Freaky is the greatest movie of all time

Oh my God, it's a slaughterhouse! Why are you smiling? Ah, I've heard that before. As a former reporter, my sense of humor is pretty dark, I guess you can say. On many occasion, when explaining some horrific thing I covered, my partner would whisper, "you have to stop smiling." 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: An entertaining slasher with a gender-bending, body-swapping twist, this horror-comedy juggles genres with Freaky fun results.

I loved this movie. Same director as Happy Death Day, Happy Death Day 2U, and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. Sort of the same take as Happy Death Day. Take a popular movie, Groundhogs Day, or in this case Freaky Friday, and turn it into a horror flick. I'm definitely a massive fan of this Christopher Landon guy. At four for four, I will definitely be watching everything this guy does in the future. 

Cast is great. This Kathryn Newton girl is really having a moment. She was also in Lady Bird and Three Billboards. They do that thing where everyone treats her like she is hideous when the movie first starts. Sloppy bullshit. No one buys that this beautiful young woman is so ugly to be a pariah. The kids at her high school treat her like she's the spitting image of Janet Reno or something. But then when her and the killer switch bodies, the killer pulls her hair back and puts on different clothes. Now everyone wants to fuck. She looks the same, honestly. Don't jerk me off, man. 

Does get a killer line though when she tells this rapey asshole, "Your touch makes my pussy as dry as sandpaper, you fucking monkey. I can't wait to kill you." 

Her friends, played by Celeste O'Connor and Misha Osherovich, neither had I seen, are great sidekicks with solid comedic timing, especially Osherovich.  

But the best is Vince Vaughn. He is perfect and hilarious. Total MVP of the movie. He is the reason to watch this flick. Carrying himself like a young woman is pretty great and not as offensive as I was expecting. This might be his best role of all time. He comes in smoking hot and kills it as a high school girl. 

Definitely going on my Plex server. Solid kills. Solid directing. Good performances. Fun and funny. My type of flick.  

Stand-up Comedy - Maria Bamford: Weakness is the Brand

Maria Bamford. A Bloomington Comedy Attic favorite. That was how she first got on my radar. The club here is exceptional at picking up-and-coming talent. Sort of that next big thing. Then saw here on some programs, Louie, and played a major role in one of my faves, Arrested Development. By the time she had her own show on Netflix, Lady Dynamite, my partner and I were all in. Watched all her stand-up. It's amazing. So, yeah, I adore her work. This is no exception. 

Definitely "on brand," as it were. I love her style. The way she flows is completely unique and my favorite part about her. It's like she is talking about one thing, just goes into something else, goes back to the original, has an aside with the audience, onto something else, talks about ten other things at once with no segue, no theme, just spills it all out there. 

Highly recommend the show. One of my favorite bits was her and husband's sexual role-playing about “gentrification” and “earning a living wage." Also when she tells the story about her forcing her mother into a three-part religious-off to see who is the better person. Her style is never more out there than during that bit. “The important thing about standup comedy,” she tells the camera at one point, “is to call whatever you’re doing standup comedy.” Totally how she rolls. Loved it. 

Book Review: The Stand - Stephen King

Trippy read during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. Loved it, of course, and started reading it again because of my slightly more extra time during quarantine and it being all timely and all. I've read something like 15 Stephen King books. Dude got me into reading when I was young. This was my second reading of this novel. The first was like 26 years ago. 

If you don't know, The Stand is a post-apocalyptic novel (up there with distopias as one of my favorite subgenres). The plot centers on a pandemic of a weaponized strain of influenza that kills 99.94% of the world's population. The few survivors in the United States form in two groups, the evil one led by Randall Flagg, the good one by committee, get it on at the end which concludes with a literal hand of god. 

Like I said, read this a long time ago. Seventh grade. There were parts that were definitely a little much for a sensitive, somewhat sheltered child such as myself (I'm thinking specifically about the many extremely violent deaths and extremely disturbing sexual violence), but I couldn't put it down. Plus, I've thought about it a lot since then and it still looms large. 

I'll say that I find several of the main characters a little milqutoast (Stu Redman, Mother Abagail) and others irritating. The Kid and The Rat Man are maybe two of my least favorite characters from any work of fiction. However, the novel features some of King's most vivid and well written (Larry Underwood, Harold Lauder), and others where we get just enough that we are left wanting so much more (Dayna Jurgens, Lloyd Henreid [these two are so damn interesting]). 

Depending on the day, this is my favorite Stephen King novel and favorite post-apocalyptic work from any genre. Though it is considered popular fiction, I think this work will be read in schools years from now. Like Twain or Mellville or Sir Walter Scott or someone like that. 

King said, of the book, "There’s something a little depressing about such a united opinion that you did your best work twenty years ago." While that may be the case, it's not like he didn't set a pretty damn near impossible bar to clear. Plus he gets pretty close once or twice a decade. Great shit. 

