The Asphalt Jungle is the greatest movie of all time

The Asphalt Jungle. "One way or another, we all work for our vice." Might be the darkest Hayes Code era flicks I've seen, the movie was released in 1950. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, even for a John Huston movie, but is an undeniable masterpiece. Not my favorite Huston flick, but damn good. 

Based on the 1949 book of the same name by W. R. Burnett. The gist of the movie is a group of guys pull off a major jewel heist in the Midwest only for things to go to shit when the men start double-crossing each other. 

Though you probably won't recognize many of the actors, the performances are flawless. The film stars Sterling Hayden (his performance is stellar) who is the guy who breaks Michael's jaw in The Godfather, Louis Calhern (also phenomenal) who I only recognize from Duck Soup, the talented Jean Hagen (another breakout performance) who played Lina Lamont in Singin' in the Rain, the guy who played Brooks in The Shawshank Redemption, and, most notably, Marilyn Monroe, in one of her earliest roles. 

A lot of cringe with Marilyn's character. Young and Marilyn Monroe at her peak hot, her creepy uncle has some sexual predatory stuff going on with her. That's pretty unpleasant to watch, for sure. But damn, Monroe makes quite an impact on the screen. 

Doing some half-assed internet research, supposedly Huston's first choice for the role played by Monroe was Lola Albright, who was quite a looker herself. When she wasn't available, Huston brought in Monroe for a screen test. He wasn't sure she was right for the part and dismissed her. However, he changed his mind when he watched her walking out the door. According to one Eddie Muller's intro to the Turner Classic Movies Noir Alley presentation of the film, Huston later said Monroe was "one of the few actresses who could make an entrance by leaving the room." I find this claim dubious but somewhat on brand. 

In his autobiography, also a dubious source, Huston claims he felt protective of her and when it seemed some unnamed studio executive was trying to "set her up for the casting couch," screen-tested her for another role, as to get that far in the process at that studio meant boning this asshole. But he didn't cast her and she disappeared. A year later, now with agent Johnny Hyde, she was back to screen-test for Asphalt Jungle. When she came around, Huston recognized her as the girl he'd saved from the casting couch. "She was Angela to a T. "I later discovered that Johnny Hyde was in love with her," Huston wrote. "Johnny was a very fine, very reliable agent, and we were friends, but Marilyn didn't get the part because of Johnny. She got it because she was damn good." I choose to believe that story over the one where he was kind of a creep.

Huston gets my vote for MVP for more or less discovering Monroe and getting insane performances out of this cast of no-names. Plus he maybe saved Monroe from having to bone some skeezy dude. 

Some Like It Hot is the greatest movie of all time

Some Like It Hot. Indeed. Another Billy Wilder movie. Sincerely great. Weird, though. First we have other worldly icon Marilyn Monroe jumping and running around and doing stuff. She is such an icon that my brain won't allow me to see her as like a real human who once lived. It's almost like Rosie the Riveter, Uncle Sam, or the Marlboro Man suddenly being a real person and doing movies. Kind of how it happened in real life, too, more on that later. But, yeah, she isn't ugly, that Marilyn. And she is awfully active in this movie.

Then there is the whole dudes in drag to escape the mafia to travel with an all-female band whilst still trying to score with ladies in said band. It continues to get weirder once they all get to the resort in Florida with Jack Lemmon's character going out with this rich guy and getting him off his massive boat so that Tony Curtis's character can hop on with Marilyn so that she thinks he is rich. Lemmon doesn't let the guy like make out with him or anything but he sort of gets into it in a total mid-century heterosexual way, which is insane, ultimately getting engaged to the guy. Finally, at the end, Lemmon comes clean, saying he's a dude and what not. "Nobody's perfect," the guy says. Meh. But, big but, I love the shit of the rest of this movie.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Some Like It Hot: A spry, quick-witted farce that never drags.

So, this is definitely my favorite Marilyn movie of the five I've seen (though I haven't seen The Asphalt Jungle yet which is near the top of my list to watch) and probably in my top 15 to 20. Marilyn is what she is, light and bubbly and super attractive. Plus you can pretty much see her nipples the entire movie.

A bit about the Tony Curtis character here. That guy's character, one Joe, is a fucking asshole. He uses info he acquires whilst posing as Josephine to try to score with Marilyn by pretending to be someone he is not. This is really fucked up and rapey. Not fucking cool man and possibly a sex crime. Also, the whole, you know, turning a movie about witnessing the most notorious mob hit of them all, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, into a comedy is a bold choice. Totally works though.

Yeah. Want to reiterate how much I loved this movie and what a true treasure Jack Lemmon was. In a  movie with Marilyn and TC, Lemmon wins the movie, easily. He fucking brings it and is hilarious. Wins it indeed.