Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. Yeah. Not good. Sixth movie of the franchise. Fifth one to feature Michael Myers as the killer. If you remember Halloween III: Season of the Witch you know those aren't the same things. First, and only one, to star Paul Rudd. Would have been the third one to feature Danielle Harris but it wasn't meant to be because the Weinsteins are the worst. This is a long and depressing story though I mean probably a blessing in disguise because, yeah, this movie is trash. Mayhap more so than Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers. Going to revisit that eventually. I'll have to think about it. There is also a bootlegged producer's cut floating around out there--fuck it, right?--that I haven't gotten my hands on yet. It's supposed to be better and make a little more sense though I can't imagine it being great or anything. But, yeah, keep in mind, worst movie of all time, this one.
|How they do 'em dirty at Miramax|
|Haters gonna hate|
|Some sad Weinstein shit with this one|
|Alice in Chains Dirt girl and known Scientologist|
Favorite line of the movie is more of an exchange. It's between Kara Strode's bro and his girl friend, Beth, who at times looks just like Jennifer Jason Leigh. It goes thus:
Beth: Your sister would kill us if she knew we did it in her bed.Fun facts about Mariah O'Brien, the actress who plays the girl friend. She was the model on the cover of the Alice in Chains album Dirt. She also went to jail for running a ponzi scheme where she ripped off fellow Scientologists. She is one of those and reached the level of "Clear" which is indeed some bullshit. She was married to Giovanni Ribisi, another more famous douche bag Scientologist, back in the day as well. Might be time to remind people that Scientology makes me irrationally angry.
Tim Strode: Hey, it was your idea.
Beth: I am bad, aren't I?
Tim Strode: Only when you wear crotchless panties and bark like a dog.
(Tim gets up)
Beth: Where are you going?
Tim Strode: I gotta take a shower. You know, to stay fresh.
Beth: Watch out for the bogeyman.
|Pleasance, picture of health|
And now for some shit... Just a note, limiting it to three instances as I ain't got all night. When we first see Loomis he looks rough AF. Way older than his 75 years. Has a drink with his old friend from Smith's Grove Dr. Wynn. Should have a toast with a vitamin and a glass of water. The shit with this scene though is that he acts all like, "oh, if it isn't my old friend Dr. Wynn" like we are supposed to know who the fuck this guy is. Wynn, it turns out, was a doctor that Loomis was seen with briefly in the original. It's a pretty deep cut that no one would ever in a million years remember. Some more shit is every second that this radio host speaks or is on the screen. He is like a true crime shock jock or something. Whilst interviewing Beth and Tim he gets all worked up by Beth and acts disgusting, saying to Tim, "Does she get this riled up in bed? I bet she wears crotchless panties and barks like a dog." Beth lets it drop that Tim lives in the Myers house. He has no idea even though like everyone else in the town fucking knows. The radio guy is like, "everybody head to this guy's house!" but no one does. He goes to his van to move the party there but he calls Myers a pussy and dies like 5-seconds later even though Myers was just killing the dad, the dope head exploding kill, in the previous scene. A minute later we get this cringeworthy bit where this little girl under a tree has his blood dripping down on her. She says "Mommy, it's raining red" and then the dude falls from the tree. Ok. Why? Have to ask that a lot in this one. Lastly, what the fuck are they doing with this possessed child? Not the baby but this Kara chick's son. In the scene where Beth and Tim get murdered, Kara watches from Tommy's room, saying shit like, "oh my god," when all the sudden she sees her son crossing the street and going over to the murder house. WTF is this kid doing? They imply that he is possessed or something but they don't really go anywhere with any of this. When Kara goes over to retrieve him, he is just sitting there, staring off like an idiot. Kara is like, "whatcha doin?" and sends him off. There is a killer in the house who is chasing Kara and all. But she surprise attacks him, hitting him with a fire poker that sends him tumbling down the steps. He is just laying there and you think the kid is long gone but he comes back here at the most inopportune time and stands there right next to this maniac. What they are you doing? Most the other times he is on the screen he is yelling shit like "Mom. Mommy. Mom." So forth. God I hate children.
Favorite scene is more or less the whole bit in the hospital at the end with everyone (Loomis, Kara, Rudd, the kid, the baby, so forth) stuck in this hospital with the Cult of Thorn and Myers and other insane people. First, there are a lot of satisfying kills in this sequence. Like when he goes into the Cult of Thorn ritual where they are god only knows what with the baby in the OR and just massacres everyone. Not sure how he got to the hospital or if they like wanted him there or what but it's a solid 30 seconds of pure chaos and like 15 kills, including Dr. Wynn. It seems at the beginning of the movie and here that they just let Myers roam around the hospital and kill patients whenever he gets the urge. Unclear what his day to day is like exactly. Also, it is implied that they were cloning Myers babies or something when we see a bunch of dead babies in vats and shit. Not sure what is happening there. Anywho, after he kills all the folks, then it is time to do whatever with the baby but Rudd, Loomis, Kara, the kid, and the baby are out of there. The chase is pretty great with Rudd and them locking a cell door behind them which gets a Cult of Thorn doctor killed when Myers grabs him and pushes his head through the bars until the door pops off the hinges. He eventually catches up to the fleeing group. The way I remembered the franchise was that Myers started teleporting around at some point in the series but I guess not. It's clearer here that he just knows every shortcut and is really good at using it. Screwed, Rudd seemingly gives Myers the baby. What is Myers planning to do with it exactly? Raise it as a single dad? We don't get to find out because it wasn't a baby, surprise to no one, but ends up being a bunch of syringes filled with green shit. Wait, what? Rudd stabs him with the needles and shoots him up with said green shit and eventually beats him to death with a pipe until the green shit comes out his eyes. Um, okay. That is how they end Myers in this one. But it's not over as Myers can't die. Ever. He is Akkad's money maker. So they leave. Loomis is all like "you kids go, I'll be alright." But he's not. Myers ain't fucking dead and we hear Loomis die over the end credits. And that was the best scene.
And finally, Paul Rudd is the obvious MVP of the film. Even though the movie is trash and his role isn't anything special, it's hard to take your eyes off that guy. I originally saw this after Clueless way back in the day so I knew his face. Maybe that was why but I swear that you can sort of tell that that dude was going to be a star. While this film isn't exactly something he was proud of, it is what got him started and he now looks back on it with some amusement. Here is what he had to say about in an interview that came out after he was an Avenger:
When I first saw Halloween 6, I remember thinking, Oh God, this movie’s not good, and I was really kind of bummed out. In fact when we first started making it, I remember thinking, Oh, this is the one that’s going to be different! [laughs] I enjoyed making it; I thought it was really, really fun. But then I thought, Oh God, are people going to think I’m a joke? Am I ever going to get work as an actor after this comes out? I have since changed my tune; I love it. I’m honored to be part of a franchise that has lasted that long, that has that many devotees, and I couldn’t be happier that I can say that my first movie is a Halloween movie.Regardless of how he feels now, you can totally see that he is totally swinging for fences and he connects more than he doesn't. Without his charm, I'd say the movie is more or less unwatchable. But damn is that dude charismatic. And that is Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers the worst movie of all time.