Superhost is the worst movie of all time

Superhost. “This episode is the most special episode yet! Be sure to like and subscribe as we hunt down your favorite host, Teddy. First impressions of this place are not good. There is blood EVERYWHERE and I found a dead body in the basement. Absolutely zero stars.” That shit is pretty funny. This movie though, uuuugggghhhhh. Not my cup of tea. Though it has a 92% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomato. So what do I know? Judge for yourself if you have access to Shudder. 

Gist is that a couple of influencers with a travel vlog do what they do whilst stressing about their dwindling follower count. They decide to start creating content focused around their "superhost," Rebecca, who is out of her fucking mind and really wants a great review. Everything as far as plot goes hinges on them having shit cell service. But they have good enough WiFi to upload videos. Okay.

Directed by one Brandon Christensen who also did the movies Z and Still/Born. The movie stars Sara Canning (Claire) and Osric Chau (Teddy) as the sloggers, and Gracie Gillam as the psycho Rebecca. Gillam, who also goes by Gracie Phipps it appears, looks and carries herself like a girl I boned back in the day. The girl I knew wasn't nearly as insane, to my knowledge. But this fucked with me for some reason. 

Anyway, the always lovely and talented Barbara Crampton shows up in the flick too for what I assume was a half-day of filming. MVP is sort of a toss-up between Chau and Gillam who are both more than serviceable if over-the-top.   

Acting is solid all around. The crazy chick is believably insane, the female lead is a major buzzkill, and the Asian guy is a huge bitch. They are all super good in these roles.   

Glad I don’t have to care a lot about my number of followers is all I’ve got to say. Looks way stressful and fucking terrible, being an influencer who depends on that shit. Legit sad. 

I had a cousin who was a YouTube influencer who was like this, and I thought it was pretty pathetic. But what do I know with my sub-300 Instagram followers? I like using YouTube and blogging and posting photos and such, obviously, but I do it more for me and my friends and don’t have to worry about making a living at it, with all my high-level marketable skills and all (I kid [sort of]). 

Also, this lady, not marriage material. Yeah, she cute, but fucking with someone else’s livelihood for followers and likes is low as fuck. Now the host did end up being crazy, but that is beside the point. The chick he wants to marry, we see, has a track record of this. I just can’t get over how little I respect this dude’s character. Think about what you want out of life and a partner, dipshit. He can barely even go downstairs to check out strange noises and shit. This dude needs to learn how to be a fucking man. Of course she doesn’t really say yes by the way. As you can guess, the rest of their video is bound to be stellar.   

A lot of bad horror movie decisions. Idiot logic like going back to the house instead of the car because the killer might be waiting on them even though the house is monitored by surveillance cameras and locked via codes she provides. They had so many opportunities to run when they were able-bodied, but the dude, as been established, is a bitch. Also, there is a security system they could have set off to get the police there but they didn’t. I guess if the killer had remote access or something, but, again, no cell reception. They waited too long though and she was able to turn it off with a fob. Could have hit the panic button, but these two don’t want to live. I feel like this is on-brand for them though and they get got because of it. Fucking noobs.  

It Comes At Night is the greatest movie of all time

It Comes At Night. "You can't trust anyone but family." Well, that was about the bleakest fucking movie I've ever seen. Did not like watching during a pandemic. Basically, everything that happens in the movie is for nothing. Humans are the worst. Can't trust each other especially when it comes down to survival between families. Even the fucking dog dies. A solid movie, great even, but holy fuck, man. Never watching this shit again. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It Comes at Night makes lethally effective use of its bare-bones trappings while proving once again that what's left unseen can be just as horrifying as anything on the screen. Read critic reviews  

Written and directed by one Trey Edward Shults, who must be disturbed as shit. My man has some fucking talent. Barebones, effective as shit storytelling. The film is about a family (mom, dad, adultish son) hiding in a forest after society has collapsed following the outbreak of a highly contagious, deadly disease. Things are pretty shitty but they are surviving when a dude suddenly tries to break in. Turns out he has a wife and little one. He desperate as shit while the other one is just trying to keep his family safe. 

Only two people I recognize, neither by name. They are Riley Keough (Elvis's granddaughter who was in Mad Max: Fury Road) and this Joel Edgerton (mostly think of him as Hugo from Smokin' Aces). Only other people that are in it enough to have lines are Christopher Abbott, Carmen Ejogo (she was in True Detective: Season 3), and Kelvin Harrison Jr. The fams are Edgerton, Ejogo, and Harrison, then the others are a clan. 

I think what I really don't like about the way this movie made me feel, without giving too much away, I 100% would have done exactly what either of the dads does, especially Edgerton. But no one was right, nor wrong. Just fucked.  

While the movie has a high critical rating, audiences hated it. Probably because it was such a bummer, no doubt. I mean, we are watching people living in a world filled with fear, sickness, fear of sickness, pain, distrust, and desperation. Sort of like IRL but also with way more death and isolation. It's fucking terrifying and prophetic--the film came out in 2017, before the shit. 

Hard to pick an MVP, the performances and film are so great. Leaning toward the director, Shults, or Harrison. I'm gonna default to the director though since this was a nearly perfect unwatchable movie. Check it out, sure, but it is not a pleasant watch for a movie with no gore and no truly evil characters. 

What I watched: August 2021

Here are the movies/television programs I watched last month. Giving each a one-word review (maybe with some notes), where I watched it, and when it was made. Going to make this a thing...   

Michelle Buteau: Welcome to Buteaupia - 2020 - Netflix - Okay - She was funnish, but not nearly what I was led to believe

Jungle Cruise - 2021 - Drive-In - Good - Had more fun watching this than The African Queen

The African Queen - 1951 - Criterion - Bad - Yeah, I know

The Dead - 1986 - Criterion - Bad - John Huston whiffs again, this in his last film

Going Nuts: Tales from a Squirrel - 2019 - HBO Max - Great - Love a good, lighthearted nature documentary

The Bedroom Window - 1987 - Criterion - Great - I fucking loved this movie. Neo-noir is my fucking jam. This one is exceptional, and the only one I've seen that stars Steve "The Goot" Guttenberg. 

Untold: The Malice at the Palace - 2021- Netflix - Good - Still hurts. Pretty sure it cost Reggie a championship. I may be biased but I always thought David Stern and the media fucked us on this (by us I mean the Pacers). Stern and his anti-Pacer bullshit peaked then. The media was waiting to go off on the NBA. Great documentary though

Free Guy - 2021 - AMC Theater - Good - Super fun movie. Ryan Reynolds is a treasure. The film was nice with a really interesting gimmick 

Warm Bodies - 2013 - Plex - Good - A zombie love story. Super creative and well-acted. One of the better zombie takes from the last decade, for sure

Homicide - 1991 - Criterion - Good - Aggressive David Mamet, zionist shit... But it is pretty good

Witness - 1985 - Plex - Good - Harrison Ford protects a little Amish boy who witnessed a murder. Goes to their community, bones the kid's mom, and kicks some fucking ass. Ridiculous but solid. 

