31 Days of Halloween: V/H/S/Beyond: Lovecraftian Night Falls Flat

V/H/S Beyond - 2024

Directors: Jordan Downey ("Stork"), Kevin Stewart ("Stork"), Christian Long ("Fur Babies"), Justin Long ("Fur Babies"), Justin Martinez ("Live and Let Dive"), Virat Pal ("Dream Girl"), Kate Siegel ("Stowaway"), Jay Cheel ("Abduction/Adduction")

 

★★-Day 15 of Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge.  V/H/S/Beyond. Lovecraftian night. 
 
The latest of the V/H/S anthology series. Made up of six shorts that explore mostly extraterrestrial themes in a found footage style. In one police battle zombies in an abandoned mansion. Another follows a Bollywood popstar doing a dance number that turns into chaos. And so forth. 

Usually have fun with these V/H/S flicks, especially 94, 99, and 85. I usually go to New York in October. Saw those three at the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival. Might have elevated them a little in my mind. Hell, I briefly talked to the Shudder curator, Samuel Zimmerman, on my way out of the theatre following 99, which was hella cool.

Didn't have fun with this one. It was pretty lame, IMO. Framing device (a documentary) veered too far away from all the other films in the franchise. Focus on aliens instead of ghosts and monsters/killers. 
 
There is a very disturbing one where a pair of siblings turn people into dogs called “Fur Babies.” Justin Long and his brother Christian direct the segment, which is a whole lot like Kevin Smith's Tusk, a film that Justin starred in. They claim that it isn’t directly inspired by the film, but the (overrated) body horror cult film was on their minds. I actually liked this better than Tusk, but it wasn’t anything I ever want to see again. 

Mike Flanagan did the writing for the forgettable “Stowaway” about a woman who is abducted by aliens. His wife, the lovely Kate Siegel, did the directing. Flanagan has mostly bangers with Absentia, Oculus, Hush, Ouija: Origin of Evil, Gerald's Game, and Doctor Sleep, probably my favorite horror film of the 2010s. Also, five killer miniseries on Netflix. My favorite of those was The Midnight Club, which was unfortunately canceled after 10 wonderful episodes. Siegel appears in a lot of his stuff and has been nothing but great in everything I’ve seen her in, notably The Haunting of Hill House and The Fall of the House of Usher.
 
Favorite of the pieces was "Live and Let Dive" where a guy goes skydiving with his wife and friends for his birthday. Before they take the plunge, they are attacked by aliens. All hell then breaks loose. It was only alright. 

Again, not really a fan, overall. The segments didn’t hit home for me like ones from previous iterations. Plus, the framing doc format sucked. And it bummed me out I didn't go to NYC. I'm sure I would've liked it more under those circumstances. Next year… I’m sure there will be more of them down the road. 

31 Days of Halloween: It Came from Tubi: Wan’s Killer Doll Film Fails to Impress

 Dead Silence - James Wan - 2007

 

★-Day 14 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. It came from Tubi. Should have stayed there. Yeesh. Went with Dead Silence by James Wan. I also watched a few others on Tubi, but this is the official pick. Spoiler, it’s fucking terrible. 

Not a huge director James Wan fan. Actually, I don’t think I’ve cared for any of his movies. Even the huge ones. Maybe especially the huge ones. This flick was extremely lame. There was an interesting twist at the end that I, for one, did not see coming. It’s up there with Sleepaway Camp in terms of shock and WTF, but I see a lot of complaints that it was obvious the whole time. Bullshit. 
 
Gist is one Jamie Ashen returns to his eerie hometown of Raven’s Fair to investigate the mysterious and brutal murder of his wife, Lisa. The investigation leads him to uncover the dark legend of Mary Shaw, a vengeful ventriloquist whose ghost, along with her creepy dolls, haunts the town. As Jamie delves deeper, he learns that Mary Shaw’s curse involves gruesome deaths where victims’ tongues are cut out, and he must confront this ghost lady and her toys to stop the killings. Lame. 
 

