Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die: Powder does air-guitar

★★★★--I loved this movie, though it was far from perfect. The realest, darkest comedy you’re ever gonna see, yes. But it also has a giant man-eating cat with a giraffe neck made of other living cat heads and a body of a goat that pees glitter. Yeah, when it eats, the little cat heads on the neck sort of puke out glitter. Once you get there, you realize “oh yeah we’re in a Black Mirror episode.” An AI nightmare. 
 
The person I watched this with was physically angered by this development. He said he almost walked out at that point and ultimately wished he had. “It was like a movie about AI written by AI,” he groaned. Personally, saw that as part of a long critique on the dangers of AI and a subverting what has been a cliché my entire life by making it realistic. Because we’ve all seen our fair share of AI crap in the last couple of years, we recognize a “shitty prompt” when we see one. As Michael Peña’s character says, “[AI] is gonna get so much worse,” or something like that. And elsewhere, “You’ve normalized this... You just can’t see how bad it’s gotten.”
 
Speaking of, I hate that guy. The actor. Scientologist, ya know. He was especially irritating in this… But it does have three of the most beautiful women in the world, all of whom start out at this random diner. Though it is in Los Angeles. They are Haley Lu Richardson (she’s the Florence Pugh looking young woman in the second season of White Lotus), Zazie Beetz from the second Dead Pool movie, and Juno Temple (she plays the popstar Keeley Jones in Ted Lasso). Sam Rockwell and White Lotus Florence Pugh were both great. Rockwell is on fucking fire as the Man from the Future. And unhinged. 
 

When talking about AI, the future man says shit like “There's some shit that's about to come down that I can't prepare you for. It's going to try to give you everything you ever wanted, but in the end, it will all be a lie.” And “Somewhere inside of you, you know the way things are, the way we're heading, the way people are with each other. You know the world's going to shit.” This is indeed how things feel at present. We all know this. It was nice to hear this in a creative film. Basically saying AI is super bad, but we are already fucked. No putting that genie back in the bottle. It is inevitable. Which is interesting and true, but also kind of where the film falls apart. 
 
For example, at some point it becomes clear that future man is at that diner because there is someone there he knows, which is obvious pretty early in the movie but is shown as a big reveal. However, because he knows her in the future, he doesn’t pick her until this time, the 117^th time he has tried and failed in this missing, wanting to keep her safe. If he wanted to keep her away from harm, why doesn’t he go anywhere else? One of several things that don’t make any fucking sense and make this confusing as hell. 
 

As far as the characters and the, spoiler, failed mission, I think where they made the mistake (assuming they were in reality at any point in the movie, because maybe they weren’t) was when they put the USB in the box. Was glad it was not a happy ending, because society is beyond fucked and AI fucking things up even more is just around the corner. That’s how reality really works. Can’t have a happy ending AI movie. We’ve been warned about it all these years and now it’s here. And it fucking sucks. Who could’ve predicted this? That’s $1 million question and now we’re just sitting back waiting on it to ruin the world more than it is already fucked. 
 
A return to directing for Gore Verbinski, who is one of the most hit or miss directors of all time. He’s been in director jail for the last decade since A Cure for Wellness bombed hard in 2016. The hits include Mouse Hunt, The Ring, the first two Pirates of the Caribbean movies, The Weather Man, and Rango. The rest, all more or less unwatchable, were The Mexican (at one time a guilty pleasure), the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and the truly god awful The Lone Ranger with Johnny Depp as fucking Tonto and “100% a cannable” Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger. Yeesh. Did result in one of the greatest Onion headlines of all time, “Ecstatic American Indians Praise The Lone Ranger: ‘Finally Our Story Is Being Told,’ Tribespeople Say.” 
 

Ye olde finding-the-omnipotent-bald-child routine

Overall, highly recommend. Beautifully done. Fantastic opening. Dialogue is great. Super entertaining. Lot of homages to genres films, especially The Terminator, 12 Monkeys, and The Matrix. Also, Groundhog Day, Her, and Edge of Tomorrow. But won’t be on my top 10 come the end of the year as there are complaints. 
 
It reminded me of one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, Miracle Mile. I was super into Denise Crosby sexually as a small child and watched everything she was in. This one angered me at the time, a lot to do with the film’s bleak cynicism. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thought this. I remember the film implying a dream out and then being like, no this is real, which I found bullshitty. So obviously not something for the positive column. Though I appreciate Don’t Die’s absurdist cynicism. 
 
Powder doing air guitar is the lamest thing I’ve ever seen. Didn’t need to be two hours and 15 minutes long. But what do you trim? The film’s ending, and probably ours, is The Matrix where humanity thinks they’ve won. Sort of a bullshit ending. Was any of a real type of bullshit that I hate. Thought it was very good up until the last 10 minutes. Again, the beginning was absolutely amazing. The second act was pretty good. Third act was pretty good until it fell apart at the very end. Sort of leaves you disappointed at the end, but that’s OK. Funny but sad as fuck.

Top 10 of 2025: 9. F1

★★★★--Any time Brad Pitt is in a movie, it is probably gonna end up on my list at the end of the year. Kind of a commercial for a sport no one in the United States care about, but I’m glad I saw it on the big screen. This was so bad ass. Crazy visuals and sound. There were times when I was stunned. Only happens every so often. I think the last time before this year (the hill scene in One Battle After Another also got me) was Oppenheimer. Before that, Nope. The race footage is that good. Hell, this was one of my favorite sports movies. Doesn’t hold up to the best of the Rocky/Creed movies, but I’d say it could hang with pretty much anything else. 

