Justice League is the worst film of all time

So the Justice League is bad but also is really bad. But not as bad as I was expecting. Out of the 2.75 DC Universe films I've seen, I basically couldn't finish Batman vs. Superman and haven't seen Man of Steel or Wonder Woman yet, I'd put this as the most enjoyable. Again, though, pretty bad. Justice League, in fact, was the worst film of all time. I know I just said it was better than two other movies but we are binary in this bitch.

When it comes to the comics I'm into, I much more of a DC than Marvel guy. However, with the movies, there are no DC over Marvel people, though the Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy was god tier. Saying such a thing would give one limited credibility. Based on all the shit that DC is putting out, I'd be surprised if we get much farther in that world before it all falls apart. That said, let's get into it.

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Justice League leaps over a number of DC movies, but its single bound isn't enough to shed the murky aesthetic, thin characters, and chaotic action that continue to dog the franchise.

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Pros: Music--both Danny Elfman's original (which included some dope samples of previous Batman and Superman themes) and the soundtrack. That Gal Gadot is really something. That Superman guy, Henry Cavill, is pretty good too.

Cons: The CGI is shockingly bad. I fucking can't get past it. Steppenwolf, the villain, looks especially horrendous. He is also a loser. The plot is confusing and is all over the place. The Flash running looks stupid. The Flash is basically Spiderman. The jokes that they sandwiched in for the reshoots are fucking terrible and need to stop.

The basic gist here is Aquaman (Jason Momoa who was Kahl Drogo in GoT), Batman (Ben Affleck), Cyborg whom I hate (Ray Fisher who I've never seen in anything else), Flash (Ezra Miller, a Justin Long/Chris Kattan hybrid), and Wonder Woman (Gadot who is really something) come together to fight off this stupid looking CGI dude wearing a horned helmet named Steppenwolf who is all about enslaving Earth with the use of the three Mother Boxes, don't ask, and his flying, insectile goons called Parademons that feed on fear and also look stupid. All this is sort of vaguely follows Justice League #1 for the The New 52, especially when it comes to these Parademons. To defeat Steppenwolf, however, they require what-have-yous of Superman who is at present living impaired. So they must resurrect the uber man like the Christlike figure that he is to kick ass and take names. 

Steppenwolf, basking in his lameness

Things go wrong right off the... ugh... bat. The movie starts with a little phone video of Superman. Obviously one of the reshoots as his lip looks weird. Because actor Henry Cavill had in his contract for another film--Mission Impossible 6 (which I'm sure will be... great)--that he couldn't shave his stache, they had to CGI it out. This is not a good first impression. Nor does the CGI get any better as, again, Steppenwolf is just looks fucking god awful. Steppenwolf is also super fucking bland and boring. His motivation is crazy fucking vague, too.

The most cringe worthy acting comes from Fisher, Miller, and Momoa though it is hard to say if it is actually the performance or the shit they have to say. While I still can't get behind Affleck as Batman, I guess he does alright. Superman is cool and dark and has insane pecs. Gadot is an attractive lady who moves like a bad ass and is quite compelling. Jeremy Irons is okay. Everyone else is just there.

The best parts of the movie were when they wake up Superman and he loses his shit on everyone, basically any time Wonder Woman is on screen doing her thing, the scene where Aquaman (a total bro in this flick) confesses a bunch of uncomfortable stuff for a bro because he is holding Wonder Woman's lasso (which was the funniest scene in the movie), and the end, post-credit scene when Lex Luther (played by Jesse Eisenberg) meets with Deathstroke, saying that they should "form (their) own league." Best scene in the movie shouldn't be hyping another movie, obviously... but it sort of got me interested/excited about what might be on the horizon for the DC Extended Universe.

Night of the Demons is the Greatest Movie of All Time

Night of the Demons a vastly strange movie about ten teens who, during a break from a party at an abandoned funeral home, take part in a séance that conjures up a demonic presence. Despite this evil force taking possession of them, all ends up well for the group. Just kidding. They mostly all die in what is the greatest movie of all time.

Who doesn't love a little occult dabbling and demon conjuring on Halloween night? That was how mine played out. Certainly the kids in Night of the Demons were into it as Angela, the girl throwing the party, gathers a group of almost universally unlikable teens in their early 30s for a little of the old summoning evil resulting in multiple possessions and death!!!

Overrated

The movie came out in 1988 and features scream queen Linnea Quigley who is unfortunately naked throughout most of the movie. You might remember her as the naked chick in Return of the Living Dead. I don't get why 1980s dudes were so into her as she is pretty gross. One of the other chicks they make out to be some super hotty, this Angela chick, isn't much better. The other three girls are nice though. But I digress.

Pros: Lot of good stuff here. Again, some of the ladies are alright. The Alice in Wonderland costume, who is the survivor girl, is really not bad. The makeup is insane. The story really moves along and is interesting. There are a couple of chuckles. The acting is campy but solid for the most part.

Cons: A lot of unwanted nudity. Basically all of the characters except maybe the first girl to die and the survivor girl are extremely unlikable (but since they all die maybe that isn't so bad). And everything with the old man that sort of book ends the film is just the worst.