Acting is especially terrible, not that the dialogue gave them anything to work with. Main guy, Ryan Kwanten, can’t carry a movie. He appears to have a solid career in mostly television. He was one of the stars of True Blood and appeared in Them and the Creepshow revival. Donnie Wahlberg plays the detective investigating the wife’s murder and assumes Jamie did it. His “thing” is that he is constantly shaving with an electric razor. Even in public, which is gross. 
 
Others include Bob Gunton who plays the Ashen patriarch. He’ll always be the Warden in The Shawshank Redemption. Amber Valletta plays the hot stepmother boning old Warden Norton. Only other person I recognized was Laura Regan, the dead wife. She was one of the creepy psychic pod people in Minority Report and played Jennifer Crane in Mad Men. 
 
Style is that same digital crap that you see in all Wan’s work. Whether it is Saw, Insidious, The Conjuring, one of their many sequels, or his more recent flicks Aquaman/Malignant, all his movies have a look. I find most of them pretty blah. This movie, way worse though. 

31 Days of Halloween: Underrated Vampire: Near Dark: The Best Neo-Western Vampire Film You Are Ever Going to See

 Near Dark - Kathryn Bigelow - 1987

 

★★★★★-Day 13 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Underrated vampire movie night. An ultraviolent vampire movie with neo-western elements and some serious acting chops directed by Kathryn Bigelow and penned by the guy that wrote The Hitcher, Eric Red. Plus you get a fan-fucking-tastic atmospheric synth soundtrack by Tangerine Dream. This is one of those best movies no one has ever seen deals. 
 
Gist is a small town Oklahoma bumpkin, Caleb Colton, gets himself entangled with a nomadic family of vampires after being bitten by mysterious drifter Mae. As Caleb deals with his transformation and the group’s extremely violent lifestyle, the film explores themes of loyalty, survival, and identity. 
 
The group of vampires has a True Knot from Stephen King’s The Shining sequel, Doctor Sleep, quality to them. Vagrants in an RV. Sort of feels like a Clive Barker movie. Not going to complain about that. 
 
Some of the people they kill sort of deserve it. Some don’t. Guys hitchhiking that immediately talk about rape, yeah, they have some shit coming to them. The truck driver just trying to drop a load. Not as deserving of death. His only crime is picking up hitchhikers, which is mad dangerous. He is super likeable and you hate to see him go. 
 

Directed by one of my favorites, Kathryn Bigelow. She has some real bangers with Best Picture winner The Hurt Locker (which also earned her an Academy Award for Best Director), Zero Dark Thirty, and one of my personal favorites, Point Break. Hell, my senior yearbook quote, “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true,” was from Point Break. It’s the best surfer bank robber movie you are ever going to see. 

Adrian Pasdar from Heroes plays Caleb, the lead. He is pretty sleazy. A lot of the plot has to do with whether he will choose to live this violent, vagabond, outlaw lifestyle. The lovely Jenny Wright plays the love interest vampire that turns him. This is her largest and best roll. Somewhat forgotten, Wright carved out a nice little career but retired in the 1990s. Had a bit part in the Robin William/Glenn Close film The World According to Garp in 1982. She was part of the so-called “Brat Pack”, check out the documentary Brats to see how the moniker impacted all of their careers and mental health, because she worked with Anthony Michael Hall, Rob Loew, Eric Stoltz, and so on, and appeared in the film St. Elmo's Fire. She was also in the totally bananas The Lawnmower Man from 1992. She does do the horror convention circuit, signing autographs for a reasonable $25. It appears that she will also sign photos for free if you write to her, which is pretty freaking cool. Their relationship goes from a creepy guy practically whipping it out to them being tied together in what appears to be 15-20 minutes of driving around and trying to get laid.

Something of an Aliens reunion. You have Jenette Goldstein who play fan-favorite Vasquez. Bill Paxton who dropped “game over, man.” And Lance Henriksen, who was the android Bishop. One of the few to make it out “alive”. In Near Dark, they play Diamondback, Severen, and Jesse Hooker, the leader, respectively. All three of them are incredible.
 
