Fantasy Island is the worst movie of all time

This was a bullshit movie. Maybe you had to be into the show. I'm not entirely sure if they are even connected. It seems like it might be a prequel, the timeline is all kinds of fucked up on that. All I know is this movie sucked. Sort of started out interesting and kept getting worse and worse before coming to a crescendo of suck. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Fantasy Island tries to show audiences the dark side of wish fulfillment, but mainly serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of exhuming long-dead franchises.

Oh boy. Gist is a group of young people win a free trip to Fantasy Island, where they get one wish granted during their stay on the island. The place is Westworld for the lazy. The island is magic, you see, with some magic TV rock and water that does shit too. However that shit comes at a price, and who is to say that they aren't part of someone else's fantasy? Late in the movie we find out that is exactly what's up. Spoiler. Her fantasy is to get revenge on all the people that led to her losing the love of her life, who we find out she went on sort of one date with. She fucking cray. 

Directed and co-written by one Jeff Wadlow, who is behind some of my personally most loathed films. Cry Wolf and Truth or Dare?, for instance. Stars Michael Peña, who I hate, as the dude who runs the island. He's sort of the Richard Alpert in Lost. Peña is the sidekick from Ant-Man. He's also a Scientologist. Again, hate him. The beautiful Maggie Q whom you might remember from Mission: Impossible III  or the Nikita reboot from 2010. Lucy Hale from Truth or Dare?. Austin Stowell and Portia Doubleday I don't recognize. Doubleday plays a woman who bullied the cray chick and has continued to be pretty much a piece of shit. But she's learning. Jimmy O. Yang from Silicon Valley,  Ryan Hansen from Party Down, and Michael Rooker from The Walking Dead and the Guardians of the Galaxy movies (he's the blue guy with the arrow).

Not really sure that anyone really won the movie. Maybe Doubleday, who actually showed a little bit of range. However, didn't really give her, or anybody, a lot to work with. This is not a good movie. 

Hell Fest is the greatest movie of all time

Some people are just evil. They walk amongst. Another killer in a haunt movie. Another decent entry. I would totally go to this place, by the by. Basically, it's a theme park of horror attractions. Sign me the fuck up. In reality, the filming location was a Six Flags outside of Atlanta. Wah wah. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Hell Fest might give less demanding horror fans a few decent reasons to scream, but it's neither clever nor frightening enough to leave much of an impression.

Stop me if this sounds familiar. Gist is that a group of high schoolish kids go to a haunt, this one amusement park or state fair-sized, to get their scare on. It's all fun and games until a serial killer starts killing folks in their click. Then shit gets real, but everybody just thinks it is part of the show. 

Directed by one Gregory Plotkin. Mostly known as an editor. He did Get Out, Happy Death Day, Game Night (all movies I adored), and it looks like all of the Paranormal Activity sequels. This was his first feature film as a director. His second, Crimson, was released today. 

The film stars Amy Forsyth (never seen her), Reign Edwards (don't recognize her from anything), and Bex Taylor-Klaus (BTK, unfortunately). BTK is in that show The Killing (which was good as fuck), Arrow, and a bunch of solid horror stuff. Non-binary, prefers the they/them pronoun. Might recognize from Scream the television show (loved that shit), or iZombie. Tony Todd--you know, Candyman!--is in the movie for like 30 seconds but gets top billing.

Again, I thought the movie was good. However, only one thing makes it really stick out from the other haunt movies. Namely that the killer guy ends up just being a normal family man. You know, kill a shit-ton of people, get stabbed, go home, kiss your kid good night. There are some cool scenes that use the setting to its advantage. Not sure I'll remember that they came from this movie in a couple of years though. 

While all that sounds bad, I assure you this is a good, fun slasher movie. If you like going to haunted houses, this is a really good substitute during COVID, with way more tension. Definitely recommend. 

MVP is this Taylor-Klaus. I've seen BTK in several things and always stands out. Always a plucky smart-ass sidekick, but does that shit well. Steals the show—total MVP performance. 

Haunt is the greatest movie of all time

Do you still want to see my face? It's a work in progress, but I think you'll like it. Sort of a standard slasher elivated a little bit with intriguing killers and a cool location. I'm sort of a sucker for these horror movies set at a haunt. Basic gist is that folks think they are going to a haunted house to get scared by dudes in masks, but people really start to die. The Funhouse back in the day was sort of like this, then you got two pretty interesting ones that were ultimately unsuccessful in The House October Built and The House October Built 2. 

As someone who goes to these more extreme haunted houses, I get it. Twice I've gone with chicks who freaked out, thinking it got real like it does in these movies. The first time I was in eighth grade and the girls started to cry. The next time I was in college with a pair of friends and my sister. My friends were from Germany and France and had never experienced anything like a haunted house. The French girl locked on to me and screamed at anyone who came near us. The German girl went ahead with my sister. When we got out of the corn maze, we saw the German girl absolutely sprinting away from a guy wielding a chainsaw. "Ze chain-saw wus real, Ay-run." That was a fun night. I thought what a good idea this type of movie would be that night. Now, 10 movies later, it's starting to get a little overplayed. However, a Shudder original, this was the most popular movie on the streaming service this year. So don't expect these to go away. Also, this is better than most of the ones I've seen. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Haunt is spooked by the spirits of its obvious influences, but still packs enough thrills and chills to satisfy horror fans up for a haunted house excursion.

Gist of the movie is that a group of college kids go to a secluded haunted house. The kind where you have to sign a waver and shit. Eventually they discover that the actors are real killers after several of them indeed die. 

Written and directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods. These guys wrote A Quiet Place. The kids include Katie Stevens, Will Brittain, and Lauryn McClain. Haven't seen or heard of any of them. One of the killers, Damian Maffei, the Devil, was one of the killers in The Strangers movies. He's masked in that as well though. 

There is some dumb shit about this movie. First, there is this whole abuse victim/chilhood drama subplot that the writers throw in for the survivor chick. Gets them a car at the end though and pads the bodycount a little bit. Then at the very end, the Clown goes to the survivor girl's house, she had to put her address down when she went into the haunt, to finish the job. However, chick has Home Aloned her house and she ends up killing the dude, which is deserved, but come the fuck on. 

Overall, the movie is some pretty creepy shit. The people that work at the murder house all wear these masks. Shit like a ghost, a devil, a witch, a clown, so forth. Underneath those masks their faces are tattooed and mutilated to look like a much more horrifying version of the mask. These are guininely pretty scary. No thank you. We get told that one of them is a tattoo artist and all the workers are into death metal and they earn their faces by killing people. Producer Eli Roth, the "Bear Jew" in Inglorious Bastards and director of Hostel, told the writers to write out backstories for all these killers even though it wouldn't be used in the film. I feel that definitely gave the characters some richness that shined through. For that, I'm giving him the MVP. Hell of a talent, that Eli Roth. 

