Saturday, April 1, 2017

April Fool's is the greatest movie of all time

It's April 1 so Rachel and I watched April Fool's Day last night in preparation. Also, this is probably Rachel's favorite of the genre. I too love the self-aware horror flick. This was sort of the one that started it all. Plays with tropes in a slick way that Scream made popular a decade later. While Scream was a better movie, probably, this was still required watching for clever gore.

Pros: Way ahead of its time. Still holds up over 30 years later. Super cute.

Cons: A bit cheesy. Muffy deserves to die.

Rotten Tomatoes blurb from 20 years after the movie came out that I sort of think is true and funny: I've seen this film before...as an episode of The Golden Girls.

Notes: Like 15 people going to Muffy's lake house. Even though there are like a million people in the movie, it does a good job of introducing everyone and give you just enough to make them believable. Also, I guarantee that everyone in this movie is a republican. All the guys are meat heads (one of them is Biff from Back to the Future, one is named Buck, one is named Skip, you get the idea). All the ladies are very pretty 80s girls with the bigger, disgusting hair.

What an elegant gesture
Biff is such a disgusting character. When we first meet him he says he “fucks on the first date” and that he wants to bang as many girls as possible, which doesn't happen.

Might want to get that looked at
So Biff and this other guy pull an AFD prank with this fake knife that doesn't really make sense since Biff and the guy he does the prank with don't know each other but I won't get into it. After this prank, a bunch of the kids end up in the water. Also in the water is this deckhand guy Buck. Time to dock, Buck says he will do his duties from the water... Yeah, Buck gets run over by the boat. It takes so long for the boat to get there and he just screams like an idiot instead of getting out of the way. All that happens is his eye pops out and he continues to scream. Buck and this old sea captain dude bounce, gotta get that eye looked at, and the kids are stranded without a boat.

That first night, Skip gets wasted alone and disappears. No one cares. Something like this happened to me once—I got WASTED, walked home from the bar, climbed a fence, landed with a thud in the grass, and passed out until noon—and like with Skip, no one was worried when I didn't turn up when I was supposed to. Anyway, Skip shows back up on a boat dead under the dock house where this couple is doing it. They sort of freak about but have no idea what is going on or what they should do. Was he peeping? Was he dead? Those are the two main theories. Slowly they each start to disappear and start showing up in pieces up until the end when the big reveal takes place.

You're gonna die, bitch
So this movie is over 30 years old. I am going to spoil it. This is one of those horror movies where no one dies. At the end the last two are this couple, Rob and Kit. They get separated and Rob gets locked in a closet while it sounds, to him, like Kit is being murdered by Muffy's evil twin, long story that you should just watch the movie for, Buffy. He is screaming stuff like, “I love you Kit,” and is near hysterical and completely terrified. Cut to Kit and Muffy/Buffy. Kit, while fleeing, ends up in the study where... holy shit, everyone is alive. April Fool's! It's all an elaborate April Fool's prank orchestrated by Muffy. As she corners someone or whatever, she takes them out of the weekend and that person hides out while a makeup/props guy makes it look like he or she died horribly. Kit is fucking pissed. Meanwhile, Rob, still in the closet, thinks Kit is dead by this point. Suddenly, there is Buck, calm, with his eye still out. Rob loses his shit and just screams like a madman. Buck then rips off the prosthetic and slaps it on Rob's face who has completely lost his mind. He gets out of the closet and makes it into the study. He is doesn't know the fuck is going on but shows obvious signs of trauma. “It was all a joke! Ha! Hilarious. We are going to open a murder mystery bed and breakfast. The guests will know but I thought it had to be real with all of you.” Fuck you, Muffy.

Classic Buffy

The first time I saw this movie it felt like a masturbatory waste of fucking time. After the second viewing, yeah, it was dope. If you know going in that the death and carnage are all a ruse, then you are more a part of the fun instead of the ones that got suckered in the end. It totally clicks on the second go around on how this is a good movie. It's now a yearly AFD watch.

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