Cube - 1997 - Plex - Good - Impressive low-budget Canadian horror flick. Has a huge cult following, which I don't really get. But it was fine. 

Lord of Illusions - 1995 - Prime - Great - Really feeling Clive Barker's films lately. Love a neo-noir supernatural horror flick. Wish he'd get back to directing as Hellraiser, Nightbreed, and Lord of Illusions are all classics. 

2001 Maniacs - 2005 - Plex - Fucking Terrible

The Great Escape - 1963 - Plex - Fucking Incredible - One of my all-time faves, I watch this every few years. Steve McQueen is so damn cool it is insane; however, I think James Garner and James Coburn are often overlooked for their work on the film. Whenever I watch this, I try to pull off the cutoff sweatshirt look, much to my female companion's irritation. 

The Asphalt Jungle - 1950 - Criterion - Great - John Huston definitely redeemed himself in my eyes with this gritty, trash crime flick. The first film with Marilyn Monroe. So worth a watch.

Homicide is the greatest movie of all time

Homicide. "I'm gonna tell you what the old whore said, and this is the truest thing I know: 'When you start cumming with the customers, it's time to quit.'" The third most David Mamet line I can think of written by David Mamet. The first is "Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only." The second, from the same rant, is "You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?" This guy. 

First, fuck David Mamet. He's a Trump-supporting, misogynistic Zionist. Dude does do aggressive, angry male characters well though. This is not a shocker. 

Watched 1991's Homicide as part of Criterion Collection Monday. Gist of the movie is Joe Mantegna (totally carries the movie) a self-hating Jewish homicide detective investigating a seemingly minor murder that ends up maybe being committed by an antisemitic hate group which eventually leads to him committing domestic terrorism for Zionists. Also in the movie are William H. Macy and Ving Rhames, both of whom are solid. 

Like any David Mamet movie, everyone talks like they are coked out of their minds with speech peppered with constant racial slurs and “fucks.” It's pretty solid but I’ll never fucking watch it again. If you like Glengarry Glen Ross, you'll probably like this. 

Like I said, Criterion movie. This director-approved release includes an audio commentary with Mamet and Macy, as well as cast interviews and a gag reel. Couldn’t imagine there is a more inappropriate movie with a gag real. This is in shocking taste... But I'm pretty curious about what is on it.

The Asphalt Jungle is the greatest movie of all time

The Asphalt Jungle. "One way or another, we all work for our vice." Might be the darkest Hayes Code era flicks I've seen, the movie was released in 1950. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, even for a John Huston movie, but is an undeniable masterpiece. Not my favorite Huston flick, but damn good. 

Based on the 1949 book of the same name by W. R. Burnett. The gist of the movie is a group of guys pull off a major jewel heist in the Midwest only for things to go to shit when the men start double-crossing each other. 

Though you probably won't recognize many of the actors, the performances are flawless. The film stars Sterling Hayden (his performance is stellar) who is the guy who breaks Michael's jaw in The Godfather, Louis Calhern (also phenomenal) who I only recognize from Duck Soup, the talented Jean Hagen (another breakout performance) who played Lina Lamont in Singin' in the Rain, the guy who played Brooks in The Shawshank Redemption, and, most notably, Marilyn Monroe, in one of her earliest roles. 

A lot of cringe with Marilyn's character. Young and Marilyn Monroe at her peak hot, her creepy uncle has some sexual predatory stuff going on with her. That's pretty unpleasant to watch, for sure. But damn, Monroe makes quite an impact on the screen. 

Doing some half-assed internet research, supposedly Huston's first choice for the role played by Monroe was Lola Albright, who was quite a looker herself. When she wasn't available, Huston brought in Monroe for a screen test. He wasn't sure she was right for the part and dismissed her. However, he changed his mind when he watched her walking out the door. According to one Eddie Muller's intro to the Turner Classic Movies Noir Alley presentation of the film, Huston later said Monroe was "one of the few actresses who could make an entrance by leaving the room." I find this claim dubious but somewhat on brand. 

In his autobiography, also a dubious source, Huston claims he felt protective of her and when it seemed some unnamed studio executive was trying to "set her up for the casting couch," screen-tested her for another role, as to get that far in the process at that studio meant boning this asshole. But he didn't cast her and she disappeared. A year later, now with agent Johnny Hyde, she was back to screen-test for Asphalt Jungle. When she came around, Huston recognized her as the girl he'd saved from the casting couch. "She was Angela to a T. "I later discovered that Johnny Hyde was in love with her," Huston wrote. "Johnny was a very fine, very reliable agent, and we were friends, but Marilyn didn't get the part because of Johnny. She got it because she was damn good." I choose to believe that story over the one where he was kind of a creep.

Huston gets my vote for MVP for more or less discovering Monroe and getting insane performances out of this cast of no-names. Plus he maybe saved Monroe from having to bone some skeezy dude. 

2001 Maniacs is the worst movie of all time

2001 Maniacs. “If I had a dollar for every college kid came through here spouting off about flesh eating ghouls, I’d retired along time ago.” Not what you want to hear from the police. Terrible movie, by the by. An over-the-top gory, unfunny comedy horror film. 

Gist of the movie is that a bunch of college kids go to through the Deep South on their way spring break but get caught up this town Pleasant Valley, which, as I sure you know, is not. Things start fine as the mayor, played by Robert Englund, convinces them to stay for the town’s annual barbecue, but then the townsfolk start to killin’ them. Yee-Hah. Fucking die. 

The maniacs are these uneducated hill jacks with fucked up politics obsessed with the South rising again who are stuck in the past. Some racial motivated killings. General northern hate. Pasttimes include pussy strangling and incest. Stars and Bars everywhere. Cannibalism. Typical trip to the South, I’d say. 

Not a good movie. Mostly Robert Englund playing hero all. Bob Shaye’s sister Lin is it. Since Freddy and Lin Shaye are more or less the leads, I assumed it was a New Line movie, but it is Lion’s Gate. Also got a glimpse Kane Hodder. He is the guy that most people think of as Jason Vorhees since he really leaned into the role. Played Jason in  Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, and Jason X. No else I recognize. 

I see it's a remake of a Criterion movie, the 1964 film Two Thousand Maniacs! written and directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis.. Shan’t be watching that one. 

The African Queen - John Huston - 1952

★★-The African Queen. "I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating!" Oh calm down Katharine. Saw this in 1999. Fucking hated it. Was hoping this time I'd see something different and appreciate it more. That didn't fucking happen. Love director John Huston. A personal hero. Hated this fucking movie. 

