapped and wake up in the shit. Doesn’t have her seizure pills. My female companion is in this boat. If she misses one dose, she’s seizing. This woman is in a bad way. Most of the girls have something going on. 

The friend, again, sucks. She doesn’t go looking for the main epileptic girl because, according to another girl, “she isn’t a real friend.” Plus, she has adult braces. 

Flick is brutal. One random example. Guy throws an ax at a woman. Misses. She pulls the ax out of the tree and tries to hit him with it. He blocks it and slowly cuts off her face with it. Doesn’t waste any time getting there either. “It’s a fucked up world full of fucked up men.” That it is. 

There are some dumb things. Running off with no weapon bullshit. You are getting chased by killers, but leave the ax/machete on the ground… How the main girl finds one of the dudes in the cult or whatever, won’t get into that, and sees her dead friend. Does set up a sequel I’d sure as shit watch.

The Rental - Dave Franco - 2020

★★★- Slasher night. Woohoo. 

More than decent (but forgettable) debut by Dave Franco. Stars the lovely Alison Brie, Dan Stevens, Sheila Vand, and Jeremy Allen White. Toby Huss is also in it as a red herring. So, yeah, incredible cast.

It follows two couples who rent a house in the wilderness. Things start to happen and they suspect they are being watched. It's creepy as shit. 

Things escalates. People make poor decision and get themselves killed. Recommend.

Dark Glasses - Dario Argento - 2022

★★★★★- Another Nightmare on Film Street challenge movie. This one for Italian films. Argento, the master of Italian horror, has a new film so that was an easy choice. A true return to form for him. Loved it.

Gist is a guy who is out there killing prostitutes. One played by Ilenia Pastorelli, a very pretty lady, loses her sight in a car accident that results when the killer pushes her car into oncoming traffic. Her car hits and orphans a Chinese kid. 

She eventually goes to visit the kid in an orphanage. He escapes and they make a deal. He’ll be her guide if she lets him stay there. Eventually, they get to tracking down the killer to get their revenge.

Like what they have going on here, the female lead and the Chinese kid. That is until the kid calls the killer thinking it's a cop the killer murders cop. By the by, this features a lot of incompetent Italian cops. You don't say, right? Anyway, the kid tells the killer where they are hiding out. Spoiler. Kids are fucking stupid. 

This all leads to a cool scene where her and the kid work together to try to shoot the killer. 

Another cool scene comes when Pastorelli’s character gets lost in the woods and feels her way to a building. Once there, she accidentally turns the lights on and has to get them off before the killer shows.

It becomes clear at one point that Argento doesn't know much/anything about snakes.

Great dog movie. Good girl. Also, it is a positive portrayal of sex work. That’s sweet. Like Dressed to Kill, but not transphobic.

Halloween Ends - David Gordon Green - 2022

★★★-  Just going to get right into it. Great opening. Great ending though it’s cray. Not exactly what you’d call SOP. Everything else was trash. A huge swing, sure, but no where near to connecting. Michael Myers is barely in the movie and when he does pop up, he is a bitch.

Not a good sendoff for the character of The Shape. At one point I thought it was maybe the worst movie I’d ever seen but it got better from there. However, it was fun AF and I thought it was a crazy way to wrap it up. 

Gist is this kid Corey, whom we've never seen before, is canceled after he accidentally kills a kid. He ends up working at his dad’s junkyard instead of going off to college. Corey, this fucking guy, is bullied by the band kids (no way these token stereotypes would ever hang out in real life, by the by). He eventually finds and has a wrastlin' match with Michael Myers (who has been on loose, living in the sewers for years. The Myers mystique then starts rubbing off on him and things get cray. Needless to say, dude really should have got out of Haddonfield when he could have. The film is mostly his becoming a monster. 

Laurie Strode, remember her?, is even crazier somehow in this movie. She was a shut in when Michael Myers was locked away in an insane asylum for 40 years and now that he’s out of the lamb she’s living her best life and shit in fucking Haddonfield. Fucking insane. 

Also insane is the black sheriff in the cowboy hat who in Kills was the “law and fucking order” candidate. At the end of this movie when Laurie straps Michael Myers onto the top of her car to put him in a car crusher at the junkyard some cop is like “yeah, we don’t do that with dead bodies in an active murder investigation,“ and the sheriff is like, “tonight we do.“ Then Myers explodes in a car shipper. Spoiler. Wait, so that isn't standard operating procedure.

An extremely messy film. I feel like it shouldn’t have worked, but did to some extent. The ending, as insane as it was, was pretty satisfying. Had a great time (the picture of me and my buddy Levi was from opening night in New York at an Alamo Drafthouse, a phenomenal way to watch a movie. 

Overall, this is probably my fourth favorite Halloween movie. Maybe lower depending on the day. The original is a work of art. Season of the Witch is batshit fun. H2O, Halloween II, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, the Zombie films, and this movie are all on this next tier. Maybe a little flawed, but solid or at least a lot of fun and interesting. The rest range from really bad to fucking disastrous with Resurrection at the very, very bottom. 

Trauma - Dario Argento - 1993

★★★--It's no Deep Red. I don't think there is any way to take it seriously. I don't think any idea got thrown out. I loved it!