Night of the Demons 3 is the worst movie of all time

Come here. Just the bitch I was looking for! Oh, look, another one of these movies. This one a threequel. That's where the magic starts. You know, when things go way off the rails. This is, of course, no exception. So while a bad movie, it is pretty fun. Has the stink of Canada all over it. 

Gist is that a group of kids try to buy booze to party on Halloween and it goes horribly wrong. They end up shooting a cop, which is insane, and have to go on the lamb. The guy who did the shooting is obviously completely over-the-top. He totally commits to this life of crime when they can't buy booze, which is grossly unnecessary. Maybe try another gas station before going scorched earth. But his girlfriend is into it. She seems to be turned on by this nonsense and fully commits to this crazy life their going to have. Some of the others aren't so into it, but they don't really have a choice at this point. 

To avoid arrest, they go hide out in the old abandoned mansion that becomes possessed on Halloween night. They are obviously unaware of this fact or of Angela. Once again we have Amelia Kinkade, the glue that holds the franchise together, I guess in the role. She plays the role of the demon character Angela known for her gross "sexy" dancing. If you were into that the first two times you saw it, don't worry, this third installment has that too. She shows up, does her vomit-inducing sexy dancing, and starts killing the 30 year old teens one by one. 

This movie features some of the most bat-shit decisions in all of the films I've ever seen. You get turned down for booze at a gas station so you steal the attendant's shotgun and shoot the place up? A cop show up so you fucking shoot him? What the fuck are we doing here? You're on the lamb and a demon is killing your friends? Might as well bone, am I right?  Have some self-control.

Some of the names of the people in the film are Vlasta Vrána, Gregory Calpakis, Tara Slone, Christian Tessier, Joel Gordon, Larry Day, Kristen Holden-Reid, Stephanie Bauder, and Patricia Rodriguez. I didn't recognize any of them though it looked like most of them have had semi-successful careers. The problem with the movie isn't the acting. 

The plot, which is completely insane--one character has a snake hand for christ's sake (like, that shit really happens in a movie)--isn't the worst thing either. That would be the truly horrific CGI. This shit is like really bad. It would have been noticeably bad in the 1980s. Was awful for 1997. It is OMG bad by today's standards. And it was completely unnecessary. But, again, gives it charm in that so bad it's fun to watch way. 

Overall, while I liked the first two, the second was a lot of fun, this is sort of a terrible send off. Disappointing since Kevin S. Tenney, who directed the first one, wrote the screenplay. The franchise got a reboot in 2009. Don't think they'll be revisiting this any time soon. 

Terrifier is the okayest movie of all time

How can you eat a greasy croissant while you're cutting up dead bodies? Sweetheart, I've been doing this twenty-two years, alright? Once you've seen an eight-month-old microwaved to death... everything else is just old hat. About the overall gist of this movie. Saw a lot of love for this online. I thought it was fine, but nothing super special. Hell of a costume for the killer though. And his use of body language and his silence are pretty creepy. However, felt like it relied a lot on shock value--I mean, it was very shocking/disturbing--but that type of movie doesn't really do it for me. Brutal and sick. 

Plot runs thus, it's Halloween and this these chicks run into and become fodder for a truly sadistic supernatural murderer named Art the Clown. They run, he gives chase, commits murder, repeat. These murders are some next level sick shit, by the way. 

Written and directed by one Damien Leone. Also in the girl are the likes of Catherine Corcoran, Matt McAllister, Pooya Mohseni, and Samantha Scaffidi. Don't feel bad if you don't know them because no one does. Guy named David Howard Thornton plays Art the Clown. Looks like a much more terrifying Crazy Joe Davola from Seinfeld when he dressed up like Pagliacci in "The Opera." 

Tara Heyes, played by Jenna Kanell, is the final girl who ends up looking all fucked up. I think this is shown at the beginning but I can't quite tell if that is her or another chick. 

Apparently this is the second feature film appearance of the Art the Clown character. The first was Leone's 2013 anthology film All Hallows' Eve, which sounds pretty interesting. Chick watches horror movies with the kids she is babysitting that feature the character. He ends up coming alive and doing what he does. Might check it out. 

Blackmail (1929) is the greatest film of all time

Detectives in glass houses shouldn't wave clues. Final silent Alfred Hitchcock movie from 1929. When it was being developed, The Jazz Singer, the first talkie, came out. That shit became all the rage and Hitchcock made a talkie version of the same flick which is cited as the first sound feature film. The silent one is better though. 

Gist of the movie is that this young lady who is maybe cheating on her (I guess) husband--who is a detective for Scotland Yard--goes home with a painter. His game is to get chicks naked and to "paint" them. The oldest trick in the book, apparently, because it is worn out even then. They flirt and he makes a move. She turns him down and he gets all rape/murdery. In what is obviously self-defense, she kills him. But she freaks and takes off, leaving a mountain of evidence behind. Luckily though her dude gets assigned the case and takes some of the shit she leaves behind when she sees that the victim is the guy his wife or whatever left with. She ain't out of the clear though as this homeless dude saw her and tries to blackmail them. 

Rapey vibes

But, surprise, they pin it on the homeless dude. Spoiler. She doesn't want him to get hanged for her "crime" though so she goes to Scotland Yard to tell the cops "who did it." When she's about to do as such, they find out the homeless dude died while being pursued by the cops. It's a pretty sweet scene that takes place in the British Museum, a truly remarkable building. Her conscience clears up real quick when they learn about that. So off they go, to live happily ever after, I'm sure. Ends with a real knee-slapper how "pretty soon, you'll see women detectives on Scotland Yard!" They all have real good laugh at that one. 

Stars Anny Ondra the chick who kills the dude in self defense. She famously spoke little English and ended up miming the words while another access spoke offscreen in the talkie version. Don't feel bad for her though. She continued to act in German and French films and married the German boxer Max Schmeling. He was famous losing the "Battle of the Century" to Joe Louis in 1938 and getting shunned by the Nazis. The Nazi Party didn't exactly jive with him either as he saved Jews by hiding them in his basement during the war. Later in life he became an executive for Coca-Cola and more or supported Joe Louis. He was solid. I imagine she was as well. They stayed married until her death in 1987. Their marriage was apparently super happy.  

John Longden plays her detective maybe husband who helps cover the crime up and pin it on the blackmailer. Cyril Ritchard is the guy who gets murdered who had it coming. 