Considered an all-time classic, this is the only movie that Humphrey Bogart (Bogey) won an Academy Award for. Stars him and Katharine Hepburn. He is a gin-guzzling dipshit riverboat captain. She is missionary who really thinks highly of herself. After her brother dies when the Germans come to town and tool on him, she goes with the nearest white man she kind find. Together, the two of them pal around and presumably do some fuckin on the "African Queen" whilst heading down the Nile to blow up a German military vessel in Africa during WWI. Yeah, it's insanely historically accurate, I'm sure. There are other people in this movie, I think, but none of them fucking matter. 

Based on the novel by C. S. Forester, the film was released in 1951. It is listed as the No. 65 American movie of all time according to the AFI's 100 Years...100 Movies (10th Anniversary Edition) list. It was No. 17 on the 1998 list. 

From the stills from this film, you'd expect this to be Driving Miss Daisy with these two old farts plodding around on a boat. Turns out they are supposed to be like five years younger than me. 

Much more interesting than the film itself are the stories that came out of the production. Like Apocalypse Now except more interesting but on a shittier movie. Bogey drank his fucking ass off (he and Huston were the only two people on set that didn't get dysentery which both attributed to only drinking water that was mostly Scotch [he also only ate canned food, which was not the case with Huston, as you'll see), Kathatharine was almost killed in about seven different ways, and Huston ate human. It sounds fucking wild. 

Learned most of this from reading John Huston's autobiography. When dealing with this film he talks all about how he ate some mystery meat stew while in Africa that turned out to be human. Yum!

Gist of this story is that while location scouting, the village he was in had this shitty hunter that made food for everyone. Some pot that consisted of "monkey, forest pig, deer, and you-name-it." Eventually someone did. Native Africans could only carry a muzzleloader and this dude was a shit shot. Huston remarks that he didn't know how this guy could sustain a village when he was so unskilled. But villagers were mysteriously vanishing from nearby areas. When this guy couldn't get game for the pot, he got the meat "the simplest way possible." Barf. But Huston I think got the hunger, saying "I must say I couldn't tell the difference in the taste." Luckily this was before Bogey and Hepburn arrived. "Only a few of us were so privileged as to dine so exclusively." Alright. Can't have the talent munching on long pig. That'd be quite the craft table. 

Anyway. All of this is highly dubious. I've heard that this bio is complete bullshit. But here is something else he talks about in the book. When it came time to use some locals as extras, no one came to the shoot. Turned out that word had gotten out that if you go to the set, John Huston is probably going to eat you. The hunger and all. 

Not sure anyone really earned the MVP for this flick. Bogart and Hepburn couldn't have had less chemistry. He is a drunk, dirty man who has a tight five of mocking animals and has a face like a catcher's mit. Hepburn goes from thinking he is a drunk low-life to being head-over-heels after she sees him jump around like a baboon. Hepburn, on the other hand, is either 30 or 70 here. She basically always looks exactly like this. Could have been filmed the same year as On Golden Pond by the looks of her. 

This movie is nonsense. I feel it was John Huston wanting to go on safari and have the studio fit the bill. The ending involves improptuing a torpedo for god's sake. The movie starts as action, goes hard romance for like 2/3 of the movie, then comes back to action. Nonsense. 

What I Watched: July 2021

Here are the movies/television programs I watched last month. Giving each a one-word review (maybe with some notes), where I watched it, and when it was made. Going to make this a thing...  

Lenny Cooke - 2013 - Criterion Channel - Good - Dude couldn't ball and was an idiot

Confronting a Serial Killer - 2021 - Starz - Great - Focuses on serial killer Sam Little. What a fucking asshole. The journalist, Jillian Lauren, trying to match his victims with unsolved murders is a saint. This guy is fucked and the work she is doing is super noble and hard. She is also incredibly attractive as well as a great storyteller. 

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie - 1972 - Criterion Channel - Terrible

Werewolves Within - 2021 - Apple TV - Great - Fun, comedy horror in an isolated town staring the black dude from Detroiters. Love that shit. Based on a video game, apparently

Let Him Go - 2020 - HBO Max - Great - Really liked it but it is a total bummer of a movie

Most Likely to Murder - 2018 - Hulu - Terrible

The Big Lebowski - 1998 - Buskirk Chumley Theater - Terrible - I fucking hate this movie. Went and saw it in the theater which made it worse. Before it started I was in line for my fancy theater wine. I was surrounded by Dudes and Walters. All quoting the movie at me. Maybe like 50 quotes in three minutes. "The tumbling tumbleweeds," a Donny says to me, addressing me. Everyone looks at me. "I actually hate this movie. I think it's dumb. I'm just here with a friend." Made things awkward for everyone, and I know this was a dick move, but you know what? They all shut the fuck up. 

Nightbreed - 1990 - Shudder - Great

Shut Up and Dribble - 2018-20 - Showtime - Good/Great - Love athletes into social justice

Fear Street: 1994 - 2021 - Netflix - Good

Fear Street: 1978 - 2021 - Netflix - Great

Fear Street: 1666 - 2021 - Netflix - Great - Collectively great. Super fun hard MA, YA programs with some good queer content. Shot in the style of movies from the 90s, 70s, and then movies like The VVitch. Loved it

Night Moves - 1975 - Criterion Channel - Great - Love some neonoir. Also Gene Hackman and a young Melanie Griffith

Woodstock 99: Peace, Love, and Rage - Great - Limp Bizcuit, Gen X incels, and the Woodstock founders. Fuck those guys

Old - 2021 - AMC - Terrible - One of the most unintentionally hilarious movies I've ever seen

Gunpowder Milkshake - 2021 - Netflix - Good - Bad ladies kicking ass. Not a lot of substance, but what do you want

Tenet - 2020 - Library DVD - Great

Nightbreed is the greatest movie of all time

Nightbreed. The Director's Cut. Apparently people didn't like the original. 

"Everything is true. God's an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live... And you came to die." I loved this movie. It is batshit, but interesting and visually insane. It is at least equally as good, and way more fun than Clive Barker's better-known hit, Hellraiser. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Nightbreed's imaginative world-building and startling creature designs are no match for its clumsy, uneven plotting.

Released in 1990, most people thought it sucked. Considered a "dark fantasy horror film," it stars Anne Bobby as the female lead (only know her from this but she was in this weird show I watched in the early 1990s called Cop Rock), Doug Bradley (Pinhead from Hellraiser), David Cronenberg (the director of The Fly among other things), Charles Haid (do not recognize), Hugh Quarshie (don't recognize him either), and Craig Sheffer (the quarterback from The Program). Sheffer plays the lead. People bought a lot of Craig Sheffer stock in the 1990s. I wasn't among them, though he is solid here. 

