Top 10 of 2025: Tie—10. The Monkey

★★★★--Watched exactly 100 movies from this past year. This out of 219 total for the year. First was Get Away. Last was Neighborhood Watch. Neither of them made my best of, though Neighborhood Watch was a lot of fun. 

Some honorable mentions include The Smash Machine, Weapons, Companion, Bugonia, The Shrouds, Invader, Marty Supreme, and Dead of Winter. Any year I struggle to put just 10 movies on my favorite list is a good year. 

 

A lot of these are “better” than the films on my list, these are just the ones that are my 10 favorite.

 

Anyway, The Monkey. The third twin movie on this list. It’s not a perfect movie. Star Theo James is much more believable as the cool, dickhead brother. 

 

Based on a Stephen King story. I read this three or four years ago before watching Monkey Shines, which I thought was based on King’s work. It wasn’t, but is still awesome. 

 

This is the only of Osgood Perkins’s three movies I’ve really cared for so far, the other two being Longlegs and Keeper. Here he delves deep into his personal trauma. His father, Anthony Perkins, you know, Norman Bates, died when the director was young of complications of AIDS, which he contracted as a closeted gay man. His mother, Berry Berenson, also an actress, was on American Airlines Flight 11 that crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center during the 9/11 attacks. Perkins has said as much, saying specifically it’s about the melancholy of living. How casual tragedy becomes, like with the priest treating the funerals as a joke. Most of the deaths are funny as hell. But it’s inevitable, tragedy, death, and it comes in ways you don’t see coming, but is always just around the corner. Embrace the absurdity of living, this film says, or you are gonna have a hard time. That’s my brand.

Crimes of Passion - Ken Russell - 1984

★★★★-A slapsticky erotic thriller. This movie is insane, even by my standards. It's pretty much a farce. Reminded me of Jim Jarmusch doing soft-core pornography. I didn't hate it, but it's crazy that I watched this on the Criterion Channel.

Gist is one Joanna Crane (played by Kathleen Turner) is a successful fashion designer by day and a prostitute that goes by China Blue by night. China Blue is one extremely imaginative prostitute, basically catering to every guy's fantasy. Engages in simulated rape, dresses up as the Statue of Liberty, violently pegs a cop (who spits on her after sex), so forth. She even gets hired by a woman whose husband is dying, and she wants him to get laid before he dies. It's really sad. His wife doesn't want to go near him because of his sickness. Guy does look pretty close to death. Turns out the actor lived another 30 years, dying at 93. 

Directed by one Ken Russell. Never seen any of his movies. Apparently they are out there. 

Anthony Perkins is a real creep with escalating violence. He's a perv preacher. “I'm here for your benefit!” he screams at her before telling her about watching people die and serenading her with “Get Happy.” 

Never seen the main beefcake guy before, one John Laughlin. Anthony Perkins kicks his ass at one point. Big muscles, but little functional strength, I guess. This guy is not great, though his performance has moments of hilarity. Does the thing with a prostitute that happens in movies where the guy says, “that was real, I know you felt it too.” Yeah, sure bud. Like every dude she sleeps with in her various costumes says the same shit. She is very good at her job, you see. I would think this is more high-class call-girl stuff, but her world is pretty grimy. He tells her, “I wish I could tell my wife about the way you make me feel.” I wouldn't recommend it. Then he says that she would say “it's all just part of my imagination.” Turner says that it was, and sends him off on his way, back home to Annie Potts. 

This guy is really something. Puts a hot dog through the pee-hole of his shorts. Does a “magic act” that consists of him tying basketballs to his ankles, popping his shirt off, and being a "human penis." Highly recommend checking this scene. Cheats on his wife and comes home and treats her like shit. Blames her for their sexual problems. This piece of shit I'm sure really turns on the ladies. Fucking child. “I'll grow up when I'm ready,” he says. Again, huge turn on. Pretty quickly, wouldn't you know it, he's single again, ladies!

Favorite line in the movie is: “She's not a slut. She went to Ohio State!” “Every two years they let a slut into Ohio State. Her timing was just good.” Completely insane ending with an even more insane last line that I shan't give away.

It gets pretty graphic at times. So heads up. Though the film is crazy and seems pretty weird for everyone involved, Turner and Perkins both spoke well of the director and the experience. Perkins even got ordained and married the director and his girlfriend at the wrap party. I definitely recommend it, for the whole family even.