Hitchcock is the MVP, obviously. This was something like his 10th film. All the shit he would become known for is there. The use of shadow and light. The Kuleshov Effect. The cameo. The beautiful blonde. The famous landmark. Really glad I watched it. Probably never watching it again though. 

Vampires vs. the Bronx is the greatest film of all time

Yo, check out the courthouse. They are turning it into apartments. You know how this starts. White people with canvas bags. That is always the first sign. Pretty solid flick. Had some Attack the Block vibes. Not quite as good though. Sort of falls apart a little at the end. Still really fun though. For sure recommend this new flick available to stream on Netflix now. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: In the sharp, socially conscious battle of Vampires vs. the Bronx, comedy and horror blend brilliantly -- and the audience is the winner.

Gist is that a group of kids from the Bronx fight to save their neighborhood from vampires that are moving in and trying to gentrify their block. Pretty solid social commentary as well as a comedy horror movie. 

Directed by one Osmany Rodriguez. Looks to have done a lot of TV and shorts, but this one of his first, if not the first, feature film. He also wrote it with another guy. Mostly follows around three dudes that are 15ish. Playing these parts are Jaden Michael, Gerald W. Jones III, and Gregory Diaz IV. I've seen none of them but they are all great. Also in their crew is one Coco Jones, who is female. All of the acting is pretty great. 

Other's you'd recognize include Sarah Gadon who plays the head vampire. I mostly know her from the Stephen King adaptation of 11.22.63. She plays the role of Sadie Dunhill, the female lead. She's a pretty lady. Method Man, who plays a no-nonsense priest. Chris Redd, who is just some dude on the block. And a vampire or two sort of stick out. 

Like I said, sort of falls apart at the end. The head vampire chick is like 700 years old and brags about how she is the shit and all. However, she makes a bunch of rookie mistakes that end up getting her killed. Ends sort of on a, "well, that ended up being pretty easy," which was kinda weak. 

Gotta give the MVP to the three kids. They are pretty perfect and totally great as buds. Really fun movie that henges on their roles. Even though the ending is weak, they always shine. 

Scare Me is the greatest film of all time

Power outage. I'm bored. Let's tell each other scary stories. I loved this movie. If you are a fella that might be interested in some scary stories, you'll like it too. A Shudder Original, released on October 1, it's available to watch right now. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Smart, well-acted, and suitably chilling, Scare Me uses its familiar horror setting as the backdrop for a fresh deconstruction of standard genre ingredients.

Gist is that a writer-type who works for an advertising agency rents a cabin in the woods to write a cliche werewolf novel and bumps into a neighbor who is a cute, kooky, best-selling author. He is pretty jealous and sort of unpleasant, but things sort of turn around when the power goes out and she comes over and forces him to play a game where they tell each other stories. It's all fun and games until shit gets real. 

Written, directed, and staring one Josh Ruben. Don't recognize him. He's pretty good though. In a show called You're the Worst. His character is horrible. Total involuntary celibate type. He gets progressively worse until the end when you totally hate him. Cute writer chick is played by Aya Cash who is probably most known for her roles in The Boys and You're the Worst. Prob how they came to work on this together. You think they might hook up, but that dude is really the worst. Only like two or three other people in the movie. Only one you'd recognize is Chris Redd from SNL and Deep Murder, which is fantastic. He plays a pizza dude who get's high with them and plays out a couple of tales. 

This telling and acting out stories looks fun as shit. Might start doing something like this with my buddies. We are the creative types who would get into it. Anyway, hard to pick an MVP because all the performances are so good. Tempted to give it to Ruben because he was great with all three of his functions on the picture. But, I'm leaning toward Cash. She is really good. Great flick for a Halloween Saturday. 

Hack-O-Lantern is the worst movie of all time

This was legitimately one of the worst movies I've ever seen. 1988 straight to video, if that tells you anything. Wouldnt have finished it if it weren't on Joe Bob Briggs Last Drive-In. Even then it was something of a chore. Diana Prince, aka Darcy the Mail Girl, was really unimpressed. "You should have shown another movie." It's MST3K bad without the riffing to get you through it. Had to supply a lot of our own to not go mad. 

Gist of the movie is that this maniac of a grandfather/pumpkin patch proprietor is secretly this satanic cult leader whose group sacrifices folks on Halloween night. He also practices incest and fathers a child with his daughter. That child, this little blonde kid, is being groomed to take over the cult and grows up to be Mac's dad from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. 

Some shit to watch out for... Lots of nudity. All gratuitous. Some of the ladies are pretty attractive, too, surprisingly. Odd number of breasts, which is always fun. The blonde child from early in the movie looks exactly like the brother of Mac's dad and nothing like Mac's dad. It could be that guy's son. 

Gramps kills his granddaughter's BF after getting trapped in a recently dug grave. Instead of burying him in, you know, the deep ass grave, we later see that dude was buried next to the hole in a dirt mound, which was an interesting choice. Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Hack-O-Lantern features a cop having sex with a girl right on top of a freshly dug grave. Later, a girl bones a guy on the mound and mistakes a corpse's exposed hand for her lover's. Insanely, the girl then shows her friend exactly where she had sex at where they find the corpse, who is the other chick's BF. 

Some other dumb shit includes the four times I thought the movie was over but then it just kept going on. Lots of pump fakes. Hate a pump fake. Also, Gramps thinks he is making the sign of the devil and making the pentagram in the air like a Catholic would cross himself, but he is really making the sign for "I love you." WTF. 

Worst offender of all, maybe, is the name Hack-O-Lantern. Like, why? Has nothing to do with anything that happens in the movie. Waste of a perfectly good title. 

Only real positive I have is that the band is pretty solid. The director, one Jag Mundhra, came out of Bollywood which seems to pretty much always have more or less music videos in the movie (at least the few movies I've seen playing at Indian restaurants). I guess this came out of that style. Band was D.C. La Croix, metal but not metal AF. Total MVP of the movie. 

Child's Play 3 is the worst movie of all time

Don't fuck with the Chuck. So. Movie takes place in the future, I guess. Came out a year after Child's Play 2 but takes place eight years later. The Good Guy Corp is basically fucked when we start the movie. Too many people dying from this Chucky doll shit. But they are on their way back, baby. End up making the first doll on the new assembly line, which has Chucky DNA in the plastic. Immediately comes back to life and kills the CEO, who seems like a real prick. Then it's off to find Andy, again. Well alright. 

Find it funny that the company that makes these dolls is a wear a suit to work kind of place with a board full of hard-asses. I have a fancy corporate job at a no-nonsense company with hundreds of employees. I'm on economic development boards with executives. I'm a member of Rotary. Don't see this level of formality and seriousness like ever. Tight ship they run there at Good Guys, Inc. 