Gist is a mental patient played by Sheffer is led by his shrink, played by Cronenberg, to believe that he is a brutal and truly terrifying masked serial killer. Fucking sweet mask, I shit you negative. Anyway, the police catch up with him while he is hiding out in a cemetery named Midian. This post escape from said mental institute where a buddy of his rips off the skin from his head. It's pretty much comedy with the guy handing it to Sheffer with a move like, "well, here ya go." (Check out the video of that below.) 

Turns out a group of monsters (who look fucking awesome) called "Nightbreed" hideout and maybe eat humans in this Midian place. One of the monsters tries to eat him but just takes off a chunk of flesh. Figures, might as well go with the cops, but Cronenberg sets him up saying he had a gun. So the cops do what they do and shoot the fuck out of the guy. But after getting bit, he becomes Nightbreed. This causes some issues and all hell breaks loose over the last act of the film in a big fucking way. 

So, yeah, the monsters look amazing. One freak has a straight-up Jay Leno head. It was to the "point" where I googled "Nightbreed" and "Leno" and this came up.

Another favorite was the one with dreads that looked metal as fuck. Then there was the "hot" one. She was like a porcupine/human hybrid. I liked how at one point she chick killed a dude with one of her poison quills and then this maniac cop who saw it all go down looks over at her. She is topless at this point and he is all like BOOBS! and he goes to grab them and dies. Fucking hilarious.  

Some serious action when everything goes to shit in that last 3/4 of the movie. Talking massive explosions, the earth opening up and swallowing trucks, trigger happy cops and militia types mowing down monsters just because (of course they are the real monsters), flamethrowers, monsters flipping cars, bazooka friendly fire. It's a half-hour of carnage. 

Cronenberg is great in this. Whoever designed his mask and the Nightbreed is a fucking genius. Clive Barker's vision was fucking sick as well... But I'm giving the MVP to the Boston Terrier. Such a sweet, cute, good boy. Bostons are the best. Always. 

Old is the worst movie of all time

Old. AKA "Wrinkles in Time." “There is something wrong with this beach!” You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

Old was the worst movie I haven't walked out of. Jawdropping, hilariously bad. The most likable character in the movie is a guy named “Mid-Sized Sedan.” It is horrible as a horror movie. Pretty extraordinary as fully unintentional comedy. “I can’t believe he got the money to make this movie, but I'm glad as fuck he did, ” said one of my viewing companions. It has a Rotten Tomato score of 50%. That is incredible. I can't believe people aren't dunking on this movie. 

Gist of the movie is people at a resort are taken to an island and rapidly age so that a half hour is about a year. That's it. Then there is a twist. 

Gonna start with the awkwardly hilarious dialogue horribly acted in a way that takes you out of the movie. 

“Where are the resort people? I think we all have to leave this beach.” 

“Wait, why?"

“They left already?” 

“Whahappened?” 

Points to a corpse in a blanket. 

Obviously truly mesmerizing dialogue. Overall a fascinating movie. Not for good reasons though. 

At first you think the kids (who start out YOUNG and end up in their 50s) still have a six year olds understand of the world. But then they are like wise, problem solving old people. Also, everyone is a fucking expert about this place. I mean, I like a mystery and thinking the fuck out of it over an afternoon. Especially science shit. Like figuring out how the stars rotate in the sky over the course of night/day. But I don't think I’d be able to logic what's going on out when I'm getting old and developing Parkinsons. But these guys get all of what is happening on the nose and how to escape it. Exposition, I guess. Gotta know why this is happening for the inevitable twist. That's my guess. 

Spoiler from the trailer so not a spoiler, I guess. When the young chick shows up pregnant, it was more like, “ok, we are indeed really going there. That’s weird. Oh, it's over.” Completely gratuitous and unnecessary. Also forgettable somehow. Reminded me of The Blue Lagoon but way fucking crazier. Yep. The twist at the end is completely unnecessary, by the by. M. Night Shyamalan could have lopped off the last half-hour and no one would have noticed. But he needed to dial up the WTF just a little more. 

This movie is batshit. BA-nanas. It was completely unlike anything I've ever seen before. That's for fucking sure. I wasn't bored. But goddamn. Maybe I sort recommend it for a hysterical laugh fest. I also like how the little boy ages into Stanley Tucci. Not literally, but he looks enough like him I heard other people in the theater whispering, “that’s Stanley Tucci.” 

Favorite unintentional comedy moment was when a woman with a calcium deficiency is freaking out at the kids, screaming “don’t look at me.” Something you have to know here is that everyone heals like Wolverine, more or less instantly. Anyway, this lady went from being an actress who was one of the concubines in Fury Road to being wrinkly with a hunchback. The kids, now in their early 30s, of course keep lighting their matches to look at her. She gets progressively more pissed and starts throwing rocks at them. The rocks get bigger and bigger until she has a giant bolder over her head. Except her brittle arms can't sustain it. Her arm breaks and she falls, breaking the other arm. The kids light another match. She rages the fuck out. Just flailing her broken limbs around in a full-on tantrum. Quite an impressive and dissonant meltdown. 

The film stars Gael García Bernal (Amores perros, Coco, The Science of Sleep, Y tu mamá también) who is not good, Vicky Krieps (never seen her), Thomasin McKenzie (Jojo Rabbit), and Alex Wolff (main dude in Hereditary). Rest of the cast includes Rufus Sewell (lead in Dark City), Abbey Lee (one of the escapees in Mad Max: Fury Road), Ken Leung (the asian-american guy in Lost), and Eliza Scanlen (the crazy murderer girl in Sharp Objects), among others. 

MVP of the movie is that Rufus Sewell guy. He's actually pretty good. Whenever he shows up I always think that guy is pretty solid, where do I know him? Why isn't he more famous?

Anyway, yeah, hilarious, zany comedy. Shit serious horror movie. I mean, they knew this was bad while they were making it, right? 

Soundgarden - Superunknown

Saturday night listen. Have a habit of going out. Popping some Delta-8. Making a cocktail I chase with a beer. Firing up my kick ass JBL portable. Putting on something from my youth. Lighting up a C-gar. Putting the wheels up and rocking out. Did that shit this evening, let me tell ya.   

Universe was telling me to revisit Superunknown by Soundgarden. Bartender last night was wearing the shirt, then I caught Fear Street: 1994. So here we are…   

One of my first CDs. Got it back when the way you stole music was 12 CDs for a penny under a fake name. Columbia House was so fucking stupid. Had maybe five CDs before that. Those 12 were all classics. Didn’t care for the Aerosmith one though. Wasn’t my taste. I’ll maybe do the rest soon.   

