Monday, June 12, 2017

Friday the 13th: Part 2 is the greatest movie of all time

After the garbage that was the original Friday the13th, I was expecting total trash. To my surprise, this was actually watchable. Again, the movie doesn't really add anything to the slasher genre, but it was a much more fun than I was expecting. Pretty ladies, gratuitous nudity, and nasty kills make for a pretty enjoyable fright.

Kirsten Baker, a pretty lady
In this one we pick up five years after the original. Here Jason stalks and kills camp counselors who fail to live up to the horror genre survivor rules like no drug or sex. All I remembered about it was that it was the first actual Jason as the killer movie, there is no hockey mask involved, and the final girl form the original gets killed in the first scene of the movie. I had no idea that the survivor girl in this movie was Amy Steel who was also the final girl in another solid flick in April Fool's Day. She is great. It's weird she didn't become more famous.

Pros: It is not The Godfather but it is everything I want from a cheesy horror movie. Awesome kills, beautiful ladies, gratuitous nudity.

Cons: Other than it being like a million other slashers and Jason not wearing a hockey mask, this flick was flawless.

Sack of Potatoes Jason
Notes: First 15 minutes of the movie is reliving the last half of the first one. This is standard for the remaining sequels. Now at present. In real-time we get the survivor girl from the first one talking to her parents on the phone and getting ready for bed. It looks like she is making David Bowie drawings for a living. After another 10 minutes a cat jumps in her apartment. She goes to the fridge to grab the kitty some food and sees Jason's momma's decomposing head in the fridge. She freaks out, Jason comes up from behind her and screw drivers her head. It's a pretty decent kill.

Butt cheek
See the new group of kids going to the newly reopened Camp Crystal Lake. Same old guy, Ralph, comes up to them talking his crazy nonsense about them being doomed. Once they get there we meet the counselors. The ladies are really pretty. One of the dude's is in a wheelchair, setting up one of the more memorable kills from the franchise. We get a gratuitous butt cheek shot as the one in the Mickey Mouse midriff is barely wearing clothes. This idiot Paul, the main camp guy—blonde, hunky—greets his staff. Drones on about fun and work and so forth. Amy Steel shows up in a sweet VW bug. He gives her shit for being late. They later go off alone and make out. That night Paul tells the campfire tale of Jason at the same camp where everyone died just a few years ago. Though the movie came out less than a year after the first one, we hear in the dude's telling that it all went down five years before.

This fucking guy, again
Amy Steel and Paul make out in his cabin. Ralph shows up and peeps on them and does some gross shit which means we are approaching the first kill at the camp. This is a pretty gnarly one, too. Gets garroted with barbed wire.

Jason's amateur carpentry
Everything is pretty normal that next day. Butt Cheeks's dog Muffin gets killed I guess. We see this adventurous couple find dog pieces in the woods. The cops catch them and take them back but no one, except the cop, who dies brutally in Jason's impressively constructed shanty, cares that they were trespassing. We also see Amy Steel's ability to use a chainsaw which plays no part in the movie whatsoever. That evening we get the groups breaking off. Most of the camp goes to the bar in town and is never seen again. Amy Steel, Paul, and this nerdy goofball are the only of these that matter. The goofball gets wasted and manages to pick up a lady at the bar. He is never seen again. As for the six folks that stay behind, all with the intention of getting it on, they all die.

The deaths here are all spectacular. Setting it up is Butt Cheeks going for a little naked swim because why not. The nudity couldn't be more gratuitous or appreciated. This Scott asshole, the one that slingshotted her infamous ass earlier, steals the naked girl's clothes. She chases after him while he rounds around giggling like an idiot. He eventually gets caught in one of those step in the loop traps things that hang you upside down that people in movies always get caught in but no one has ever been caught in IRL. She gets her shirt back and threatens to leave him there. While she is looking for a knife Jason slits his throat. She is then killed off screen much to everyone's disappointment. But then we get a pair of awesome kills. In the first, the kid in the wheelchair gets a machete to the face and falls down 50 stairs. Then the couple that was trespassing gets shish kebabed during sex. And the last girl gets it when she checks on the couple killed while boning when Jason jumps out of the bed with the chick and comes at her with a knife.


Meanwhile, the rest were getting wasted in town. They have a Jason related conversation. Here it goes from Jason being a complete folklore myth to him definitely being real to him definitely being alive out there and growing up alone and scared in the woods. This is now fact in their minds and it is taken as such for the remainder of the franchise. It's bananas.

Paul and Amy Steel come back. The rest are god knows where. They have their "where is everyone" moment. Jason attacks them. Paul just fights him.
He has obviously lost that fight as when Amy Steel was watching and ran away, Jason was on top of Paul, choking him out. But when she hears nothing she comes back and calls for Paul. Jason pops up to no one's surprise and she beats Jason down multiple times before running off. Jason chases her to his shanty in the woods, which, again, is pretty impressive assuming he built it, where he keeps all his bodies. He also has a shrine built for his dead mom. The centerpiece, her head. There is also the sweater she was wearing when the girl in the first one lops off her dome. This gives Amy Steele the idea to try the old dress as the mother trick. It sort of works, she is all "mother is pleased, no more killing," but then he sees the head and they go at it again. She is boned. But Paul comes out of nowhere and they machete him in the neck and shoulder. He appears dead so they take off his sack. They think he is gross but we don't see it.

Baby Ruth!!!
They go back to the cabin. Hear something at the door. It's Muffin, the dog. Yay! Happily ever after... Nope. Jason bursts through the window looking like the Elephant Man and pulls her out, presumably to kill her and set up Part 3.

MonsterVision: Here is Joe Bob Briggs's commentary from his Friday the 13th marathon on Halloween night in 1998. Fucking loved this shit. 

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