Anyway, life is still incredibly shitty for Andy, now high school age. He's at a military school and it looks like it really sucks. He gets bullied and Chucky is still trying to take his body and shit. But Chucky figures out some technicality and gets to go after someone else now to play "hide the soul" with. Yep. There is also a war games battle between the two groups at the school. It's supposed to be sort of like paintball except with real guns where the bullets shoot paint, but Chucky replaces them 

New kid playing Andy. One Justin Whalin. Played Scotty in the John Waters's movie Serial Mom which I haven't seen in over two decades. Only people you'll recognize are Andrew Robinson from Hellraiser, he is the "Jesus wept" daddy, and Frank the Tank's wife from Old School. 

Overall, this movie is pretty bad, but sort of fun. Really fucking weird. Definitely an outlier for the franchise. This is where Chucky just goes off the rails. Brad Dourif, the voice of Chucky, gets the MVP for the "Don't fuck with the Chuck" line. Hell of a line. That shit is killer. I think I mixed up some of the plot with of Major Payne. Not a good sign that I watched it just a few days ago and already forgot almost everything. Shan't be watching again. 

Sports Documentary: The Games of the V Olympiad Stockholm, 1912

Criterion Channel has all the official Olympic Game documentaries going back over 100 years. This is my new thing. I have seen exactly one of these prior. Leni Riefenstahl's Olympia. You know her. She did Triumph of the Will. Considered the great Nazi prapagandist. Technically that was the first official Olympic documentary. But giving this a viddy since it's available and seemed interesting. But it's kind of boring. Just watching people do the same thing, over and over, one after another, with a boring ass opening and closing ceremony.

Not exactly confident I could have won a gold medal if I were transported back in time to 1912, but compared to today's standards, these guys were like high school sectional athletes. The hurdlers were especially trash. Stuff happened like tripping and completely wiping out and still getting up to win the race to qualify for the finals. A guy sets the world record at 15.5 seconds for the 110m after knocking down like half the hurdles. I ran a 16 second in 10th grade and wasn't even the best on my team. I didn't even qualify for the finals in my sectional. The kid who won the sectional would have shattered this world record by over a full second. Men's gymnastics was a complete fucking joke as well. It has to be seen to be believed. It's more what I'd call a warmup than like a competition. 

Speaking of, there were a lot of sports that I know but had a hard time figuring out what the point of them were back then. Diving, for example, appears to be more like the long jump with a dive at the end. No flips or turns. Just swanning 30ft. That shit was done into a lake by the way. 

Picture is restored and looks amazing. I've read like 10 or so times why old timey, silent era film looks so good. Has to do with the size of the film. Can't really explain or understand it though. Just know it looks great. 

Some things of note. A dude dies from exhaustion during the marathon, which is fucked. Researching this race, found that another guy disappeared which is just insane. One Shizo Kanakuri, weak from the long journey from Japan, and having problems with the local food, lost consciousness midway through the race. He was found and cared for by a farming family. Being embarrassed from his "`failure" he silently returned to Japan without notifying race officials. Swedish authorities considered him missing for 50 years before discovering that he was living in Japan and had competed in subsequent Olympic marathons.

Also get to see Jim Thorpe after winning a pair of gold medals. He wins the pentathlon and the decathlon. Looked him up. That dude looks like a contemporary athlete. It's like a bunch of average dudes off the street and then this dude who looks like a damn super hero. Looks amazingly like John Cena. Dude is a stud. Wish there was more video of him in the film. 

One more guy of note that I'd never heard of that was super bad ass. One Duke Kahanamoku, born in 1890 under the Kingdom of Hawaii, just before the overthrow. A native Hawaii swimmer, he wins gold in the 100-meter freestyle. Won a total of five medals over three Olympics. The other two were in 1920 and 1924. Incredibly, was an alternate for the U.S. waterpolo team for the 1932 games. 

Dude's life was incredible. Was part of a landmark Supreme Court case resulting from an arrest he made where a civilian was tried for shoplifting in military court. It's complicated and he just made the arrest. Was an actor, the Sherriff of Honolulu, a Freemason, and a professional beach volleyball player. He basically single handedly popularized surfing in the early part of the century when he saved eight fishermen after a boat had capsized, killing most of the people onboard. He was able to drag the men to safety and get back to wreckage quickly with the use of his board. After that, lifeguards used surfboards as part of their standard rescue equipment. 

Legacy lives on too. Has statues all over the place in Hawaii, is in both the surfing and swimming hall of fames, had a comemorative stamp with his likeness on it issued in the 2000s, and was the subject of a Google Doodle a few years ago. You can read a little about him in the New York Times here. Dude is a total MVP. He knew how to party. 

Child's Play 2 is the greatest movie of all time

Sorry Jack, Chucky's back! No Christina Hicks. No Chris Sarandon. No Tom Hollad. Still have Brad Dourif and the kid that plays Andy though. Movie is still pretty fun, and way more bananas than the first one. 

Gist of the movie is that Andy is now in foster care. A bunch of cops saw Chucky come to life at the end of the first flick, but fuck that. Toss that bitch in the looney bin. I assume the Chris Sarandon detective character is also in the nuthouse. Anyway, Chucky gets brought back to life via a little blue lightning, the family Andy is with sort of sucks. The mom, played by Jenny Agutter who plays the female lead in An American Werewolf in London, starts out alright, but when the prick dad dies at the hands of Chucky, she blames Andy, who everyone treats as completely insane. Has a foster sister that is alright, played by Christine Elise from Beverly Hills, 90210, but she's just a high school kid. What the hell is she going to do against a possessed doll trying to steal a boy's soul? 

Only people I recognized were Grace Zabriskie who was Sarah Palmer from Twin Peaks, the health teacher from Donnie Darko (Beth Grant), and Greg Germann who was the Erik Menedez looking dude from Ally McBeal. All had pretty minor parts. 

Anywho, the movie isn't that great and then suddenly it's amazing. The end takes place in the Good Guy toy factory and it is incredible. Spoiler, the way they kill Chucky is first they put him through the toy assembly line where he gets all these limbs attached to him, then they torch his ass, then they stick an air hose in his mouth until he explodes. Whoever came up with that shit is the real MVP of this flick. That shit was dope AF. Posting it below. Greatest movie of all time just based on that shit. Actually, might as well just watch that scene which I'm posting below.

Nightmare Cinema is the greatest movie of all time

Your imagination isn't always your friend. Good old fashioned anthology horror. I thought all of the segments were really good and went out of their way to keep you guessing. Especially like the first one, directed by Alejandro Brugués, where everyone is on the run from a masked killer, except this one has a really great twist. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Admirably eclectic yet more consistent than most horror anthologies, Nightmare Cinema should entertain viewers in the mood for a good old-fashioned creepshow.

