Showing posts with label Jamie Lee Curtis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jamie Lee Curtis. Show all posts

Saturday, July 29, 2023

Haunted Mansion's talented cast can't outrun gimmicky plot

Haunted Mansion - Justin Simien - 2023


★-A Disney supernatural horror comedy based on a ride. I know, sounds like trash. And it is!

Yeah, looked bad, but I was intrigued by the star-studded ensemble cast and the director, whose work I like. Talent includes LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy (whose in the movie for like 15 seconds), Winona Ryder (also barely appears in the film, but is quite the comedic heat check), Jamie Lee Curtis, and Jared Leto. Directed by Justin Simien. He also directed the movies Dear White People and Bad Hair, both far superior films. 

A movie that spent over a decade in development hell, which shows. Guillermo del Toro was originally attached in 2010. Gist of it is one Gabbie (Dawson, who is so pretty) and her son Travis (Chase W. Dillon) seek help from a team of experts (Stanfield, Haddish, Wilson, and DeVito) to exorcise their haunted mansion and kill the sinister ghosts that haunt them.

My issues with the film. First, it is obscenely long for what it is. Neither scary, nor funny. I'm not really sure who this movie was for, as it's a little heavy for the kids in my life, though I would have hated it back then. I also couldn't imagine an adult liking the film. Overall, it was a hard movie to get through, especially with its over two-hour run time. 

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Halloween Ends - David Gordon Green - 2022

★★★-  Just going to get right into it. Great opening. Great ending though it’s cray. Not exactly what you’d call SOP. Everything else was trash. A huge swing, sure, but no where near to connecting. Michael Myers is barely in the movie and when he does pop up, he is a bitch.

Not a good sendoff for the character of The Shape. At one point I thought it was maybe the worst movie I’d ever seen but it got better from there. However, it was fun AF and I thought it was a crazy way to wrap it up. 

Gist is this kid Corey, whom we've never seen before, is canceled after he accidentally kills a kid. He ends up working at his dad’s junkyard instead of going off to college. Corey, this fucking guy, is bullied by the band kids (no way these token stereotypes would ever hang out in real life, by the by). He eventually finds and has a wrastlin' match with Michael Myers (who has been on loose, living in the sewers for years. The Myers mystique then starts rubbing off on him and things get cray. Needless to say, dude really should have got out of Haddonfield when he could have. The film is mostly his becoming a monster. 

Laurie Strode, remember her?, is even crazier somehow in this movie. She was a shut in when Michael Myers was locked away in an insane asylum for 40 years and now that he’s out of the lamb she’s living her best life and shit in fucking Haddonfield. Fucking insane. 

Also insane is the black sheriff in the cowboy hat who in Kills was the “law and fucking order” candidate. At the end of this movie when Laurie straps Michael Myers onto the top of her car to put him in a car crusher at the junkyard some cop is like “yeah, we don’t do that with dead bodies in an active murder investigation,“ and the sheriff is like, “tonight we do.“ Then Myers explodes in a car shipper. Spoiler. Wait, so that isn't standard operating procedure.

An extremely messy film. I feel like it shouldn’t have worked, but did to some extent. The ending, as insane as it was, was pretty satisfying. Had a great time (the picture of me and my buddy Levi was from opening night in New York at an Alamo Drafthouse, a phenomenal way to watch a movie. 

Overall, this is probably my fourth favorite Halloween movie. Maybe lower depending on the day. The original is a work of art. Season of the Witch is batshit fun. H2O, Halloween II, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, the Zombie films, and this movie are all on this next tier. Maybe a little flawed, but solid or at least a lot of fun and interesting. The rest range from really bad to fucking disastrous with Resurrection at the very, very bottom. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Everything Everywhere All at Once is the greatest movie of all time

Everything Everywhere All at Once. Insane. I loved this crazy adventure flick. In fact, it was one of the funnest movies I’ve seen in a long time. Can’t get enough of an absurdist action-dramedy. Hilarious, great fight sequences, completely original. Kung fu. What more do you fucking want?

Movie is about a Chinese-American woman being audited by the Internal Revenue Service. Her home life is also going to shit. Whilst meeting with the IRS, she discovers that she must connect with parallel universe versions of herself and prevent an all-powerful being from causing the destruction of the multiverse. Obviously shares a lot of DNA with The Matrix and Rick and Morty. Homages to various kung fu flicks throughout. Stuff like Master of the Flying Guillotine. Except instead of the flying guillotine, they use a dog and fanny pack. However, it is definitely its own thing. Boy is it ever. No explanation does this movie justice. It has everything. Googly eyes. A version of Earth with no life. A version where people evolved to have hotdog fingers. It is a true experience that includes a black everything with literally everything.

An A24 film (this production company is fucking bringing it) directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (collectively known as "Daniels"). They also made the highly original Swiss Army Man, another great one. Stars Michelle Yeoh, an incredible talent who you’ll know from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Memoirs of a Geisha, Reign of Assassins, and as the character Ying Nan in the Marvel Cinematic Universe film Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.

Ke Huy Quan. My man was Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Data in The Goonies. Some iconic shit right there. Also Jamie Lee Curtis, Stephanie Hsu (she was also in Legend of the Ten Rings and has a recurring role in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), and James Hong (Blade Runner, Big Trouble in Little China, a very memorable role in Seinfeld). Jenny Slate (whom I really like) shows up throughout the flick as well.

The Daniels are the MVPs here. Creating something this special. My god. Yeoh is incredible as well. Internet research says that the lead role was originally written for Jackie Chan. I love Police Story and a lot of his work, sure, but thank fuck he’s not in the movie. His whole support of the Chinese government is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Ke Huy Quan. Holy shit. What a fucking return to the screen. He was phenomenal. Everything I’ve seen him in is a goddamned classic. This movie was perfect.

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Knives Out is the greatest movie of all time


Knives Out. This is a twisted web, and we are not finished untangling it, not yet. A donut hole inside a donut hole. Love a Agatha Christie style whodunit. Gosford Park. Fucking great. Manhattan Murder Mystery. Get the fuck out. Murder Mystery. That was supposed to be trash. Loved it. The Ghost Writer. Ate that shit up. Shit, I'd put The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which also stars Daniel Craig, in that boat as well. Movie was tits. This one, better than those even. Greatest movie of all-time you say? I do.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Knives Out sharpens old murder-mystery tropes with a keenly assembled suspense outing that makes brilliant use of writer-director Rian Johnson's stellar ensemble.

Gist of the movie is that famous and massively wealthy mystery writer Harlan Thrombey (played wonderfully by Christopher Plummer) is found dead of an apparent suicide at his massive estate the day following his 85th birthday party. But there are issues and someone has anonymously hired famous private detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) to investigate. Everyone of Thrombey's horrible and dysfunctional descendants are suspects after they all get cut out of the will. Then there is his beautiful and seemingly kind nurse, Marta Cabrera (Ana de Armas), whom the family finds suspect. Thats about all you need to know. Don't want to spoil the surprise.