 

Directed by one Joseph Kosinski. I sort of hate all his other movies. They include: Tron: Legacy, Oblivion, Only the Brave, Top Gun: Maverick, Spiderhead (which I haven’t seen), and he wrote Twisters. Rounding out the solid cast were Kerry Condon (The Banshees of Inisherin, Train Dreams, Night Swim) whose character is irritatingly named Kate McKenna (not to be confused with the greatest SNL actor of all-time, Kate McKinnon), potential future-star Damson Idris whom I only know from this, and Javier Bardem. And love that Hans Zimmer score. 

Top 10 of 2025: Tie—10. Mickey 17

★★★★--Some serious Pattinson-on-Pattinson action. The first third is amazing. The second third is solid. The last third, especially in the last 20 minutes, is lame. However, overall, it was fun and silly and my kind of shit. 
 
Bong Joon-ho (of Parasite fame) doing a sci-fi satire. Definitely one for me. Saw complaints about the tone, but I personally loved that part of it. Sort of silly, yeah, while dealing with real issues of life and death in a fucked up time. I found it consistent and good for what the film is. The Running Man it was not. 
 
Stars Robert Pattinson, Naomi Ackie, Steven Yeun, Toni Collette, and Mark Ruffalo. Pattinson is the clear star, though. He does an amazing job of playing the “Expendable” (Mickey Barnes) in another sort of twin movie. He is part of a group that goes to a distant ice planet with the job of dying repeatedly. Once expired, he is reprinted with his memories intact. Uses this setup to rail against capitalism, authoritarianism, and humanity’s hubris. Lot of absurdist gallows humor. Also doesn’t skrimp on the feels. And what a time to release a movie about how those in power see people and resources as disposable.

31 Days of Halloween: Nicolas Cage: Prisoners of the Ghostland: A Wild Ride That Misses the Mark

 Prisoners of the Ghostland - Sion Sono - 2021

 

★★-Day 11 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Nicolas Cage night. Recently did a Nic Cage inventory. Of the roughly 120 movies he has been in, I’ve seen about 75. This was one I missed. Should have stayed that way, but I’m kind of a completist.The production value is pretty outrageous. Ghostland is what I imagine North Korea is like, but with Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw 2 instead of the butterball Kim Jong. It has actors I love. Built as a dystopian world that blends Western and samurai cinema, we get the typical themes of redemption and survival as Hero makes his way through the treacherous terrain and its mutated inhabitants. I was expect a combination of Mandy, Waterworld, Fury Road, and Kill Bill rolled into Battle Royale. I was stoked.

Here are the deets: Nicolas Cage plays a notorious criminal named Hero, who is sent on a mission to rescue the adopted granddaughter of a warlord played by Bill Moseley. She’s held up in a supernatural wasteland known as the Ghostland. Hence Prisoners of the Ghostland. 

When Cage is on, he is on fire, sometimes literally. Back when, Cage said in an interview that the film is “the wildest movie I’ve ever made.” So, you know, time to buckle the fuck up. I thought. Spoiler. It’s fucking not. 

Directed by Sion Sono, who is considered a hot shit auteur out of Nippon. So, you know, he’s got that distinctive style, which includes grotesque violence, extreme eroticism, surreal imagery, complex narratives, a cynicism toward modern Japanese society, and so forth. His portrayal of women has sparked debate, with opinions divided on whether his works are misogynistic or feminist. Another spoiler. He’s a fucking misogynist. In 2022, he faced allegations of sexual misconduct from actresses within the Japanese film industry. So he’s probably done, at least in America. 

Sofia Boutella plays the granddaughter that needs saving. Recognize her from movies Kingsman: The Secret Service, Atomic Blonde, Fahrenheit 451, Hotel Artemis, and Rebel Moon, among other things. 

Nick Cassavetes, son of John Cassavetes, who was cool as fuck, is about the only other person I recognize. He will always be Lyle Pike from one of my 80s favorites, Blind Fury. He plays part of this pair of brothers trying to eliminate a blind samurai type Rutger Hauer. Hauer is trying to rescue his army buddy played by John Locke from Lost who is forced to make meth for the Reno mob. There is a very memorable scene where Cassavetes and the brother get trapped in an elevator. One says “shit”, while the other says “fuck”. They then look at each other and in unison say “shit fuck”, gifting the world that little gem. 

Anyway, this flick is bonkers in a what-the-fuck-is-this way. Turns out it is a lot of boring nonsense. Like, why are the weird desert people turning folks into mannequins, House of Wax style? No fucking idea. 

Then, halfway through the movie, I realized it sucks. It is just interesting enough to keep you watching, but doesn’t deliver on the wild ride that we were promised. For example, I’m about to turn it off, then I see one of Nicolas Cage’s testicles. It is really something. I’m talking outside of his sack, held in his hand. Some new territory there. How’s that for what the fuck? 

This is followed by 20 minutes of exposition in the form of a maybe dream. I don’t know. Then zombies show up. I guess it is supposed to be an apocalypse, spaghetti western, kung fu mashup. Feels like there are a lot of allusions to other media, but I wasn’t getting them. 