Gist is the main dude (sort of a combo of James Spaider and Tony Goldwyn) sees a young woman (the lovely Asia Argento) about to kill herself on the ledge of a bridge. He talks her out of it and she eventually lives with him. This girl is like 16 and in some clinic for mentally troubled kids. It's called the Faraday Clinic--basically a decapitation-based sex cult. Turns out she is bulimic which is more or less what the movie is about with some crazy murders thrown in there for fun. 

I like when the dude finds out the girl is bulimic, his friend at the TV studio he works at tells him all about her "anorexia" with such authority. "How do you know some much about it?" "I watch Oprah and Donahue." So a real expert. Not sure how we are supposed to take this, but however we are, it is hilarious. This guy is actually supposed to provide some insight and he got it from watching a few episodes of a talk show. Or, he is supposed to be an idiot with no idea what he is talking about but the main guy takes him seriously. Either way, dude takes this complete nonsense to heart. 

She is staying with him and is obviously infatuated. Should obviously know this, maybe does, but still brings this random coworker of his home to fuck with his door open. He seems to be a groomer type guy--yeah, a pretty unlikeable protagonist--trying to fuck with her mind while white knighting her. Obviously, this is a contemporary interpretation. He does end up having sex with her, by the by. Yeah. 

There is a kid in this movie, this little dork, that I hate so much it is alarming. He almost kills himself when he wraps the complicated murdering tool--this like drill with a wire loop on it that decapitates people--around his neck. When he is interrupted from self-annihilation, he kills this little lizard by squeezing it to death. Fuck this fucking turd. I can't even look at him. Absolutely no need for him in this movie. Also, Argento loves a slow decapitation. 

Finding these movies have these complicated, impossible-to-follow MacGuffiny subplots that speed the action along. Like the movie I watched last night had a bunch of nonsense about chromosomes indicating a propensity for violence and this being world-changing, this in the 1970s, long before DNA testing. This movie is similar with this whole Faraday Clinic/anorexia/main dude saving this young girl business. Clinic just keeps picking her up, she keeps getting broken out, people keep coming for them. This repeats throughout the movie multiple times. I assume this is all metaphorical. 

At some point Brad Dourif shows up. You are instantly like, oh, yeah, he's probably the killer. I won't say if he is or not, but you know it based on reputation. He doesn't disappoint and dials it up a time or two.  

Oh, and by the way, the "trauma" the movie refers to would indeed be the most traumatic thing to ever happen to anyone if it were real. In this bananas flick, the sheer impossibility of it it is so goddamned hilarious. Sorry if you watch it and whatever happens happened to you, lol. 

Eyeball - Umberto Lenzi - 1975

★★★★- Easing into Halloween season with giallo flicks. September and all. This one is completely absurd and probably forgotten. But it totally shouldn't be. It's way out there fun. 

The very basic gist is a of diverse American tourists do what American tourists do, stopping along with the others in the tour bus to go about and act like typical Americans abroad. Eventually though a maniac wearing a red coat starts killing them off and gouging out their eyes. A real bummer for them, I'm sure. 

The dubbing is hilariously bad. The whole movie is almost a spoof. The ladies are all unbelievably attractive. The character Mark starts the movie with the most disgusting mullet of the early 70s but is normal the rest of the movie. Lot of hair continuity issues come to think of it. 

There is a scene that establishes that all of the characters are terrible where someone does something problematic and the camera does a zoom in on their face and they look into the camera like “I could be the killer.” Really let’s you see how poorly everyone’s eyebrows and facial hair is groomed. 

Once the murderer is revealed, this person becomes completely deranged. Dialed it the fuck up. An insane performance. 

This movie has everything. A killer fixated with eyeballs. Gratuitous nudity. Natural queer representation. A person of color. Crazy 70s clothing. A woman eaten by pigs. 

Soooo, I loved it! A foreign movie with American stereotypes (including people wearing American flag clothing) bumming around together in Spain, getting picked off one by one. Yes, please.

The Stepfather is the greatest movie of all time

The Stepfather. Gist is a dude marries into a family, gets overbearing, and when his stepdaughter fails to live up to his expectations, he goes into a homicidal rage. Multiple times. His expectation you ask? Not dating until she’s 18. Though her boyfriend is a huge dick, and I wouldn’t want him making out with my step kid either, this is obviously extreme behavior.

Movie stars Terry O’Quinn, he’ll always be John Locke to me, as the stepfather. My man is really going for it here. Really hammering home the whole “we are a family, we have to stay together” schtick. 

There’s an unconventional detective guy that’s trying to track him down. Not really sure what this guy is like job is, but he takes it upon himself to take down John Locke. Played by Stephen Shellen, a poor man’s Nathan Fillion. He comes in every room hot. Some serious coked up energy.

Director Joseph Ruben had a pretty solid career but stopped making movies. Also did Dreamscape (a childhood favorite), Money Train, The Good Son, and Sleeping with the Enemy.

Pretty fun movie. The ending is something. Stabbing, shooting, punching, falling through ceilings. Chopping down bird houses. 

There is an extremely gratuitous nude scene from the 16-year-old high school stepdaughter girl like in the last 10 minutes of the movie which was shocking. Played by one Jill Schoelen. She apparently broke Brad Pitt’s heart before he was Brad Pitt. She thought she was too good for Brad Pitt. Gonna let that sink in. She has a pretty young lady though.

