The real Trap is turning M. Night's daughter into a pop star

Trap – M. Night Shyamalan – 2024 

★★★-Not the trainwreck I’d been led to believe. It’s not Old or The Happening bad. But it’s not Unbreakable either. It’s just a forgettable meh that went on too long. 

 

Gist is a father and his daughter attend a pop concert, only to discover it’s a trap set by law enforcement to capture the father, who is a notorious serial killer. Hell of a setup. 

 

Like every M. Night movie, the trailer makes it look amazing. But then it’s not.

 

I feel like of course M. Night has a pair of nepo babies, but his daughter, Saleka, is serviceable, and her voice is amazing. 

 

Big problem is that the film is way too long. Thought it was wrapping up when they leave the concert, but then there is something like 45 more minutes. Also, requires a lot of awkward exposition. Josh Hartnett was fine. He is inexplicably shirtless for a good stretch of the flick. 

Longlegs - Cage at his Cagiest in this artsy fartsy crap

Longlegs - Oz Perkins - 2024

★★-Critics gushed over this? Not as high on it as everyone else. Thought it way overhyped, overrated, and completely aimless. Yeah, I hated it. Never found it remotely scary, more just cringeworthy. 
 
First, this is Nicolas Cage unleashed. Every time he was on screen there was a considerable amount of sighing and laughing. His performance is way out there. Saw this more or less getting universal praise, which is incredible. 
 
The protagonist, FBI Agent Lee Harker played by Maika Monroe, is maybe psychic with a touch of the tism. All that goes nowhere. Sort of like a frumpier Clarice Starling. Monroe is sort of second banana to Mia Goth when it comes to horror it girls. Done some great work as the leads in The Guest, It Follows, Villains, and Watcher,among others. This was my least favorite of her performances to date. 
 
Her mother is played by Alicia Witt. She is pretty out there as well. Her house looks like all the hoarders I’ve ever known. Mostly think of her from her roles in Urban Legend, Cecil B. Demented, Vanilla Sky, and one episode of The Sopranos. Was just wondering whatever happened to her. Doing shit like this, apparently.  
 

The look on my face every time Cage was on screen

Only other person I recognized was the Jack Crawford type, one Blair Underwood, who was the castrated killer guy in Just Cause, which was a great small town murder mystery from the mid-1990s, when this movie takes place. You might also remember him from LA Law or the sci-fi show The Event from a little over a decade ago. It was sort of one of those Lost/24 hybrids that were all the rage back then. He, too, is awful in this movie. 
 
The movie had phenomenal marketing. The trailer made it look like it was going to be amazing. Creep and dread I expected to be top tier, but no. Got a weird, dream-logic flick. 
 
It did look great. Cinematography was the one thing I can praise. Looked like a Fincher film, but was indeed garbage. Basically artsy crap. 
 
Other major problems I had with the movie: It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It’s slow and confusing. Felt way longer than an hour and 40 minutes, never a good sign. There was also sort of a compelling murder mystery in there. But good luck following all the literal puzzles involved. Technically great, but no substance. Again, hated it. Do not recommend.

Thriller, mystery, meditation on morality, buddy cop, garbage crime: Se7en is all of that and more

Se7en - David Fincher - 1995

★★★★★-I've written and thought about this movie more than any I've ever seen. It's not often that a film changes my behavior profoundly. Books have done this, but with film, it is rare. Director David Fincher has done it twice, or at least gotten me on that path. With Fight Club, the seeds of anti-consumerism were planted. With Se7en, it was anti-moralism. It's telling that Fincher made two of the best films of this century (Zodiac and The Social Network) and those flicks might not be in his top two all-time, at least for me anyway. 

Gist of it is retiring police Detective William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) teams up with the newly transferred David Mills (Brad Pitt) for his last case before retirement. As they delve into the investigation, they uncover a series of intricate and sadistic murders. It becomes apparent that they are facing a methodical serial killer, John Doe (Kevin Spacey), who selects his victims based on their seven deadly sin, killing one each day. As the suspense intensifies and they get closer to the final day, Somerset forms an unexpected bond with Mills' pregnant wife, Tracy (Gwyneth Paltrow), who is deeply concerned about raising her child in a city plagued by such chilling crime.

That's the surface, though Se7en is a hard film to describe. It's got some gallows humor, but it is dark, and deeply disturbing. Mills indeed has his moments. His wife Tracy says “he is the funniest man (she's) ever met.” His deadly sin, in my opinion, is fashion related though. His ties are truly atrocious. One has a basketball going through a hoop on it. This seems to be his favorite tie. Also, at one point I caught him wearing his watch over his shirt cuff. This is the eighth deadly sin, by the by.

More than anything, this is a dualistic film that eventually morphs into nihilism. There is good and evil, until there isn't. There is extreme good in Tracy, and extreme evil in Doe. 