Directed by one Rian Johnson, he also did Brick (which I saw way back when and don't remember caring for, little dark for my taste), Looper, and Star Wars: The Last Jedi (meh). He is married to Karina Longworth, the host of this podcast that I fucking love called You Must Remember This, you have to check that shit out if you are into old movie stars and Hollywood history, which is pretty cool. The movie stars de Armas (Blade Runner 2049) who is just perfect, Craig, Evans, Plummer, Toni Collette, Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Johnson, Katherine Langford, Jaeden Martell, Michael Shannon, and Lakeith Stanfield. In case you don't know, that cast is fucking sick.

This movie is so in my fucking wheelhouse. No way I wasn't going to like it. But I genuinely loved it. I wait for years for these types of movies and lose my fucking mind when they come out. This was fucking great and I loved the experience of it (even though it was a packed house and the guy setting behind me smelled horrible). I'm definitely going to see it second time, no fucking doubt.

Something super clever I noticed was how no one listens to "the help." There are three times this hilariously comes to light. In one, every time the family mentions Marta's family, they say that they come from a different country, never getting it right. By the time they make the third reference to it, you are definitely LOLing. The second time, the housekeeper, the one we see deadish with the spider on her face in the trailer, is trying to explain the whole murder plot to another character, which would totally have ended things way sooner, but the person doesn't even try to follow along. This was subtle and low-key the funniest one. Then there is when she straight up, point blank says who the killer is and no one really gets it. A bit about the woman that plays this character Fran. Her name is Edi Patterson. Before a couple of months ago I had never seen her in my life. Now, I can't get enough of her. She is legit hilarious and is kind of having a moment between her work on this and in the television show The Righteous Gemstones, which I cannot recommend enough.

MVP goes to Chris Evans. That guy is really something. In a movie with all that talent, I think he probably won the movie. His performance is complex and layered. No Captain America, that is for sure, this guy is a douche-bag. It's obvious that Evans loved it and it shows. Plummer and de Armas are solid honorable mentions, though there isn't anyone who isn't just amazing (have heard some shit about Craig's ridiculous accent but I think it works and I loved hearing yuck it up about how the case was like a donut, no a donut hole, no a hole within the donut hole, and so forth).

Monday, October 29, 2018

Halloween (2018) is the greatest movie of all time


Halloween (2018). Yes. Not a masterpiece. In fact, one of the worst twists of all time. But almost certainly the best sequel (although I may make a case for Halloween II and Halloween III: Season of the Witch). Believe at least that part of the hype. But that is a low fucking bar. We will see if it holds up on the second viewing before I definitively rank the films in order. Sort of love/hate the franchise as a whole even when it goes off the rails. Maybe because it does. This is one of only a couple of them that are genuinely not terrible. If you haven't seen it, you probably shouldn't read this unless, like me, you don't give a shit about spoilers. I'm generally of the "oh man, I've got to see this shit!" when I get a spoiler. I will also read Wikipedia pages before I go see a movie to get the plot. So you get spoilers. Respect that, as Spike Lee would say. Anyway. Danny McBride surprising me again. This time with his writing abilities. He is a pretty underrated talent IMO because he is so goofy and iconic in his comedic work, namely as Kenny Powers in Eastbound and Down. Sort of like how you couldn't cast Ed O'Neill in anything without the audience LOLing because he is Al Bundy to everyone. So yeah, better than all the other sequels, probably, but it totally should be. Those others were generally written but just some random guy and directed by some cheap first-timer. This is David Gordon fucking Green and Danny mother fucking McBride. It should almost certainly be better but this is what we got and it is serviceable. So focus on the good. It is scary, funny (occasionally when it shouldn't be), and is a genuinely alright movie. Yeah, greatest film of all time.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: Halloween largely wipes the slate clean after decades of disappointing sequels, ignoring increasingly elaborate mythology in favor of basic - yet still effective - ingredients.

Pros: Doesn't fuck around. Gets into it and doesn't do a lot of exposition. The opening credits with the pumpkin. John Carpenter score is fucking sick. Child dancer is sweet. So are the kills. That long tracking shot is perfection. Actually, several really dope scenes. Same look as the original. It is legit scary at times. Lots of tension and he doesn't pop out a lot. Opening jack-o-lantern scene. Black watching Repo Man was a sweet little easter egg.

Cons: Tone is sort of off. Too much random comedy thrown out there. The podcasters are stupid. Not my favorite opening. Basically everything with Dr. Sartain is fucking unwatchable and takes you out of the experience. It almost ruined the movie. Also, although there a lot of solid scenes, they are kind of disjointed. Doesn't flow all that well. Black kid is funny but throws off the tone. You laugh when it should be scary and shit.

"Remember... THIS?!?" What could go wrong
The gist... Jamie Lee Curtis is back as Laurie Strode who squares off against Michael Myers, again. In this incarnation Myers killed a mechanic and three of her friends before getting captured on Halloween night in 1978. The hospital stuff in Halloween II didn't happen in this universe as it is a direct sequel to John Carpenter's original Halloween from 40 years ago. Here Laurie has some serious PTSD issues that cost her a relationship with her daughter Karen, played by Judy Greer from Arrested Development, and granddaughter Allyson, played by newcomer Andi Matichak. So we have three generations of Strode woman all affected by Myers, all traumatized, yet strong, in their own ways. Myers, for his part, aged incredibly well. I guess homicidal rage works for him.

A Blumhouse production directed by David Gordon Green who also did Pineapple Express and Prince Avalanche among other shit, and written by Jeff Fradley, Green, and McBride. This is the second retconning after Halloween H20: 20 Years Later did it back in 1998. Nick Castle, who played Michael Myers aka The Shape in the original, reprises the role was word on the street but all but one scene had out of work stuntman James Jude Courtney, who did a wonderful job, putting on the mask. Others in the film include Haluk Bilginer (never seen him) as Sartain, Toby Huss who will always be The Wiz from Seinfeld (he was also Felix in Carnivale and Artie in The Adventures of Pete & Pete) as Judy Greer's husband, Virginia Gardner as the pretty, blonde friend Vicky who dies horribly, Will Patton who is one of those whats-his-faces as Officer Hawkins, and Miles Robbins who plays Vicky's boyfriend who is a stoner nice guy and basically the same role he played in Blockers.