Overall, Cage was solid, as were most the other stars, though it was not a good viewing experience. The Nick Allen review on RogerEbert.com sums it up pretty well. “No movie with Nicolas Cage, directed by the wonderfully weird Japanese director Sion Sono, should be this taxing, drawn out, and plainly boring.” It was one of the worst movies I’ve finished. Monumentally bad. Bad in a might be camp way, but not enough to convince me it was intentional.  

David Fincher's 'The Killer': An Existential Masterpiece in the Shadows of Noir

The Killer - David Fincher - 2023

David Fincher is my favorite filmmaker. Every time he makes a movie, it is a gift. This one, especially so. Earlier this year, I said that Oppenheimer was the best movie to come out in my lifetime. Well, it might be the best film of the year, but I'm pretty sure The Killer is my favorite. By the way, this surpasses 2007 as the best film year I've been cognizant of, and these two pictures give me a No Country for Old Men vs. There Will Be Blood vibe. Yeah, that movie that won all the awards was dope, but the other was the best movie of the decade. I'm going on record; it's the kind of film that gets the Academy's attention, doesn't win shit, then years later, everyone collectively realizes it's a classic. We shall see come awards season. 

Based on the French graphic novel series The Killer written by Alexis "Matz" Nolent and illustrated by Luc Jacamon. Stars Michael Fassbender as the hitman, also Arliss Howard (who I love), Charles Parnell, Kerry O'Malley, Sala Baker, Sophie Charlotte, and Tilda Swinton. This is the second of four movies Fincher is making for Netflix. The first was Mank, released in 2020. 

The gist: a hitman finds himself in some shit after botching a hit. He's now playing cat and mouse with his former bosses (and himself), who nearly killed his girlfriend trying to get to him. So "nothing like this can ever happen again," he goes on the offensive, globe-trotting, ducking in and out of shadows, insisting that what he's doing isn't personal. Yeah, sure. 

It's this guy's version of self-help. You know, throw yourself in your work, meditate, do some yoga, tell yourself lies, take up existential philosophy, quote some Aleister Crowley (I named a rooster Aleister Crowley, no shit), listen to the Smiths, shoot a guy in the face. Just like mine, except with extreme violence. (I have said verbatim several things this guy says through the course of this film, but never really considered myself a psycho).

The world portrayed is in no way glamorous. This world is cold. The film opens with him prepping for a kill, which is all just mundane shit, part of his day. People that come for you have no names or faces. You don't know who they are, and they don't know you. But that bullet still has your name on it. People don't understand why he is there when he shows up to do his deeds. 

This isn't just run-of-the-mill action. The one choreographed fight scene is fucking brutal, all out, and devastating. As Fassbender walks away, he repeats one of his mantras, "This is what it takes." He's saying this to us, the audience. Fuck.

First watch, I thought it was a masterpiece, but it was a mid-tier Fincher. Now, I have it fourth and rising. Zodiac, Se7en, and Social Network ahead of it. But just barely. Surpasses Gone Girl and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, another of his misunderstood home runs. 

Made me think of Paul Schrader whose work also depicts troubled men struggling through an existential crisis leading to a violent, cathartic event. If you don't know who he is, he's the guy who wrote Taxi Driver and Raging Bull and directed the films  Cat People, Affliction, Auto Focus, The Canyons (the insane Bret Easton Ellis written film staring Lindsay Lohan and porn actor/rapist James Deen who was called "Bill Cosby of porn"), and most recently The Constant Gardner. He got into some shit after the 2016 election for calling the upcoming Trump presidency "a call to violence" and that "we should be willing to take arms. Like Old John Brown." Such earned him a visit from the NYC Counterterrorism Bureau. So that's pretty cool. 

Looked to see if he had anything to say about it. He did. "Is style its own validation in narrative art? Or should it serve another purpose as well? Fincher's film is a masterclass in film style, but there is a pharase (sic) for this in Texas. It's called 'all hat.'" He also called Fassbender's character "the Chatty-Kathy of hit men."

Fincher himself called it a "B-movie." A dressed-up, near-silent assassin film that's sharp, pulpy, and doesn't pretend. Style, cynical worldviews, pessimism, these are things Fincher films ooze. The images of the various nocturnal cities suggest a Dostoevsky nightmare, fragments of artistic tradition to stave off spiritual despair, laden with new-wave references to other movies and directors. nostalgia is very much in Fincher's mind. Fincher gives us many allusions (most notably Le Samourai by Jean-Pierre Melville). Throughout, unorthodox narration (very much a noir trope) demonstrates the ambiguity of human motives. Commodity culture is a wasteland (product placement is everywhere, making his job both easier to perform and harder to get away with). The film is a critical and self-reflexive analysis of contemporary life, a dream image of bygone glamour repressing as much history as it recalls and service of the cinephile and commodification.

Asked several people what they thought this movie was about and got completely different answers, which were also different from mine. That's what makes Fincher a genius. It's different based on where you are and what you're dealing with. For me, it was obviously about the fallacy of control and the lies we tell ourselves. Also, a meditation on what it takes to be great. Also, why give a shit enough for those sacrifices. This is where the existentialist fires up.

