So... Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. This would be the ninth Friday the 13th movie but Paramount still owned the rights to the title "Friday the 13th". Time to wrap it up again but not really I guess was the thinking here. Which is weird because New Line Cinema, fucking Bob Shaye's production company AKA the Nightmare on Elm Street folks, bought the story line. One would think they would go right into a Jason vs Freddy situation but that wouldn't happen for a decade. Everyone was trying to get their shit together for this movie for years, since at least Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, and this was their fucking chance. Sean S. Cunningham, director/producer of the original Friday the 13th, saw the potential here and wanted that movie fucking made. He specifically did not want another generic Jason movie, which is what fucking happened. This was the result of who else but Bob Shaye who ruined many a New Line feature. Instead of the FvJ that everyone wanted, Shaye recruited Wes Craven to sort of reboot the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise to do with it whatever he wanted. The result was one amazing movie, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, and this one instead of the FvJ which we got in 2003 anyway. Despite Shaye's efforts, it all worked out in the end, that is assuming you agree that Jason Goes to Hell is the greatest movie of all time, which it is.
Also, there was apparently a lot of confusion and anger regarding the title. People, especially critics, thought that Jason was literally going to Hell and that the movie would be set there. When it wasn't people got pissed. Weird that people took the title so literally when in just the movie before, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, the dude doesn't go to Manhattan until the last 1/3 of the movie. But as they say...
Pros: The concept is pretty cool. Definitely the most unique film of the franchise. Would have worked as a non-Jason movie making me think New Line sort of sandwiched Voorhees into an already written script (a la Die Hard with a Vengeance) which works out in the end. At times unintentionally hilarious making for some pretty entertaining moments.
Cons: Confusing as fuck. All over the fucking place. Jason is barely in the movie (the killers are just random, unremarkable nobodies). More or less no gore or nudity.
|Me after using too much Dave's Insanity Sauce|
|Hater of the year, this guy|
LeMay, for his part, has a baby momma who is I guess Jason's niece or cousin or something. Her, her mother (who works at the Jason diner, which is fucking insanity), and her baby are like super hosts or something. Anyway, the mom, Jason's sister I think, ends up dead (killed by Jason who is wearing a cop meat suite) and LeMay gets blamed for it but he saw and knows it was Jason. His baby momma and daughter shows up to the house and sees all this carnage. LeMay runs them out while the cop is coming at them obviously trying to murder them. After they escape the baby momma, her husband is this cheating dickbag by the way who is obsessed with airing/creating Jason news for ratings and such, fucking ditches him. He eventually gets caught and no one fucking believes him, of course, and he goes to jail and meets Mr. Duke who is still chilling there after telling the sheriff to go fuck himself in the diner. LeMay wants out and such to save his baby and baby momma, Mr. Duke reveals that only a relation can kill Jason and a special knife has to be used. He tells him all this "for a price" which is a broken finger. He appears to be a sadist until it is shown that dude planned this to help him escape by having this injury or whatever. It is stupid but works. And the movie becomes Terminator 2: Judgement Day as Jason shows up at the police station to find and kill this film's Sarah and John Conner. This is a good place to reiterate that this movie is all over the fucking place.
|Wrong movie yo|
LeMay eventually finds his baby momma to warn her about all this and her possessed fiancee shows up to kill her. He saves her, again, and off they are on the high way. However, once they are out of danger, the chick attacks LeMay and fucking ditches him him on the side of the road. She loves leaving this dude high and dry.
Starting to wind down here. Things start getting really strange at this point. They all end up back at the family cabin or whatever where the mom's body is chilling, waiting for the cop Jason dude to show up which he does, eventually. But first the foursome of baby momma, LeMay, Mr. Duke who meets up with all of them when shit goes down at the diner (just going skip over that whole mess), and baby prep. This is cut short though when Mr. Duke falls through a trap door for no reason. He is injured when a pair of cops, one is the dead mom's husband so baby momma's step dad, while the other is this idiot cop that LeMay tricked during his great escape. Everyone is collectively like, "uh, one of you is obviously Jason even though you are both talking at which is a very uncharacteristic move for the silent assassin." Baby momma, who ditched LeMay yet again, chooses to shoot her step dad or whatever. The quick decision is indeed incorrect and the other cop goes right at the baby and tries to make out with it (i.e. give the demon heart/tongue thing). This doesn't work though and the demon heart gets chopped. We see it and it is this weird demon baby thing. Uh, what? It scurries off and possesses the mom which means Jason gets his body back, woohoo. And he looks like shit. He is all bloated and not tough. Plus his death is garbage and completely anticlimactic. They sort of unceremoniously kill him with that dagger and roman candle fireballs shoot out his chest whereupon he gets dragged to hell by these little shitty stone handed demons. The fucking end. ... But wait, we get a closeup on Jason's masks and what comes out and grabs the fucking thing? Freddy's fucking glove. Ah yeah. Sets up Freddy vs. Jason which comes out 10 years later and ignores this movie, Jason X (the Jason in space movie), and New Nightmare all nice like. Yeah, greatest movie of all time!!!