Couple of other characters of note are Cameron, the boyfriend of Allyson played by Dylan Arnold, and his buddy Oscar played by Drew Scheid. Cameron is possibly the biggest douche-bag in the entire 11 movie franchise. It's implied that he is cheating on Allyson with a chick who goes to the Halloween school dance as a sexy tiger and then acts incredulous when he gets caught blaming it on her being on her phone. He throws it in dip or pudding or whatever and she can no longer get calls. It's a plot device that movies employ that explains away lack of cellular telephone technology. You think he is going to die like most bad boyfriends but we never see him again. Spends the rest of the movie balls deep in the sexy tiger chick most likely. Anyway, so after Allyson storms off, Cameron's best bud Oscar starts to walk her home. This is the setup for one of the best scenes in the movie. It is a close second to the long tracking shot that I'll get to in a moment. Here, Oscar tells Allyson that she is the coolest and prettiest and nicest girl in the school. See where this is going. He tries to bang her. WTF, dude? She shuts it down and storms off. He doesn't get rapey, thank fuck, but he is an idiot and says as much. They are taking a shortcut to wherever and Allyson is gone by that point. He sort just lays there berating himself when Myers shows up. There is this motion light there that kicks on and off conveniently. Shit was dope by the way. He sees Myers and thinks it is Mr. Elrod (a reference to Halloween II, Mr. and Mrs. Elrod were the old couple he steals the knife from that are watching the original The Thing movie at the beginning of the movie). Myers creeps him out more and more as he gets closer and closer to him every time the light goes off and comes back on again. He eventually gets killed horribly.

Favorite line of the movie is from Hawkins, Will Patton's character. That line, which is some dope shit to say and true, is: "There's a reason we're supposed to be afraid of this night." Other than that nothing really stands out except for the funny ass shit the little black kid says.

References in this movie are more or less constant. They are retconning the movie because they think all of them are shit but then they pay constant homage to them which is weird but ultimately pretty cool. There are probably double-digit references to the original and II--the classroom scene where a teacher drones on with the main teen sitting in the back right corner looking out the window [also in Halloween H20], the three teens walking Laurie falling off the roof [roles reversed as it was Michael that fell in the first {this also happened in Halloween: Resurrection}], the ending with the fire was basically the same as II (also that they mention people thinking Laurie and Michael are brother and sister), the escape from Smiths Grove, the kill with the hammer, the woman that gets stabbed in the neck talking to Sally on the phone that lived next door to the Elrods, and I am sure several others--a lot of which have been referenced in other movies within the franchise. The main one we get for III were the masks that the kids were wearing were the Silver Shamrock masks from that film. From Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers we get a very similar brutal scene in a gas station/garage that looks more or less exactly the same. From Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers you get the comic relief cops, these legitimately funny unlike 5. From Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers you get the evil doctor, I guess. Bunch of stuff from H20, most notably the bathroom scene where Michael goes into the lady's room, which looks exactly the same, and confronts a lady taking a shit. From Resurrection we get the falling off a roof and the lady in the truck at the gas station that says "Resurrection" on the side of it. Not sure about the Rob Zombie movies as it has been a long while but I do recall a guy getting his head stomped which spoiler happens in this one and is probably the coolest kill.

Speaking of kills, lots of carnage in this flick. Off of memory, so I may be missing one or two, I can recall 17 kills, 16 by Myers. What can you say? Dude just wants to kill. He is pure evil. In this universe he doesn't necessarily need to kill Laurie but there she is so he might as well go for it. She is chasing him around and what not which is she is on his radar. If she didn't show up and try to stop him, then he would have just been out there rampaging and what have you. Most of these deaths are head smashings and neck breakings. But he sort of levels up as the movie goes along. When he first escapes from the bus as he is being transferred to another hospital, they say the one he is being transferred to is a real piece of shit compared to the one he is at which is truly disturbing considering what that one looks like, on the 40th anniversary of his murder spree, which is fucking bananas that they would do it then, he kills the first dude on the scene by breaking his neck. This guy is some hunter who is taking his little kid to go shoot defenseless animals in the face. The kid tells him he just wants to dance, which was endearing. That is when they come to the bus crash and Myers somewhere in the vicinity. The dad goes out and, as mentioned, his neck gets broke. After some time, the kid goes out and investigates. This kid is maybe 10. He finds a cop on the ground and is told to run. Instead he gets on the bus where Michael's doctor is chilling. He says not to shoot him but the kid must have thought he said to shoot him because that is what happens. The dancing boy goes ape shit and runs to the SUV and tries to peace the fuck out even though he, you know, probably can't drive because he is 10. But before he can figure out how to put that bitch in drive, Michael gives him the old reach around and chokes the shit out of him before snapping his neck. Yeah, they fucking go for it and straight up murder a child. Don't see a lot of child murders these days but this movie is all like fuck it. It was a seriously shocking death but I was on board with it.

Later it is implied that the doctor freed Myers which brings us to the shit. Basically everything with this doctor character is fucking stupid. The first we see of him is at the asylum where he lets those podcasters break out the mask which seems to have awakened something in Myers. Then he gets shot. Then we see him in the hospital where he makes the worst joke ever. The Will Patton sheriff character doesn't want to take the doctor along to help find Myers but this other black cowboy sheriff guy who is maybe in charge or something who might be a throwback to "The Man in Black" from Halloween 5 but disappears after the first half hour of the movie convinces him otherwise. Well while they are driving around at one point he says he wants to see Michael in his own element which is insane and dumb. Something like, "I want to know his pleasure." Think we know where this is going. Should have kicked the guy out of the car right then. But instead, after the Will Patton character picks up Allyson (which he is cool with her riding around with them for whatever reason), they roll up on Myers who is just walking around in the country. Patton is all, fuck this, and runs him over with his SUV which is a bold move. Thought it was going to be another Ben Tramer situation from Halloween II when they run over the wrong dude but it is not and is instead like Halloween 4 and H20 when they run his ass over which results in momentary loss of consciousness and slight irritation. But when they get out of the car, Sartain says that Patton killed him even though Myers is property of the state. Patton is going to finish the job and blow his head off when suddenly Sartain suddenly breaks out this weird knife thing and slits Patton's throat. What the fuck? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. So let me get this straight. He goes to medical school, treats patients in Smiths Grove for however long, studying insane people and what not. And now he just starts killing cops so he can keep studying this guy that was getting transferred to another hospital anyway? What the shit is that? Yeah, this is the dumbest fucking thing I've maybe ever seen in my life. I almost fucking left the movie. This was surprisingly predictable considering how fucking stupid it was and the worst thing in the movie. That this movie easily breaks the top three dumbest things in the franchise is infuriating. It is very hard not to focus on this. It almost transformed the movie into the worst of all time. But when you take that out it isn't half bad. Try not to let it taint the movie which will be hard. He then puts on the mask and throws Myers in the back of the police cruiser with the girl. Watched this at the Starlite Drive-in here in Bloomington, Sammy Terry was there, it was dope, so watched it in the car with two other folk. We thought Sartain was going to be the killer now. "Oh, fuck," was the reaction in our car. All agreed this was fucking dumb.