Rounding out the cast are journeyman actor Tim Thomerson as Caleb’s dad, “that guy” actor Troy Evans in a bit part, and Joshua John Miller. Miller is a legit great for a child actor playing a several hundred-year-old night walker. He is, IMO, the creepiest vampire I’ve seen in any movie, by far. He is actually 100s of years old but trapped in this preteen state for eternity. Really fixates on the protagonist’s little kid sister. Giving off real molester energy. 
 
The ending is outrageously convenient and unbelievable. I’m not going to give it away, but I will say it does some shit that is definitively not how being a vampire works. These made-up creatures have rules! Only other knock is that some of the effects are cheap/dated, but are by no means the worst I’ve ever seen.
 
It was considered a box office bomb, bringing in $3.4 million on a $5 million budget, but has gained a bit of a cult following for its refreshing take on vampire lore and its atmospheric, gritty wild west style that is beautifully shot. Every shot is framed amazingly well as all the best westerns are. Plus, it is perfectly acted and super tense. 

31 Days of Halloween: Second Chance Night: Ginger Snaps: A Tale of Teenage Transformation

Ginger Snaps - John Fawcett - 2000 

★★★-Day 12 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Second chance night. Like it more than my first watch like 20 years ago. But I’m still not a huge fan. It's just fine.

Gist is two teenage sisters, Ginger and Brigitte, are obsessed with death and are kind of outcasts in their suburban high school. Ginger gets attacked by a werewolf and shit starts getting weird between them. You know, Ginger becomes more violent, both physically and behaviorally unrecognizable, and Brigitte searches for a way to reverse the werewoof curse. Clever title, ya dig? This all while navigating the dangers of adolescence, family dynamics, and such. Explores themes of puberty, identity, and the monstrous feminine, blending body horror with dark humor.

Emily Perkins as Brigitte and Katharine Isabelle as Ginger. Perkins I mostly think of as Bev Marsh from the 1990 It. Isabelle pops up here and there in mostly horror. She was the star in American Mary, played teen fodder in Freddy vs. Jason, and even appeared in a lesser Nolan film with Insomnia.
 
Others you may recognize include Kris Lemche as a drug dealing werewoof expert. He was in Final Destination 3, the one with the roller coaster, and shows up pretty frequently on the electric teevee machine. 
 
Mimi Rogers plays the mom. She famously introduced Tom Cruise, her husband from 1987 through 1990, to Scientology, which she left after the divorce. Looks like her and David Miscavige fucking hate each other and she’s on the Scientology naughty list, considered a “suppressive person.” Good for her. 

Jesse Moss plays a douche bro who gets turned. Was just writing the other day about Tucker & Dale vs Eviland saying haven’t seen him in anything else, though he plays a convincing prick. Of course, I randomly watch a movie with him in it the next day. 

Directed by one John Fawcett. He’s worked steadily since the early 1990s, directing mostly episodes of TV, most notably a huge chunk of Orphan Black. Film-wise, he’s mostly known for this flick.
 
Something funny is that the sisters are doing some art project where they stage suicides and photograph it. My theme for AP Art Studio this same time was suicide. Still have a few of those pieces from high school. One is a self-immolation. Another is the old death by hanging with a belt. I wasn’t a particularly dark kid but have always wanted that to be an option for people. 

Reminded me of sex ed from elementary school. How women have periods while dudes have nothing seemed infinitely unfair to me. “You mean women go through this traumatic experience every month for 30 to 40 years? Do men have anything like that. No. Crazy.”

Anywho, the flick wreaks of Canada. Canadian horror can be pretty fun. Pretty niche blend of psychological tension, atmospheric dread, and dark humor. There is the country's vast, often landscapes, lending itself to themes of isolation and identity. Emphasize slow-building tension, cerebral scares, social anxieties, fears of transformation/otherness. You get the idea. Usually can tell if a film is Canadian within a few minutes. There is an old joke, is this the United States 10 years ago, or Canada today?
 
Lot of dead dogs. Now I remember why I didn't like it as this is a great way to turn me off. Poor Baxter. Rest in peace, Norman. On the other hand, if you are going to keep a dog chained up, go fuck yourself. But, yeah, too much dead dog. 