Anyway, kicks off with “Let Me Drown,” which rocks the fuck out. The hits were incredibly solid. “My Wave.” “Spoonman.” “The Day I Tried to Live.” “Fell On Black Days” was a difficult listen with the way Chris Cornell eliminated his own map. Still a good song though. “Black Hole Sun,” fuck yeah. Used to playfully mock my sister with this diddy, “Summer stench,” I’d sing. She is a @girlnamedsummer.  

Deep cuts I loved but forgot about over the years include “Mailman,” “Half.” “Head Down” is a personal favorite.   

Overall, still really good shit. It’s grunge though so a major fucking downer. 

Desperation by Stephen King

Desperation. Stephen King. Published in 1996. My third reading of this novel. Still scares the shit out of me. This novel is pure horror. Has a companion Richard Bachman (Kings alter-ego) book, The Regulators. The two novels represent mirror universes to one another, and most of the characters present in one novel's world also exist in the other novel's reality, though the circumstances are very different.  Haven't reread The Regulators, if that tells you anything. Though I found it enjoyable when I read it in 1996. 

Gist of the novel is a group of people are abducted by a giant, possessed cop, Collier Entragian--great name--while traveling along the desolated Highway 50 near Reno, Nevada. We first meet this guy in terrifying fashion when he pulls over a couple after the license plate falls off of their car as they make their way across country. He finds weed in their trunk and drops shit like "I'm going to kill you," into their Miranda rights while taking them back to town. He also "saves" a family from a highway shooter, only to terrorize and murder them once in the fictitious Desperation. Turns out he is possessed by this horrifiying demon thing Tak that feeds on and uses meat suits while causing real damage in the desert. Once locked up with the other King usuals, a young prophet and novelist among them, the group fights to free themselves while trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. They also get messages from capital G God along the way. Some heavy shit. 

Turns out Tak has single-handedly wiped out an entire mining town in the course of a lazy afterrnoon. It is fucked up. When the novelist is arrested is some next-level gruesome, triggering shit. Just a heads up. 

Inspired when King drove across-country in 1991, during which he visited the small desert community near U.S. 50, just like the one in the novel. While there, he thought the town's inhabitants were all dead. He then asked who had killed them, and the idea that the town's sheriff had done so popped into his head. Thus a story was born.

Tight, claustrophobic, creepy, and effective. This is a slow, methodical burn with segments of true terror. One of my favorite of the 20 King novels I've read. I find it strange that it isn't ranked higher among his oeuvre. 

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie is the worst film of all time

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (French: Le Charme discret de la bourgeoisie). "I really don't like Jesus Christ. Even as a little girl I hated him." All I can say is, "what the fuck was that?"

This was a movie night pick, the first fully vaccinated one I've had with guests. Good food. Good wine and bourbon. It was bougie as fuck. The way we do movie night is I pick ten films. We watch the ten trailers. Everyone picks two. A couple usually get left out. Of the remaining, everyone vetos one. Then we vote on the remaining. This was the movie we chose. My bougie professional and artist friends and I didn't get very far. Light on plot that makes sense, the film is mostly just a shitload of allusions and weird class things. But I came back and rewatched it on my own. No points in heaven for finishing this shit though.

Gist is a group of bourgeoisie frienemies keep trying and failing to have a dinner party while some sort of unexplained war is going down. Woven in there are dream sequences of minor characters and from the bourgeoisie themselves. Directed by the surrealist filmmaker Luis Buñuel, the film won the 1972 Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film and was nominated for Best Original Screenplay. Watched this on the Criterion Channel. 

The film is a lot of rich people trivial outrage with some shots at organized religion's place among the elite. A lot of not getting what they expect as their right. They end up shitting on each other and being terrible. Once or twice they get really close to eating, but then something happens and then bring on the outrage as they don't really have anything else to talk about, queue a scene of the group dressed to the nines, walking down a country road that goes nowhere, and repeat multiple times. Reminded me of Beckett some change of scenery. But I like Beckett infinitely more. 

Really disliked this movie. I know Buñuel is considered a master of French cinema. Maybe this wasn't a good introduction to his work. Also probably not the best movie to host a group of well-to-does after a pandemic. It was the movie we chose though.  

There were a couple of funny moments, funny in that, "oh, that was sort of funny" way. Like the diplomat's standard-issue diplomat bag that he uses to smuggle cocaine or the dream where everyone gets shot down by the military and the sole survivor gives himself away by grabbing for meat from under the table. But yeah, wouldn't say it was worth it. Didn't enjoy spending time with these people that are indeed the worst. Rich people. Am I right?

What I Watched: June 2021

Here are the movies/television programs I watched last month. Giving each a one-word review, where I watched it, and when it was made. Going to make this a thing...

The Times of Harvey Milk - 1984 - Criterion Channel - Good

They Come Knocking - 2019 - Hulu - Okay

Kemper on Kemper - 2018 - Oxygen - Good

A Quiet Place II - 2021 - AMC - Good

Class Action Park - 2020 - HBO Max - Great

The Woman in the Window - 2021 - Netflix - Bad

Mare from Easttown - 2021 - HBO Max - Great

Promising Young Woman - 2020 - Plex - Great

Who Killed Garrett Phillips? - 2019 - HBO Max - Good

House (Japanese) - 1977 - Criterion Channel - Great

Time Bandits - 1981 - HBO Max - Great

War Dogs - 2016 - Netflix - Good

Good on Paper - 2021 - Netflix - Good

It Cuts Deep - 2020 - Shudder - Terrible

Lenny Cooke is the greatest movie of all time

Lenny Cooke. "Like on Christmas Day, you think you’re getting this toy, and then Christmas comes, it’s not under the tree. It breaks you down emotionally. I broke down, realized I got bad advice. But you wonder, why not? Why didn’t my name get called?” Because you can't fucking play. 

Directed by Josh and Benny Safdie, the guys who did Uncut Gems. Liked that better but this is apples to oranges. The film follows this high school basketball player, Lenny Cooke, for about a decade of his sad life. In 2001, when the film starts, Cooke is one of the top ranked high school basketball players in the country. At that time he has ladies hanging on him, asking what team he plays for and shit like that, living it up with his boys. 

He thinks he is going to get picked in the 2002 NBA draft, but goes unselected. From there, we see him play in a series of minor leagues, getting fatter as times goes on, before finally he quits basketball. By the end he is living in some shit town in Virginia with his fiancée, who is getting tired of his shit while working two job, and his many children.

This guy. The takeaway is he thought he was going to the NBA out of high school with no fucking game. The little bit we see when he played LeBron when he was a senior and LeBron was a freshman shows that dude would never be able to hang. Meanwhile, the idiots he surrounds himself with tell him he is a shoe-in to go pro. None of these people know anything. The people that do are to polite to say he is garbage now. 