It's an odd couple cop movie, as well, which highlights this further. One an old, African-American detective just shy of retirement. A cynic that has seen it all. He is methodical, experienced, learned, and patient. He's a philosophy. The other a young, idealistic Caucasian that calls himself Serpico with just a little irony. He is hotheaded, impulsive, and immature. He's new to this city, a Hell-on-earth. They do not get along. But slowly, they become friends. That friendship presumably ends, however, as both are stripped of their meaning just before the credits roll. 

The city they fight crime changes everyone in this world. One of the weird details of the movie is all the unhomed people shuffling around in nearly every scene. Pretty much dystopian. Rains constantly. We are constantly reminded that this world is not “a fine place.” It's a bizzaro version of LA with Virgil showing Dante the ropes. The other cops here, for the most part, don't care at all. If a child witnessed his father murder his mother, it “doesn't concern us,” a detective tells Somerset. He's just happy it's an open and shut case. Tells Somerset that the other “dicks” are going to be happy when he retires, asking them such things. There are more examples of this. Another cop doesn't check vitals. SWAT, the only ones who seem to enjoy what they do other than Mills, relish the violence they impose on the lost souls. It's just a part of this world, the police sort of have to move around these people they supposed to protect, mostly just treating them like they aren't there. 

John Doe, himself, is a dualistic figure as a divinely inspired serial-killer. Doe is a truly evil POS. One of the great villains of all-time. (On a personal level, he ruined marble composition notebooks for me! My first 25 or so journals looked a lot like these, usually duct taped after a while. Got tired of the comparison and now carry Moleskins. Better for reporters anyway. [Speaking of. I used to be a crime reporter. You'd be surprised how close you can get to a crime scene, and how quickly with scanners in every newsroom. And by the by, no reporter has money to pay for information, let alone to pay “well” for it. One of just a few nits I'm able to pick. But if you don't know, you don't know.]) With his death, that dualism is ended, of course, as he becomes nothing. But legacy was what he was after. 

Doe's “work” is kind of performance art. Like the worst kind of art, in general, he simultaneously projects his self-loathing and sense of superiority with an all-out, full-court press of an attention seeking spectacle. Getting people to pay attention, though, is indeed tough. Gotta hit them over the head with a sledgehammer. I'm not sure Doe doesn't mean that literally. When serial-killers barely shock people anymore, in Doe's words, “in a world this sick,” you've really got to do something spectacularly disturbing to become part of the zeitgeist. For every Gacy, you have a Randy Kraft. Every Dahmer, a Arthur Shawcross. Every LISK, a Lonnie Franklin. So forth. Really gotta swing for the fences, I guess. 

His work is one of poetic justice. The concept has been around forever. Hence the “pound of flesh” from one of my favorite Shakespeare plays, Merchant of Venice, probably his most ironic play, which is considered a comedy (I wrote about that, too, a couple of times in college). Goes back even farther than that, though. For example, “He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death,” is about as ironic as it gets, working on multiple levels even. 

It's also pretty much how we view Hell culturally in the West. While it's existed likely since the beginning of our days dabbling in concepts of an afterlife, Dante is the one that really fleshed it out. His epic masterpiece, Divine Comedy, the most important work ever written in my opinion, is all about justice and retribution. The souls he sees in Inferno and Purgatorio receive their punishments or cleansings in a manner that either mirrors or starkly contrasts their sins. Called “contrapasso”, it is a word derived from Latin “contra” and “patior”, meaning "suffer the opposite.” Its comes up in literature, theology, and popular culture constantly ever since. Some examples off the top of my head: The Faerie Queene, A Christmas Carol, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, so forth. 

My personal favorite depiction, beside Se7en, of course, is from The Simpsons. It happens in the “Treehouse of Horror IV” segment, “The Devil and Homer Simpson.” Therein, after Homer sells his soul for a donut, he finds himself in the depths of Hell, subjected to being force-fed “all the doughnuts in the world” in the “Hell Labs' Ironic Punishment Division”. Despite the demon's efforts to torture him, Homer revels in the gluttonous experience, even requesting more doughnuts when the ordeal is over. 

No donuts for “the fat boy” in this film though. These tortures are of the most sadistic nature. These poor people. As the attending physician says of the Sloth victim, “he's experienced about as much pain and suffering as anyone I've encountered, give or take, and he's still got Hell to look forward to.” Huge apartment for a shithole that this guy spends his last year in, though. 

Quick shoutout to Mrs. Gould, here. Her husband, Eli Gould, represents Greed. He was an attorney that supposedly got rich by lying to get his clients off. Doe's second victim, he says of Gould, “this is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets!” Like the others, he was killed brutally with irony. John Doe broke into Gould's law firm, knocked the attorney unconscious before he could depart for the weekend, and bound his hands together. Doe forced him to cut out a pound of his own flesh on a set of scales. Gould eventually died of blood loss, which was the basis for the “comedy” in Shakespeare's play (See parenthetical below). Doe also marks a photo of Gould's wife with blood, circling her eyes. 