31 Days of Halloween: Nicolas Cage: Prisoners of the Ghostland: A Wild Ride That Misses the Mark

 Prisoners of the Ghostland - Sion Sono - 2021

 

★★-Day 11 of the Nightmare on Film Street  31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Nicolas Cage night. Recently did a Nic Cage inventory. Of the roughly 120 movies he has been in, I’ve seen about 75. This was one I missed. Should have stayed that way, but I’m kind of a completist.The production value is pretty outrageous. Ghostland is what I imagine North Korea is like, but with Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw 2 instead of the butterball Kim Jong. It has actors I love. Built as a dystopian world that blends Western and samurai cinema, we get the typical themes of redemption and survival as Hero makes his way through the treacherous terrain and its mutated inhabitants. I was expect a combination of Mandy, Waterworld, Fury Road, and Kill Bill rolled into Battle Royale. I was stoked.

Here are the deets: Nicolas Cage plays a notorious criminal named Hero, who is sent on a mission to rescue the adopted granddaughter of a warlord played by Bill Moseley. She’s held up in a supernatural wasteland known as the Ghostland. Hence Prisoners of the Ghostland. 

When Cage is on, he is on fire, sometimes literally. Back when, Cage said in an interview that the film is “the wildest movie I’ve ever made.” So, you know, time to buckle the fuck up. I thought. Spoiler. It’s fucking not. 

Directed by Sion Sono, who is considered a hot shit auteur out of Nippon. So, you know, he’s got that distinctive style, which includes grotesque violence, extreme eroticism, surreal imagery, complex narratives, a cynicism toward modern Japanese society, and so forth. His portrayal of women has sparked debate, with opinions divided on whether his works are misogynistic or feminist. Another spoiler. He’s a fucking misogynist. In 2022, he faced allegations of sexual misconduct from actresses within the Japanese film industry. So he’s probably done, at least in America. 

Sofia Boutella plays the granddaughter that needs saving. Recognize her from movies Kingsman: The Secret Service, Atomic Blonde, Fahrenheit 451, Hotel Artemis, and Rebel Moon, among other things. 

Nick Cassavetes, son of John Cassavetes, who was cool as fuck, is about the only other person I recognize. He will always be Lyle Pike from one of my 80s favorites, Blind Fury. He plays part of this pair of brothers trying to eliminate a blind samurai type Rutger Hauer. Hauer is trying to rescue his army buddy played by John Locke from Lost who is forced to make meth for the Reno mob. There is a very memorable scene where Cassavetes and the brother get trapped in an elevator. One says “shit”, while the other says “fuck”. They then look at each other and in unison say “shit fuck”, gifting the world that little gem. 

Anyway, this flick is bonkers in a what-the-fuck-is-this way. Turns out it is a lot of boring nonsense. Like, why are the weird desert people turning folks into mannequins, House of Wax style? No fucking idea. 

Then, halfway through the movie, I realized it sucks. It is just interesting enough to keep you watching, but doesn’t deliver on the wild ride that we were promised. For example, I’m about to turn it off, then I see one of Nicolas Cage’s testicles. It is really something. I’m talking outside of his sack, held in his hand. Some new territory there. How’s that for what the fuck? 

This is followed by 20 minutes of exposition in the form of a maybe dream. I don’t know. Then zombies show up. I guess it is supposed to be an apocalypse, spaghetti western, kung fu mashup. Feels like there are a lot of allusions to other media, but I wasn’t getting them. 

Overall, Cage was solid, as were most the other stars, though it was not a good viewing experience. The Nick Allen review on RogerEbert.com sums it up pretty well. “No movie with Nicolas Cage, directed by the wonderfully weird Japanese director Sion Sono, should be this taxing, drawn out, and plainly boring.” It was one of the worst movies I’ve finished. Monumentally bad. Bad in a might be camp way, but not enough to convince me it was intentional.  

31 Days of Halloween: Silly Scares Night: A Self-Aware/Hilarious Twist on Horror Tropes

Tucker & Dale vs Evil - Eli Craig - 2010

 

★★★★★-Day 10 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Silly scares night. One of my favorite genres. This is an old favorite. Nearly an annual watch. Partner loves it as well. 