The end is pretty brutal. Dude got fat and just lived off his glory days. No job and no prospects at 30. Goes to an NBA game and meets with Joakim Noah and Carmelo Anthony after. Basically to say, "remember how good I was, lets go out to get fucked up." Noah is like, "nah, man." Then he talks shit to his friends for not visiting him enough. Looks like a tight hang. 

Finally, there is a scene where they superimpose Cooke talking to his younger self at the Five Star Camp. Basically an old man rant. Dude is a horrible public speaker, but that is apparently what he is doing for a living now. 

Pretty hard watch. Like Hoop Dreams mixed with a documentary about meth or something. It is solid though. 

House (1977) is the greatest movie of all time

House. "The girls will wake up... when they are hungry." "Bananas... everywhere!" This movie is fucking bananas. It is out there. Obviously influenced some of my favorite horror, but this was something else. Definitely a lot of fun, but I'm not sure it is good. Basically takes the whole haunted house trope, and turns it into a zany movie of extremes that I guess are sort funny. Like Evil Dead II, but not nearly as good. I was really feeling it and then the last 10 or so minutes were terrible. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: House is a gleefully demented collage of grand guginol guffaws and bizarre sequences.

Gist is a young woman and six of her schoolmates travel to her elderly aunt's home in the country, which, indeed, turns out to be haunted. Thats one way to explain it, I guess. But what ensues is pretty indescribable. 

House is made in 1977. The Japanese horror comedy was directed, written, and produced by one Nobuhiko Obayashi. It came about after a film company approached him (he was previously a director of commercials) about writing a script "like Jaws." When he came back with the screenplay for this nonsense and the company was like, "what the fuck is this shit?",  and he figured he'd have to make the movie himself if he wanted his vision to come to life. 

Amateur actors are okay, but the real MVP of the movie has to be Obayashi for getting this psychedelic flick made. It is also pretty engaging and beautiful. From the trailer, I was expecting way less in terms of plot, not this this has a real coherent narrative or anything. It is worth a watch if you are into extremely weird shit. 

What I Watched: May 2021

Here are the movies/television programs I watched last month. Giving each a one-word review, where I watched it, and when it was made. Going to make this a thing...

Thunder Force - 2021 - Netflix - Okay            

Sullivan's Travels - 1941 - Criterion Channel - Good        

Class of 1984 - 1982 - Shudder - Good        

The Regan Show - 2017 - Amazon Prime - Good        

Cemetery Man - 1994 - Plex - Terrible        

Bad Trip - 2020 - Netflix - Great            

Sons of Sam - 2021 - Netflix - Good            

The Lady Eve - 1941 - Criterion Channel - Bad        

Happy Death Day - 2017 - Plex - Great        

The Mitchells vs. the Machines - 2021 - Netflix - Good        

You Only Live Once - 1937 - Criterion Channel - Good        

The Disappearance of Crystal Rodgers - 2018 - Peacock - Good        

Maniac Cop - 1988 - Shudder - Good        

Hemingway - 2021 - PBS - Great        

Army of the Dead - 2021 - Netflix - Okay        

What Keeps You Alive - 2018 - Netflix - Good        

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight - 2020 - Netflix - Okay        

The Clovehitch Killer - 2018 - Netflix - Okay        

Truth or Dare - 2018 - Netflix - Terrible        

Hard Eight - 1996 - Criterion Channel - Great

The Clovehitch Killer is the greatest movie of all time

The Clovehitch Killer. "The first murder happened before I was born. The killer called himself Clovehitch, after his favorite type of knot. Our town lived in fear. And then, ten years ago, he stopped."

Rotten Tomato Consensus: The Clovehitch Killer patiently dials up the tension with a story that makes up for a lack of surprises with strong performances and a chilling wit.

Gist of the movie is an Eagle Scout type kid named Tyler finds disturbing images depicting extreme bondage hidden in his father's shed, and he begins to suspect may be responsible for a series of unsolved, serial murders in their rural Kentucky town. Share a lot of DNA with BTK, that piece of shit. 

Film stars Dylan McDermott as the killer dad (who was great), Charlie Plummer as Tyler (whom I've never seen but was stellar, Samantha Mathis as the mom who has a face that I can't place, and Madisen Beaty as a victim's daughter who helps Tyler in his investigation who I immediately recognized as the one with the hair from Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood. MVP is a tough call. McDermott is great but is basically playing hero ball. The two kiddos were both phenomenal and more subdued. Ultimately, giving it to Plummer who has to carry a lot of the emotional weight of the film. 

I thought the movie was fine until the third act when it really stepped it up a couple of notches. Would have been a pretty forgettable disturbing movie otherwise. Type of low-budget flick that you think of as quintessential independent. One big (ish) named star. Solid upstarts. I liked it. 

I'm Thinking of Ending Things

I'm Thinking of Ending Things. "For years, my life has been flat. I’m not sure how else to describe it. I’ve never admitted it before. I’m not depressed, I don’t think. That’s not what I’m saying. Just flat, listless. So much has felt accidental, unnecessary, arbitrary. It’s been lacking a dimension. Something seems to be missing." I hear ya. 

Debut novel Canadian writer Iain Reid. Published in 2016. Of the psychological thriller and horror fiction persuasion. 

Narrated, for the most part, by this guy Jake's unnamed girlfriend whom he's been dating for a few months. They met in a bar during trivia, so far so good. Jake gave her his phone number by writing it on a piece of paper and slipping it into her bag. Unlike real life, she calls him. Most of the story takes place months later as he takes her to meet his parents on their remote farm. She has been considering "ending things," i.e. breaking up with him, but has not done the deed. It is a long drive, and they engage in lengthy philosophical discussions. Again, love this shit. 

They get to the house and the parents are as fucking weird and creepy as anyone can be, which pretty much seals the deal. Most of the book takes place at said creepy locale. Then they leave after the weirdness becomes too much for someone you're about to break up with and the guy by the guy's high school. This is when things get really cray. 

Was feeling it about this point, but then, with 10 or so pages to go, the book turns to bullshit fiction. This is one of the rare books that I hated that I finished. That is mostly because I was really digging it, and then the end, which comes as a huge reveal, I found rage worthy. 

Huge fucking pump fake, this gimmicky bullshit ending. Ruins everything that came before. Get some red herring clues, but there is nothing that would make anyone think the ending that we get was coming in any way. Extremely unsatisfying. Do not recommend. But, hey, I'm no novelist and I'm sure some people will dig it. But, yeah, fuck this book.

Was turned into a movie since I read it. Hear it's good, adapted/directed by the great Charlie Kaufman. Also has some actors I find interesting. Trailer looks great too. Never watching that shit though. Sure it's bullshit, just like the novel. 