"Fate is a placebo," he says at the end. "The only life path is the one behind you." Then he flenches when he says he is one of the many, just like us, the audience. That shit isn't going to last. This whole time, the killer is a political pessimist experiencing existential anguish, erasing his old life and taking up this new one that is the antithesis of everything he says and does. However, he is the ultimate unreliable narrator. At the end, you see a man expressing a passion for the past and present but also a fear of the future. Dreads looking ahead instead tries to survive by the day and, when unsuccessful, retreats into the past, i.e., its erasure. He is one with a lack of clear priorities, experiencing his first taste of insecurity. So he concentrates on violence, perversion, and decay, what he knows. His cauldron of inarticulate rage we get through his noir-like offscreen narration that's highly poetic and ironic, reinforced by his protection and love that we don't see and is likely bullshit. This love, who is stuck with at the movie's end, has destroyed his real identity. Ideologically, deep down, he is a contradiction, and all his talk incoherent. 

Yes, if you can't tell, I love existential art and film noir. A character withdrawing into despair and bitter disengagement that's my jam. Couple that with an atmosphere of determinism and irony, irredeemable evil, exposing the underside of American character, then I am rock hard. "I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck." 

Fear the Night: Sisterhood of the vengeful deaths

Fear the Night - Neil LaBute - 2023 

★★★★-Loved this flick. I could watch beautiful women murder right-wingers every day, which I pretty much have for the month of October.  

Gist of this film is Tess, a battle-scared Iraq War vet with booze issues, comes home to pick up the pieces and mend fences with her sister, Beth, on their way to their other sister’s bachelorette party at the old family farmstead. On the way, she makes some wannabe military good old boys feel small and then keys one of their trucks, I love that shit. Now we are getting a feel for Tess. She’s uncomfortable in a crowd and hostile toward jerky men and senses some bull shit going down with the farm's caretakers.  

As the party gets underway, lone wolf Tess spends most of her time by herself outside. During a stripper chef routine, the group gets ambushed by a gang of hilljacks who make the fatal mistake of killing Rose, the younger sister. Tess, with all her combat training, goes full Rambo, turning the farm into a fortress and leading the remaining party-goers in a desperate fight for survival.  

Only face I recognized was Maggie Q, as Tess, from her role as the lead in the CW television series Nikita. The others billed include Kat Foster, Travis Hammer, and Gia Crovatin.  

Directed and written by Neil LaBute. He’s done some stuff I liked alright, notably Your Friends & Neighbors and Nurse Betty, and some episodes of Billions, as well as some stuff that I really didn’t, the remake of The Wicker Man (2006). But I pretty much loved this flick. 

Some notes... Not all the women are created equal here. Opening the door, for example. This leads to most of them getting captured. It all ends up being over a small grow/meth operation. 

The sister throwing the party, Beth, fucking sucks. I guess we don’t know why she hates her veteran sister who has issues with alcohol and men, but she hates her. 

Stripper chef is a funny and disgusting concept. I bet he can’t cook for shit. He’s a handsome bald guy but could have just as easily played one of the rednecks. When shit hits the fan, he tries to take over, as guys do, but it doesn’t end well.  

Trigger warning here. Dudes are really focused on the rape aspect of the home invasion.  

The guys think the caretakers were the ladies’ boyfriends, which is insane. Thinks Tess is slumming it. He ends up giving “her an out.” However, she is all about killing this guy in hand-to-hand. This fucking tweaker. She hands his ass to him, quickly and with vengeance. And all they did was cost her a sister and her sobriety.  

Fucking cops show and just do a lot of victim blaming. Female lawyer that takes no shit is having none of that shit. But then the end implies that one of the sisters knew about the meth lab, so I guess he was right in the end to suspect them of something. If I read that right, it was meh, but I’m ignoring it to give this movie four stars.  

Overall take: Watching badass bitches kill right-wingers is my kink. Sexually. Personally, I like the Courtney Love track star chick who offers herself up as bait. She doesn’t run like a track star, though she is wearing men’s shoes. But she is adept at smashing a guy’s skull. Lot of top-tier flicks like this lately. The Becky films. You’re Next a decade ago. 

Becky Unleashed: A darkly comedic tween home-invasion revenge phantasy

Becky - Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion - 2020

★★★★★-Holy hell. I love a wild, home-invasion revenge story. Tense, taught flick with solid acting, and over-the-top, darkly humorous violence. My brand, for sure. 

Directed by the duo of Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion with script from Nick Morris, Lane Skye, and Ruckus Skye. Never heard of any of them. Stars one Lulu Wilson, who is baller in the leading role. Her performance is bratty, rage-filled, and flawless. Also stars Kevin James as the big bad and Joel McHale as Becky’s dad. James' character becomes increasingly absurd and dumb as the film progresses, which is always the case with Neo-Nazis. 

Gist is 13-year-old Becky Hopper (Wilson) finds herself amid a home invasion at her family’s lakefront home led by escaped skin-head prisoner, Dominick Lewis (James), and his gang. After Becky's father, Jeff (McHale), gets murdered for a mysterious key that Becky has on her person, she starts dispatching the intruders with extreme prejudice. Her methods include gouging out a guy’s eye with the sought-after key, decapitating a dude with a bush hogger, chopping a guy up with a boat propeller, and stabbing a guy in the neck with a ruler. When questioned about the incident by law enforcement, however, Becky feigns amnesia, though we are all pretty proud of what she’s done. 

