Longlegs - Cage at his Cagiest in this artsy fartsy crap

Longlegs - Oz Perkins - 2024

★★-Critics gushed over this? Not as high on it as everyone else. Thought it way overhyped, overrated, and completely aimless. Yeah, I hated it. Never found it remotely scary, more just cringeworthy. 
 
First, this is Nicolas Cage unleashed. Every time he was on screen there was a considerable amount of sighing and laughing. His performance is way out there. Saw this more or less getting universal praise, which is incredible. 
 
The protagonist, FBI Agent Lee Harker played by Maika Monroe, is maybe psychic with a touch of the tism. All that goes nowhere. Sort of like a frumpier Clarice Starling. Monroe is sort of second banana to Mia Goth when it comes to horror it girls. Done some great work as the leads in The Guest, It Follows, Villains, and Watcher,among others. This was my least favorite of her performances to date. 
 
Her mother is played by Alicia Witt. She is pretty out there as well. Her house looks like all the hoarders I’ve ever known. Mostly think of her from her roles in Urban Legend, Cecil B. Demented, Vanilla Sky, and one episode of The Sopranos. Was just wondering whatever happened to her. Doing shit like this, apparently.  
 

The look on my face every time Cage was on screen

Only other person I recognized was the Jack Crawford type, one Blair Underwood, who was the castrated killer guy in Just Cause, which was a great small town murder mystery from the mid-1990s, when this movie takes place. You might also remember him from LA Law or the sci-fi show The Event from a little over a decade ago. It was sort of one of those Lost/24 hybrids that were all the rage back then. He, too, is awful in this movie. 
 
The movie had phenomenal marketing. The trailer made it look like it was going to be amazing. Creep and dread I expected to be top tier, but no. Got a weird, dream-logic flick. 
 
It did look great. Cinematography was the one thing I can praise. Looked like a Fincher film, but was indeed garbage. Basically artsy crap. 
 
Other major problems I had with the movie: It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It’s slow and confusing. Felt way longer than an hour and 40 minutes, never a good sign. There was also sort of a compelling murder mystery in there. But good luck following all the literal puzzles involved. Technically great, but no substance. Again, hated it. Do not recommend.