The Lady Eve is the worst movie of all time

The Lady Eve. "There's just one thing. I feel it's only fair to tell you. It would never have happened except she looked so exactly like you." ... "They look too much alike to be the same." ... "Positively the same dame!" Fucking idiot. A woman grifts a guy multiple times, and he just thinks she's a look-alike. Insanity. 

Been on a Preston Sturges kick. Added a bunch of flicks on the Criterion Channel recently. I'm not sure if I think he is terrible or not. This movie, though. The fucking audacity of this movie. Considered a classic, both my female companion and I thought otherwise. 

Gist of the flick is that a trio of grifters go to cheat Henry Fonda's character, an adventurous heir to a brewery fortune, but the dame falls in love. So after they take him for some of his money, she decides to do it again, and this fucking dipshit falls for it because he is too dumb to live. 

Movie stars Barbara Stanwyck from the fantastic Billy Wilder flick Double Indemnity as the lady grifter, the "legendary" Fonda, Charles Coburn, Eugene Pallette, and William Demarest who is an old guy you might recognize from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Demarest or Stanwyck win the movie. Demarest is a great hard-ass straight man, while Stanwyck more or less carries the movie. 

Not exactly the wokest movie I've ever seen. A lot of stupid women talk. Example: "A girl of sixteen's practically an idiot anyway, so I can't very well blame you for something that was practically done by somebody else." Thank you, oh wise one who can't even recognize the same woman. Of course, Fonda says this to Stanwyck's character, who is grifting the shit out of him. It is insane, really. 

While Fonda does a great Lincoln or Tom Joad or whatever, he is not good at comedy. Dude is stiff as fuck. There were times when I questioned whether his character had a traumatic brain injury or something. Again--sort of hammering this home--Stanwyck comes back into his life as another person... which he believes because he thinks if it was the same woman, she would’ve disguised herself... Are you fucking kidding me, bra? I thought he couldn't fucking believe this because it was so audacious. He had to fucking know, right? But apparently not. He's just insanely dumb. He deserves to be grifted. 

Nor did I find the movie all that funny. A lot of the humor revolves around Fonda having to change his dinner jackets like five or six times. Maybe it is a metaphor or something. Plus, I think, a lot of the humor is based on close talking and the idea that Fonda has an unseen erection (see above photo)--which might actually be kind of funny in retrospect. 

Maybe you should watch this flick just to see this for the sheer bizarreness. I mean, holy shit. I'm sort of still in disbelief. Fonda is such an amazing tool that I may never get over it. 

Memento - Christopher Nolan - 2000

★★★★★-Memento. "We all lie to ourselves to be happy." Wow. Still fucking genius. Maybe more so than I remember. Holds the fuck up, I tell you. Christopher Nolan is perhaps my third favorite living director, depending on the day. This is the film that put him on the map. Rightfully so. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Christopher Nolan skillfully guides the audience through Memento's fractured narrative, seeping his film in existential dread.

Memento, a neo-noir psychological thriller, released in 2000, written and directed by Christopher Nolan. Gist is a dude with anterograde amnesia (the inability to form new memories), can't remember anything short-term after 15 minutes. He got this way from an injury resulting from an attack on him/his wife, who was raped and murdered. Having developed a system where he uses Polaroids and tattoos to track information, he is tracking down his wife's killer. 

The film is told through two sequences. The ones in color tell the story backwards in little chunklets. Basically, the audience sees shit the way he does, in these short increments with no idea how we got here until we get to the next chunk of time. The black-and-white scenes show what is happening chronologically. These sequences meet at the end of the film, producing the complete narrative. It is clever as fuck. 

Stars Guy Pearce as Lenny, the guy with the condition. I bought a shit ton of Guy Pearce stock after LA Confidential. Really paid off here. Some really good that guys in this film--you get Ned Ryerson (Stephen Tobolowsky) and Lieutenant Dangle (Thomas Lennon). Plus, total that guy Mark Boone Junior (most memorable part, for me, is as the pizza stealing FBI guy in Se7en). Jorja Fox, whom you might recognize from ER or CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, plays Lenny's wife. 

The only substantive female role is that of Carrie-Anne Moss's character. A lot going on with her. For a while, I thought she was just getting revenge on the guy that killed her person. She says some genuinely awful shit to Lenny and calls him a "retard." Even steals his pens so he can't write anything down before she tells him she is going to fuck him over (and fuck him) and that she will enjoy it more knowing that he's too stupid to remember. Ouch. But she ends up helping him. She might have figured out that the death of her dude was more the result of this other guy, played by Joe Pantoliano (the true villain of the movie), which is probably somewhat accurate. Still, I think she sees Lenny as a victim too, which is why she helps him. Her whole look and vibe are exactly like this girl I dated in 2002, who I watched this with. She thought that Lenny was the real villain, which I still think is insane. 

Nolan is the obvious MVP of the movie. Pearce is perfect but goddamn. It's hard to get over how great this film is or what it was like watching it for the first time. I've seen it roughly five times and like it more after every viewing. I still don't 100% get it, but I get closer with every watch. Multiple viewings are definitely a requirement. Crazy good.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle

We Have Always Lived in the Castle. 1962 novel by Shirley Jackson. Last book before her death in 1965. Man, this book is dark and full of triggers. Gaslighting and family violence. Makes for a complex and sometimes unpleasant read of a total masterpiece. 

Gist of the book is that a wealthy Vermont family, devasted by the poisoning deaths of several relatives living on the estate, are more or less complete pariahs in the backwoods town they inhabit. It is to the point that only one of the three people living in the house can get food and things, and she is constantly harassed whenever she does. This is the eighteen-year-old Merricat Blackwood, the novel’s unreliable narrator. She lives with her uncle, Julian, and sister Constance, both of the Grey Gardens persuasion type shut-in. Things are going fine, I guess, until their relative Charles shows up, sort of woos/takes advantage of Constance, and looks for ways to steal the family fortune. He also maybe encourages the idiot townspeople to be cunty to the Blackwoods. This until, you know, possible poisoners get tired of his shit.
 
I’ve had a long fascination with the “other” and the way dumb fucks treat them in works of fiction and film. This is fucking dripping with that shit and is a significant theme in most of Jackson’s work.
 
Not sure I would have liked this book as much if I’d read it at another time in my life. But I am unfortunately able to identify with the agoraphobia of the main characters. Without giving too much away, it is brutal that, in the end, with the house barely livable, they choose to retreat further inward. With this time of covid coming to an end, with fear still present despite being vaccinated, I get the sentiment. 