Again, loved this film, basically Die Hard with a little girl, and the sequel is even better. Think a little girl John Wick that everyone underestimates for obvious reasons. Fuck with her dog, or dad, I guess, and she is probably going to rip your head off with her bare hands. Even a child-murdering Nazi is like, “woah, you have a darkness in you that you have to get in check.” She shoots him in the face and screams like a banshee.  

Heat: The action is the juice

Heat - Michael Mann - 1995

★★★★-Pacino and De Niro square off in a legendary hist movie. Uh, yeah. But similar to my feelings when I saw it 30 years ago, it was a little disappointing. 

Rumors have been around for decades that Pacino and De Niro were never on the set at the same time due to their supposed rivalry. They've done three movies together total. Remember watching this when it came out on TV. All of them are classics. My friends at the time were high on Pacino. I've always been a De Niro guy. It was my take back then that Pacino is terrible in this movie. That is still my take. I feel they've both done a lot of shit over the last decade, but have their performances, especially Pacino as of late. De Niro really gets the best of old Al in this one for sure. Also, both of them are recent fathers, which is insane. 

Gist of the movie is an intense conflict between an LAPD detective, Pacino ,and a seasoned criminal, De Niro. As the story unfolds, it delves into the impact of this clash on their professional relationships and personal lives. Plus there is lots of shooting and killing with long hist scenes going through downtown L.A. 

Directed by Michael Mann. He could do no wrong there for a while, but has been on a losing streak as of late. Other films of his include  Manhunter, The Last of the Mohicans, Heat, The Insider (great flick), Collateral, Public Enemies, Miami Vice, and the much maligned Blackhat. He originally penned the script in 1979, drawing inspiration from Chicago police officer Chuck Adamson's pursuit of the criminal Neil McCauley, It became the 1989 television movie  L.A. Takedownbefore getting a rewrite. 

Ensemble cast is insane. Includes Pacino, De Niro, Val Kilmer, Natalie Portman, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Amy Brenneman (a total “that chick” that didn't quite make it to A-List), and Ashley Judd in major roles. Also, Danny Trejo, Wes Studi (probably most recognized from The Last of the Mohicans), Diane Venora (also never quite made it), William Fichtner (total that guy), Ted Levine (Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs), Mykelti Williamson (Bubba from Forrest Gump), Tone Loc, Tom Noonan (Francis Dollarhyde in Mann's Manhunter, the homeowner in The House of the Devil, the big bad in RoboCop 2, Frankenstein in The Monster Squad, the Ripper in Last Action Hero, dude is pretty much always a psycho), Dennis Haysbert (the AllState guy), Hank Azaria (Apu, Moe, Wigum, and other voices from The Simpsons as well as Patches O'Houlihan in Dodgeball), Kevin Gage (a real con mostly remembered for this), and Henry Rollins (love when he shows up in anything). Hell, Bud Cort makes an appearance. Lastly, Val Kilmer looks like a poor man's Brad Pitt. 

Some notes... Pacino's dealing with some shit on top of his job. Wife is irritated that Pacino is four hours late for dinner because he was investigating a triple homicide. Well, yeah. Step-daughter, played by a young Natalie Portman, attempts suicide, and his wife starts boning this guy named Ralph. Poor Ralph. Just trying to have sex and watch some TV. Had no idea he was in for, getting used to tame an unhinged, obsessive policeman by his crazier, pot-smoking wife. Law enforcement agencies really don't like it when the spouse does drugs. Just FYI. 

Sort of taken on masterpiece status. Didn't receive any Academy Award nominations, though now it is considered one of the most influential works in its action-crime genre. Last year, it was announced that a sequel is in development. 

Really tense final showdown. Two dudes running around on the tarmac firing guns at each other as planes take off around them. This was pre-9/11. Dude was home free, but he's got to kill a piece of shit. The police working with a serial killer to catch a bank robber (who does kill people), seems like a real deal with the devil. 

Overall, not the classic some people claim. But solid. A three-hour movie that just flies by is always appreciated, but somewhat daunting. Finally, Sizemore kinda steals the show. Hard to like the guy, as he might have been a pedophile. But he is pretty dope in this flick. Delivers one of the greatest lines ever in “For me, the action is the juice!” De Niro is sick, too. If you have three hours to kill, you can probably find worse ways to spend it. 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is easily the most disappointing movie of all time

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Steven Spielberg - 2008

★★-Upon my first watching, in my opinion, it wasn't a complete train-wreck, but just an okay movie, which made it by far the worst Indiana Jones movie. But still, not completely terrible. Just average, which was a disappointment. Appreciated chances were taken, but those chances didn't work. However, it was unenjoyable on some levels. This was all wishful thinking. 

Now, after some estimated 3,000 movies. Oh, it's shit. 

Gist of it. Set in1957, the story follows archaeologist Indiana Jones, who is racing against Soviet KGB agents to locate a telepathic crystal skull hidden in Peru. To aid him in this perilous mission, Jones is joined by his former lover, Marion Ravenwood, and their son, Mutt Williams. The film's supporting cast includes Ray Winstone, John Hurt, and Jim Broadbent, adding depth and excitement to the cinematic journey.

Stars Harrison Ford, Karen Allen is back as Ravenwood, Shia LaBeouf plays the son. This was in the middle of Harrison Ford's “why am I here?” phase. He has moments, but isn't really Indiana Jones. Cate Blanchett plays the main KGB agent, one Irina Spalko. She gives us an Oppenheimer reference. Quotes the famous “Now I become death. Destroyer of worlds.” Dealing with Cold War stuff, after all. 

