Pet Sematary: Bloodlines – Digs up more than just corpses

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines - Lindsey Anderson Beer - 2023 

★★★-I love Stephen King, and I liked this book. The first movie from 1989 was okay. The sequels and the remake sucked. This movie was okay to good. Better than expected. Plus, I think there is potential for a prequel from ancient times that could be super dope.  

Gist goes thus: Goes back to 1969, 50 years before the shenanigans of the previous film, before young Jud Crandall had a Mainer accent. Follow him as he starts to learn about the infamous local cemetery with a rather unique selling point - “the dead don't stay dead, thay-ah.” But, as we know, messing with the natural order of things never ends well. 

The film delves into Jud's family legacy, interesting though not so cheery. He's also apparently tied to his hometown, Ludlow, by this legacy and an ancient evil that's been hanging around since the town's inception. All the founders’ lineage is, I guess.  

Directed by Lindsey Anderson Beer in her first swing in the chair. She also co-wrote the script with Jeff Buhler. It's a prequel to the 2019 Pet Sematary, itself a reimagining of Stephen King's 1983 novel. 

Cast is pretty stellar.  Stars Jackson White, the son of actress Katey Sagal (Peggy from Married with Children, and Lela in Futurama) and drummer Jack White, not the Jack White, as Jud. Others include Forrest Goodluck (Hawk in The Revenant), Jack Mulhern (who always plays a druggy, out of control type, he was Dylan in Mare of Easttown and Tyler Kryger in Painkiller, for example), Henry Thomas (Elliot from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial) as the patriarch Crandall, Natalie Alyn Lind (Silver St. Cloud in Gotham) who plays Jud’s girlfriend and is quite the looker, Isabella Star LaBlanc who plays Goodluck’s sister and is also quite a looker, Samantha Mathis (mostly think of her as Courtney Rawlinson in American Psycho), Pam Grier, and David Duchovny. Duchovny’s character sets all of this shit in motion when he brings back his son in the first minute of the movie. He, Duchovny’s boy, apparently killed himself after returning from Vietnam. Every Vietnam vet I’ve ever known has had a pretty hard life. Don’t envy being of that age. 

Also stars a very good boy named Jellybean who plays a zombie dog. You can read about this guy here in People magazine.  

She has hinted she wants to expand the universe, delving deeper into the origins of the evil that's been causing all this undead nonsense. By October, the producers were on board, considering a sequel and even more installments to further explore the demonic entity behind the franchise's horrific events. Cool cool. 

Little detail I loved was the scene when Jud goes to hockey tryouts with his old man, watching the young kids. Have things like that with my dad. Golden gloves, basketball sectionals, Indiana/Kentucky All-Star Game, so forth. Definitely always going to cherish those memories. 

Overall, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is a huge step up from the 2019 remake. While maybe it's still not quite hitting the mark, I thought it was pretty not bad. The concept of a magic graveyard that brings back pets and, later, less-than-lovely people from the dead is cool, but it’s devastion is never better than in King’s novel, in my opinion. Though this is probably the best it’s ever been as a film. 

Fear the Night: Sisterhood of the vengeful deaths

Fear the Night - Neil LaBute - 2023 

★★★★-Loved this flick. I could watch beautiful women murder right-wingers every day, which I pretty much have for the month of October.  

Gist of this film is Tess, a battle-scared Iraq War vet with booze issues, comes home to pick up the pieces and mend fences with her sister, Beth, on their way to their other sister’s bachelorette party at the old family farmstead. On the way, she makes some wannabe military good old boys feel small and then keys one of their trucks, I love that shit. Now we are getting a feel for Tess. She’s uncomfortable in a crowd and hostile toward jerky men and senses some bull shit going down with the farm's caretakers.  

As the party gets underway, lone wolf Tess spends most of her time by herself outside. During a stripper chef routine, the group gets ambushed by a gang of hilljacks who make the fatal mistake of killing Rose, the younger sister. Tess, with all her combat training, goes full Rambo, turning the farm into a fortress and leading the remaining party-goers in a desperate fight for survival.  

Only face I recognized was Maggie Q, as Tess, from her role as the lead in the CW television series Nikita. The others billed include Kat Foster, Travis Hammer, and Gia Crovatin.  

Directed and written by Neil LaBute. He’s done some stuff I liked alright, notably Your Friends & Neighbors and Nurse Betty, and some episodes of Billions, as well as some stuff that I really didn’t, the remake of The Wicker Man (2006). But I pretty much loved this flick. 

Some notes... Not all the women are created equal here. Opening the door, for example. This leads to most of them getting captured. It all ends up being over a small grow/meth operation. 

The sister throwing the party, Beth, fucking sucks. I guess we don’t know why she hates her veteran sister who has issues with alcohol and men, but she hates her. 