Following - Christopher Nolan - 1999

★★★★-Following. “You take it away... to show them what they had.” Made my high school girlfriend watch this. All I remember really was that it was pretty fucked up and she hated it. You’re welcome. Also, another 1999 film, one of the best years for cinema. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Super brief but efficient, Following represents director Christopher Nolan's burgeoning talent in tight filmmaking and hard-edge noir.

Gist of the flick is a grungy dude follows around strangers like a fucking creep and picks another fucking creep that draws him into London’s criminal underworld. Eventually they get caught up with the girlfriend of a crime boss and shit goes south pretty quick.     

Nice little short flick. Christopher Nolan’s first. You can see a lot of his signatures here. Time is all fucked up and confusing. Dudes spend the movie investigating shit. Complicated male relationship at the center of the movie. Femme fatale between them. Great shit. Plus, I fucking love neo-noir. Great story told with impressive technique with some twists and turns.     

Definite MVP is Nolan. Currently watching all of his flicks again. Doing it sort of in order. Figured I’d do the Batman films together though.    

The Love Witch is the greatest movie of all time

The Love Witch. "Men are like children. They're very easy to please as long as we give them what they want..." "I'm the love witch! I'm your ultimate fantasy!" I loved this movie. Like Season of the Witch except good. Solid movie with a lot of layers to unpack. Plus it is extremely visually appealing. Would be a hell of a movie to trip to. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: The Love Witch offers an absorbing visual homage to a bygone era, arranged subtly in service of a thought-provoking meditation on the battle of the sexes.

Gist is a a modern-day witch uses her magic to get men to fall in love with her before killing them for failing to live up to expectations. She drugs them with love potions made out of hallucinogenics before giving men "what they want." She is totally deadpan, which allows the guys to project whatever they desire onto her, which drives them crazy. It's a playful tribute to 1960s horror and Technicolor films, combined with its serious inquiry into contemporary gender roles. It's a super interesting take. 

Came out in 2016. Was written, edited, directed, produced, and scored by Anna Biller. Stars Samantha Robinson (a very pretty lady) as Elaine Parks, the modern-day witch who uses spells to get men to fall in love with her. She played the role of Abigail Folger in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood. Didn't really recognize anyone else from the movie, but all the acting was serviceable. One of thems, one Laura Waddell, looks just like Chassie Tucker from At Home with Amy Sedaris, which is like my favorite show. Others include Gian Keys, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, and Jennifer Ingrum, if you've heard of any of them.

Watched this on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. It was his Valentine's Day special. He has a great interview with Biller. His drive-in totals highlight the six "wang doodles" in the film. Also talks a lot about how the movie is super colorful and looks so good because it was shot on 35mm film, instead digital. The last bit focuses on this crazy sequence near the end that involves a random renaissance fair and includes a mock wedding. It's out there... Again, love.

Really hard to pick an MVP in this since Robinson is so great in this role and Biller's vision is so well executed. Ultimately giving it to Biller for putting together such a fine and visually appealing film. Good shit. 

Tenet - Christopher Nolan - 2020

★★★★★-"I think this is the end of a beautiful friendship... I'll see you in the beginning, friend." I loved this movie. Christopher Nolan knocks it out of the park. This film is a misunderstood masterpiece. 

Checks a lot of boxes for me. Crazy time travel stuff. Billionaire shit. Male friendship. Insane action. A smoking hot femme fatale. Amazing cast. Chirstopher Nolan movie. Cool ass watches. Dope Travis Scott soundtrack. A title that is palindrome. I could have watched/restarted this immediately after finishing it. Dope AF. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: A visually dazzling puzzle for film lovers to unlock, Tenet serves up all the cerebral spectacle audiences expect from a Christopher Nolan production.

Not going to go through much of the plot with this one. It's too out there to get into. Basic gist is that this is a time travel spy movie that is focused on stopping World War III. The word "tenet" also has a lot of significance. 

Directed by Christopher Nolan, I'll go see every one of his movies in the theater. It stars John David Washington, Robert Pattinson, Elizabeth Debicki (she plays Princess Di in The Crown and is crazy beautiful), Dimple Kapadia, Michael Caine, and Kenneth Branagh. MVP, for me, was Pattinson. I love that dude's work over the last few years. He sort of stole the show in this, although many of the performances are memorable. 

Also, seeing this was a sweet experience. This was the first movie I saw in the theater since Onward the first week of March of 2020. I was the only person in the entire cinema. Did not disappoint. However, right after this things blewing up again, coronavirus wise, and then the theater I went to only opened Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I don't foresee myself back in a theater until after I get my shot, which is hopefully soon. 

Overall, super challenging with a complex storyline—we are talking backwards moving space-time and temporal paradoxes—that requires multiple viewings. I've seen it four times and went from thinking it was great, to a masterpiece that cracks my top three Nolan films. 

The Kid is the greatest movie of all time

The Kid. "Please love and care for this orphan child." Fucking classic. Loved, loved, loved. Part drama, part comedy. This was amazing. Even if you aren't into silent films, you should give it a chance. Hell of a film. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Charles Chaplin' irascible Tramp is given able support from Jackie Coogan as The Kid in this slapstick masterpiece, balancing the guffaws with moments of disarming poignancy

A movie that doesn't need sound to tell a hell of a story. From 1921 so is silent. Written, produced, directed by and starring Charlie Chaplin, this guy was, believe it or not, a genius. This Jackie Coogan, who plays the kid, is adorable and great as well. He is considered the first child movie star based on this film. Watched the Criterion Collection version of this. Is indeed culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant. Can confirm. 

Gist of the film is a kid gets abandoned by his mother. She was very poor and her baby daddy is a mother fucker. Don't blame her, she tries to make good later. The Tramp finds him and cares for him. They have a good life. But that comes crashing down when the state gets involved. 

Doing a little half-assed internet research, there is some dark shit surrounding this film. First, something fucked. There is a child named Lita Grey in this film. She is 12 years old. Chaplain, in his 30s, much to my disgust, makes out with her (as does this guy with a total catcher's mitt of a face). When this same girl is 15, Chaplain knocks her up. They get married when she is 16. This nymphet was part of the inspiration for Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, if that tells you anything. 

Now something incredibly sad. Just before the movie was filmed, Chaplin's first child, an infant son, died. There is a lot of speculation that the depth of the relationship portrayed in the film may have been connected with the death of that child. His care for the kid does indeed seem to be extremely genuine, though dude is a hell of an actor. 

What really makes the movie is Chaplin, who is so the MVP here. Not as much for his acting, which is exceptional, but for his direction. Truly innovative shit here. It was the first full-length silent comedy for christ's sake. Blends comedy and drama. Made me laugh and gave me some feels. Had a few subtitles but it sure as shit didn't need them. You really get everything you need visually. The screen language is fucking sick. Chaplin was a genius.