Cha-chas

Basically every character in this movie is a huge asshole. Jay, Lance Fenton whom you may remember as one of the gay football bros from Heathers, is rapey and a dick. He is the rich bully type from coming of age movies. He is picking up the survivor girl, Judy, who is alright but her and her brother Billy have a weird relationship. He is very young but acts like he knows everything and even talks about his sister's “cha-chas” which is gross. Next we meet Pig face, Stooge, who is the worst. He basically is Zeke from Bob's Burgers all grown up except way more of an aggressive asshole. He causes the group he is rolling to the party with to get stranded by driving like an idiot and getting a flat. When the girl in the car says something about it, he threatens to beat her. Charmer, this guy. They are also giving this black kid a lift. Judy, Jay, this dude who looks exactly like the kid from Adventures in Babysitting but is not that kid, whose name in this is Max, and this attractive Asian chick drive by. Max gives the group with a flat a “hand”, clapping at them as they drive by, because he is a dick.

Another asshole, Sal, shows up uninvited. I end up liking him in the end but he is mostly a cock early in the film. He gets called “Count Dingleberry, the Flaming Asshole of Translyvania” when he jumps out a coffin which was sort of funny. And finally we have the two sleazy girls, Angela, the witch hosting the party, and Linnea Quigley who is the naked chick in several other 80s horror movies, most notably Return of the Living Dead. She is gross and looks to be in her 40s, they are all supposed to be in high school.

Anyway, once everyone is there, the locale is an abandoned funeral home, they find a mirror and have a séance. The girl who doesn't matter in all this, the one Stooge verbally abused, sees a demon face and her face all busted up like smacking on the inside of the mirror, this later happens on a car windshield. She freaks and breaks it which prompts Stooge to threaten to beat her, again. This guy, man. But this is where shit starts to go down as the demon shows up out of the cremation furnace and possesses Quigley.

One of two gross chicks who get naked

The chick that saw the demon and the black dude try to leave and fail. Around here the weird girl Angela explains that the house is possessed, not haunted and goes into detail about the difference between the two and how they are all fucked. Stooge, however, has no time for that shit as he is there to “fucking rage” and off they all go to do teenage things.

Basically the dudes get rapey and Angela, who also gets possessed, and Quiggley get weirder. Angela starts dancing about, giving Sal a private show. It's insane. She dances like a cray. Sal is like, “uh, is this sexy?” Like, I gotta go. I like this guy. Elsewhere Quigley is naked. Gross. She shoves her lipstick into her fake boob. What?

And for the rest of the movie things are fucked and most everybody ends up dead and possessed except the survivor girl and the black dude. It's a fun little horror flick that holds up today. The ending is fucking dumb and comes out of nowhere but I will ignore it and recommend it as the greatest movie of all time. 

Murder Party is the greatest movie of all time

When it comes to movies that boast a $0 budget, Murder Party is easily the best I've ever seen. It has sort of the same feel as Sushi Girl, if you are familiar with that piece of shit, except infinitely better with what was supposedly a $0 budget as the filmmakers also financed the film.

The production company, called The Lab of Madness, again, consists mostly of cast and crew (basically the same thing) who have been making movies together since elementary school. There is a pretty cool interview with actor Macon Blair, who play Macon (the one who dresses up as a werewolf in the movie) and director Jeremy Saulnier on Monsterfresh.com from back when the movie came out. Here they talk about self financing the film and working together (along with Christopher Sharp, the lead named Chris) from childhood on. While in high school Sandy Barnett (who plays Alexander), Paul Goldblatt (Paul), and William Lacey (Bill) would join them in these VHS movie making adventures with all of them studying film in one form or another after graduation.

After making several short films, it came time for them to create their first feature but they were unable to get any funding. So the group took matters into their own hands and just started making the movie with what they had which is awesome and the result was this master piece which turns out to be the greatest movie of all time.

Pros: Well acted especially considering unknowns. Dope special effects. Nice kills and gore. Interesting take on art/artists and grant money (know how that is). Really fun story.

Cons: Really don't have anything negative to say about this other than it was shot on digital. Great film. 

Notes: Murder Party features a guy named Chris who finds an invitation to a "murder party" dated for Halloween night, that evening, while walking home from work. After baking up some pumpkin bread with non-organic raisins in it, he goes to the party hosted by a group of artists set on killing him in hopes of getting grant money from a supposedly rich benefactor named Alexander. Things do not go as planned as people die, mostly horribly and hilariously, and what's more is that no one appreciates the pumpkin bread. As animosity and jealousy flares up among the the artists, and one brings his assistant to the performance to light his shots, Chris sees his opportunity to use the disorder to make make a break for it.

Despite the lack of budget, there are some excellent kills and the makeup is pretty groovy as well. Since they had no money to work with, the group focused their funds on making one or effects really dope. Effects artists Paul Goldblatt (whom you'll recognize as Paul) and Chris Connelly (who specialized in make up) did not disappoint. The two that really came to mind were when the guy in the werewolf mask's face catches on fire and it melts to his face (thanks to Goldblatt) and when the guy who gets the chainsaw to head (which was Connelly's handiwork). That second scene is long and brutal and looks amazing.

The movie is also super funny and does a good job of mixing in one-liners and some long setup chuckles. A lot of the jokes involve artist community humor. Basically poking fun at how pretentious people are and artists continue to roll with bad ideas and so forth. Also how cutthroat and catty it can get.

All in all, this was a super solid movie and you should really check it out. I will definitely be watching the rest of Saulnier's body of work and what he comes out with in the future.