Gist is that five strangers show up individually to an old movie theater owned by The Projectionist, played by Mickey Rourke, good so far. Once they take their seat, viewer witnesses what seems to be their deaths on the silver screen. Every single one of the segments is super solid. Not a dud among them.

People you'll recognize include Rourke, Richard Chamberlain (sort of a that guy), Patrick Wilson from Watchmen and The Conjuring and Hard Candy, and Elizabeth Reaser from The Twilight Saga and The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. Directors include Brugués who did Juan of the Dead (totally gonna be watching that soon), Joe Dante (The Howling, Gremlins, The 'Burbs), Mick Garris who did the bananas movie Sleepwalkers, Ryūhei Kitamura (The Midnight Meat Train), and David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse). So Dante, some real up-and-comers and Garris. 

Rourke is pretty solid in this, as he is in everything. However, I'm giving Brugués the MVP. His segment is just too good. 

Child's Play is the greatest movie of all time

Andy remember, friends stick together till the end... This is the end, friend! Franchise that immediately gets into the cheese, Child's Play is camp all the way. There are some genuinely scary moments, like when the mom opens Chucky's battery compartment and there are no batteries in it. But how serious can you take a movie with a killer My Buddy? Pretty sure I'm taking that little fucking thing. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Child's Play occasionally stumbles across its tonal tightrope of comedy and horror, but its genuinely creepy monster and some deft direction by Tom Holland makes this chiller stand out on the shelf.

Gist is a kid gets a popular doll for his birthday from his mother which she bought from a homeless guy. Except it came with the option possessed soul of a serial killer, one Charles Lee Ray. Serial killer does what he does. Like that serial killer Charles Lee Ray is really into the dark arts and murder is just sort of his side hustle. I think he's more driven to murder to fulfill his magic and revenge than getting off on it like a real serial killer. 

Directed by one Tom Holland. He hasn't really done a lot of movies but did do this cult classic and one of my absolute faves in Fright Night. Both of these flicks are so fucking fun. 

Stars Brad Dourif as Chucky. Dude is a legitimate actor. Was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, stared in the John Huston adaptation of Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood (what's not to love there), Dune (1984), Blue Velvet, Exorcist III (one of the better threequels in horror), and the Lord of the Rings movies. I feel he is one of the best that guys out there. Alex Vincent plays the little kid Andy. Meh. Catherine Hicks plays the mom. She was apparently the mom on the show 7th Heaven. Never watched it though. And Chris Sarandon, who is the vampire whose sweater game is on point in Fright Night. 

Probably going to give the MVP to Sarandon. I like the way he plays the cop. Guy just doesn't have time for any of this bullshit and thinks everyon is crazy, even though he killed CLR and caught him trying to put his soul in a doll. See this exchange: 

Det. Mike Norris: Mrs. Barclay what are you doing back here?

Karen Barclay: Andy was telling the truth. Chucky is alive and he killed Eddie Caputo. 

Det. Mike Norris: What? 

Karen Barclay: I took him home to my apartment, I was about to throw away the box when we came in, the batteries fell out. Don't you see? He's been moving and talking for days without any batteries in him. 

Det. Mike Norris: What are you talkin' about? 

Karen Barclay: How I found out the doll was alive. See, I threatened to throw him in the fireplace. When all of a sudden, he came alive in my hand. I dropped him and then he ran out of the apartment.

Yeah, don't nobody got time for this bullshit, you crazy bitch. Turns out she was right though. She is a close second to MVP as well. She is as hysterical as you'd expect someone to be if this shit were really going down.  

Rocketman is the greatest movie of all time

For as long as I can remember, I've hated myself. Believed I'd never be loved. This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody look like dogshit. Man, that movie didn't age well. This, on the other hand, is tits. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It's going to be a long, long time before a rock biopic manages to capture the highs and lows of an artist's life like Rocketman.

Gist is that we get a musically telling of Elton John's life, from childhood through sobriety. Hell of a picture. It's almost a rock opera but there is a decent amount of dialogue, so not technically. Times like a music video, times like a concert, times like a great drama. This has it all. 

Taron Egerton, from the Kingsman movies, is fucking Elton John. That shit is incredible. Does the singing and does a phenomenal job. It's pretty crazy. So the MVP of this movie. Really, an incredible performance.  Thinking of buying some of his stock, if you know what I mean. 

His buddy Bernie Taupin who wrote most of Elton's hits is played by Jamie Bell. A warm, heartfelt performance. Bryce Dallas Howard, Ron Howard's daughter from various M. Night Shyamalan movies is Elton's mom. Richard Madden from Game of Throne, he was Robb Stark, plays a major prick, one John Reid, who managed Elton and was his lover for a while. Was portrayed as abusive and just an all round shithead. He was also portrayed in the Bohemian Rhapsody biopic somewhat more favorably by Aidan Gillen (Littlefinger on Game of Thrones) which is a trip. Directed by one Dexter Fletcher, whom I only know from his role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He's the sidekick in that flick, Soap. 

Love a musical. Love this movie. See a lot of Elton John music in my near future, that's for sure. 

Kajillionaire is the greatest movie of all time

You want us to be false fakey people. We don’t make pancakes, or wrap up little birthday presents. Or call you “sweetheart”, or “baby”, or do a little dance. Man, this movie was great and heartbreaking. This beyond strange heist movie/family melodrama touches on the transactional nature of relationships. I definitely cried a little bit and haven't stopped thinking about it since I watched it two weeks ago. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Whether you see Kajillionaire as refreshingly unique or simply bizarre will depend on your cinematic adventurousness -- and fans of writer-director Miranda July wouldn't have it any other way.

Discovered Miranda July, the writer/director, whilst reading The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007. There is a scene in there from the script for Me and You and Everyone We Know. Scene: Pair of brothers, six and 14 years old, have a joint online chat with a woman of a sexual nature. The woman starts getting into poop play, and the boys start escalating it, eventually creating this emoticon "))<>((" and talk about "pooping back and forth, forever," where he would poop in the woman's butt, and then the woman would poop in his butt, and back and forth they would go. Well this chick gets into it. I thought it was pretty funny in written form. So I sought the movie out. Did not like. Especially didn't like that scene. No fucking thanks. 

But figured I'd give this Kajillionaire movie a try after reading an interview with July in the New Yorker or somewhere pretentious like that. She seems cool, and the movie definitely intrigued me. 

