Sunday, April 23, 2017

Club Dread is the greatest movie of all time

I love the Super Trooper guys (their group is called Broken Lizard) and don't get why they don't make more movies. Club Dread, which I fucking love, is not well liked by audiences or critics. I think it rules. Those sheeple don't know what they are talking about. Basically, this movie is universally considered “unfunny”. Well, that shit is subjective. I think it is hilarious. I am not going to argue for why those people are wrong but they are. 

Drinking away in Pina Coladaburg
Movie follows the employs on a resort called Pleasure Island that is owned by Buffett-esque musician Coconut Pete. The employees and some guests are getting murdered while the ones that are left try to solve the mystery of the killer's identity. If this were like a murder-mystery weekend, I would totally be fucking down. 


Pros: HILARIOUS. I LOLed through several parts of the movie. Nice satire on the slasher genre. Better done than say a Scary Movie. Nice little story as well, And Then There Were None esque. Very pretty ladies.

Cons: Pretty long. There is a period in the middle that sort of just drags on forever where nothing really happens.

Disclaimer: My notes pretty much always contain some spoilers but I rarely give away the ending. 

Notes: Movie takes place on Pleasure Island. Opens with this raging asshole who is getting it on with this two chicks. They immediately break so many horror movie rules that you just know they are going to die. So out of control and disrespectful it is insane. He like uses some local deity icon thing as a phallus and hooks up with ladies on this tomb. Throughout all that there are like 10 jump scares that all end up being red herrings. Brunette has great breasts, by the way. Of course they all eventually get murdered. See the brunette almost make it back to camp but the killer chops her head off. Cool POV kill where we see the head rolling from the head's perspective.

Ger
From there they then go back in time about an hour. Spend so much time setting that guy up as the world's biggest douchebag. We meet all the characters here. Ramathorn is a dreaded tennis instructor. Landfill is a masseuse. There is a fun cop, a DJ, a Costa Rican dude who is all about Bone Town, a fitness instructor who is one of the survivor girls and is very fit. She was the love interest in Joe Dirt. Most memorable, though, is Bill Paxton as Coconut Pete. This character is Jimmy Buffett. At one point they are in a song circle and someone tells him to play “Margaritaville” which pisses him off. Says his song was “Pina Coladaburg” and that Buffett ripped it off.

Anywho, this vacation spot looks fucking sick. Solid activities. Constant parties. Drinking. Drugs. Live action Pac-Man. Murder. Looks fucking dope.

The DJ tells the story of this guy named Colletti who got his dick chopped off by a machete, went on a murder rampage, and escaped into the jungle. He was then forever known as “Machete Phil” which is funny. Other little funny bits include one of the survivor girls, Penelope. Costa Rican dude always pronounces her name “Peen-el-ope”. There is also a Jaws moment where this old, grizzled security guy is all like “you know what has to be done,” and then the camera slowly pans to him as he drones on nonsense. Later the guy is talking shit to the killer, things like “face me like a man,” when the killer walks up to him, slashes his throat causing his immediate death. He was sort of protecting this Asian girl at the time. She runs off, get on a golf cart, fiddles with the keys, finally get it in drive. Goes about five miles an hour. Killer walks up to her and kills her. Ha.

All in all, solid movie. Good death scenes with a lot of humor. I totally love this flick.  

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