Stripper chef is a funny and disgusting concept. I bet he can’t cook for shit. He’s a handsome bald guy but could have just as easily played one of the rednecks. When shit hits the fan, he tries to take over, as guys do, but it doesn’t end well.  

Trigger warning here. Dudes are really focused on the rape aspect of the home invasion.  

The guys think the caretakers were the ladies’ boyfriends, which is insane. Thinks Tess is slumming it. He ends up giving “her an out.” However, she is all about killing this guy in hand-to-hand. This fucking tweaker. She hands his ass to him, quickly and with vengeance. And all they did was cost her a sister and her sobriety.  

Fucking cops show and just do a lot of victim blaming. Female lawyer that takes no shit is having none of that shit. But then the end implies that one of the sisters knew about the meth lab, so I guess he was right in the end to suspect them of something. If I read that right, it was meh, but I’m ignoring it to give this movie four stars.  

Overall take: Watching badass bitches kill right-wingers is my kink. Sexually. Personally, I like the Courtney Love track star chick who offers herself up as bait. She doesn’t run like a track star, though she is wearing men’s shoes. But she is adept at smashing a guy’s skull. Lot of top-tier flicks like this lately. The Becky films. You’re Next a decade ago. 

The Wrath of Becky: Just like your childhood, but clever and with vengeance

The Wrath of Becky - Matt Angel and Suzanne Coote - 2023 

★★★★★-Even better than the original, I could watch this little girl kill people for at least three more movies. Gruesome and clever kills with a stellar performance at the center, and villains that have it coming. Super satisfying watch.

Directed and written by the duo Matt Angel and Suzanne Coote. Lulu Wilson is back as Becky, dolling out more righteous vengeance, with Stiffler, Seann William Scott, playing the big bad. Half-assed internet research says it was filmed in 18-days in New Jersey, which is insane.  

Gist of the flick is Becky, three years following her traumatic encounter with Neo-Nazis, which ended badly for them, 16-year-old Becky has been living off the grid, bouncing between foster homes and honing her survival skills, even more ready to kick ass. Her and her very good boy Diego find a home with Elena Cahn, a woman who treats Becky like a daughter and doesn’t ask many questions. However, three members of an extremist group, the Noble Men, basically alt-right identitarian Trumpists, follow Becky home from her waitressing job, murder Elena, knock her unconscious, and steal her dog. Thus, Becky is thrust back into killing nazis, tracking down the Noble Men and uncovering their plot for an armed insurrection against a senator. Not far out of the realm of possibility.  

All this murdering gets the attention of the United States Federal Government who recruit her into the CIA, who want her to eliminate the last of the Noble Men with extreme prejudice. 

Wilson once again taking on the bad guys with a vengeance. The film's comedic shift in tone is appreciated, plus I thought the pace was better in this than its predecessor. It’s basically a fun-filled slaughter-fest. Who doesn’t love that? Looking forward to the third one! 

Becky Unleashed: A darkly comedic tween home-invasion revenge phantasy

Becky - Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion - 2020

★★★★★-Holy hell. I love a wild, home-invasion revenge story. Tense, taught flick with solid acting, and over-the-top, darkly humorous violence. My brand, for sure. 

Directed by the duo of Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion with script from Nick Morris, Lane Skye, and Ruckus Skye. Never heard of any of them. Stars one Lulu Wilson, who is baller in the leading role. Her performance is bratty, rage-filled, and flawless. Also stars Kevin James as the big bad and Joel McHale as Becky’s dad. James' character becomes increasingly absurd and dumb as the film progresses, which is always the case with Neo-Nazis. 

Gist is 13-year-old Becky Hopper (Wilson) finds herself amid a home invasion at her family’s lakefront home led by escaped skin-head prisoner, Dominick Lewis (James), and his gang. After Becky's father, Jeff (McHale), gets murdered for a mysterious key that Becky has on her person, she starts dispatching the intruders with extreme prejudice. Her methods include gouging out a guy’s eye with the sought-after key, decapitating a dude with a bush hogger, chopping a guy up with a boat propeller, and stabbing a guy in the neck with a ruler. When questioned about the incident by law enforcement, however, Becky feigns amnesia, though we are all pretty proud of what she’s done. 

Again, loved this film, basically Die Hard with a little girl, and the sequel is even better. Think a little girl John Wick that everyone underestimates for obvious reasons. Fuck with her dog, or dad, I guess, and she is probably going to rip your head off with her bare hands. Even a child-murdering Nazi is like, “woah, you have a darkness in you that you have to get in check.” She shoots him in the face and screams like a banshee.  