But this brings us to the best kill. Again, 16ish from Myers. Most of them brutal. About half of them onscreen. Several of them on the periphery. But the most satisfying and most brutal is Sartain. So after Sartain makes his kill and throws Myers in the back with Allyson, she is all, "I need the fuck out of here, he is going to wake up and kill me." Sartain gist here is something like, "if only Michael would talk to me. He can talk but chooses not to. I know what he wants to say, I know the other side of murder." Uh, ok. So the girl is like, "oh, he said something to me when he was trying to kill me." Doctor is like, "do wha?" She tells him to let her out and he'll tell her which is all bull shit. But Michael wakes up and kicks his way out of squad car by breaking through the cage and pinning Sartain between the driver's seat and the steering wheel. He crashes or whatever, Allyson Scream 2's her way out of the cop car, and Sartain falls out of the car onto the street. Michael eventually gets out and stands over Sartain. Sartain, who threw his life/career away for this is all like, "say something, Michael." Michael looks down on him, says "something" (j/k, he doesn't really say that), and then stomps on his head so that his brain explodes out onto the street. It was fucking gnarly. 

Another solid couple of kills come right after that and are off screen. Two cops see the crash or whatever and go over to investigate. Basically there to pad his stats late in the game. They are endearing and funny. One of them is trying to turn the other onto banh mi sandwiches, which are to die for with the aoli, pickled veggies, mushrooms, and cilantro and what not, but the guy wants no part. Just wants his PB&J. Other guy thought he would say that, and explains that the term "banh mi" refers to the bread, not what is inside, and had them make him a banh mi PB&J. Don't find out if it is any good or not though as they have to go investigate this shit which leads them to good ole murdering Mikey Myers. Next time we see them the sandwich enthusiast's throat is slashed and the other cop, the sad one who lives off of trash and homemade brownies, his decapitated head is in the other guy's hands and all his shit is hollowed out and he has a flashlight shoved up his neck hole, making it look like he is a human jack-o-lantern. It's pretty sweet but would have taken so fucking long to execute. 

There is another group of dope kills early in the movie that is fucking sweet and ends up being, IMO the best scene of the movie. That scene comes not long after Myers escapes and gets his mask. It is early evening and trick-or-treaters are out in the town. It is about the only time we really get a sense of Haddonfield, when Myers is out there stalking the neighborhood. Again, he is a dude here, just some nut who kills. Never is that more apparent than in this scene where he is walking down the street and these kids bump into him, like the ones from the original that we learn did peyote with The Wiz back in high school. That sort of kicks it off. Its the long tracking shot where he goes from being out on the prowl to committing a bunch of silent rage kills that call back to the first two flicks. It was the one we get almost in its entirety in the second trailer. It is intense and cray. Hear a baby cry and you are sure Michael is going to kill it. The whole thing is nuts and it never gets better than that.

So... Who's the MVP of this film? Really tough decision between The Shape and JLC. Judy Greer would have definitely been in contention here but I feel she is underutilized. The ending though was super solid for her though when she acts all scared, saying"Mom, I can't do it," and cries and acts all weak and stuff even though she has been trained like John Conner from Terminator, I was sort of angry here thinking this was fucking dumb when Myers pops out and she is all, "Gotcha" and shoots him. It was an "oh shit" moment for sure. That shit was cool. The actor playing The Shape, one James Jude Courtney, whose acting credits include Biker #2, Man in Bar, Mafia Goon, Huge Goon, Thug, so forth, hasn't done shit since 2002. Not a fucking thing. Fucking nails it. I'd put him at third best among the various actors that put on the mask. Dick Warlock, not touching that performance from Halloween II, he basically defined the movements for the rest of the films. Nick Castle, the original, also can't fuck with that. To quote Sidney Prescott in Scream 4, this is from before I had a best quote section or this would have been it, "Don't fuck with the original." BTW, all that Nick Castle returning to the role of The Shape was fucking horseshit. One fucking scene was Castle on camera. When Laurie sees Myers in the mirror and takes a shot at him. That is it. Yeah, a who gives a fuck, bullshit second and a half of footage. Anyway, mostly basing Courtney's performance on a couple of scenes. The best scene of the movie where he is pretty much moving like a shark: deliberate, focused, with efficiency. Then the scene at the end when he gets shot and falls down the stairs. When he pops up. That shit was dope.

But ultimately, gotta give it to JLC. Overall she does a good job of selling her character as a bad ass that is severally traumatized. Most apparent when she goes to Smiths Grove to kill Myers when he is being transferred but doesn't and then goes to her granddaughter's National Honor's Society or whatever dinner that she isn't entirely welcome at. This dinner is nuts. She immediately grabs her daughter's wine glass, her daughter really didn't want her there, chugs it, and then freaks out which ultimately leads her to breaking down in tears and almost walking into traffic. In the ending she really shines as well where she actually goes on the offensive and hunts Myers throughout the house. There is a pretty cool scene, much like one in The Prowler and also Tourist Trap, where there are these manakins all over the place. She uses them as target practice in her backyard (there is an awful, stupid scene when Allyson is making her way there when and she sees all this and just screams in terror even though she probably knows they are there and that shit isn't scary anyway). You think Myers is hiding amongst them. This is indeed what happens but it is a pretty effective scare nonetheless, IMO. BTW, this whole ending, which we are getting into, is pretty polarizing. Laurie lives alone in the woods and has converted her basement into this bunker with an arsenal of weapons. To enter you have move this motorized island in the kitchen. Eventually Myers rips that shit off its tracks or whatever. That is when you get Greer's character shooting him and him falling down the stairs. He does pop up, as mentioned, and Laurie is there to help her daughter and granddaughter escape. But Michael grabs onto one of them. At that point Allyson stabs Myers in the hand with a butcher's knife which causes him to let go. Here Laurie hits some button and these spikes bars block the exit in the floor. It wasn't a hideout, as Akbar would say, "it's a trap", and they pump flammable gas down there and light that shit on fire. The floor is wood meaning they probably wouldn't be able to watch it burn and get out alive, which they do, "happy Halloween, Michael." The end. But we don't see Myers die and during the closing credits we hear him breathing. So they kill him but might be more. Of course there will be. That shit is already confirmed, son. But yeah. This was no Halloween. Probably no Hallow

Monday, October 8, 2018

Halloween: Resurrection is the worst movie of all time


Halloween: Resurrection. Trick or treat, mother fuckers! Direct sequel to Halloween H20The stuff of myth. Was it as bad as everyone says? Yeah. It was. Probably not as legendarily awful as I was led to believe. It was in no way good but it was on occasionally entertaining and technically sound. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be campy so some of it was sort of humorous but never what I'd call funny. When looking at where the franchise has gone, from one of the greatest horror movies of all time in the original Halloween to this POS, it is easy to see all the outrage. Looking at the franchise as a whole, which I'm going to officially do after the new Halloween comes out, I'd put this at the bottom with Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers. Maybe below it. It is trash and is the worst movie of all time...