Somerset, in his wisdom, figures out that Doe marked her as such because she's supposed to see something. So they make their way to where she is stashed in a safe house, making this woman hysterical with grief look at her husband's crime scene photos. Mills says to her, “Mrs. Gould, I'm truly sorry. I truly am... I need you to look at each photo very carefully. Look and see if there's anything strange or out of place, um. Anything at all.” When she says no, he asks if she is sure as she sobs like someone looking at pictures her husband's horrific murder. “Please! I-I-I just, I-I can't do this right now!” But she does and find a clue! A painting is upside down, which leads them to fingerprints on the wall, taking them to Sloth. She is a real trooper, this lady. 

(If you are interested, this is whole of the reference. Shylock, a Jewish money lender (only Jews could practice “usury” at the time) has his Christian rival Antonio put a pound of his flesh as a security on the lone. When Antonio defaults, Shylock demands the pound from his heart. But Shylock had no right to any blood, and is therefore charged with attempted murder of a Christian, carrying a death penalty, and Antonio is freed without punishment. Eventually the rival Antonio, whom he obviously hates, commutes the sentence to giving him half of his ducats and converting to Christianity, thus making it illegal for him to make his living. He then leaves the play feeling ill. Hilarious!)

Only Fincher's second film. Also the second one I saw during its theatrical run. Only two Fincher movies I didn't see in the theater were Benjamin Button and Mank, which doesn't count. Pandemic and all. After Fincher's experience on Alien3, supposedly he said he'd rather have colon cancer than make another film, though I can't find an original source. Might just be part of his mythos. 

Anyway, studio wanted a different ending, you know, where a head doesn't end in a box. But as Somerset says, “this isn't going to have a happy ending.” I remember on the DVD there was storyboard of an ending where Somerset shoots Doe, which was really weird. The ending we get is pretty memorable, “what's in the box!” But I'm not sure it couldn't have used a little workshopping. 

My beef with it is that I kind of feel Doe's whole final plan that he is working to doesn't make a lot of sense. He murders a woman, Tracy, who is seemingly innocent of a deadly sin, at least from his perspective, and he makes a big deal about none of them being “innocent.” Right after that, Doe claims himself as Envy, which is nonsense as he likely doesn't feel anything except Pride. Maybe Envy in the classical sense, more wanting one's demise instead of wanting Jesse's girl. But that doesn't seem to be what Doe is talking about. I guess Mills is a victim of Wrath, to an extent. However, he is more of a victim of Doe just being psychotic than him trying to prove anything. Since he invites his work to be studied, I say it's sort of bull. 

Several of the sins are like that, kind of falling apart under scrutiny. In reference to Lust, for example, the threat of death is no defense for murder. That guys another victim. Good luck with intercourse the rest of your life. 

Lastly, there is the library card stuff. Absolutely no one would care about this sort of thing, at least now, post-Patriot Act. Also, I read almost all of the books mentioned or shown in the film in my education as an English, philosophy student. In fact, I played a drinking game my sophomore year where we had a beer every time a book was mentioned, shown, or quoted that we read in the film. My focus for lit was on epic poetry, and took a decent amount of theology in my philosophy studies. So I was completely trashed by the end of it. Since most of these are staples of the Western canon, I would think that Doe would own most of those, especially if he went to a bible college or seminary or something. 

I watch this every few years. Wrote about it in college for a Dante class and grad school for a philosophy course. One of my all-time favorites.

Originally saw it in 1995 in the theater with my junior high basketball team. It was quite the crowd-pleaser, which is insane. A Yoda with a library card that's got some things to say to a bunch of kids that have likely never read a book before in their lives. Practically got a standing ovation. Different breed. Those kids.

Depending on the day, this might be my favorite of his films. Hard to pick between this, Fight Club, Zodiac, and The Social Network. The performances alone are worth the watch. Freeman is at the top of his game, this is Pitt's first really great leading role, Spacey is dark and disturbed (just like in real life!). Mesmerizing and suspenseful with a fantastic screenplay, the film is gruesome and shocking. It also features one of the great on-foot chase scenes. An all-time classic from Fincher, who was just getting started. 

Bloody Hell - Alister Grierson - 2020

★★★★-“What would you do with that (knife)?” “I would save myself and kill your family. You know, standard stuff.” Gist is a guy goes to prison for killing a bunch of bank robbers in the midst of a hostage situation that results in multiple fatalities. I'm not a vigilante guy, but this guy getting eight years was bull shit. I assumed this was made by a foreign winger who doesn't know how the American justice system lauds “good guys with guns,” or a Trumper who thinks this is what really happens despite people like George Zimmerman and Kyle Rittenhouse walking free. But I'm making a lot of assumptions.

Anyway, while in prison, he shoots a spitball at a world map to decide where he is going to move once he gets out. Lands on Finland, where he is immediately kidnapped upon arrival by a family of psychopath cannibals. Some low-hanging vegan jokes. “A vegan is like a person, but...” This in a movie about a cannibal monster. 