Last Night in Soho was the worst movie of all time

Last Night in Soho. Oh, wow. Where do I start? Movie has “How did this get made?” vibes. WAY too much going on. Jumping back and form between main chicks was an interesting choice. This is a real dud of an Edgar Wright film. 

Gist is this is a fish out of water, chick travels through time via her haunted room with some real what-is-going-on-shit movie.

Things I find offensive about this film. Don’t care for this main girl, at all, in this movie. There is an obligatory going to the cops and having them think she is on drugs or cray scene. The VVitch girl is misused. Lot of dancing around, party girl shit with a terrible accent. She has a tiny mouth vs giant mouth make out session with her boyfriend. I just found this distracting, but thought I’d mention. We are talking the biggest vs smallest mouth in the history of film shit. 

And finally, the twist was some terrible, M. Night, cheap-ass bullshit. Fuck this movie. I know coked up nonsense. And this, is coked up nonsense.

Blood and Black Lace is the greatest movie of all time

Blood and Black Lace. "The sight of beauty makes him lose control of himself, so he kills." "Listen here, you little idiot." What a delicious flick this is. Full of luscious, vivid colors, that aspect is reminiscent of the old Batman series (had to be shot with the same film), except extremely dark and violent. The clothing, the colors, the beautiful people, the architecture, the way the film is shot--all beautiful. A total feast for the eyes. 

Gist is that a model for a lux Italian fashion house where everyone is on coke is strangled by a masked killer (obvious visual inspiration for DC's the Question and Rorschach from The Watchmen). When her diary shows up, it turns out everyone has something to hide, and models start turning up dead. Everyone is a suspect, including the fashion house owner (who looks like Julia Fox) and her lover. Also, not to give too much away, the ending is wild. 

If the violence wasn't so over the top, it might be a good movie to trip to, if you are so inclined. But it's too brutal for all that, IMO. For example, of the film, critic Chuck Bowen of Slant Magazine wrote: 

Thematically, Blood and Black Lace offers the giallo an irresolvable obsession with female violation that's simultaneously cruel and heartfelt. Here, the murders are understood to reflect a debasement that suggests a furthering of the debasement of modelling, a suggestion that's literalized by the killer's placement of the bodies in hideous poses [...] This thematic is complicated further by the identity of the killer, who reflects the fashion industry's self-loathing and self-consumption, driven by a mixture of profound self-interest and neurosis that would be enormously influential to the subgenre at large. In a giallo, a woman's worst enemy is often a woman driven to shirk the chains of status quo that shackle her. 

So, yeah, the debasement of women is not really a place I want to go whilst out of my mind. 

This is a must-watch if you want to delve into the world of giallo ("yellow" in Italian) cinema.  Blood and Black Lace is credited as being one of the first of the genre. The film created some of the tropes that giallo is known for. Shit like exaggerated color, killer POV, women getting slapped in the face, extravagant set pieces, red phones, mannequins and harps, and the killer wearing black gloves. 

The word "giallo" comes from Italian crime/thriller novels Il Giallo Mondadori known for their distinctive yellow covers. You can think of the genre as highly stylized blends of murder mysteries and proto slashers. A lot of their DNA comes from Agatha Christie novels that they were just ripping off. If you are familiar with the spaghetti western genre that was coming out of Italy at about the same time, it is similar in that it takes a popular genre and repurposes it with post-war Italian fears and sensibilities whilst upping the sex and violence. 

Directed by one Mario Bava, who repeatedly defied convention with his use of wild, saturated color. In those days, color was used exclusively for comedies and musicals. Thrillers such as this were typically done in black and white. See Diabolique, Night Train, Psycho, The Hitch-hiker, so forth. The use of color is actually integral to the film, which Bava color-codes, linking each character and killing to a specific hue. 

For example, the character of Isabella, whose murder opens the film, wears a red coat and has red fingernail polish. We also keep coming back to her red diary, which survives her and calls back to her killing as a beautiful MacGuffin. It is generally accepted that this is an homage to Edgar Allan Poe's story "The Masque of the Red Death," set in an allegorical series of colored rooms. Bava was highly influential in this regard. Fellow giallo director Dario Argento (Deep Red, Inferno, Suspiria, Tenebrae) also uses vivid pops of color in his wonderful films. For a nice source on the genre, check out the blog The Giallo Files. 

Overall, the film is super fun with great a score with insane use of color. Extremely underappreciated, it created its own genre, which is pretty dope, like Scream did with self-aware horror. Favorite scene is when the roommate puts the diary in her purse and it individually cuts to all the usual suspects staring at the bag, breathing heavy and sweating. 

Hell Fest is the greatest movie of all time

Some people are just evil. They walk amongst. Another killer in a haunt movie. Another decent entry. I would totally go to this place, by the by. Basically, it's a theme park of horror attractions. Sign me the fuck up. In reality, the filming location was a Six Flags outside of Atlanta. Wah wah. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Hell Fest might give less demanding horror fans a few decent reasons to scream, but it's neither clever nor frightening enough to leave much of an impression.