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark - #31DayHorrorChallenge - Day 2: In a Cornfield

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark - André Øvredal -  2019

★★★-I loved these books as a kid. Read them in third grade and every knock off I could get my hands on for the next several years before turning to Stephen King in sixth grade. Originally saw the film on opening day. It was minimally disappointing. So time for a rewatch. Fine, and likeable, but still slightly disappointing. Only slightly though.

Horror flick directed by Norwegian filmmaker André Øvredal who has some talent but is a bit inconsistent. He also did Trollhunter, The Autopsy of Jane, both of which were great, and most recently The Last Voyage of the Demeter, which was not. Based on the children's book series by Alvin Schwartz. The screenplay from the Hageman bros, Dan and Kevin, adapted from what the internet calls a "screen story" by Guillermo del Toro, the director, and Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan. 

Gist of it is a group of naive teens ignore rule numero uno and read from creepy books you find in abandoned houses, and things get real. Kids, don’t fuck with creepy books you find in known haunted mansions. The home belonged to the infamous Bellows family, the rich folk that poisoned the town's drinking water decades before with their industrial bullshit. When young Sarah grows a conscience and threatens to tell the au-thor-it-ays, they lock her away and learns some curse or something and finds a way to pen terrifying tales that come alive. After being long abandoned, the kids show up and start unlocking evil willy-nilly in the year of our lord 1968. 

Cast is what I was led to believe were rising stars. The main kids are Zoe Colletti (the lead), Michael Garza (the love interest, draft dodger), Gabriel Rush (the tall geeky one), Austin Zajur (the short geeky one), Natalie Ganzhorn (the sister that's agraid of spiders), and Austin Abrams (the bully). Crazy to think there was a time not so long ago that you were a fugitive if you didn’t go to war. As a nonreligious pacifist, this is the scariest part about the movie for me.  

Only person I really recognized was Dean Norris, who played Hank Schrader on Breaking Bad. He's the lead's dad. The main girl reminds me of my favorite intern at the newspaper. She had some talent as a writer and photographer but had similar barriers in her way. Ended up alright though, is a commercial photographer for Sketchers. Had the same look, but more goth.  

Still waiting on that sequel. Supposedly in development still. Got about one or two years, and then they are going to have to start over or make the characters much older or whatever. Pushing it now even.  

Usually not one to stick up for cops in movies, but this guy is a real professional. Head comes bouncing down the chimney, says some crazy shit, drops his shit, says “are you shitting me,” and shoots the head in the brain. Doesn’t do any good, but he’s got the right idea. Still not the scariest thing to happen that night though. Nixon got elected and so started the decline of liberal democracy in the United States. That’s the realest horror story you are ever gonna hear.  

Overall, the film is pretty good to alright. Excellent use of the song “Season of the Witch.” Liked that it stayed consistent with the art, though I wasn’t crazy about that the first time around.  Brutal deaths for a movie sort of marketed at young people. Puking up hay as you turn into a scarecrow looks pretty awful. One poor bastard has a reoccurring nightmare he is afraid the evil is going to use against him. She does. Then there is the brutal stuff between Stella and her dad. No abuse or anything, just pain and regret. Also pretty real.

Vivarium: Grim, unsettling suburban horror - #31DayHorrorChallenge - Day 1: Trapped

Vivarium - Lorcan Finnegan - 2019  

★★ - I usually have an affinity for movies like this. Weird, mind-bending, unexplained, unsettling, a solid cast and stylish direction. But this one is too much. A grim, bleak, dark film. Not an enjoyable watch, but it's pretty good. Really interesting flick that works on a lot of levels. But, again, too grim for my tastes.  

Gist is a couple, portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots, find themselves trapped in a mysterious neighborhood after a creepy realtor abandons them. They are then forced to care for a creepy, abnormal child that is obviously not human.  
 
Pretty much the whole movie, if you are like me, you'll ask yourself at what point would you murder the child you've been tasked with raising. I would have killed the little freaky Alfalfa looking kid when he started mocking me in my own voice. Definitely when he starts that screaming. Eventually he grows into a little Jehovah's Witness or Mormon or something.  
 

Lot of metaphor here. Not only with the cuckoo at the beginning, but the whole thing. Getting a house, digging yourself in a hole (in this movie, literally), living there, paying it back, and then dying with your shitty, indoctrinated little shit of a kid soaking it all up before tossing you out on your ass.  
 
Eisenberg ends up getting some form of cancer, probably. Likely from the “dirt” from the digging. Shit is asbestos or some such shit. Dying on her is pretty messed up.  
 
Poots is outrageously cute. I love her name, too. She's been stellar in everything I've seen her in. I'm sort of surprised she isn't a bigger star.  
 
Overall, Vivarium is a suspenseful and gripping film driven by the outstanding performances of its lead actors that'll never watch again, nor recommend. Fans of really dark psychological thrillers and eerie, confined horror films may find the film enjoyable, but you've gotta be a different breed.