This was actually my first viewing of the movie. When it came out my parents tried to get me to watch it but I was pretty good with the way they ended H20and wasn't interested. I assumed, wrongly, that Myers indeed was dead and this was his ghost or whatever coming to kill folk. Sort of a Michael Myers tulpa. But no. He managed to outsmart Laurie, we see that she actually killed an EMT that Myers choked out and changed clothes with. Fucking dumb. But here I am. Finishing up the franchise. No more Halloween until the new one. Thank fuck. Thinking I'll do the universally hated Rob Zombie remakes next year. Watched that by my lonesome in grad school. Snuck into it after 3:10 to Yuma, another remake. Little secrete for ya. Actually liked it. Though I thought the second one sucked.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: The only thing this tired slasher flick may resurrect is nostalgia for when the genre was still fresh and scary.

Pros: Slightly funner than I want to admit. Decent body count but the kills are generally terrible.  Myers looks cool. Like the mask and the way he moves. That's about it.

Cons: The way they kill off the iconic Laurie Strode is offensive. So many why-is-this-happening and no-one-would-ever-do that moments. The technology aspect is insane. People at a party stopping to watch a live stream of ghost hunters at the Myers's house. The dude calling 911 convinced, rightly, that it is real. Because he is right it doesn't seem that stupid but it totally is. What else. Many of the characters are irritating. Busta Rhymes's character is pretty awful. Tyra's is the worst.

The gist, if you will... Starting in an insane asylum, Michael Myers finally kills his sister, Laurie Strode played by Jamie Lee Curtis, before going back home where a documentary film crew has set up shop and plans on doing a reality show with teams trying to find (planted) clues and spend the night for cash while their exploits are broadcast live on the internet. He comes back to the house, which we see he has been living in in this secret tunnel for the last 23 years, and is all, WTF, and does him some stand your grounding, killing a bunch of old ass and irritating college kids as well as people working on the documentary including Tyra Banks who is like co-owner of "Dangertainment" along with Busta Rhymes.

This chick
Directed by Rick Rosenthal who also directed Halloween II but pretty much nothing else that anyone has seen. Besides the three aforementioned, the movie stars the following who play the various archetypes: Bianca Kajlich as survivor girl Sara, Luke Kirby as the dark artist dude Jim, Daisy McCrackin as the I guess sort of slutty chick Donna, Thomas Ian Nicholas who is the loser Kevin in the American Pie films as hornball Bill, Katee Sackhoff as irritating blonde Jen who is sort of the clown of the bunch, Sean Patrick Thomas from Save the Last Dance as black dude Rudy, and Brad Loree as Myers. Quick fact about McCrackin, the one who gets neked and plays redheaded Donna. She and buddy/actor Joseph Capone were kidnapped out of her home by three psychopaths in 2017. Capone seemed to have gotten the worst of it as he was pistol-whipped, stripped naked, and tied up and thrown in the bathtub for 30 hours while the assailants drove McCrackin around demanding she withdraw $10,000 for them to release her friend. She ended up writing them a check, eventually, and once they dropped her off at her home, she went to the police. Capone was saved and the kidnappers caught. Here are some of the details as told by Capone if you are interested. Most of the articles sort of imply that McCrackin might have been involved, which is fucked and shite journalism.

Fuck-a-Michael-Myers
Best line of the movie has to be "trick or treat, mother fucker" uttered by Busta Rhymes. The dialogue in this movie is pretty awful. Looking back over some of the memorable quotes, they are indeed garbage. Especially the shit that Busta Rhymes says. Three random examples include "Looking a little crispy over there, Mikey. Like some chicken-fried motherfucker. Well, may he never, ever rest in peace." after electrocuting Myers; and "Hey Mikey, happy fucking Halloween!"; and "Let the dangertainment begin up in this motherfucker!" That isn't even getting into the part where he berates Myers for like three minutes when he thinks he is his employee. Side note, I really wouldn't want to work for Busta Rhymes. Which brings me to the shit of which the berating is a part.

There is indeed a decent amount of shit in this movie. First, there is this unexplained freshmen in college duo that shows up at the beginning. They are going to a Halloween party later where one of them ends up posting up in someone's dad's office where he watches the live stream. He says his online girl friend is going to be on the show. Total catfish situation but she ends up being the survivor girl and he sends texts to her palm pilot telling her where Myers. Occasionally someone will walk into the room this kid is hunkered down in and will be like, "what the fuck are you doing?" He will say something like, "watching Dangertainment," and the person will be "cool" and then start watching said horseshit. When people start dying he is convinced it is real which is the dumbest fucking shit I have ever heard. This kid shouldn't be allowed to watch TV. There is also this infuriating scene where the camera guy is setting shit up in the Myers's House and Tyra is talking to him and what not. The camera is on and she can see everything that is going on. Except when Myers shows up and kills the guy she dances around her trailer making coffee. "What the fuck is happening?" is all I can say. Then there is the scene where Busta kung fus Myers and then shocks his balls in the final fight at the end. It was almost funny, and sort of is remembering it, but at the time I watched it, it was just infuriating.

This chick is cray
Best kill is the kid from American Pie. He was trying to get laid by the annoying crazy blonde girl who later gets decapitated in front of everyone when they think this is still a goof. She previously screamed in a crying wolf situation which is fucking cliche and fucking stupid to get everyone's attention I guess and pisses everyone off (though it doesn't come back to bite her in the end or anything) and then sort of acts like she is into American Pie dude and that she is going to show him some tit. She pulls her shirt up a little and then laughs like an idiot. American Pie dude goes to the bathroom to bitch in front of the mirror when out of nowhere Myers busts through, scaring the piss out of me, and stabbing dude. It is a legit scare.

Hot
MVP, god, IDK. Probably JLC. She is a fucking pro and all and does fine for the little she is in the movie and what she has to work with. She catches Myers in one of those snare traps that loops around your leg and hangs you upside down. So there he is swinging and what have you when she remembers that other guy she killed. She goes to rip his mask off to be sure when he grabs and stabs her. She kisses him and falls to her death. Ladies and gents, the death of Laurie Strode. The movie is a huge piece of shit but she is fine. Also, the guy that plays Myers, Brad Loree, does a pretty serviceable job. People that were not awesome include everyone else. Especially Tyra. Jesus fuck, man, is she worthless.

Overall, the movie is so bad that they had to reboot. I'd just ignore this film altogether. Even if you are a completist, you'll still better off leaving this out and treating H20 as the true ending of the film which this completely undoes, making the guy Laurie kills some dipshit EMT. And we are done with the Halloween francise until the new one comes out here in a couple of weeks and then next year when I rewatch the Rob Zombie movies.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later is the greatest movie of all time


Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. Saw it in the theater with my old man and my bro back in 1998. Sophomore year of high school. Thought it was weird shit back then. Didn't know it was retconned and what have you. Confused the shit out of all of us at the time. They shitcan the whole Man in Black/Mark of Thorn bullshit from Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers and Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers which was obviously not working. Also, everything that happened in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. So all of the Jamie Lloyd stuff gets ignored. In Halloween 4 it is glossed over that Jamie Lee Curtis's character, Laurie Strode, died in a car accident. The movies that H20 follows are the original John Carpenter's Halloween and Halloween II. It is in that universe. I sort of picked up on this back then but during the opening credits we see a newspaper clipping with a headline that explains that she was indeed killed in a car accident. What the fuck? Later, when we see that she is alive, she explains that she faked her death. This shit pissed me off back then. Is it in this universe or isn't it? It obviously isn't if it ignores the Cult of Thorn shit and doesn't mention Jamie, but why make it more complicated? None of this was very clear back in the day. Now, however, knowing that whats what, I took the film as it is and other than taking a while to get going and some truly awful and grossly unnecessary CGI which is fucking mind blowing, they CGI the mask for god's sake, this one is pretty solid. Unbelievable. But solid. In fact, greatest movie of all time.

