Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - Steven Spielberg - 1989

★★★★-Same beats as the original dialed up and with Sean Connery. Love it, but maybe not as much as I did as a child. However, it's the funnest of all the Indiana Jones movies. Never regret revisiting this movie. 

Third installment of the original Indiana Jones trilogy. You know the gist. Set in 1938, the film follows Indiana's quest to rescue his kidnapped father, who's a scholar of the Holy Grail that's being held hostage by the Nazis who are also searching for the Grail. 

Directed by the Steven Spielberg. Written by Jeffrey Boam. Stars Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones and Sean Connery as Indiana's father. Also stars Alison Doody, Denholm Elliott, Julian Glover, River Phoenix, and John Rhys-Davies. 

Ford and Connery are both incredible. Them together is electric. Remember Doody being the hottest woman ever. She’s no Karen Allen. I guess hanging out with Leni Riefenstahl and the Fuhrer isn’t all that much of a turn on. Phoenix as Young Indiana wasn’t as great as I remembered. Opening conveniently explains Indiana’s chin scar, nickname, affinity for whips, fear of snakes, his hat and his catchphrase, “it should be in a museum."

Exposition isn’t quite as good as Raiders, but still solid. That's sort of how I feel about the whole flick. Really good, but not the classic that the first film is. 

I think the best part, which might be a little bit of an unpopular opinion, is the humor. First, Brody is hilarious. “I hate to interrupt you!” While Indiana flirts with Dr. Schneider. Love that he’s a vegetarian. Him stumbling around asking if anyone speaks English or ancient Greek. He is obviously not up to the challenge. Funny how he runs into Sallah. I’ve had stuff like that happen to me, running into the one person I knew that city of 7 million people. Catch him immediately. 

Connery, also hilarious. Some great one-liners. "It was rather wonderful," "so did I," "would you say this has been a typical day for you." So forth.

The whole bit in Austria was ridiculous. Indiana pretending to be a Scottish lord unconvincingly just keeps getting funnier. 

So... I was a student of medieval literature. Have to think it has something to do with this movie. Which brings me to a nitpick. The knight guarding the Grail should be speaking middle English or whatever. Yes, that would be weird, but come on. Plus, this guy has to be pretty disappointed. He is guarding the Grail for 700 years. Guy comes to relieve him. He looks like shit. He tells them to choose the Grail among the many cups in the room wisely, then that Nazi guy lets this woman choose for him. She chooses the closest one to her. Not a good call. He dies. Indiana gets the right one, of course, but he tells them specifically not to cross the seal. They immediately cross the seal. Place falls apart and he watches them as they leave him to die after the Grail is swallowed up by the earth. Thanks for coming! It's been real. 

Among the trio of Indiana Jones films, The Last Crusade is potentially my sentimental favorite, mostly because it is just so damn fun. It stands as an exceptionally well-crafted and irresistibly entertaining popcorn movie, brought to life by arguably the most dependable director of such films in American cinema history while at the peak of filmmaking abilities. You get your money's worth in terms of action, delight, and humor. I feel like an ingrate for shitting on it at all. Some may label it as shameless manipulation, but I still view it as a thrilling and captivating display of pure cinematic joy.

Sisu - Jalmari Helander - 2023

★★★★★-It's about as close to an obvious Tarantino-style movie as you can get and still be good. Best Tarantino clone out there. Django-esque, but way more violent and fucked. This movie is fucking bonkers and incredible. Fucking awesome.

Gist is a guy in Finland in 1944 is off the grid finds a shit ton of gold when Nazis show up and try to take it. All hell breaks loose as this dude is really not to be fucked with. Bag of gold always equals death. Should have read Chaucer. That's all you need. 

This is director Jalmari Helander's first movie. What a debut. Stars Jorma Tommila as the Rombo-esque lead. You might recognize him and his son, Onni Tommila, who plays one of the Nazis in this flick, from Rare Exports or Big Game. Also stars Aksel Hennie (The Martian, The Cloverfield Paradox), Jack Doolan (he looks like a Nazi John C. Reilly, he played Horse Tommy in The Boys), and Mimosa Willamo (never seen her) as the most developed female character. 

I'm gonna make a bold statement here. I fucking hate Nazis. Where do I find the courage? What do I hate worse than Nazis? Raping (see the Nazi John C. Reilly), dog (attempted) and horse killing SS Nazis. Can't really get worse than that. These guys are immediately repulsive in the most extreme way. That's my shit. There is no one I'd feel better about dying horribly than someone like that. Revenge at its finest, although unbelievable (but that's the point). Love the overkill of the last guy, by the by. 

Movie is a bunch of healthy catharsis. Crank that shit up. This fucking guy kills more Nazis than Indiana Jones! One-man army, Ason? Also, like that this guy has a cute little dog that is just as tough and hard to kill as he is. 

When they find the dude's dog-tags, they call the Nazi general who says forget it, don't fuck with this guy. The leader of this battalion disregards this and goes at him, thinking this is his way out of getting hanged when the Allies win the war. Then, when the one guy who is like “naw” tries to take off and not die, dude says, “desertion is punishable by death,” the fucking balls on this guy. 

Lastly, spoiler, the guy doing all the killing doesn't talk until the last scene of the movie, in Finish, which isn't translated. Looked it up. After all the shit and killing for his bags of gold. He goes into a bank and dumps it out, saying that he wants to trade all that in for large bills to make it easier to carry. Incredible. This fucking guy. 

Overall take: unbelievable. It's all of the scorched earth, good shit variety. Dude is a legend. Everyone except the Nazi is like, “y'all fucked up.” And they have as this guy is a silent maniac who kills people in John Wickian ways in the style of exploitation films from the 1970s. Did I mention Tarantino? We are talking righteous retribution. If you cross him, you are royally fucked. You cannot kill this guy because he will not fucking give up. He just refuses to die and kills people in incredibly entertaining ways. Give me sequels and prequels of this mother fucker. Remarkable film. Fun as fuck.