MacGruber is the greatest movie of all time

MacGruber. Dead at the age of who the fuck cares. I'm a little embarrassed at how much I laughed at this movie. I was a little fucked up and this really got me laughing. A few times. Him boning his ghost wife in the graveyard and getting a view of what another in the graveyard sees, him humping the air like a maniac in front of a tombstone, that shit was funny. Movie, however, was not well received by critics. But what the hell do they know. Multiple LOL causing scenes. Not often a comedy gets one genuine one. What more could I ask for? Greatest movie of all time. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It too often mistakes shock value for real humor, but MacGruber is better than many SNL films -- and better than it probably should be.

One of the better SNL skits turned movies. Gist of this flick is that MacGruber, a former Navy SEAL/Army Ranger/Green Beret and recipient of 16 Purple Hearts, goes back to work for the US Military to stop his nemesis, Dieter Von Cunth, who is planning on detonating a nuclear warhead at the State of the Union. MacGruber fucking hates Cunth for killing his soon to be wife at their wedding as they are exchanging vows. He teams up with a first-year with no combat experience, played by Ryan Phillippe, and his dead fiancee's best friend, played by Kristen Wiig. 

Staring in this movie are is Will Forte as MacGruber. Wiig as work partner and love interest Vicki St. Elmo, MacGruber's. Maya Rudolph as the dead fiancee. A shitton of wrestlers: The Big Show, The Great Khali, Mark Henry, Chris Jericho, Kane, and MVP.  Powers Booth whom I mostly think of as Senator Roark from Sin City and the sequel--he plays the army guy that recruits MacGruber. And Val Kilmer plays the heavy, Cunth, but I'm just going to call him Val Kilmer. It was directed by one Jorma Taccone of the comedy trio The Lonely Island. 

Basically going to try to explain why this shit is funny, which is always a tall order. Just know that it's basically Will Forte throwing 100 miles an hour for two hours. Example, throughout the movie, MacGruber tells like eight to ten dudes that he is going to rip their dicks off and feed it to them. Eventually, Val Kilmer calls him out on it and MacGruber is like well, I've got a killer line I'm going to say to you! At the end, during their final showdown after Kilmer has survived an explosion that resulted in excessive burning, Kilmer is all giddy, telling him to say the line to him. MacGruber says "how's your dick taste while reaching for it in the guy's pants. No dick. "Haha. It got burned off in the explosion." This causes MacGruber to go into a blind rage and do this: 

Then there is this little ditty of an exchange that had me fucking dying. 

Piper: Why did he do it, why did Cunth kill your wife?    

MacGruber: To this day, I have no idea.    

We actually all went to college together. Believe it or not, we were very close friends. After graduation, he got engaged to her. He asked me to be his best man, and right about that time I started banging her and mowing her box. She was actually the first person I felt comfortable enough around to uh, let eat out my butt.    

Anyway, shortly thereafter, she left him for me, she was actually carrying his child at the time. I asked her to terminate it obviously, so we could start fresh, and she agreed.    

We were so in love. He took that from me.    

Piper: That's really fucked up.    

MacGruber: Thanks.

I couldn't stop laughing through this shit. Anyway, though Forte was fucking insane, I thought that Wiig won the movie. That chick is so great in everything and always steals the show. Not quite on the level of Kate McKinnon, who I think is maybe the funniest SNL cast member of all time, but she is always great. Perfect in this. And her and Forte obviously have comedic rapport. 

Side note. There is a scene where Wiig dresses up like MacGruber to act as a decoy in a Starbucks. He makes her order his drink, he's all about that Tazo Tea, and when she drops the change in the tip jar, he tells her through her ear piece to fish it out, he would never tip. They then meet back up both dressed as MacGruber. This would be a dope couple Halloween costume. I think that is what I and my female companion may go as this year.

Gosford Park is the greatest movie of all time

Gosford Park. If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course. What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? It's the gift of anticipation.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: A mixture of Upstairs, Downstairs, Clue, and perceptive social commentary, Gosford Park ranks among director Altman's best.

Been fixing to watch this movie for going on 20 years. Started it three times. Got confused. Gave up. Finally finished it this time. Love a good murder mystery. Wanted something like Knives Out. Yeah, sure, this was like Knives Out with 400% more people and 400% more confusion.

Gist of this is that a rich family and some socialites gather at the castle of this rich factory owner. They all have servants and there is a dichotomy between the classes. Everything that is happening above is also happening in the servants' quarters, just with less prestige. There is even a hierarchy based on who they work for which is a great little social commentary. You see, none of these rich people can do anything by themselves. Patriarch (played by Dumbledore) ends up dead. Everyone is sort of a suspect but the inspector is a complete idiot and lets everyone go. No just for Daddy Warbucks. Also, Professor McGonagall is also in the flick. They pretty much have the same relationship except slightly more tumultuous.

Directed by Robert Altman. Cast is pretty stellar. MVP was Helen Mirren, who is the head of the personal servants, but notably not the cooks. She is such an emotive star who has a lot going on. Close second for Clive Owen who is always damn cool.

Others you'll recognize are Stephen Fry, Ryan Phillippe who is this extremely rapey dickhead (no one likes him in either class, except for this rich bitch that he bones and the Hollywood producer guy [who played the President of NBC on Seinfeld] he is boning that brought him there), Tywin Lannister who is pretty much Tywin Lannister in this flick, that Richard E. Grant dude from Can You Ever Forgive Me? and Hudson Hawk, Emily Watson who was the blind chick in Red Dragon, and Kelly Macdonald (who I thought was Kate Winslet) who I guess was sort of the star. She's good. Reminds me of an ex I used to have. Everyone else basically looks like a rich person from 1930s England.

Issue I've got. Also, spoiler. Owen's character grows up in an orphanage. His dad was Dumbledore whom he is there to kill. Says his mom is dead and dad abandoned him. Has a picture of his ma that he takes with him everywhere. His mom is not dead, it turns out. She is fucking there, it's Helen Mirren, who poisons Dumbledore before dude gets a chance to kill him. Cops are sort of like, well it's weird that he was poison and stabbed. Oh, well. We are terrble at this. That is not what I took issue with though. It's that he has a younger picture of a highly visible woman that all these people know and see like all the time and he shows this photo to everyone. No one recognizes Helen Mirren? She looks under 50. I'm pretty fucking sure someone is going to be like, "hey, that looks like that bossy bitch who tells us who the fuck is what." But no one does. Could have reconnected with your moms, bro. But she cray.

So yeah. How was the flick in general? Greatest movie of all time, sure. Again, love a murder mystery, especially a period one. Especially of the Agatha Christie variety (fucking love that shit). But worth the 19-year wait? Nah. Also, the rich men go out and just shoot a bunch of probably now extinct birds. Great going, guys. I hope they all lose their fortunes in the war then get poisoned and stabbed post-mortem.