Michelle Williams... Attractive lady.
Also, I should mention that the upcoming Danny McBride written, David Gordon Green directed, Blumhouse produced Halloween movie, watch the trailers here and here, which looks okay but also sort of dumb, retcons the franchise as well. This one, however, ignores everything past the original. So basically another attempt at this movie only ignoring everything from the point when Myers disappears after getting shot six times in the original up to this new one. We'll see if it's a shit show or not in a couple of weeks. Early reports have it being pretty solid so I've got hope.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Halloween: H2O is the best of the many sequels, yet still pales in comparison to the original Halloween.

WTF is this shit?
Pros: Opening is pretty dope. The ending is sort of amazing. Michelle Williams. Found her so attractive when I originally watched this. She holds up. Once it finally gets going, for that last 20 minutes or so, the movie is pretty great. This is basically when JLC goes back into the school with an ax to the very, very end.

Cons: LL Cool J's character is extremely irritating with his romance novelist ambitions for no reason. Takes too long to get going. After the opening scene kills, nothing really happens until the end. Unlike the original where it builds and Myers is lurking, it's more he just isn't there a lot. CGI mask.

Quick note on my Halloween watching/commentary. I have, since the last piece of shit Halloween movie I watched, discovered this dope podcast doing the same thing as yours truly. It's called Halloweenies and is part of the Consequence of Sound Podcast Network. Discovered it after being a semiregular listener of The Losers Club which is a Stephen King podcast. They are both great. Trying not to rip off any of their stuff from their humorous observations but I'm thinking there is a little bit of overlap. Like with our takes on the ending. But check out that shit if you are into any of those shits.

I owned that shit back in the day
Anyway... The gist of the thing goes thus... 20 years after Laurie Strode, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, was attacked by her homicidal brother, Michael Myers, she comes face to face with "The Shape" again who has tracked her down from Haddonfield, Illinois to a California boarding school where she is the head mistress after having faked her death to protect herself and her son, played by Josh Hartnett.

Also in flick are Adam Arkin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (JGL), Adam Hann-Byrd, LL Cool J, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe, JLC's mother Janet Leigh from Pyscho has a couple nice little cameos, and Michelle Williams. Directed by Steve Miner, who started his career off hot with Friday the 13th Part 2 which is probably my favorite of the franchise and Friday the 13th Part III which is also super solid before doing the underrated film House about a writer whose child goes missing at his aunt's haunted home that he then inherits and moves into (I'm going to have to rewatch this soon), before what should have (and sort of did) killed his career with 1985's Soul Man about a Brett Kavanaugh type who dresses in blackface to pose as a black dude to achieve his dream of attending Harvard with a full scholarship. It didn't exactly age well. Anyway, Miner thought the previous three Halloween movies were trash, saying as much, and didn't watch them. So with his background he more or less decided to make a Jason Goes to Boarding School movie.

Jesus fuck, bro
There is some shit. Like how the movie takes for fucking ever to get going. There are the kills in the beginning and then it turns into a shitty slasher at a boarding school where no one dies and the killer is halfway across the country. He doesn't even get to the area until about the halfway mark. Then it still takes a while for him to get in and what not. Which brings me to some more shit. Every second LL is on screen, reading his old lady garbage from the romance novel he is writing instead of doing his job the top priority of which is protecting the kids from homicidal killers. And finally the movie riding out to the soundtrack of Creed is borderline offensive. Jesus fucking Christ. Wow, Creed sure does suck.

Young JGL
Now for some good shit. There are three really good contenders for best scene. For me, they totally made the movie worth watching. They were the opening, a scene where Michael goes into a restroom at an isolated rest area on the highway and reaches under a stall and steals a woman's purse to get her keys while her small child hums while she takes a shit or whatever, and the final 20 minutes of the movie which bleeds into my pick for MVP. The opening is a pretty solid attention grabber. Starts the way II ended, with "Mr. Sandman" playing over the credits. From there it reintroduces the pertinent characters from that flick that we need for the current film (basically Marion who was Loomis's nurse and Laurie Strode), and kills off one of the biggest stars in the movie in JGL who takes a hockey skate to the face, off screen, as well as Marion who gets her throat slit as Haddonfield's finest search the house next door, long story. It's in this opening scene that we get the best line of the movie. In that scene, one these two hockey punks, the one that is not JGL, asks Marion, "Hasn't anyone ever told you that second-hand smoke kills?" and Marion says, "Yeah, but they're all dead." That was pretty much how I felt when I was a smoker... But now that I'm not and am like many years removed from it... Yeah.

The next great scene, the aforementioned rest area one, is creepy as shit. Definitely the closest the movie gets to real horror. The woman and her daughter are in an isolated area. Women's restroom is locked so they go in the men's room. Light doesn't work. Open it by wedging it with a rock. That works for a minute and then the door slams shut. The little girl is nervous but the mom tells her to chill at which point a hand reaches under the stall and snatches her person. It happens out of nowhere and is a fucked up situation with some potentially sexual stuff that could go down which makes it even more terrifying. Fuck. Anyway. But the best scene is the ending which brings me to the MVP, obviously JLC.

MVP is hands down JLC. It was crazy that she was coming back. I remember being stoked and surprised by that. And she fucking rocks it in that last 20 minutes. Prior to that not so much, I feel she isn't the same character as she was in the first two movies like at all. Don't really think she's the same Laurie Strode at the end either but it's all pretty compelling nonetheless. (Little aside here, hoping this is the thing they really focus on for the new movie: having Laurie feel like the same battered victim that indeed has been through some shit). It's basically when the film turns from complete shit to a solid fucking sequel. It happens suddenly after Laurie has lost her boyfriend, played by Arkin, and has just saved her son and Michelle Williams. She sends them off and shuts the gate so that it is just her and Myers on the grounds. She then gets herself an ax and goes into the darkness, looking to settle this shit with her brother once and for all. It is a powerful scene and then they get it on. Everyone in the theater lost their shit here and at the very end when Myers is finally got, once and for all.

