Thursday, March 23, 2017

Funny Games is the worst movie of all time

Funny Games is a remake of an Austrian movie of the same name which I haven't seen and never will. Someone presumably saw this and thought that there needed to be one in English as well. I strongly disagree. The only people I could see liking this are the type of people who think Hostel is the greatest movie ever made and Ramsay Bolton is their favorite character in Game of Thrones.

I watch some fucked up movies but am a very sensitive man. As such, every couple of years I see a movie that makes me sick to my stomach. Some horror fans may call this an endorsement. It is not. It's too goddamn real and too goddamn brutal. Don't watch this. If there is something wrong with you and you like this sort of thing, the last movie that got to me like this was a movie that takes place right here in Bloomington and stars a friend of mine's son called Found. I had no idea this guy's son was the lead until one night my buddy wore a teeshirt that said something about that movie on it to which he said “my son starred in this movie which people like for some reason.” It was so bad that my female companion and I both got sick to our stomachs on Halloween 2014. I had to get the fucking DVD out of my house that night I was so disturbed. Funny Games rivaled that and I only made it to the hour mark before turning it off.


Pros: It does what seeks out to do: deeply disturb the viewer. The actors do a good job which doesn't make the film any easier to watch.

Cons: Crass. Brutally. Derivative. An appalling film.

Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain some spoilers but I rarely give away the ending.

Notes: Silent credit opening. Thought the sound bar was off. Followed by opera and a family on the road. Playing guess the composer/opera. Stars Naomi Watts and Philip Roth. Suddenly cuts to the shittiest metal I've ever heard. Drowns out everything the family is saying and doing. Dissonant and unnerving. Also in the movie are this Michael Pitt guy who is always a psychopath and is of course one in this unwatchable home invasion and some other guy who I've never seen.

The thought of someone fucking with the dog was some shit I could not fucking deal with. Almost turned it off early because of this. A lot of the beginning is knowing shit is about to go down. It's fucking brutal. Then shit does go down and I proceeded to freak out for the rest of the movie. Early on on I was convinced I couldn't deal with this shit. My fight or flight had kicked in and had me on extreme edge. This shouldn't happen while watching a fucking movie.

They eventually take the family hostage for shits. Bet the family they won't live to morning. Break the fourth wall. We are indeed on the hostages side here. Sexually assault Watts. Whenever she gets naked in a movie it is excruciating. You don't win points for finishing a movie like this. I trudged on just hoping it would turn out alright and these pricks would get theirs. Then they kill the kid. That was it for me. Read the summary of the rest. Yeah, fuck this movie.   

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