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm is the greatest movie of all time

What is more dangerous? This virus or the democrat?... My daddy is the smartest person in the whole flat world. Official title is Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. If you don't think Sacha Baron Cohen is a genius, then we probably can't be friends as you are probably going to defend Rudy Giuliani who was totally masturbating. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm proves Sacha Baron Cohen's comedic creation remains a sharp tool for exposing the most misguided -- or utterly repugnant -- corners of American culture.

Gist is that Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat, the fictional Kazakh journalist and television personality, offers daughter Tutar (played by Maria Bakalova) to Vice President Mike "Penis" as a bride. When that doesn't work, he settles for Giuliani, who tries to get his dick hard on hidden camera which he claims was ye olde tucking in his shirt routine. Not even a funny euphemism, bra. There are also shenanigans at a debutante ball and lots of other CPAC type events, and various COVID-19 pandemic hijinx as well. 

After all that, though, the movie is surprisingly touching. First there is the relationship that builds between Borat and his daughter. It's super sweet. There is the babysitter that Borat hires to watch his daughter that does some amateur therapy with the two of them, which comes off as genuine.  Then there were Holocaust survivors he meets when he is doing his anti-semitic schtick. These women greet him with such kindness it is incredible. Meanwhile, Borat carries around a bag with a dollar sign on it and is dressed like this:

And finally, during the COVID pandemic, Borat stops at a liquor store. Whilst there, he asks a man where everyone is. The guy tells him about the pandemic. Borat then asks if he can stay with the guy. Cut to him with this guy and his roommate. These guys, Jerry Holleman and Jim Russell, are two Trump-supporting conspiracy theorists. They seem to actually care about Borat's well being and are extremely kind to him. I mean, no way I would have said yes to that request. And these two guys were like, fuck it. Of course them helping Borat write a “Wuhan Flu Song,” with lyrics like “Obama, what we gonna do? Inject him with the Wuhan flu” and “Journalists, what we gonna do? Chop ’em up like the Saudis do,” doesn't help their case. By the by, Borat, in disguise as a southern Trump fanatic, lots of layers here, obviously, performed this catchy tune at an alt-right rally opposing the lockdown. He got the crowd to sing along to the racist lyrics before the croud figured out they were being mocked and turned on him, nearly killing him. These dudes, though, were pretty proud of their new friend in a sort of, "wow, look at him go," way. At one point, while hanging out with these dudes, Borat says that he "hope quartine never end." OMG. 

Obvious MVP is Sacha Baron Cohen. I mean, true genius. But Bakalova is super solid as well. Then there is a girl at the deb ball that gets an honorable mention. So Borat asks this girl's dad how much he thought he could get if he tried to sell his daughter. The dad, a real piece of work here, says "$500." His daughter, super pissed, gives him a look that has to be seen to appreciate, and says, "that is FUCK-ING gross." Good for her. Gave me a lot of hope.

Rocky IV is the greatest movie of all time

If he dies, he dies. Holy shit this movie is amazing. Watched it on Election Day because I needed something that could get me to believe in America again. This did it. Then a few days later, the results came in. I'm proud of you, America. We did it. Watched Rocky single-handedly defeat the Russians, and then Biden did that shit again.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Rocky IV inflates the action to absurd heights, but it ultimately rings hollow thanks to a story that hits the same basic beats as the first three entries in the franchise.

Gist of the movie is that Soviet boxer Ivan Drago played by Dolph Lundgren beats Rocky's best friend, Apollo Creed played by Carl Weathers, to death during an exhibition match. This match is fucking incredible. Creed comes out dancing to James Brown singing "Living in America." James Brown is absolutely on fire here. Fictional people that were at this fictional fight got one hell of a show. First, they basically got a 10-minute insane James Brown concert, then they got to watch Apollo Creed die. Hell of a date night. Anyway, so Rocky decides come out of retirement to fight Drago in Russia, for no money, on Christmas, much to the shock of wife Adrian (Talia Shire). "You're doing what now?" In the next movie, we see Rocky is broke by the by. Maybe Adrian was right to be pissed about this, ya know? But nobody, even Adrian, thinks Rocky can win. But after repeated montages and truly impressive CompuBox numbers, he does and wins the Cold War for America in the process. Also, Uncle Paulie has a butler/sex robot that later goes on tour with James Brown. I shit you negative. Greatest film of all time. 

Maybe the most mumbly movie of all time, with Stallone and Lundgren, this shit consists of 33% montage. In one he climbs a mountain, for fuck's sake, with no equipment and wearing a light jacket in the Russian wilderness. 

Playing Drago's wife in the movie is Brigitte Nielsen who is actually smoking hot. Seeing her in her Flava of Love years is shocking after watching this. She is said to be an Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer at the 1980 games held in Russia. Totally on steroids. Her and Drago have a kid who also grows up to kick ass in Creed 2, but this bitch has left Drago for a higher-up at the Kremlin. Meanwhile, Drago's life is dark and in fucking shambles. 

Stallone, who has to be roided out of his mind here, is the MVP of the movie. Wrote, starred, directed a perfect movie. 40% on Rotten Tomatoes my ass.