Stop me if this sounds familiar. Gist is that a group of high schoolish kids go to a haunt, this one amusement park or state fair-sized, to get their scare on. It's all fun and games until a serial killer starts killing folks in their click. Then shit gets real, but everybody just thinks it is part of the show. 

Directed by one Gregory Plotkin. Mostly known as an editor. He did Get Out, Happy Death Day, Game Night (all movies I adored), and it looks like all of the Paranormal Activity sequels. This was his first feature film as a director. His second, Crimson, was released today. 

The film stars Amy Forsyth (never seen her), Reign Edwards (don't recognize her from anything), and Bex Taylor-Klaus (BTK, unfortunately). BTK is in that show The Killing (which was good as fuck), Arrow, and a bunch of solid horror stuff. Non-binary, prefers the they/them pronoun. Might recognize from Scream the television show (loved that shit), or iZombie. Tony Todd--you know, Candyman!--is in the movie for like 30 seconds but gets top billing.

Again, I thought the movie was good. However, only one thing makes it really stick out from the other haunt movies. Namely that the killer guy ends up just being a normal family man. You know, kill a shit-ton of people, get stabbed, go home, kiss your kid good night. There are some cool scenes that use the setting to its advantage. Not sure I'll remember that they came from this movie in a couple of years though. 

While all that sounds bad, I assure you this is a good, fun slasher movie. If you like going to haunted houses, this is a really good substitute during COVID, with way more tension. Definitely recommend. 

MVP is this Taylor-Klaus. I've seen BTK in several things and always stands out. Always a plucky smart-ass sidekick, but does that shit well. Steals the show—total MVP performance. 

Haunt is the greatest movie of all time

Do you still want to see my face? It's a work in progress, but I think you'll like it. Sort of a standard slasher elivated a little bit with intriguing killers and a cool location. I'm sort of a sucker for these horror movies set at a haunt. Basic gist is that folks think they are going to a haunted house to get scared by dudes in masks, but people really start to die. The Funhouse back in the day was sort of like this, then you got two pretty interesting ones that were ultimately unsuccessful in The House October Built and The House October Built 2. 

As someone who goes to these more extreme haunted houses, I get it. Twice I've gone with chicks who freaked out, thinking it got real like it does in these movies. The first time I was in eighth grade and the girls started to cry. The next time I was in college with a pair of friends and my sister. My friends were from Germany and France and had never experienced anything like a haunted house. The French girl locked on to me and screamed at anyone who came near us. The German girl went ahead with my sister. When we got out of the corn maze, we saw the German girl absolutely sprinting away from a guy wielding a chainsaw. "Ze chain-saw wus real, Ay-run." That was a fun night. I thought what a good idea this type of movie would be that night. Now, 10 movies later, it's starting to get a little overplayed. However, a Shudder original, this was the most popular movie on the streaming service this year. So don't expect these to go away. Also, this is better than most of the ones I've seen. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Haunt is spooked by the spirits of its obvious influences, but still packs enough thrills and chills to satisfy horror fans up for a haunted house excursion.

Gist of the movie is that a group of college kids go to a secluded haunted house. The kind where you have to sign a waver and shit. Eventually they discover that the actors are real killers after several of them indeed die. 

Written and directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods. These guys wrote A Quiet Place. The kids include Katie Stevens, Will Brittain, and Lauryn McClain. Haven't seen or heard of any of them. One of the killers, Damian Maffei, the Devil, was one of the killers in The Strangers movies. He's masked in that as well though. 

There is some dumb shit about this movie. First, there is this whole abuse victim/chilhood drama subplot that the writers throw in for the survivor chick. Gets them a car at the end though and pads the bodycount a little bit. Then at the very end, the Clown goes to the survivor girl's house, she had to put her address down when she went into the haunt, to finish the job. However, chick has Home Aloned her house and she ends up killing the dude, which is deserved, but come the fuck on. 

Overall, the movie is some pretty creepy shit. The people that work at the murder house all wear these masks. Shit like a ghost, a devil, a witch, a clown, so forth. Underneath those masks their faces are tattooed and mutilated to look like a much more horrifying version of the mask. These are guininely pretty scary. No thank you. We get told that one of them is a tattoo artist and all the workers are into death metal and they earn their faces by killing people. Producer Eli Roth, the "Bear Jew" in Inglorious Bastards and director of Hostel, told the writers to write out backstories for all these killers even though it wouldn't be used in the film. I feel that definitely gave the characters some richness that shined through. For that, I'm giving him the MVP. Hell of a talent, that Eli Roth. 

Terrifier is the okayest movie of all time

How can you eat a greasy croissant while you're cutting up dead bodies? Sweetheart, I've been doing this twenty-two years, alright? Once you've seen an eight-month-old microwaved to death... everything else is just old hat. About the overall gist of this movie. Saw a lot of love for this online. I thought it was fine, but nothing super special. Hell of a costume for the killer though. And his use of body language and his silence are pretty creepy. However, felt like it relied a lot on shock value--I mean, it was very shocking/disturbing--but that type of movie doesn't really do it for me. Brutal and sick. 

Plot runs thus, it's Halloween and this these chicks run into and become fodder for a truly sadistic supernatural murderer named Art the Clown. They run, he gives chase, commits murder, repeat. These murders are some next level sick shit, by the way. 