Other notables include John Hurt (Alien 1984, Midnight Express, The Elephant Man, so forth) and Ray Winstone (mostly think of him as the lead in Sexy Beast and as Nickolson's right-hand man in The Departed that asks Leo if he is on his period when he orders a cranberry juice). Hurt plays a crazy rival of Dr. Jones who was with Ravenwood romantically but just lays down when Indiana comes back into the picture, which sure. Winstone is a triple agent, or some such shit. Basically a poor man's Belloq.

Directed by Steven Spielberg. Near the bottom of his films. Fourth installment in the Indiana Jones series. Last of the Spielberg films in the series. 

Not a whole lot to like here. Going to South America was cool. LaBeouf is solid. Feel his performance is the best part of this movie, but his storyline doesn't quite work. In the middle there when him and Indiana are walking around in the caverns is pretty decent, actually. 

Now for the stuff I didn't like... Lot of age related jokes. “Get on, gramps,” “what are you like 80?”, so forth. Horrible exposition. The scene with Ford and Shia is awful. Followed up with really bad stunt doubles. It's also too long. A real slog to get through. The crystal skulls isn't a story we know like the best of the films. This MacGuffin is no Ark of the Covenant, for example. Also, there is a stupid/infuriating scene where Shia swings his way across the jungle like a monkey, like a human with no experience can suddenly just do something like this. 

Finally, there are two parts I really, really hate. Opening is unbelievable and dumb and unwatchable. No way Russians would be able to organize and break in to a classified area with basically no problems in the 1950s. Then the government tests a nuke with all of this shit with the Russians going on. What is happening? This is the infamous “nuking the fridge” scene. More or less everything in that first 25 minutes is just painful. 

Look for my rankings of the Indiana Jones films in the near future. Probably not going to come as much of a surprise, but I might have a couple of spicier takes. 

Inception - Christopher Nolan - 2010

★★★★★-Last movie from my Christopher Nolan rewatch before going into Oppenheimer. Saved my favorite, going in at least, for last. What a goddamned mindfuck of a movie. I LOVE Nolan. All of his films are spectacular. He is a true genius. One of only a handful currently making pictures. I believe this is his best movie. I watch it at a rate of every six years. Saw in the theater, in 2016, and just the other day. While I think I might understand it more, my brain can only take so much. That's what happens when we get dreams within dreams to the god knows what degree. 

The gist is Leonardo DiCaprio plays a professional thief who steals information by infiltrating the subconscious of his targets. He's an international criminal who is offered the job of implanting an idea into the subconscious of a target (played by Cillian Murphy). In exchange, he'll have his record expunged. 

That's the short gist, of course. The film is extraordinarily complex with the thieves entering dreams, within dreams, within dreams. Like six levels of this. This flick is the ultimate mindfuck.

Written and directed by Nolan, who also produced the film with his wife Emma Thomas. Ensemble cast includes DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Murphy, Marion Cotillard, Elliot Page, Tom Hardy, Dileep Rao, Tom Berenger, and Michael Caine. What a crop.

Won four Oscars (Best Cinematography, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing, Best Visual Effects) and was nominated for four more (Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, Best Art Direction, Best Original Score) at the 83rd Academy Awards. Lost out to The King's Speech, one of the many miscarriages of justice, that film winning. Was up against what I think is the second best film of this century in The Social Network.

Could have lived with this film winning as well. Can read it in about 10 different ways. What it means, how it ends, so forth. I find it incredible that this isn't at the top of everyone's list of best Nolan movies. However, I will grant that his top three are all unquestioned masterpieces, and all of his films are great. Off the success of one of those masterpieces, The Dark Knight, the emboldened Nolan went full Nolan.

High-concept, big budget, character-driven art house film that was the culmination of everything he'd learned up to that point. A master craftsman at the top of his game firing on all cylinders making a superb film that requires multiple viewings to appreciate. I loved it the first watch, my first IMAX viewing. I have loved it infinitely more with each viewing, and it's been a different watch every time. Challenging and rewarding. This is a top five film of this century. It is genuine movie magic. 

Miami Blues - George Armitage - 1990

★★★★-Another insane erotic thriller with an improbably beautiful and drug-free prostitute that falls for a john. 

Gist is a criminal gets out of prison and goes on a series of rampages for the entirety of the movie while courting a young prostitute, telling her he has gone legit. It's pretty hilarious. This character is completely out-of-control. He gets so used to playing a cop that when he runs into the guy whose identity he's stolen screams, “Freeze! Police!” He screams back, “Freeze! Police!” Ridiculous, and laugh-out-loud humorous. 

It stars Alec Baldwin, Fred Ward, and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Nora Dunn, who looks pretty fine, makes a couple of appearances. Based on the novel by Charles Willeford. Directed by George Armitage. He also directed Grosse Pointe Blank and wrote The Late Shift about the Letterman/Leno saga to take of for Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show.” Was one of Roger Corman's proteges. Not sure what happened with him, as he hasn't directed anything since 2004. A real shame. 

Dude asks her a little about herself and she starts talking about how she is working as a call-girl to pay her way through college. He says to her, “the first thing they should have taught you in hooker school is not to ask so many fucking questions.”