The vigilante guy is played one Ben O'Toole. Never seen him before, or anyone in this film for that matter. He reminds me of this maniac roommate I had in college. A combination of him and Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Icould see either of them getting into this type of situation. Meg Fraser plays the hot daughter, dad is played by Matthew Sunderland mom is played by Caroline Craig. She's an older Malin Akereman type. Come to find out they are basically the same age, just a few years older than me. 

Is it perfect? No, but I really, really liked this flick. An over-the-top comedy horror romance movie with a heck of an original weapon to kill the big bad. Can't beat this “how did you you two meet” story either, which he tells to a group of people at a bar, much to everyone's horror. For a guy who is obsessed with saying something cool before he kills someone but fails every time, he delivers a phenomenal last line of the film, which I shan't spoil. Available on Shudder. 

Boston Strangler - Matt Ruskin - 2023

★★★- Zodiac lite with some shades of Spotlight. You can watch it right now on Hulu. One of their originals. It's pretty good, but not nearly as great as its obvious predecessors. Though the combo of Keira Knightly (what a talent) and Carrie Coon (Gone Girl, Ghostbusters: Afterlife) makes this an enjoyable watch; however, the film has some problems. 

Gist of the movie is reporter Loretta McLaughlin (Knightly) breaks the story of the Boston Strangler murders. As the killer's body count rises, she continues the investigation alongside colleague veteran investigative journalist Jean Cole (Coon). The film has a lot to say about how shitty it was to be a working woman in 1960s, how cops sometimes take the easiest narratives, and how powerful old-school journalism used to be.

In addition to Knightly and Coon, the film stars Robert John Burke (I think of him as the lead in Thinner), Rory Cochrane (Dazed and Confused, Freck in A Scanner Darkly), Chris Cooper (Adaptation, American Beauty), David Dastmalchian (The Dark Knight, Suicide Squad, Dune), and Alessandro Nivola (The Many Saints of Newark, American Hustle).

Moves a little fast and the story is all over the place. The beats keep coming at you. She's at a crime scene, now she's talking to a cop, now she's home, now she's at work, now she's talking to another cop, now she's at a bar with her writing partner, now she's getting chewed out by her editor, now she's arguing with her husband. Repeat like six or seven times. Listened to a podcast about this and the possible Ann Arbor connection called Stranglers. Not sure I would have been a follow all this without having a 12-part docuseries under my belt.

I sort of hate mine and everyone's fascination with serial killers. They disgust and repulse me to no end. Yet I consume a lot of media based on these sick fucks whom I loath for bringing so much suffering into the world. All the victims die bad. Every once in a while I watch something so disturbing that I have to stop. Such has been the case for the last couple months. But goddamn do I love an investigative journalism movie. 

More than anything I love how they show the life of a journalist living a story. I've been there. It's a tough grind. You put in an incredible amount of time for no money, but there is nothing like it. That buzz of election night, basketball sectionals, watching the cops bring in a murderer. Thinking hard about it. Pouring your soul out. You live for that shit. Like a lot of movies like this, the film does a great job of putting you in that world. Hesitantly recommend. 

Insomnia - Christopher Nolan - 2002

★★★-“A good cop can't sleep because he's missing a piece of the puzzle. And a bad cop can't sleep because his conscience won't let him.” Yeah, not really my cup of tea. Saw this when it came out, dug that it was set in Alaska and liked the ambiance. However, wasn’t crazy about either Al Pacino or Robin Williams. Liked both of them more this time around, especially Williams, but it feels like an outlier for Christopher Nolan. It’s fine, but not genius like Memento.  

Gist of the movie is that a pair of homicide detectives from Los Angeles go to Alaska, for some reason, to investigate the murder of a teenage girl. The sun doesn’t set and the cop played by Al Pacino, who’s a bastard, can’t sleep. While chasing the suspect, played by Robin Williams, he ends of shooting his partner, probably by accident, but covers it up because his partner was feeding information to internal affairs back home. Williams’s character sees all this, and holds it over Pacino’s head so as to try to help him frame the dead chick’s boyfriend. So, you know, a real uplifting type of flick. 

MVP is Hilary Swank who plays local detective Ellie Burr, who is a fangirl of Dormer (Pacino’s character). He is apparently something of a famous investigator. She is really solid in this as a up-and-coming detective who is wrestling with her hero being an asshole/bastard cop. Williams, who I remember not liking, was actually pretty stellar, too. Sort of like his Oliver Sacks from Awakens that fucking kills young girls. 

The Shining Girls - 2023

I loved this mind-fuck of a show. A complex, time traveling murder mystery. My kind of shit. 

Elizabeth Moss stars. She is incredible in everything. Too bad she's a Scientologist.

Overall gist is a woman played Moss is attacked. We meet her years later and see her literal constantly changing reality as she investigates a series of murders spanning decades that might be related to her own attack. She eventually convinces a veteran reporter played by Wagner Moura (Pablo Escobar in Narcos) and they try to stop this time-hopping serial killer. 