Written and directed by one Damien Leone. Also in the girl are the likes of Catherine Corcoran, Matt McAllister, Pooya Mohseni, and Samantha Scaffidi. Don't feel bad if you don't know them because no one does. Guy named David Howard Thornton plays Art the Clown. Looks like a much more terrifying Crazy Joe Davola from Seinfeld when he dressed up like Pagliacci in "The Opera." 

Tara Heyes, played by Jenna Kanell, is the final girl who ends up looking all fucked up. I think this is shown at the beginning but I can't quite tell if that is her or another chick. 

Apparently this is the second feature film appearance of the Art the Clown character. The first was Leone's 2013 anthology film All Hallows' Eve, which sounds pretty interesting. Chick watches horror movies with the kids she is babysitting that feature the character. He ends up coming alive and doing what he does. Might check it out. 

31 is the greatest movie of all time

"You diggin' what you see, pops?" "I reckon I do!" Not too shabby. One of my favorite Rob Zombie movies. Cool premise. Ticks off a few boxes for me. Interesting/creepy locale (a funhouse of murder). Cast I'm pretty into. Period piece from the 1970s. Fast-paced and over-the-top. Still a little bleak for my taste though. 

Gist is that a bunch of carnies are kidnapped and forced to fight a bunch of psycho clowns in a fucked up funhouse. This is part of a game where they have to survive for 12 hours and then are theoretically free to go. No one has ever survived the 12 hours though. 

Movie stars Sheri Moon Zombie, a real beauty. Plus she and Rob are vegan. Scores them major cool points, obviously. Jeff Daniel Phillips who I mostly know from other Rob Zombie movies. Was also in Zodiac, briefly, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and he was one of the GEICO cavemen (the one that ordered the roast duck). Meg Foster, she was in two of my all-time favorite cult classics, Blind Fury, and They Live. Richard Brake. Think of him as The Chemist from Mandy. 

Ger

Others you'll recognize include Malcolm McDowell, from, you know, A Clockwork Orange. Elizabeth Daily who was Dottie in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. She aged remarkably well. Miller from Repo Man (Tracey Walter) has a brief cameo. Also recognize the character Death-Head from the most overrated movie of all-time, The Big Lebowski. He's one of the Nihilists. 

Get a little of that insane Rob Zombie dialogue, but it's played down from say Halloween when the family just cusses at each other and talk about their genitals in the most disgusting way possible. You know, just like your family does. But, yeah, toned down. Do get a group of ladies saying "Sucky, sucky, sucky. Fucky, fucky, fucky. Juicy, juicy, juicy. Money, money, money," while gesturing toward their crotches. 

MVP of the movie is Brake. Basically is a more deranged version of The Chemist, but he's on point with that type of role. Or as his character, Doom-Head, says, "What I do? Unfortunately for you, I do real well!" Does have some insane lines he gets to give, "Now, you may think you see a grease-painted performer sitting before you. But trust me - I'm not here to brighten your dismal day; I am here to end your miserable life." So, yeah, insane movie. But fun in the end. Good late summer, early fall flick. Check that shit out. 

Maniac is the greatest movie of all time

Maniac. "You wanna meet me someplace?" "Where?" "The back seat," Disco Boy, played by Tom Savini, says from the front seat of the car. My grandpa told my dad to never let me watch two movies,   knowing the type of kid I was, The Fly and Maniac. I was five and all. But my grandpa worked nights, and the next time I spent the night with my grandparents immediately told my grandma I wanted to see The Fly. She encouraged my watching crazy shit at a very young age. But I never got around to Maniac. I think I'm pretty glad I indeed waited 33 years to watch this. I fucking hated it and found it extremely disturbing. But I recognize it was quality. Greatest movie of all time.

Gist of the movie is a very sad, completely antisocial psychopath, one Frank Zito, played by Joe Spinell, murders a shitton of women in New York City, stealing their scalps as his trophy. Only reason I watched it was because it was Joe Bob Brigg's Last Drive-In with Tom Savini as a special guest. Otherwise, probably would have turned it off after the first 10 minutes. There is a fucking brutal garrotting with piano wire in the opening scene that doesn't bode well. Then we hear the killer drone on in his antisocial way, frequently brutally killing women and gruesomely slicing off their scalps. And I'm checking out. Tom Savini's head exploding scene is fucking incredible, though. Like Scanners except better. Warning, this shit ain't fucking around.

Directed by one William Lustig, the film was released in 1980. Got remade in 2012 with Elijah Wood as the killer, which is weird and something I'll never watch. Most the women in the 1980 version of the movie were porn actresses, including one Sharon Mitchell who seems to be have done some good since leaving porn, check out this NSFW link, or maybe not. Only person I recognized besides Savini was actress Caroline Munro. She plays this fashion photographer that killer dude is obsessed with but doesn't try to kill until late and she fucks him up. She was in the infamous Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter and The Spy Who Loved Me. She's a pretty lady. I think she can do better. Also, I'm gonna need to go through the Bond flicks at some point here.

Hard to say who won this among Lustig, Spinell who stared in and co-writer of the film with one C. A. Rosenberg, or Savini for doing what he does. Lustig puts it all together, and Savini made his own head realistically explode. But I've got to give it to Spinell for writing it and his acting. I mean, this is Last Podcast on the Left shit. I was really disturbed through the whole movie. This was legit what I'd imagine a real psycho's day-to-day to be like. It really ain't pleasant.