Gist of Kajillionaire is that Old Dolio--that name, I know--played Evan Rachel Wood from Westworld, lives with her parents played by Debra Winger (Terms of Endearment, An Officer and a Gentleman) and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under, The Shape of Water) in an office building filled with junk next door to an industrial laundry mat or something. Part of their arrangement is they have to clear the suds that seep in from the ceiling every night. They be scammin'. Split everything three ways, which is important at the end. About to get evicted for being three months behind on rent, they've got to come up with something big to earn the $1500 in back rent. Old Dolio comes up with a plan to get the money by scamming an airline by claiming her bag was lost (also, they got the tickets through another scam). On the plane, her parents meet a young woman looking for a bit of excitement, this character played by Gina Rodriguez from Annihilation. She and the parents hit it off and invite her into their crew, using her to get another string of scams off the ground. Old Dolio and her's relationship slowly evolves as the one she has with her parents crumbles. 

Poor Old Dolio. Really feel for her. Gets no love from her parents and actively fuck her over. She is just looking for someone good to connect with that will open up their heart to her. Just wants to crawl up there and feel a little warmth, which she's never had. She is a pretty broken woman, but she is trying. 

Evan Rachel Wood is so good in this. She really hurts my heart. She is so awkward and so broken by her parents, and everyone really. Total MVP of the movie. July paints one hell of a picture though. Reminded me, in some ways, of Slums of Beverly Hills. Similar vibe, liked this better though, which says a lot. Everyone in the cast was great, a definite testament to July. Jenkins is always pretty much perfect and is again as this huge prick of a dad, Rodriguez shows a ton of range, and Winger is cold as ice. Worth checking out, for sure. 

Trick or Treat (1986) is the worst movie of all time

Demonic beasts. Whatever happened to the good old simple love song? "I love you." That's what good words use. Nowadays they have to write some sickness. It's just absoultely sick and bizarre... This could kick you off into becoming an absolute pervert.

Before I watched this, the idea I had in my head was that Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons had some evil rock off. That is not what this is about. The two of them, Ozzy and Simmons, have about two minutes of total screentime combined. Obvious that both filmed their parts in one take and were on set for 10 minutes. Ozzy plays a televangelist railing about the evils of rock. The above is a rant he goes on. His shit is broken up into two scenes but the second was an extension of the first rant and then he is murdered through the TV. Simmons seems like he is going to show up again at the end, he plays a radio DJ, when the main characters go to the radio station. Seeing how this shit is going though, you know he will have been killed off by the time they get there and he is, turned to dust. Couldn't get him a second time, obviously. But both these guys throw 100 miles an hour every second they are on screen. Simmons doesn't blink and is intense as shit. I assume he was coked out of his mind. Ozzy is funny for railing against how evil heavy metal is. But those two minutes do not save the movie. Overall, it was bad. Plus there is some ghost rape in here that was really disgusting. Worst movie of all time. An incredible amount of blue lightning though. 

Totally normal

Gist of the movie is that a bunch of raging meatheads bully the fuck out of this teenager, one Eddie Weinbauer played by Marc Price, who is devastated when his heavy metal idol, Sammi Curr played by Tony Fields, dies in a freak Satanic ritual. You know, like normal people. But Sammi comes back to life through the playing of the only copy of his last record, which Eddie has on loan. At first Sammi helps Eddie with his bullying problem, but then ends up just rampaging and killing whoever, eventually turning on Eddie and his new little girlfriend, played by Lisa Orgolini, who I've never seen. Actually, other than the two rockers, I've never seen anyone in this movie except for Large Marge from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure who has a bit part. 

Though the movie was complete trash, it was fun in a very, very trashy way. Never going to watch it again, but I'm glad this is what I spent an October COVID Friday doing. Marc Price is definitely the MVP. He does pretty well with the in-over-his-head bullied teen bit. He never really becomes cool or anything, which is a relief, but does start dating a cute a little chick who just lie starts to appreciate his weirdness. Tony Fields, on the other hand, is playing some serious hero ball. Might be worth watching just for his crazy dancing. I'd say maybe just watch that part, which you can see here. This song I've not been able to get out of my head either, which is unfortunate. Quite the earworm. 

True Crime: Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich is the greatest movie of all time

Were you ever sent three 12-year-old girls to sexually abuse as a birthday gift? I’d like to answer that question. But today I’m gonna have to assert my Sixth Amendment rights, my Fifth Amendment rights. Is it true that you forced Virgina Roberts to have sex with numerous friends of yours? Are you kidding? I assert my Sixth Amendment rights, my Fifth Amendment rights. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It lacks new insight, but by focusing on the stories of survivors Filthy Rich sheds light on the lasting impact of Epstein's crimes.

This mother fucker. Really effective doc. Epstien had a sexual abuse pyramid scheme going, got caught, should have gone away forever, and was given a slap on the wrist by a fucking douchbag who eventually got promoted into Trump's cabinet. This Alex Acosta prick. Fucking incredible. I totally want to murder this dude and Epstein and a bunch of other people based on this shit. Probably most of all Alan Dershowitz. 

One of the women, this Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, has repeatedly said that Dershowitz had sex with her when she was underage. His move is to say she won't go on record because she is afraid of committing lible but that is bullshit.

In this doc fucking prick makes the statement "I challenge Virginia Roberts to come on your show, look in the camera and say the following words: 'I accuse Alan Dershowitz of having had sex with me on six or seven occasions.' She has never been willing to accuse me in public, so please accuse me on this show. I challenge you." 

Immediately cut to her saying "I was with Alan Dershowitz multiple times. At least six that I can remember. I was trafficked to Alan Dershowitz from Epstein... He's denied being with me. Is one of us telling the truth? Yes. Is that person me? Yes." 

He said the same shit in this New Yorker article from last year, "Alan Dershowitz, Devil's Avocate." It's his game to make you think she is lying or whatever. Fuck him. This article also makes the case that Dershowitz wasn't that great of a lawyer either. He was mostly hyped by himself and powerful friends. No F. Lee Bailey, for example. Again, fuck him. Great read by the way, the New Yorker piece. 

Gist of the doc is that the survivors of Epstein's sexual abuse/statutory rape/straight up rape reveal how they were manipulated and abuse by the billionaire who kept buying his way out of trouble. All of them were emotionally scarred and suffered greatly. Their stories are powerful and moving and gut wrenching. A must watch, but be prepared to be outraged. 

Also, something that wasn't in the documentary, just an FYI... Q: "Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18?" A: "Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today I'm going to have to assert my Fifth, Sixth, and 14th Amendment rights, sir." How's that for making your blood boil. And, to be fair, he hung out with Bill Clinton, too, who has lied about it. Though no one is claiming they were forced to bone ole' Slick Willy. 