The killer, played by Jamie Bell (he was Bernie Taupin in Rocketman and Billy Elliot in Billy Elliot), is pretty terrifying as he can afford to be patient and has the ability to go back in time and correct his mistakes. Dude caused a lot of pain and suffering for a lot of peoples. You really want him to get put in this place. He looks exactly like this friend of mine, one Ronnie Vance. Good looking guy, but this show now makes me trust him less. I've got my eye on him in case he ever finds a magical house that lets him jump about the century to do unspeakable shit. 

I really fell in love with this at the end of episode four, “Attribution.” Previously, Moss's character experiences all this sudden shifts in her world. Her apartment changes, her hair, her job, she all the sudden has a husband, so forth. At the end of this installment, when her and the killer meet and get it on, as in fight for their lives, the place around them constantly changes. Moss get slammed into a wall that completely changes, then it becomes a mirror and they smash through it, then it becomes a bar that is a major piece to the puzzle. It's awesome and just gets better from there. 

Highly recommend this if you are into dark murder mysteries that way out of the ordinary. Definitely not like anything I've ever seen before. 

Speak No Evil - Christian Tafdrup - 2022

★- One of those elevated horror movies. Gonna have to remember that I almost always hate them going into the future. This was supposed to be up there with Barbarian and Nope for this year's best horror. Nah. 

Gist is a Danish family--mother, father, daughter--visits a Dutch family--mother, father, mute son--that they met on a vacation at the beginning of the movie. The hosts, it becomes clear, are fucking insane. The Danish couple, however, don't know how to read the signs and get the fuck out as shit starts to escalate and become more and more nightmarish. 

Hardly any of the movie is believable. The evil Dutch folks, it is revealed, has been up to some shit for a long time. One would assume 100s of years when we see the extent of it. However, I'm pretty sure we aren't supposed to think that they are supernatural in the end. 

All that said... I can’t imagine hating a movie more. Dahmer or Funny Games would be a palate cleanser after this fucked up watch. DO. NOT. RECOMMEND.

American Psycho - Mary Harron - 2000

★★★★★- Rewatching for the first time in a long time. I tend to really like adaptations of Bret Easton Ellis, but hate his novels. As a dude, he seems horrible. Talking trash about homosexual media, “I like the idea of Glee, but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I’ve stepped into a puddle of HIV?” among many other things, and then coming out as gay to make it okay. 

His fiction is just as toxic with the intent of glorifying America's problems. Plus he called David Foster Wallace, once my favorite writer, "the most tedious, overrated, tortured, pretentious writer of my generation" after DFW hanged himself. He offered no evidence for any of it and came off as professionally jealous. 

So, anyway. I can deal with his whole irredeemable bleak worldview for in two hour chunks, but I'll never read another one of his novels. I think this treatment, though, American Psycho as satire, is exceptional. However, I am not sure many see it as such and come away with the wrong lesson by not seeing it for what it is. 

Bale is great. Really made him a star. But the whole cast is pretty stellar. I don't watch this often and haven't seen it since college, but I'm glad I revisited, which sort of surprised me.

The Night House - David Bruckner - 2020

★★★★- This was ghost night for the whole Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween challenge thing. 

The gist is a widow whose husband just committed suicide begins to figure his disturbing secrets. Ends up finding this murder house he built in the woods that is exactly like their house except for sort of off and unfinished. All is not what it seems.

Interesting movie. One of the ghost-as-a-metaphor movies. Like the Babadook except without an annoying child.

Concept was super interesting. The inverse house adds to the whole dream quality. Similar to Us in that way.

The Rental - Dave Franco - 2020

★★★- Slasher night. Woohoo. 

More than decent (but forgettable) debut by Dave Franco. Stars the lovely Alison Brie, Dan Stevens, Sheila Vand, and Jeremy Allen White. Toby Huss is also in it as a red herring. So, yeah, incredible cast.

It follows two couples who rent a house in the wilderness. Things start to happen and they suspect they are being watched. It's creepy as shit. 

Things escalates. People make poor decision and get themselves killed. Recommend.

Dark Glasses - Dario Argento - 2022

★★★★★- Another Nightmare on Film Street challenge movie. This one for Italian films. Argento, the master of Italian horror, has a new film so that was an easy choice. A true return to form for him. Loved it.

Gist is a guy who is out there killing prostitutes. One played by Ilenia Pastorelli, a very pretty lady, loses her sight in a car accident that results when the killer pushes her car into oncoming traffic. Her car hits and orphans a Chinese kid. 

She eventually goes to visit the kid in an orphanage. He escapes and they make a deal. He’ll be her guide if she lets him stay there. Eventually, they get to tracking down the killer to get their revenge.

Like what they have going on here, the female lead and the Chinese kid. That is until the kid calls the killer thinking it's a cop the killer murders cop. By the by, this features a lot of incompetent Italian cops. You don't say, right? Anyway, the kid tells the killer where they are hiding out. Spoiler. Kids are fucking stupid. 