So, yeah, saved the best kill for the the end here as the conclusion of the film also features the best kill as it is Laurie killing Myers himself. How they kill him is fucking ridiculous. He is stabbed many times, thrown off a balcony, thrown through a windshield, rammed by a van, crushed between a tree and said van after it rolls down a cliff, and finally decapitated with an ax. Hell of a way to go. No coming back from that. But wait, he must as there is one more shitty sequel. Have never watched it as I always considered this the true ending of the franchise. Now is the time though which is exciting considering that this is called one of the worst horror sequels of all time. So look forward to that shit show.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Halloween Trailer #2



Second Halloween trailer dropped. Watching all of the movies before it comes out even though they aren't connected as this is retconning everything except the first one. This shit looks way better than that first trailer where they hold the mask in front of Myers and are all like "remember this?" Still looks terrifying, too, but now I have more faith in it being a halfway decent movie.

Monday, August 27, 2018

Halloween II is the greatest movie of all time


Halloween II. Got myself my first pumpkin beer of the season so it's that time. Gonna start with these and hopefully gonna make my way through them all in time for the new one that comes out in October. The new one, by the way, ignores all the sequels including this one. Loved all these as a kid, we'll see if it holds up. Sooo, this one. The one that made Michael Myers and Laurie Strode brother and sister. The one that started the franchise down the path that would eventually take us to the Mark of Thorn that completely derailed the series. But we are a ways away from that. Last one with Jamie Lee Curtis until Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. John Carpenter/Debra Hill wrote it. Guy named Rick Rosenthal directed. Carpenter hates it. Critics hated it, too and it got horrible reviews when it came out. A lot of those focused on this being a continuation of the first one that doesn't stand up on it's own (which is somewhat valid). But this is overall a pretty solid movie. In fact, greatest film of all time.

Pros: This is where we get The Shape's movements down (assuming you like him not looking down when climbing stairs and stuff). JLC and Donald Pleasence are both great though not in the movie as much as you'd remember. Pretty tense but less so than the original Halloween movie. Genuinely pretty scary.

Cons: Starting to feel more like Jason Voorhees than Mike Myers at this point. Also get the sister stuff which is what it is. There is also a fair amount of bullshit in this movie with the razor blade kid, Ben Tramer getting hit by a car and exploding, and Sheriff Brackett blaming Loomis for letting Michael out, which totally didn't happen.

Picking up directly where the 1978 Halloween film left off, slasher Michael Myers goes back after survivor Laurie Strode--killing many nurses and doctors and such, maybe two EMTs, and one random girl along the way--who was taken to the hospital following the traumatic events of the first flick. Dr. Sam Loomis, meanwhile, searches desperately for his former patient whom he sees as pure evil. This was supposed to be the last of the films featuring The Shape, and the first time I saw it as a child it was, but as we know that changed 1988 with Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Halloween III: Season of the Witch, you will see, followed an unrelated story as the franchise was supposed to be more of an anthology type. Apart from JLC and Pleasence you'll probably really only recognize the two EMTs from the movie. They are Lance Guest from The Last Starfighter and Leo Rossi who was the serial killer from Maniac Cop 2 and a million other things.

Lots of pretty ladies in this one. Have JLC who is universally considered a hotty. Then there are the nurses. There is Ana Alicia who is the dark-haired nurse who doesn't know how to use a walkie talkie, she did warn the security guard in her defense, and could have prevented the whole thing. Super cute but dumb. Tawny Moyer who is the short-haired blonde and my fave. Pamela Susan Shoop who is the one that goes to the bone zone with Budd (played by Leo Rossi) who got her face melted off in the hot tub. Pretty sure that can't happen.

Favorite line is "His wife’s always picking on him. He probably got angry and decided to start beating her…Big deal!" Oh casual domestic violence. Always hilarious. Big deal indeed. No. This is in reference to Alice who hears a scream coming from next door at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Elrod.

Some pretty alright kills but my favorite is the one with the nurse played by Moyer. In that, Laurie is out of bed running around and this clueless nurse--everyone in the hospital is dead by that point--is like "What is going on? Where is everyone? Get back in bed." That is when Myers pops out and scalpels her in the back, lifting her high in the air. It isn't so much the kill as what happens afterwards that made this my favorite as her little white nurse's shoes pop off and clang against the floor.


Best scene of the movie is when Michael Myers has chased Laurie into the basement of the hospital and they get to the elevator. This whole bit is easily the most intense point in the film and arguably the scariest. Finally gotten ahead of Myers a bit, Laurie is backed into the end of a hall with an elevator. She sees Myers coming and smashes at the button. It finally gets there and Myers is closing in. That is when she smashes the close door button repeatedly which works just as he gets to the door, sticking his hand in. You think that the door is going to pop back open as it would with a new elevator, and likely one then as well, but it doesn't and she gets away safe.

There is some shit in this movie... At the beginning of the movie we see this kid going into the hospital with a razor blade in sticking out of his lip. This is based on that urban legend of people putting razors in apples and poison in candy on Halloween. There has never been a documented case of the first and while the second did happen, it was a piece of shit dad that poisoned his kid, not a person that randomly poisoned trick or treaters. We later see them leaving with the mom saying they will go home and play board games and stuff. No going to the police and none show up, I mean, they are busy and all but still. So not only do they have to deal with Michael Myers, now they also have this psycho out there trying to kill kids by putting razors in candy. But that is of little concern in this universe.

The real Myers, up in flames... Totes survivable
We also have Ben Tramer, Laurie's crush from the first one, get hit by a car and explode before the car even completely crashes. The whole scene is fucking insane. First Loomis spots him wearing The Shape mask. He runs at him, waving his gun around like a wild man, stops and points it, about to shoot. Tramer starts looking back at him like WTF when a police car comes out of nowhere and pins him to a van with crash and burn. The cop gets out of the car and protests that the guy came out of nowhere. After more explosions and such, the deputy comes and whisks off Loomis and Brackett, tell Brackett that his daughter is dead. They get in the car and go but the guy involved in the crash is just standing there like an idiot. No big, just an officer caused fatality.

Which brings us to the whole bit where Brackett blames Loomis for Myers is insane and has always sort of irritated me. When Brackett is told that there are three dead kids and "one of them is Annie," he turns his anger toward Loomis. The conversation is basically "you son of a bitch. What have you done?" Loomis is like, "uh, I'm sorry. I haven't done anything." Brackett, losing his shit, "You let him out!" Which totally doesn't happen since Loomis always believed him to be evil incarnate and all and responds "I didn't let him out. I gave orders for him to be restrained." So you know. The opposite of that.

And lastly, the ending of the movie is pretty definitive with Loomis sacrificing himself by turning on all this flammable gas and shit and blowing himself and Myers up by flicking his lighter which he got from Marian Chambers, the nurse that he was rolling with in the first one and who picks him up to take him out of Haddonfield on orders of the governor (uh, what?) in this one. Michael is definitely some sort of supernatural being to survive this shit as he gets shot point blank in both eyes and then completely torched... But as we see in the later installments, he and Loomis both survive. It was a miracle, apparently, but obviously this was, according to Carpenter's script, supposed to be the end of The Shape.