After watching the American Murderer: The Family Next Door, Epstein didn't seem so bad for about a minute and a half, which is fucked. Then you see the devastation and hear what these women went through again and again. Fuck. Never the same. These dudes are the fucking worst. 

Musical: David Byrne's American Utopia is the greatest show of all time

David Byrne's American Utopia on HBO directed by Spike Lee, filmed from the Broadway show. Love the shit out of David Byrne. I saw the touring show live in Indy at a great venue with really good seats. Fucking sick. Seen over 100 bands in my life. This was by far the best show I've ever seen. American Utopia was more than a concert. It was performance art, something of a TED Talk, and people just stoked to be jamming together.

Really solid and optimistic set. Some of the best of The Talking Heads, minus "Psycho Killer," the show is too positive for that. Definitely the best of his solo work. Some powerful covers in there as well. Some of the setlist includes "Lazy," "I Zembra," "Everybody's Coming to My House," "This Must Be the Place," which is my favorite, "Once in a Lifetime," and so on and so forth. 

I'm obsessed with this show. Listen to it all the time and watched a copy on YouTube at least three or four times. Sooooo, when this dropped on HBO last night, I was stoked, but I'd been enjoying the fuck out of it for a while now. It was great, don't get me wrong. But at one point I sort of asked if this was the best use of Spike Lee at this point. I felt that sort of anyone could have done this, and I thought he sort of fucked up one of my favorite parts, when Byrne dances like a wildman to "I Should Watch TV." It's really fucking sick, but Spike cuts away and we don't see any of it. What the fuck, man? Is this amateur hour?

But there were some cool flourishes, like some cool overhead stuff. Couple of times I was pretty impressed seeing the movement from above like that. Then we got a standard Spike Lee shot at the end when the band rides home on their bikes, this to remind us it is Spike 'fucking' Lee doing this shit, I guess.

The use of space and light is incredible and has to be experienced first-hand to truly be appreciated. That's why this fell a flat, to me. But totally still worth watching. Also made me miss going to concerts and being with the people I went to that concert with, truly some of my favorites and some of the best. But can't be there now or see them, so might as well enjoy this, I suppose.

WNUF Halloween Special is the greatest movie of all time

Masks won't hide your sins. This is great for what it is. A no budget, made-it-with-my-friends flick. A fun, interesting movie, for sure. But not a lot happens, and like half the movie are fake commercials. They are pretty good and add to the 80s realism. However, not going to be a yearly rewatch. 

Made in 2013, the film takes place in, I believe, 1987. Gist of this movie is a local news station, WNUF, sends their on the scene guy and his crew to this house where a guy killed his family that is supposed to be haunted. As the night wears on, shit progressively gets crazier. 

Directed by one Chris LaMartina, its of the comedy horror mockumentary genre. You likely won't recognize anyone else in this flick.  MVP is the segment host with the mustache. Actor's name is Paul Fahrenkopf. He nails that whole board reporter on the scene, hoping that something happens vibe.How he constantly talks to fill the air. This guy is a professional. Like when the medium he brings in tells him she'll need a couple of minutes of silence to get in tune with the spirits, "a couple of MINUTES?" he retorts, incredulously.

Hubie Halloween is the okayest movie of all time

I’m asexual, but that girl’s making me hella horny. Adam Sandler movie. It was fun, but I don't think I laughed but maybe a handful of times. I think that was mostly at Maya Rudolph. Love her. Oh, and when all the news anchor ladies (one of whom was a news anchor in real life and was fired for breach of contract for appearing in the film, which is some bullshit) were dressed as Harley Quinn. Maybe once or twice at Steve Buscemi. Overall it was a good time, but I'm not gonna remember it a year from now, and it's not super rewatchable like Billy Madison or some of his other best films. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Viewers immune to its star's charms won't find it much of a treat, but Hubie Halloween is sweet enough to satisfy fans of Adam Sandler's antics.

Gist is that this sort of idiot played by Adam Sandler named Hubie Dubois, sweet guy, like fucking lives for Halloween in his hometown of Salem, which he fucking loves the shit out of. Yeah, he gets bullied constantly. Slowly, those bullies start to disappear. Foul play is indeed going down though Hubie suspects there is a supernatural element at play. Hubie shares a lot of DNA with Bobby Boucher from The Water Boy. Same voice and demeanor. Basically a lovable idiot.  

Movie stars Adam Sandler. Still a fan. I know he had a few duds in there, but generally, his movies are still enjoyable. Also in the flick are Kevin James, Julie Bowen who is the love interest and was the love interest in Happy Gilmore, Rob Schneider, Kenan Thompson, Shaquille O'Neal, and Steve Buscemi. Bullies include Ray Liotta (whose always a dick), Maya Rudolph (she's the best), and Tim Meadows, among others. Best cameo though was from Ben Stiller who reprises his role as Hal L., the raging orderly from Happy Gilmore. Sandler's wife and kids are also in the movie, which is pretty endearing. 

Ok. Quick bone to pick. I usually don't pick a whole lot of nits, but after Hubie saves the day at the end, we cut to a year later. Hubie is now the mayor of Salem. That means that he would have had to get elected the previous year, like a week after most of the movie goes down. Pretty sure that he would have already had to do a bunch of stuff to get on the ballot at that point with early voting and all. Plus he no time to campaign. Must have been one hell of a write-in situation. But, yeah, not really the point of the movie, I guess. 

For me, the MVP of the movie was Salem. I'm totes going there for Halloween some year. Town really gets into it with its history and everything. Looks to have a carnival-type atmosphere. They know how to do it up. 

Evil Dead II is the greatest movie of all time

I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!... Swallow this. I've seen this maybe more than any other movie. It's between this or Repo Man. Watch it every fall. Probably somewhere in the ballpark of 30 viewings. Had it on VHS, DVD, BluRay, digital. Have watched every featurette, the commentary, interviews. I adore this flick. Absolutely on my Mount Rushmore. Still hilarious. Ash is still an idiot. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Evil Dead 2's increased special effects and slapstick-gore makes it as good -- if not better -- than the original.

Gist of the movie is that Ashley J. Williams appears to go back to the cabin in the first movie with a new girlfriend and the same shit happens. However, they didn't have the right to show clips from the original, so they sort of have a recap that is slightly different. Movie basically starts when Ash sort of becomes a Deadite for the first time. Anyway, he is alone, losing his shit, battling evil when the cabin owner's daughter and her posse show up and think he is a murdering wildman. As they beat and banish him, the evil that he summoned by listening to the Necronomicon being read aloud on a recording left by the previous occupants starts possessing and murdering people. Also, there is a disturbing tree rape scene. The movie then ends with a tree coming to life and trying to eat everyone before a portal opens up in the sky, sending Ash back to medieval England. Yeah, it's cray, but awesome as fuck. 