Gist is two well-meaning hillbillies, Tucker and Dale, are mistaken for killers by a group of college-aged dipshits. While the bumpkins are on vacation at their dilapidated cabin in the woods, a series of misunderstandings lead the students to believe they are being hunted by roughneck psychopaths. The bumpkins, meanwhile, think the kids are in some kind of suicide cult as attempts to “rescue” their friend Allison results in a series of gruesome accidents.

Alan Tudyk and ­­Tyler Labine star as Tucker and Dale respectively. Tudyk is always fun and his performance in this film is no exception. I mostly thinking of him from this role and as Steve the pirate in Dodgeball which I fucking love. 

Labine, for his part, has this comedic horror lane locked down. He had a solid run in the 2010s, starring in a couple of my favorite shows with Reaper and Deadbeat, but it appears he’s had some health issues in the last few years and taken a little bit of a step back. 

Hoping director Eli Craig gets to make many more movies in the future. As of this writing it just this and another comedy horror flick Little Evil. It’s no Tucker & Dale, but it’s not bad. Has a movie that is supposed to come out next year based on the YA slasher novel Clown in a Cornfield. I am so seeing that flick. 

The college kids all kind of blend together and just there to pad the body count save for the group’s alpha, Chad, and Allison, she’s the one Tucker and Dale “kidnap”, played Katrina Bowden. She is the incredibly hot receptionist in 30 Rock. I have a bit of a weird connection to her. A girl I dated briefly 20 years ago dated her ex-husband before we got together. He is the frontman for this emo band Armor for Sleep. She occasionally talked to him on the phone while we were dating just to make me jealous. I, however, didn’t give a shit. Our relationship was fucked.

Chad, love that the college douche is named Chad, is played by one Jesse Moss. He is the group’s self-appointed leader and the film's main antagonist. He seems like your average frat bro but becomes obviously more mentally deranged as his suppressed psychotic tendencies and prejudices towards hillbillies start coming out. Hadn’t seen him in anything else, but he is great in this. You can tell he is having a good time. 

The film is absolutely spectacular, subverting horror tropes and effectively blending comedy with gory. A fun twist on the typical horror genre, with plenty of laughs and unexpected turns. 

31 Days of Halloween: Blumhouse off key with country music horror flick

Torn Hearts - Brea Grant – 2022

 

★★-Day 9 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Blumhouse night. This studio is pretty hit or miss. For me, this was definitely a miss. 

Set in Nashville’s country music scene, two rising musicians, Jordan and Leigh, seek out their idol, only to find themselves entangled in a twisted pursuit of fame. Good premise squandered by poor execution. 

 

Katey Sagal plays the idol with issues. Crazy how good she still looks. Strange familiar face in this one as well. Josh from The Blair Witch Project plays the manager/boyfriend of Leigh. Hard to recognize under all the facial hair though. 

 

Had a lot of hope for this. Loved director Brea Grant’s movie Lucky from 2020. But couldn’t get behind this movie at all. The writing was lazy as fuck. The reason all the killing and mind fuckery are going down is a mystery. 

 

My female companion grew up in Nashville. Her family was in the biz. She hated it, too, though she could relate better than myself. She mostly didn’t find the flick interesting. 

 

Biggest bright spot was the acting of Abby Quinn who plays the free-spirited Jordan. She was one of the profits or whatever in Knock at the Cabin. Playing the other half of the duo was Alexxis Lemire, who wasn’t great. The character, Leigh, is super lame and stupid. 

 

Overall, nothing special. Music industry horror has some potential, but movie phones it in. Acting is bad. Story is not only meh, but also confusing.

31 Days of Halloween: Tetsuo: The Iron Man - A Surreal Dive into Industrial Body Horror

Tetsuo: The Iron Man - Shinya Tsukamoto - 1989

 

★★★★-Day 8 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Body horror night. Went all out with this bizarre Japanese flick with this weird communicable cyborg thing going on. Imagery is beautiful, the “iron man” has this this industrial, modern art thing happening that I dig. Also, what’s a Japanese movie without a lot of phallic imagery? It’s like going to Tokyo on a rare Godzilla-free day. 