Prevenge is the greatest movie of all time

Prevenge. British. Pretty good for an independent movie with little budget. Is sort of marketed as a comedy horror. Would more call it a horror movie that has some dark comedy tossed in. It's pretty solid. Carried by the performance of Alice Lowe who is great in the film. She also directs. This is her first movie. She was really pregnant in the flick. Looks like a young Catherine O'Hara (the mom in Home Alone who is also in pretty much every Christopher Guest movie). Took me forever to realize where I knew her from. It was the British show I fucking loved called Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. She plays Madeleine Wool/Liz Asher. The female doctor who "went to Harvard College Yale, passed all her classes, and got an A." One of my favorite programs of all-time and what opened my eyes to British humor. Anyway, the movie is pretty good and very engaging. Mostly because of her. She wins the movie. Also, the (mostly) dickbags that she kills. They are good, too.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: As ambitious as it is daringly transgressive, Prevenge should thrill fans of pitch-black horror-comedy -- and open untold opportunities for writer/director/star Alice Lowe.

Gist of the flick is that a recently widowed pregnant woman, Ruth (Lowe), is told to kill the people "responsible" for her baby daddy's death (we get bits and piece that show him on a climb and his line getting cut with him falling to his death in a situation where they had to sacrifice him in order for the rest of them to survive) by the unborn fetus growing inside her. The film is basically a slasher movie told from the perspective of the killer. It also stars Tom Davis, Kate Dickie who is in a bunch of stuff like Prometheus, Game of Thrones (she is Catelyn Stark's sister who breastfeeds her nearly grown son), and The Witch, Kayvan Novak who stars in the television version of What We Do in the Shadows and is also one of the terrorists in the mockumentary Four Lions, and Gemma Whelan who is also in Game of Thrones as Yara Greyjoy and one of the detectives from the show The End of the F***ing World (she also looks straight up like a former coworker of mine).

A bit on the costars. Also, spoilers. Never seen this Tom Davis chap before but he is memorably good and disgusting as fuck. At one point he pukes in his afro wig and then goes in for a kiss. He then tells her she looks like Elton John whilst trying to bone her. Killing this guy is easy because he is such a piece of shit. Ruth asks if anyone loves him and he tells her his mum. We then see his mother lives there with him and is seriously clouded mentally, coming out several times to do the laundry. He sort of berates her and then gets murdered by Ruth. The mom comes out during this and says something about that needing bleach, you see, Ruth cut his dick off and he is covered in blood. As Ruth puts her back to bed, the mom tells Ruth she is too good for her son. Yep, even the mom knows. This looked like a fun role and the actor does a good job yucking it up. Whelan is pretty funny, too. Ruth poses as someone going door-to-door for charity who attacks her. But she is proper fit, as the Brits say, and throws on boxing gloves to defend herself punching Ruth in the gut even though she is preggers. After Ruth finally kills her with the cops on in earshot, she has trouble opening the door and has to escape through the doggy exit, dragging her enormous belly along the bottom of it as she goes.

Not all of the people really seemed to deserve to die like the Davis character or a creepy pet store owner whom she kills first. Like the HR chick, Dickie, sort of sucks, I mean, I wouldn't hang out with her, but she isn't terrible. Like every HR person. But she gets got. Then the flatmates, at least the one we talk to, is lovely. Does kind of complain about the other one, the one that was part of the event or what have you, but goes out of his way to say what a good guy he is. They get it too and one of them wasn't even there at her husband's death. He was just a witness to her crime.

Eventually she has the baby (on Halloween whilst she is dressed like some sort of demon) and with the help of Kayvan Novak (who was the climb leader who cut the rope on her dude so the rest of them survive) realizes that it wasn't the baby making her kill, she was doing it for herself. We think she learns her lesson or whatever and then, in the final moments, she returns to the spot where her dude died and the Novak character is there. They sort of smile at each other and then Ruth screams in rage with Novak looking on in horror. Yeah, she gonna kill him anyway.

That last scene is pretty representative of the film's humor. Dark as shit. You aren't gonna LOL but you'll chuckle in a fucked up way. Pretty solid flick that you can find exclusively on Shudder. Check it out.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is the worst movie of all time

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. Yeah. Not good. Sixth movie of the franchise. Fifth one to feature Michael Myers as the killer. If you remember Halloween III: Season of the Witch you know those aren't the same things. First, and only one, to star Paul Rudd. Would have been the third one to feature Danielle Harris but it wasn't meant to be because the Weinsteins are the worst. This is a long and depressing story though I mean probably a blessing in disguise because, yeah, this movie is trash. Mayhap more so than Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers. Going to revisit that eventually. I'll have to think about it. There is also a bootlegged producer's cut floating around out there--fuck it, right?--that I haven't gotten my hands on yet. It's supposed to be better and make a little more sense though I can't imagine it being great or anything. But, yeah, keep in mind, worst movie of all time, this one.

