Friday, July 7, 2017

Idiocracy is the greatest movie of all time

There is no way to look at the greatest movie of all time, Idiocracy, as anything but prophetic. Now, with the collective year us smartypantses have had, it hard as fuck to laugh at this movie in any way besides sardonically. This is our fucking reality and it's fucking sick and hilarious. The entire time I was watching this with a nervous cringe saying stuff like “oh my fucking god” because it didn't take 500 years to get here, man. I am obviously a little worked up on this July 4 in the year of our lord 2017. Fuck.

ANNNNyyyy who, Idiocracy is about how Luke Wilson, an average soldier dude, and Maya Rudolph, a prostitute, are put in hibernation for what is supposed to be one year as part of a top-secret military project. When the bases shuts down, the duo are forgotten only to be disturbed from their slumbers 500 years later in the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505. They wake to a dystopian future where Americans (and one would presume the rest of the world) having become so dumb and lazy that Wilson's character, Joe, is easily the smartest man alive. The satirical science fiction comedy was directed by Mike Judge of Beavis and Butthead and Office Space fame and also features Dax Shepard as, I shit you not, Frito Pendejo, Justin Long as Dr. Lexus, and Terry Crews in what I still think is his best roll as President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Pros: A terrifyingly accurate representation of where we are headed. Fucking hilariously dumb. Insanely slick satire.

Cons: Some would fault it for its pessimistic view of the future (but they are probably Trump supporters).

Notes: Some of the disturbing shit that Judge got right... In the future they use offensive words like “faggot” and “tarded” and it is socially acceptable. Take this advise that Joe gets from his physician, Long as Dr. Lexus: “Don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all 'tarded... Don't worry scro'! There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.” As someone writing this waiting to board a plane, I am not impressed.

Using profanity in advertisements seems to be pretty ok now. I remember someone, American Apparel maybe, using “OMFG” as its slogan for a minute there. Examples from the movie, Carl's Jr. (Hardees for us Midwesterners), whose slogan at the time was “Don't bother me, I'm eating,” devolves into “Fuck You, I'm Eating,” Fuddruckers becomes Buttfuckers, and Starbucks serves handjob lattes. This isn't really that out there. If we can elect a guy that openly mocks the handicapped, boasts about grabbing pussy, and openly admits to obstructing justice without any consequences whatsoever and still retain the full support of his dipshit party, then electing five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion and international porn superstar Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho President of the United States of Uhmerica is within the realm (that is fucking crazy)... And he'd be a better Commander in Chief! President Camacho totally defers to people that are smarter than him, he is honest as fuck, and he isn't blind to the fact that some issues are out of his goddamned control. This Cracked article makes a strong case for Camacho for el Presidente

Who would you rather have as the leader of the free world?
Something else that is horribly accurate is the whole entertainment aspect of the movie. The most popular shows on television are Ow My Balls! and Monday Night Rehabilitation. The first is a program that just features a guy getting repeatedly whacked in the nuts while the latter is a Running Man style reality program that features gladiators in monster tanks murdering criminals. I suspect these shows would be wildly popular if you put them on TV because people getting hurt, especially in the crotchal region, is always hilarious. Know what else is always funny? Farts. The top grossing movie in the future, according to this flick, is a film titled ASS which is just a hair butt farting for an hour and a half. It's dumb and sort of whatever. Thankfully we aren't there yet.

America, fuck yeah!
There is just so much that you will catch new shit every time you watch it. This was my sixth time watching and this time I picked up two new things I've never noticed before. The first comes when Joe is at a Carl's Jr. kiosk. The voice asks him if he would like an “extra big-ass taco now with more molecules,” which is pretty damn funny. The second is at the end of the movie after the credits roll. Rudolph, throughout the movie, keeps talking about her pimp, Upgrayedd (the other “D” is on account of his double-dose of pimping), who she says always finds a way to get his money. It seems ridiculous because he is surely long dead. However, the last shot is of Mr. Upgrayedd waking up and stumbling out of his hibernation chamber talking about getting his money.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, then you are doing yourself a disservice. You owe it to yourself to watch this glimpse into our ridiculous future. 

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