Opens to Baldwin getting out of prison and going on sort of having a low-key rampage through the airport. Steals a bunch of shit and breaks a Hare Krishna's finger. Homicide comes out. Detective is like WTF? Apparently the guy died of shock, which is weird thing to kick off a movie with. This guy definitely belongs behind bars. Cop investigates him, and he goes to his home, assaults him, and steals his badge. He then impersonates a cop to steal shit. He'll stop a crime, like a purse snatching, and then will take it himself. 

Says he wants a normal life. Lot of red flags. I wouldn't marry him. “Don't want to have kids. This world's a shit-hole.” Couldn't agree more. 

Lot of dark humor in this flick like that. I LOLed a couple of times. For example, Baldwin's character tells JJL that he is done with crime but keeps coming home progressively more physically messed up. Gets run over inside a convenience store after stopping a holdup while playing cop, which was wild. (The kid behind the counter has a killer Miami Heat tank top on. They were a new expansion team when this was made. Pretty cool.) Eventually, he gets his fingers chopped off by a machete. Yet he still tries to keep up the con. 

I vividly remember the cover of this movie in the video store. Had Baldwin shirtless aiming a gun. I assumed it was a serious cop movie and never watched it. Little did I know the insanity that I was in store for. Features on of the most revolting dinners I can imagine that features something called vinegar pie for dessert. Hard to believe I watched this on the Criterion Channel type of flick. However, highly recommend. 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - Steven Spielberg - 1989

★★★★-Same beats as the original dialed up and with Sean Connery. Love it, but maybe not as much as I did as a child. However, it's the funnest of all the Indiana Jones movies. Never regret revisiting this movie. 

Third installment of the original Indiana Jones trilogy. You know the gist. Set in 1938, the film follows Indiana's quest to rescue his kidnapped father, who's a scholar of the Holy Grail that's being held hostage by the Nazis who are also searching for the Grail. 

Directed by the Steven Spielberg. Written by Jeffrey Boam. Stars Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones and Sean Connery as Indiana's father. Also stars Alison Doody, Denholm Elliott, Julian Glover, River Phoenix, and John Rhys-Davies. 

Ford and Connery are both incredible. Them together is electric. Remember Doody being the hottest woman ever. She’s no Karen Allen. I guess hanging out with Leni Riefenstahl and the Fuhrer isn’t all that much of a turn on. Phoenix as Young Indiana wasn’t as great as I remembered. Opening conveniently explains Indiana’s chin scar, nickname, affinity for whips, fear of snakes, his hat and his catchphrase, “it should be in a museum."

Exposition isn’t quite as good as Raiders, but still solid. That's sort of how I feel about the whole flick. Really good, but not the classic that the first film is. 

I think the best part, which might be a little bit of an unpopular opinion, is the humor. First, Brody is hilarious. “I hate to interrupt you!” While Indiana flirts with Dr. Schneider. Love that he’s a vegetarian. Him stumbling around asking if anyone speaks English or ancient Greek. He is obviously not up to the challenge. Funny how he runs into Sallah. I’ve had stuff like that happen to me, running into the one person I knew that city of 7 million people. Catch him immediately. 

Connery, also hilarious. Some great one-liners. "It was rather wonderful," "so did I," "would you say this has been a typical day for you." So forth.

The whole bit in Austria was ridiculous. Indiana pretending to be a Scottish lord unconvincingly just keeps getting funnier. 

So... I was a student of medieval literature. Have to think it has something to do with this movie. Which brings me to a nitpick. The knight guarding the Grail should be speaking middle English or whatever. Yes, that would be weird, but come on. Plus, this guy has to be pretty disappointed. He is guarding the Grail for 700 years. Guy comes to relieve him. He looks like shit. He tells them to choose the Grail among the many cups in the room wisely, then that Nazi guy lets this woman choose for him. She chooses the closest one to her. Not a good call. He dies. Indiana gets the right one, of course, but he tells them specifically not to cross the seal. They immediately cross the seal. Place falls apart and he watches them as they leave him to die after the Grail is swallowed up by the earth. Thanks for coming! It's been real. 

Among the trio of Indiana Jones films, The Last Crusade is potentially my sentimental favorite, mostly because it is just so damn fun. It stands as an exceptionally well-crafted and irresistibly entertaining popcorn movie, brought to life by arguably the most dependable director of such films in American cinema history while at the peak of filmmaking abilities. You get your money's worth in terms of action, delight, and humor. I feel like an ingrate for shitting on it at all. Some may label it as shameless manipulation, but I still view it as a thrilling and captivating display of pure cinematic joy.

The Dark Knight - Christopher Nolan - 2008

★★★★-Pretty much an unquestioned masterpiece. Easily the best live-action Batman movie of all-time, though it isn't perfect and is probably middle of the road for Nolan movies. 

Second installment of Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy, co-written with his bro Jonathan. By far his most linear movie. Doesn't even have a flashback. Ensemble cast includes Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Morgan Freeman, among other. Gyllenhaal is a vast improvement over Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. Eckhart's ark is pretty interesting. Could be read as the fall of a great man, pushed to his limits. Or a man that wasn't that great to begin with, self-serving and power-hungry that was always capable of evil. What I think of as Dibo's, aka “Tiny” Zeus Lister, final decent role.