How they do 'em dirty at Miramax

Anyways, back to Harris getting shafted. By the by, gleaned all this info from this We Minored in Film article which has some other interesting factoids if you click on it. The short version is that Harris was buddies with producer Moustapha Akkad's kids. She would ask about when the next Halloween flick was going to get made a lot with Akkad keeping her informed and what not. But he partnered with Miramax who wanted to instead use a look-a-like who was over 18 because the Weinstein bros didn't want to fuck with child labor laws (all news to Harris). They ended up telling Harris that she'd have to emancipate herself from her parents to get the role. Once she did that, which apparently proved pretty costly, she got the script which pretty much sucked though it did have her make through most of the movie before getting killed off at the end as opposed to the version we get where she dies in the first 10 minutes. So the studio saw her as nonessential and offered her hardly anything which didn't cover the cost of emancipating herself. When she asked for more money, looking to at least cover the court fees and shit, the studio just offered the role to someone else, not even countering. This was supposedly all Miramax's doing with Akkad fighting for the young star. Though I'm not exactly sure "fighting" is really all that believable considering his track record.

Pros: Some decent kills. Hey, Paul Rudd. Attempts to make sense of what was going on before, though why?

Haters gonna hate

Cons: Stale AF. The nonsense metal version of the main theme that opens the film. Also the metal version of the "dun... dun dun... dun" theme. Donald Pleasance is clearly knocking on death's door, which is difficult to watch. The plot is confusing. Some uncomfortable domestic violence action. Creepy, dumb child which I hate 100% of the time. The whole Mark of Thorn underground cult thing is dumb. Lot of confusing bullshit. Do the Jamie character dirty (this was the Danielle Harris character in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers and Halloween 5). The Weinstein bros apparently told the lead actress, the one who plays the Strode woman, one Marianne Hagan, that she wasn't very pretty, was too thin, and had a little chin that they didn't like and she'd never be a star. Just mentioning that they were huge POS way before the shit that they did sparked the whole #MeToo movement. Myers looks ridiculous. Hair and mask are stupid. Hair is clown-esque. Movement is off. So is body-type. Looks like he runs a little at some points too.

Some sad Weinstein shit with this one

Here's the gist... Jamie Lloyd, played by one J.C. Brandy in this film, niece of notorious serial murderer Michael Myers, now a young woman, gives birth to a baby boy which Michael is also the father. This is in some weird hospital run by this Cult of Thorn group that created Michael and are trying to create his replacement or something. It's not super clear since Myers also wants to kill the kid. I have no idea why the baby, basically. Jamie escapes and flees with her baby to the Haddonfield, IL area with excellent driver Myers in pursuit. Once she gets a bit of distance between them, Jamie calls a douche bag radio show host from a pay phone wanting Loomis, played by Pleasance, which gets him and the character Tommy Doyle who was the kid that Laurie Strode babysat in the original Halloween, this time played by Ant-Man himself Paul Rudd, on the lookout for Jamie, her baby, and Michael. Eventually she ditches the baby at a bus stop before Michael catches up to her and kills her gruesomely by impaling her on some farm equipment that he turns on, ripping her apart. Michael, now, is on the loose, headed back to his old crib to kill everyone there while also looking for his nephew/son and killing the Cult of Thorn folk because fuck it. There is also this side story with this Kara Strode woman, played by Hagan, who lives in the Myers house with her abusive father, abused mother, brother, and son that may be possessed or cursed or something. Sure, it's a common problem. She ends up getting swept up by all this shit as the Cult of Thorn kidnaps her and her son and the baby and Rudd and Loomis and what the fuck.

Alice in Chains Dirt girl and known Scientologist

Favorite line of the movie is more of an exchange. It's between Kara Strode's bro and his girl friend, Beth, who at times looks just like Jennifer Jason Leigh. It goes thus:

Beth: Your sister would kill us if she knew we did it in her bed.
Tim Strode: Hey, it was your idea.
Beth: I am bad, aren't I?
Tim Strode: Only when you wear crotchless panties and bark like a dog.
(Tim gets up)
Beth: Where are you going?
Tim Strode: I gotta take a shower. You know, to stay fresh.
Beth: Watch out for the bogeyman.

Fun facts about Mariah O'Brien, the actress who plays the girl friend. She was the model on the cover of the Alice in Chains album Dirt. She also went to jail for running a ponzi scheme where she ripped off fellow Scientologists. She is one of those and reached the level of "Clear" which is indeed some bullshit. She was married to Giovanni Ribisi, another more famous douche bag Scientologist, back in the day as well. Might be time to remind people that Scientology makes me irrationally angry.

Lot of halfway decent and generally satisfying kills in this piece of crap. Jamie's death was pretty gnarly. The nurse at the beginning, now a big Trump supporter, gets her head impaled on a spike. Myers goes on a rampage at the end, too. More on that later. But the one that really stuck out was the Strode dad. Not only is he an abusive asshole who beats his wife and daughter, he's also a liar that puts his family in jeopardy by moving them into the Myers house and not telling them which is just insane. He shouldn't be that surprised when Myers shows up to kill him but he is. Anyway, the way he gets it is that he first gets stabbed in the gut. Then he gets carried over to the electrical box. Then Myers stabs the box with Strode daddy still impaled. This electrocutes him. Unexpectedly, his head explodes which was unexpected, shocking, and super cool. Easily the best kill, maybe in the series.