This all leads to a cool scene where her and the kid work together to try to shoot the killer. 

Another cool scene comes when Pastorelli’s character gets lost in the woods and feels her way to a building. Once there, she accidentally turns the lights on and has to get them off before the killer shows.

It becomes clear at one point that Argento doesn't know much/anything about snakes.

Great dog movie. Good girl. Also, it is a positive portrayal of sex work. That’s sweet. Like Dressed to Kill, but not transphobic.

Pearl - Ti West - 2022

★★★★- Thought the Maria Goth performance was GREAT but the movie was not. Close though. Love a period horror movie. Many allusions to The Wizard of Oz, which was interesting and cool. Also love Ti West. And this Mia Goth is something special. Never better than when she was playing hero ball. 

This is the second of a trilogy. Takes place during WWI. The origin story of the psycho biddy from the first film, who was played by Goth as well who had dual roles in the flick. Get to see her Hollywood dreams and the seeds of craziness growing into violent psychopathy. Nice. 

In addition to Goth, film stars David Corenswet, Emma Jenkins-Purro, Matthew Sunderland, and Tandi Wright, none of whom I recognized. 

Super captivating and memorable. Liked the style and music. Love the final scene too. That was uncomfortable and awesome. You could hear people in the theater being like WTF. Love those kinds of communal view experiences. Excited AF for that third installment, which goes to the 1980s. 

X is the greatest movie of all time

X. I thought it was amazing up until a somewhat stupid thing thrown in at the end that sort of changes how you can interpret the movie but doesn't really change anything. Without giving anything away, it is one of those, "oh, um, okay, whatever," things that are sort of irritating. However, movie redeems itself with an incredible last line. Fantastic. Glad Ti West is making horror again. 

Set in 1979, a group of young people set out to make an adult movie in a rural Texas farmhouse. The elderly couple, it turns out, has some creepy shit going on and shit hits the fan when the wife gets all riled up. It's what you'd call a psycho-biddy movie. 

All the men in the movie, in true final girl genre fashion, are extremely incompetent. They are the first to die, are sexually worthless (except for Cudi's character), and don't recognize when they are in extreme danger. Typical dudes in slasher shit, except they each display a little complexity. Not as much as the women, who are extremely well done, but come off as real people instead of just existing to die. I'm currently reading The Final Girl Support Group so this is all fresh in my mind. 

Some real talent on display here in this A24 picture. Not only is it West's return to horror, it stars Mia Goth from the Suspiria remake, Jenna Ortega (who is having a real moment), this Martin Henderson guy I only know from Smokin' Aces, and Kid Cudi (the rapper guy). Rounding out the cast are ones Brittany Snow, Owen Campbell, and Stephen Ure, none of whom I know. 

This Jenna Ortega chick is on fire right now. She was dope in Scream and is in two other movies at the top of my watch list -- American Carnage and Studio 666. She's great in this flick, too. But the real star and MVP of the movie is Goth. She plays both the final girl porn actress and the old psycho lady. They are two sides of the same coin, sympathetic victims, both of them, one getting opportunities because of her looks and drive, the other who is old and has lost much of her self-worth. She is incredible in both parts. 

See it as something of a love letter to the movies West grew up on, like Tarantino for horror, especially Tobe Hooper's 1974 masterpiece The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The layout of the murder house even appears to be the same as the one the family occupies in Chain Saw. There is a lot to love here. First off, I am a sucker for a meta treatment, the whole film-within-the-film with an adult twist with The Farmer's Daughter. This is the way to go with a contemporary slasher if you want it to be any good. 

Other obvious influences include Psycho (1960), Hardcore (1979), Alligator (1980), and Boogie Nights (1997). Also 1970s pornography--I hear, though I am not familiar. 

Lastly, West secretly made a prequel, Pearl, which was shot back-to-back with X. It's part of a trilogy, apparently, which I am stoked about.

Nightbreed is the greatest movie of all time

Nightbreed. The Director's Cut. Apparently people didn't like the original. 

"Everything is true. God's an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live... And you came to die." I loved this movie. It is batshit, but interesting and visually insane. It is at least equally as good, and way more fun than Clive Barker's better-known hit, Hellraiser. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Nightbreed's imaginative world-building and startling creature designs are no match for its clumsy, uneven plotting.

Released in 1990, most people thought it sucked. Considered a "dark fantasy horror film," it stars Anne Bobby as the female lead (only know her from this but she was in this weird show I watched in the early 1990s called Cop Rock), Doug Bradley (Pinhead from Hellraiser), David Cronenberg (the director of The Fly among other things), Charles Haid (do not recognize), Hugh Quarshie (don't recognize him either), and Craig Sheffer (the quarterback from The Program). Sheffer plays the lead. People bought a lot of Craig Sheffer stock in the 1990s. I wasn't among them, though he is solid here. 