Found a Monstervision segment for the movie which is dope. Love me some Joe Bob Briggs. Linking that shit below. Learned some crazy shit from it as well. Basic gist is that a year after the movie came out, this guy in California named Richard Delmer Boyer stabbed this elderly couple to death whilst high on PCP whereupon he hallucinated he was in this movie and killed this couple. What the fuck, bro? The jury was then subjected to this film which seems pretty unnecessary. No idea. But the defense didn't work and the dude got sentenced to death.


MVP of this movie is a tough one. Doesn't seem that JLC was in the movie enough to get MVP status but I think you have to go with her. Pleasence is pretty close but going to JLC because of that elevator scene and the one where she goes outside and hides in the car. When Pleasence and company show up to find her and she tries to scream but can't, that shit is gold. Also, how exhausted and traumatized she seems. Very much how I think a real human would be at this point. MVP performance right there.

But yeah. Movie was pretty solid. No John Carpenter's Halloween or anything but it is probably the third or fourth best movie in the franchise. Still have a little ways to go before the wheels totally come off.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Halloween is the greatest movie of all time


Halloween. With that trailer just coming out and looking awesome, figured I'd rewatch for the 10+ time in June. Greatest movie of all time. Totally genre transforming horror flick. Super fond of the flick as a kiddo. Remember watching this with my grandma with Sammy Terry hosting and cutting in during the commercials. I was five, max. That was the local ghoul on the Indianapolis local station. He was dope. The original guy, Bob Crane, died a few years back. His son does it now. He is great too. Mostly appearances but does make it on the electric TV machine sometimes. Starlite Drive-in here in Bloomington hosted him the last two years. It was a great fucking time. My childhood horror host and my favorite place in town to catch a flick. Matter of fact, we watched this movie at the show two years ago. Fucking dope.

This guy
Anywho, this is the only one that matters for the upcoming movie. Sort of see why as this is the only one that is god tier. It's credited as sort of starting the slasher genre even though Texas Chainsaw predates it. This did, I guess, layout most of the rules that came to define the genre. Stuff like if you bone or do drugs you die. Stay "pure" then you get brutalized but live. Yay, feminism. But this movie isn't like that. I think the other girls were drinking and making questionable decisions which kept their guards down and thus they died. Jamie Lee Curtis was baby sitting so didn't do any drinking or boning. Thus she was alert and also lucked out and got away. But like in real life, if you survive that shit then it is brutal and you are probably fucked.

Rotten Tomatoes Consensus: Scary, suspenseful, and viscerally thrilling, Halloween set the standard for modern horror films.

Pros: Beautiful ladies. The women who play Annie and Lynda are seriously attractive. As was Jamie Lee Curtis. Totally a game-changing horror movie at the time. Donald Pleasence as Dr. Loomis is his career defining role. The version where he speaks to the psyche board (I think this is the extended TV version) is even more solid. Stays relevant after 40 years. Brutal when she is banging on the neighbors' front doors and no one tries to help her (which was based on something that really happened and was the first scene Carpenter thought of).

Cons: Fucking animal violence. Characters are a bit on the one-dimensional side. Sort of drags on more than I remembered.

Killin' since 1963
Most people probably know the gist of the movie by now. Opens with a little kid stabbing his sister to death POV style in 1963. Cut to 15 years later and he is a maniac who escapes a mental hospital the day his doctor is coming to transfer him to a more secure location. From there he heads back to his home town of Haddonfield, Illinois where he shows up on Halloween night to kill "teenage" kids. Directed and scored wonderfully by master of horror John Carpenter, the movie stars Jamie Lee Curtis (in her first feature film) as Laurie Strode, Donald Pleasence as Loomis, and Nick Castle as Michael Myers/The Shape. Playing Laurie's hotty friends are P. J. Soles as Lynda Van Der Klok and Nancy Kyes as Annie Brackett.

On the hotties, Annie (the dark curly haired one) was like my childhood crush. She aged pretty well too. Now she likes more like a professor that used to have it going on but still is attractive in that way. She was like 30 in this movie by the by. Looks amazing in a man's shirt and knee-high socks. She dies brutally. The other girl, P.J. Soles, has a sort of cult status among horror fans. For example, hard rock band from the 1990s/early 2000s Local H had an album they titled "Whatever Happened to P.J. Soles?" after her. She is pretty funny too. Like there is a scene when JLC sees Michael watching them and the ominous music comes on. Someone, I think JLC, says that she forgot her math book or something. P.J. then drones on in the background about how she forgot her math book and Spanish book and science book and all the other books she forgot. "Who needs books, anyway," she says. We get a little bit of gratuitous nudity from this dumb, pretty girl (this was one of the scenes they show in Scream if I am not mistaken). She dies horribly as well. So basically all of Laurie's buddies are dead which sucks for her. Big time for the buddies.

Grrr
Something sort of weird I found in my half-assed research of the film was that the little girl who played Lindsey, one Kyle Richards, ended up growing up to be a reality TV star on one of the incarnations of The Real Housewives this one of the Beverly Hills persuasion. I just saw her on The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale in a clip where one of the housewives was being ridiculous so it looks like things are going well for her. At least she has obscene wealth going

Hipster Halloween
Nitpicky shit... A little thing that comes up every once in a while and that they say in the trailer for the new movie. It is this misconception that Michael killed three people on Halloween in 1978. Well, dude actually killed four when you count the guy in the bush (that maybe they never found but that seems unlikely since they found the car). I am not sure where this came from. In the sequel that came out in 1981 they mention the total killed and it seems to have not listed this either. I guess they just forget about this guy because he flashes on screen so briefly and it doesn't show the killing.

Another thing is when the sheriff yells at Loomis, "damn you for letting him go!" This rage is totally misplaced. Loomis did everything he could to keep him locked up in a supermax. And it's not like Michael like got out on parole or something. Dude fucking escaped because the powers that be didn't listen to Loomis. And now here he is trying to stop the guy. Fuck that dude for talking shit.

Do not fucking like it when animals die in movies. In this one we get word that Micheal killed and ate something when hiding out in his childhood home. Later, at the house Annie is babysitting at, Micheal then kills a German Shepard that is barking at him and shit. It is obvious in the flich that the dog is still alive but still. Then no one mentions the dog the rest of the movie. Shitty dog owners. Whatever.

The only other on screen death is P.J.'s dorky boyfriend. Michael Myers, with his superhuman strength, picks him up by the neck and holds him up with one hand before choking him out/stabbing him in the gut. I think this the first time that that happens in a movie. The guy was wearing a sheet and glasses, both of which Michael puts on over his coveralls and mask to like trick P.J. or whatever. After he murders her he then displays her in the bed with his sister's stolen tombstone which doesn't make a ton of sense. This begs the question what exactly his motivation for all this is. I'm sort of guessing it's sexual but who knows really.

Lastly, Michael was always sort of a supernatural being. He has super strength. He gets stabbed in the neck with a needle, is jabbed at with a hanger, and he takes multiple gunshots from Loomis at the end. Curious if they are going to downplay that stuff in the new one. Will have to wait and see I guess.