 

Not a lot to follow plot-wise. You are just in this world and going with it. That’s not to say it isn’t entertaining. It is funny/fun in a slapstick sort of way. I imagine director Shinya Tsukamoto gets a lot of Cronenberg and Lynch comparisons, but I also get a whiff of Sam Raimi.

 

Overall, well-acted, ugly beautiful, superbly stylish, and extremely interesting, though it kind of feels like a joke that you don’t quite get. Regardless, I can 100% say it is not like anything I’ve ever seen before. 

31 Days of Halloween: Samara Weaving Night: The Babysitter: Killer Queen -- A Bloody Return to Culty Chaos

The Babysitter: Killer Queen - McG – 2020

 

★★★-Day 7 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Samara Weaving night. Don’t mind if I do. 

A horror-comedy sequel to The Babysitter, picking up two years after the pre-pubescent star survives a satanic cult led by his babysitter. He must once again fight for his life when the cult he Home Aloned to death returns for revenge, still after his virgin blood.

 

Starts with the survivor virgin dude from the first one (a youngan named Judah Lewis) being pretty much a pariah with his little girlfriend, played by Emily Alyn Lind (she was Snakebite Andi in Doctor Sleep), now with the school’s jocky douche. You'll probably also recognize Ken Marino from Party Down and Wet Hot American Summer and Leslie Bibb from Trick 'r Treat and Talladega Nights. They were in the first movie with slightly bigger parts as the parents of the protagonist.

 

Directed by McG. He did several movies in the aughts that no one cared for. Charlie's Angels movies, We Are Marshall, Terminator Salvation (that’s the one where Christian Bale lost his shit on the director of photography). These Babysitter flicks are dope though.

 

More brutal than the original (decapitations, spontaneous combustions, death by propeller, so forth), this one also has its share of humor. Like trying to bone so he isn’t so pure they want to kill him and what not.

 

I have trouble telling Lind apart from Kathryn Newton and Rose McIver. In this flick, she is also consciously trying to resemble Samara Weaving, who herself looks a lot like Margot Robbie. They are all very beautiful women, but sort of out of hot blonde central casting. There is a pretty sweet Ortega vs. Lind Gen Z “it girl” off at the end. I liked it. But less than the first one. Still waiting on that third one, though. 

31 Days of Halloween: Ghost Story Night: Gothic del Toro

Crimson Peak - Guillermo del Toro - 2015

 

★★★★-Day 6 of the Nightmare on Film Street 31 Days of Halloween Horror Challenge. Ghost story night. Crimson Peak. Would put this in mid-tier Guillermo del Toro. Still rocks though. Huge fan of his work. 

Gist is aspiring author Edith Cushing marries charming baron Thomas Sharpe, who has some weird shit going on with sister Lucille. She then moves to his remote Gothic mansion and uncovers various dark secrets behind the ghosts that haunt the massive, dilapidated home.

 

Cast is solid with great performances. Stars Mia Wasikowska in the lead as Edith. She has really had some canonical, literary parts in her years. She was Alice in the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland flicks. Also, the title role for the Jane Eyre a decade back with Michael Fassbender as Rochester, Emma Bovary in a Madame Bovary adaptation, stars next to Robert Pattinson in the bananas film Damsel, and the part of Judy in Judy and Punch, which was also insane. She is pretty great. 

 

Others include the Loki man himself Tom Hiddleston as the baron, the always solid Jessica Chastain in her stabbiest role as sister Lucille who is completely out of her mind, and Charlie Hunnam as Dr. Alan McMichael, the other love interest. Also get Jim Beaver as Edith’s dad (he is Bobby Singer in Supernatural). And it wouldn’t be a Del Toro movie without a little Indiana native Doug Jones, he was the fish man in The Shape of Water as well as the fish man in the Hellboy movies. 

 

Love a gothic period piece. The production of this world is the best part about the movie. Totally giving off Hammer Film vibes in that respect, but with the del Toro style. Chastain steals the show with her subdued yet unhinged performance. Pacing and story could have been fleshed out a little bit, and the end is a little over-the-top. Not a classic like Pan’s Labyrinth, The Shape of Water, or The Devil’s Backbone, but it’s close.