Gist is a mental patient played by Sheffer is led by his shrink, played by Cronenberg, to believe that he is a brutal and truly terrifying masked serial killer. Fucking sweet mask, I shit you negative. Anyway, the police catch up with him while he is hiding out in a cemetery named Midian. This post escape from said mental institute where a buddy of his rips off the skin from his head. It's pretty much comedy with the guy handing it to Sheffer with a move like, "well, here ya go." (Check out the video of that below.) 

Turns out a group of monsters (who look fucking awesome) called "Nightbreed" hideout and maybe eat humans in this Midian place. One of the monsters tries to eat him but just takes off a chunk of flesh. Figures, might as well go with the cops, but Cronenberg sets him up saying he had a gun. So the cops do what they do and shoot the fuck out of the guy. But after getting bit, he becomes Nightbreed. This causes some issues and all hell breaks loose over the last act of the film in a big fucking way. 

So, yeah, the monsters look amazing. One freak has a straight-up Jay Leno head. It was to the "point" where I googled "Nightbreed" and "Leno" and this came up.

Another favorite was the one with dreads that looked metal as fuck. Then there was the "hot" one. She was like a porcupine/human hybrid. I liked how at one point she chick killed a dude with one of her poison quills and then this maniac cop who saw it all go down looks over at her. She is topless at this point and he is all like BOOBS! and he goes to grab them and dies. Fucking hilarious.  

Some serious action when everything goes to shit in that last 3/4 of the movie. Talking massive explosions, the earth opening up and swallowing trucks, trigger happy cops and militia types mowing down monsters just because (of course they are the real monsters), flamethrowers, monsters flipping cars, bazooka friendly fire. It's a half-hour of carnage. 

Cronenberg is great in this. Whoever designed his mask and the Nightbreed is a fucking genius. Clive Barker's vision was fucking sick as well... But I'm giving the MVP to the Boston Terrier. Such a sweet, cute, good boy. Bostons are the best. Always. 

The Clovehitch Killer is the greatest movie of all time

The Clovehitch Killer. "The first murder happened before I was born. The killer called himself Clovehitch, after his favorite type of knot. Our town lived in fear. And then, ten years ago, he stopped."

Rotten Tomato Consensus: The Clovehitch Killer patiently dials up the tension with a story that makes up for a lack of surprises with strong performances and a chilling wit.

Gist of the movie is an Eagle Scout type kid named Tyler finds disturbing images depicting extreme bondage hidden in his father's shed, and he begins to suspect may be responsible for a series of unsolved, serial murders in their rural Kentucky town. Share a lot of DNA with BTK, that piece of shit. 

Film stars Dylan McDermott as the killer dad (who was great), Charlie Plummer as Tyler (whom I've never seen but was stellar, Samantha Mathis as the mom who has a face that I can't place, and Madisen Beaty as a victim's daughter who helps Tyler in his investigation who I immediately recognized as the one with the hair from Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood. MVP is a tough call. McDermott is great but is basically playing hero ball. The two kiddos were both phenomenal and more subdued. Ultimately, giving it to Plummer who has to carry a lot of the emotional weight of the film. 

I thought the movie was fine until the third act when it really stepped it up a couple of notches. Would have been a pretty forgettable disturbing movie otherwise. Type of low-budget flick that you think of as quintessential independent. One big (ish) named star. Solid upstarts. I liked it. 

Hell Fest is the greatest movie of all time

Some people are just evil. They walk amongst. Another killer in a haunt movie. Another decent entry. I would totally go to this place, by the by. Basically, it's a theme park of horror attractions. Sign me the fuck up. In reality, the filming location was a Six Flags outside of Atlanta. Wah wah. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Hell Fest might give less demanding horror fans a few decent reasons to scream, but it's neither clever nor frightening enough to leave much of an impression.

Stop me if this sounds familiar. Gist is that a group of high schoolish kids go to a haunt, this one amusement park or state fair-sized, to get their scare on. It's all fun and games until a serial killer starts killing folks in their click. Then shit gets real, but everybody just thinks it is part of the show. 

Directed by one Gregory Plotkin. Mostly known as an editor. He did Get Out, Happy Death Day, Game Night (all movies I adored), and it looks like all of the Paranormal Activity sequels. This was his first feature film as a director. His second, Crimson, was released today. 

The film stars Amy Forsyth (never seen her), Reign Edwards (don't recognize her from anything), and Bex Taylor-Klaus (BTK, unfortunately). BTK is in that show The Killing (which was good as fuck), Arrow, and a bunch of solid horror stuff. Non-binary, prefers the they/them pronoun. Might recognize from Scream the television show (loved that shit), or iZombie. Tony Todd--you know, Candyman!--is in the movie for like 30 seconds but gets top billing.

Again, I thought the movie was good. However, only one thing makes it really stick out from the other haunt movies. Namely that the killer guy ends up just being a normal family man. You know, kill a shit-ton of people, get stabbed, go home, kiss your kid good night. There are some cool scenes that use the setting to its advantage. Not sure I'll remember that they came from this movie in a couple of years though. 