Pleasance, picture of health

And now for some shit... Just a note, limiting it to three instances as I ain't got all night. When we first see Loomis he looks rough AF. Way older than his 75 years. Has a drink with his old friend from Smith's Grove Dr. Wynn. Should have a toast with a vitamin and a glass of water. The shit with this scene though is that he acts all like, "oh, if it isn't my old friend Dr. Wynn" like we are supposed to know who the fuck this guy is. Wynn, it turns out, was a doctor that Loomis was seen with briefly in the original. It's a pretty deep cut that no one would ever in a million years remember. Some more shit is every second that this radio host speaks or is on the screen. He is like a true crime shock jock or something. Whilst interviewing Beth and Tim he gets all worked up by Beth and acts disgusting, saying to Tim, "Does she get this riled up in bed? I bet she wears crotchless panties and barks like a dog." Beth lets it drop that Tim lives in the Myers house. He has no idea even though like everyone else in the town fucking knows. The radio guy is like, "everybody head to this guy's house!" but no one does. He goes to his van to move the party there but he calls Myers a pussy and dies like 5-seconds later even though Myers was just killing the dad, the dope head exploding kill, in the previous scene. A minute later we get this cringeworthy bit where this little girl under a tree has his blood dripping down on her. She says "Mommy, it's raining red" and then the dude falls from the tree. Ok. Why? Have to ask that a lot in this one. Lastly, what the fuck are they doing with this possessed child? Not the baby but this Kara chick's son. In the scene where Beth and Tim get murdered, Kara watches from Tommy's room, saying shit like, "oh my god," when all the sudden she sees her son crossing the street and going over to the murder house. WTF is this kid doing? They imply that he is possessed or something but they don't really go anywhere with any of this. When Kara goes over to retrieve him, he is just sitting there, staring off like an idiot. Kara is like, "whatcha doin?" and sends him off. There is a killer in the house who is chasing Kara and all. But she surprise attacks him, hitting him with a fire poker that sends him tumbling down the steps. He is just laying there and you think the kid is long gone but he comes back here at the most inopportune time and stands there right next to this maniac. What they are you doing? Most the other times he is on the screen he is yelling shit like "Mom. Mommy. Mom." So forth. God I hate children. 

Favorite scene is more or less the whole bit in the hospital at the end with everyone (Loomis, Kara, Rudd, the kid, the baby, so forth) stuck in this hospital with the Cult of Thorn and Myers and other insane people. First, there are a lot of satisfying kills in this sequence. Like when he goes into the Cult of Thorn ritual where they are god only knows what with the baby in the OR and just massacres everyone. Not sure how he got to the hospital or if they like wanted him there or what but it's a solid 30 seconds of pure chaos and like 15 kills, including Dr. Wynn. It seems at the beginning of the movie and here that they just let Myers roam around the hospital and kill patients whenever he gets the urge. Unclear what his day to day is like exactly. Also, it is implied that they were cloning Myers babies or something when we see a bunch of dead babies in vats and shit. Not sure what is happening there. Anywho, after he kills all the folks, then it is time to do whatever with the baby but Rudd, Loomis, Kara, the kid, and the baby are out of there. The chase is pretty great with Rudd and them locking a cell door behind them which gets a Cult of Thorn doctor killed when Myers grabs him and pushes his head through the bars until the door pops off the hinges. He eventually catches up to the fleeing group. The way I remembered the franchise was that Myers started teleporting around at some point in the series but I guess not. It's clearer here that he just knows every shortcut and is really good at using it. Screwed, Rudd seemingly gives Myers the baby. What is Myers planning to do with it exactly? Raise it as a single dad? We don't get to find out because it wasn't a baby, surprise to no one, but ends up being a bunch of syringes filled with green shit. Wait, what? Rudd stabs him with the needles and shoots him up with said green shit and eventually beats him to death with a pipe until the green shit comes out his eyes. Um, okay. That is how they end Myers in this one. But it's not over as Myers can't die. Ever. He is Akkad's money maker. So they leave. Loomis is all like "you kids go, I'll be alright." But he's not. Myers ain't fucking dead and we hear Loomis die over the end credits. And that was the best scene.

And finally, Paul Rudd is the obvious MVP of the film. Even though the movie is trash and his role isn't anything special, it's hard to take your eyes off that guy. I originally saw this after Clueless way back in the day so I knew his face. Maybe that was why but I swear that you can sort of tell that that dude was going to be a star. While this film isn't exactly something he was proud of, it is what got him started and he now looks back on it with some amusement. Here is what he had to say about in an interview that came out after he was an Avenger:

When I first saw Halloween 6, I remember thinking, Oh God, this movie’s not good, and I was really kind of bummed out. In fact when we first started making it, I remember thinking, Oh, this is the one that’s going to be different! [laughs] I enjoyed making it; I thought it was really, really fun. But then I thought, Oh God, are people going to think I’m a joke? Am I ever going to get work as an actor after this comes out? I have since changed my tune; I love it. I’m honored to be part of a franchise that has lasted that long, that has that many devotees, and I couldn’t be happier that I can say that my first movie is a Halloween movie. 

Regardless of how he feels now, you can totally see that he is totally swinging for fences and he connects more than he doesn't. Without his charm, I'd say the movie is more or less unwatchable. But damn is that dude charismatic. And that is Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers the worst movie of all time.