Directed by Sam Raimi. You know, the cult film director went Hollywood after this, directing some great flicks like The Quick and the Dead, the Spider-Man trilogy (2002–2007), The Gift, Drag Me to Hell, Oz the Great and Powerful, and, of course, Army of Darkness. He and a guy named Scott Spiegel wrote it as well. Stars the Bruce Campbell, of course. Personal favorite of mine. I'd legit be impressed to meet this guy. Only other people I've ever seen are Dan Hicks, who was in Intruder and My Name is Bruce and some other stuff, and Ted Raimi, who was also in those movies, among other things. Both these guys pop up in Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi projects all the time. 

Lot of good gags in this flick. An evil hand that runs around. Blood that shoots out of places like a firehouse. A room where all the inanimate objects come alive. Then there are Ash's one-liners. Always perfect. 

Is there a universe where Bruce Campbell isn't the MVP? I could see a case being made for Sam Raimi, sure. But it's always Bruce that shines. Dude is groovy as hell... But Sam Raimi is pretty dope. 

Speaking of. Went as Ash for Halloween circa 2008. Pretty sweet costume. Made myself a metal hand and a chainsaw glove out of cardboard. Shit was hot. 

That's me on the left, playing the role of Ash

True Crime: American Murder: The Family Next Door is the greatest film of all time

Shanann, if you are seeing this, just come back. This mother fucker. Netflix true crime documentary about Chris Watts killing his wife Shanann and their two children. Fuck. Made me sick to my stomach. Kills the wife and kids and goes to work, stashing their remains at the site. Wife's BFF though has the police at his house before he even gets off work. And in case the cop that shows up at the scene is some kind of idiot (which seemed likely), a neighbor of Watts tells the cop that dude "isn't acting right." These two are fucking heroes. 

Does it to be with his mistress, who looks a whole lot like his wife. My dude has a type. He definitely likes a brunette that sort of walks all over him, that's for sure. Except one is all, "be a better husband" and "fuck me," while the other is all "kill your family." That isn't confirmed, but that mistress seems fucking evil, like she was hiding her involvement. But that is conjecture and she never had her day in court or anything. Regardless, dude seemed completely possessed by his infatuation for this mistress and def killed to be with her. Dude is definitely evil as fuck. Mistress, probably. She is hotter, but loses a lot of points for being really uncool. 

Really well done documentary. Follows the story from the very beginning through the confession and trial. All with actual footage from body cameras, security cams, and the news. Also get texts and social media posts involving the victims, giving them a voice. However, again, made me a little sick to my stomach. It's not quite as heart-wrenching as Dear Zachary, but it's in the ballpark. It's not like he is super compelling or anything either, like with Robert Durst. Great, but never watching again. 

Season of the Witch (1972) is the worst movie of all time

Your own goddamned daughter, balled in the next room and you go with it. Not to be confused with the Nicholas Cage movie from 2011. I'm talking about the 1972 George A. Romero movie. At 11% on Rotten Tomato, I am sure the Nick Cage (I'm definitely a huge fan of his) movie is more watchable. 

Found this on the Criterion Channel. Romero feminist movie. Sign me up. But this ended up really not being my cup of tea. The movie is a complete mess. It goes off the rails in the first minute of the movie and never recovers. 

The gist of this film is that a neglected, unhappy housewife out of suburban Pittsburgh with gets involved in witchcraft, has an affair with this piece of shit professor that is boning her teenage daughter, and maybe accidentally on purpose kills her abusive husband. I've heard it described as a porno without the nudity or hardcore. It's of that quality, I guess.

The lead actress, one Jan White, is pretty good for an amateur. I'd give her the MVP for sure. This is more or less a film for Romero completists only, though the film was more or less taken from him by the producers. Really not worth watching, in my opinion, though it is a Criterion Collection movie, for god knows what reason. 

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is the greatest movie of all time

I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula. But does Dracula know it? Pretty fun flick. Costello, the short one, is more than a little irritating and the ending is anticlimactic, but it's funny even now and has serious nostalgia for moi. Saw this as a child with my grandma, miss her. Turned me onto it after we watched Monster Squad together. Good companion movies. Both are solid intros to the Universal monsters and are what I'd call gateway horror. Also, super kid-friendly. 

Cast is what you think it is with one exception. You have Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. They are their normal personas. Lon Chaney Jr. is the Wolf Man and Bela Lugosi is Dracula. Lugosi is apparently smacked out his mind by this point of his life. Frankenstein's Monster I always thought was Boris Karloff but it's some look-a-like named Glenn Strange. There are also a couple of chicks and a pretty boy, none of whom I recognize, that play central parts. Oh, and Vincent Price is sort in like 10-seconds of the movie. He's the uncredited voice of the Invisible Man. 

Gist of the movie is that Abbott and Costello deliver wax monsters figures (Frankenstein's monster and Dracula) to a wax museum. However, the monsters come alive and take off. The Wolf Man is onto this shit though tries to warn these idiots. Costello sees the shit go down but can't convince Abbott. Also, Costello is trying to slay two chicks at the same time, I'm pretty sure. They are into him, but he's a moron. The fact that he is so dumb makes Dracula want to use his brain for Frankenstein monster's body so he can control it. Seems like something of a Get Out situation. It doesn't really hold up under scrutiny, but, again, fun. 

MVP of the flick is totally Abbott. His straight man schtick makes the movie and the duo, in my opinion. His deadpan, don't have time for this nonsense is tits. He does the funniest straight man of all time while Costello is out there trying to play hero ball. 

Villains is the greatest movie of all time

"You know what I think the most telling thing about you is? It's the little girl you have chained in the basement." Really solid movie. Gist is a couple that robs houses and gas stations for a living have car trouble whilst on the run from the law and break into a house where they find a chained up little girl. Too fucked for even criminals to ignore, they try to decide what to do when the homeowners show up and shit goes down. This movie is pretty fucking dark but has its humorous moments. Mostly just from the quippy dialogue. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Led by a quartet of strong performances, Villains offers genre fans a delightfully dark thriller with a sharp comic streak.

There are less than 10 people in the movie but really it's mostly the two couples that make up pretty much the whole movie. They are Bill Skarsgård (Pennywise from It Chapter One and It Chapter Two), Maika Monroe whom you may recall from It Follows or The Guest, Jeffrey Donovan from Burn Notice and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, and Kyra Sedgwick from Singles and The Closer. Sedgwick is also married to Kevin Bacon. 

All of the performances are stellar, but Donovan is on another level. He is throwing 100 miles per hour. I can't believe this guy isn't a bigger star. He's totally the MVP with his over-the-top performance.