Gist of the film is Batman, police lieutenant James Gordon, and district attorney Harvey Dent, join forces to combat organized crime in Gotham City; but, their plans are thorted by the Joker, a chaotic mastermind intent on pushing Batman to his limits. Standard Batman stuff on paper. But this is way more than your standard superhero fare. It's probably the best superhero film ever made. Definitely is in my book.

Heath Ledger's Joker is, of course, incredible. Every time he's on-screen is a gift. Starts with one of the best openings to any movie ever. Then the meeting with Lau, the Chinese guy, where the Joker does his magic trick is incredible exposition. The Harvey Dent fundraiser. Chasing Harvey Dent. When Batman interrogates him. All are rewatchable gems. It's the little things that really make the performance stellar. Slicking his hair back as he walks over to an incapacitated Batman, sticking his head out of the window as he rides away in a cop car after his escape, holding up his hands and repeatedly smacking the detonator to the hospital that doesn't explode (this was apparently improvised). Dude was a talent. Nolan was a genius for just letting him play hero-ball. What we get is a true agent of chaos. 

Never gets than his conversation with Dent after killing his lady. Talks about “plans” and “schemes” and so forth. Then delivers the best monologue of the movie: 

“Nobody panics when things go 'according to plan.' Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all 'part of the plan.' But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds. Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.”

Fucking great. And accurate. 

Another great and accurate quote comes from Dent at the end when he says, “You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced, fair.”

There are some things, though. Don't like all the doggo death, even if they are trained to kill. The stuff with Lau was pretty messy. Multiple cellphones that aren't allowed that cause a bunch of havoc. Drags and is pretty unnecessary, going to China, wasting like 20 minutes of screen time. Could have been cut down and not had the extraction and kept things a little simpler. It's sort of a slog the fifth or so time you watch the film. Also, I'm pretty sure an authorized plane in Chinese airspace wouldn't end too well. The stuff with the other Batmen is also completely improbably. How do they find a major drug deal going down in a parking lot? There are more parts that sort of drag, in that first hour especially. The cell phone stuff at the end was complicated and weird and unnecessary, too. It's not like the government doesn't use shit that is just as fucked up all the time. Ever hear of Stingray?

Harvey Dent being unable to recognize the Joker until he takes off his N95 is genuinely hilarious. Don't get a lot of unintentional comedy in Nolan movies, but this, and then pretty much every time Bane opens his mouth, are funny as shit. 

The film's impact is obvious, especially with DC's grittier, crime-focused approach, probably to the detriment of film as a whole. It basically ushered in the great IP era of film when it comes to superhero movies. 

Sisu - Jalmari Helander - 2023

★★★★★-It's about as close to an obvious Tarantino-style movie as you can get and still be good. Best Tarantino clone out there. Django-esque, but way more violent and fucked. This movie is fucking bonkers and incredible. Fucking awesome.

Gist is a guy in Finland in 1944 is off the grid finds a shit ton of gold when Nazis show up and try to take it. All hell breaks loose as this dude is really not to be fucked with. Bag of gold always equals death. Should have read Chaucer. That's all you need. 

This is director Jalmari Helander's first movie. What a debut. Stars Jorma Tommila as the Rombo-esque lead. You might recognize him and his son, Onni Tommila, who plays one of the Nazis in this flick, from Rare Exports or Big Game. Also stars Aksel Hennie (The Martian, The Cloverfield Paradox), Jack Doolan (he looks like a Nazi John C. Reilly, he played Horse Tommy in The Boys), and Mimosa Willamo (never seen her) as the most developed female character. 

I'm gonna make a bold statement here. I fucking hate Nazis. Where do I find the courage? What do I hate worse than Nazis? Raping (see the Nazi John C. Reilly), dog (attempted) and horse killing SS Nazis. Can't really get worse than that. These guys are immediately repulsive in the most extreme way. That's my shit. There is no one I'd feel better about dying horribly than someone like that. Revenge at its finest, although unbelievable (but that's the point). Love the overkill of the last guy, by the by. 

Movie is a bunch of healthy catharsis. Crank that shit up. This fucking guy kills more Nazis than Indiana Jones! One-man army, Ason? Also, like that this guy has a cute little dog that is just as tough and hard to kill as he is. 

When they find the dude's dog-tags, they call the Nazi general who says forget it, don't fuck with this guy. The leader of this battalion disregards this and goes at him, thinking this is his way out of getting hanged when the Allies win the war. Then, when the one guy who is like “naw” tries to take off and not die, dude says, “desertion is punishable by death,” the fucking balls on this guy. 

Lastly, spoiler, the guy doing all the killing doesn't talk until the last scene of the movie, in Finish, which isn't translated. Looked it up. After all the shit and killing for his bags of gold. He goes into a bank and dumps it out, saying that he wants to trade all that in for large bills to make it easier to carry. Incredible. This fucking guy. 

Overall take: unbelievable. It's all of the scorched earth, good shit variety. Dude is a legend. Everyone except the Nazi is like, “y'all fucked up.” And they have as this guy is a silent maniac who kills people in John Wickian ways in the style of exploitation films from the 1970s. Did I mention Tarantino? We are talking righteous retribution. If you cross him, you are royally fucked. You cannot kill this guy because he will not fucking give up. He just refuses to die and kills people in incredibly entertaining ways. Give me sequels and prequels of this mother fucker. Remarkable film. Fun as fuck.