While all that sounds bad, I assure you this is a good, fun slasher movie. If you like going to haunted houses, this is a really good substitute during COVID, with way more tension. Definitely recommend. 

MVP is this Taylor-Klaus. I've seen BTK in several things and always stands out. Always a plucky smart-ass sidekick, but does that shit well. Steals the show—total MVP performance. 

31 is the greatest movie of all time

"You diggin' what you see, pops?" "I reckon I do!" Not too shabby. One of my favorite Rob Zombie movies. Cool premise. Ticks off a few boxes for me. Interesting/creepy locale (a funhouse of murder). Cast I'm pretty into. Period piece from the 1970s. Fast-paced and over-the-top. Still a little bleak for my taste though. 

Gist is that a bunch of carnies are kidnapped and forced to fight a bunch of psycho clowns in a fucked up funhouse. This is part of a game where they have to survive for 12 hours and then are theoretically free to go. No one has ever survived the 12 hours though. 

Movie stars Sheri Moon Zombie, a real beauty. Plus she and Rob are vegan. Scores them major cool points, obviously. Jeff Daniel Phillips who I mostly know from other Rob Zombie movies. Was also in Zodiac, briefly, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and he was one of the GEICO cavemen (the one that ordered the roast duck). Meg Foster, she was in two of my all-time favorite cult classics, Blind Fury, and They Live. Richard Brake. Think of him as The Chemist from Mandy. 

Ger

Others you'll recognize include Malcolm McDowell, from, you know, A Clockwork Orange. Elizabeth Daily who was Dottie in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. She aged remarkably well. Miller from Repo Man (Tracey Walter) has a brief cameo. Also recognize the character Death-Head from the most overrated movie of all-time, The Big Lebowski. He's one of the Nihilists. 

Get a little of that insane Rob Zombie dialogue, but it's played down from say Halloween when the family just cusses at each other and talk about their genitals in the most disgusting way possible. You know, just like your family does. But, yeah, toned down. Do get a group of ladies saying "Sucky, sucky, sucky. Fucky, fucky, fucky. Juicy, juicy, juicy. Money, money, money," while gesturing toward their crotches. 

MVP of the movie is Brake. Basically is a more deranged version of The Chemist, but he's on point with that type of role. Or as his character, Doom-Head, says, "What I do? Unfortunately for you, I do real well!" Does have some insane lines he gets to give, "Now, you may think you see a grease-painted performer sitting before you. But trust me - I'm not here to brighten your dismal day; I am here to end your miserable life." So, yeah, insane movie. But fun in the end. Good late summer, early fall flick. Check that shit out. 

Maniac is the greatest movie of all time

Maniac. "You wanna meet me someplace?" "Where?" "The back seat," Disco Boy, played by Tom Savini, says from the front seat of the car. My grandpa told my dad to never let me watch two movies,   knowing the type of kid I was, The Fly and Maniac. I was five and all. But my grandpa worked nights, and the next time I spent the night with my grandparents immediately told my grandma I wanted to see The Fly. She encouraged my watching crazy shit at a very young age. But I never got around to Maniac. I think I'm pretty glad I indeed waited 33 years to watch this. I fucking hated it and found it extremely disturbing. But I recognize it was quality. Greatest movie of all time.

Gist of the movie is a very sad, completely antisocial psychopath, one Frank Zito, played by Joe Spinell, murders a shitton of women in New York City, stealing their scalps as his trophy. Only reason I watched it was because it was Joe Bob Brigg's Last Drive-In with Tom Savini as a special guest. Otherwise, probably would have turned it off after the first 10 minutes. There is a fucking brutal garrotting with piano wire in the opening scene that doesn't bode well. Then we hear the killer drone on in his antisocial way, frequently brutally killing women and gruesomely slicing off their scalps. And I'm checking out. Tom Savini's head exploding scene is fucking incredible, though. Like Scanners except better. Warning, this shit ain't fucking around.

Directed by one William Lustig, the film was released in 1980. Got remade in 2012 with Elijah Wood as the killer, which is weird and something I'll never watch. Most the women in the 1980 version of the movie were porn actresses, including one Sharon Mitchell who seems to be have done some good since leaving porn, check out this NSFW link, or maybe not. Only person I recognized besides Savini was actress Caroline Munro. She plays this fashion photographer that killer dude is obsessed with but doesn't try to kill until late and she fucks him up. She was in the infamous Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter and The Spy Who Loved Me. She's a pretty lady. I think she can do better. Also, I'm gonna need to go through the Bond flicks at some point here.

Hard to say who won this among Lustig, Spinell who stared in and co-writer of the film with one C. A. Rosenberg, or Savini for doing what he does. Lustig puts it all together, and Savini made his own head realistically explode. But I've got to give it to Spinell for writing it and his acting. I mean, this is Last Podcast on the Left shit. I was really disturbed through the whole movie. This was legit what I'd imagine a real psycho's day-to-day to be like. It really ain't pleasant.

Madman is the okayest movie of all time

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