Monday, June 23, 2008

You Might Wanna Just Stay Away from the Zohan

Oh this movie is RIDICULOUS. The worst movie I’ve seen in years, this “film” is an affront to all that is descent and holy (literally) in a way that is an achievement in its ability to embarrass its audience and make Adam Sadler look desperate for our laughs and our money. Having paid $9.50 for this waste of film, there is no way to explain the actual shitiness that is You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. All I can say is You Just Don’t. You Just Don’t.

This movie represents an absolute first for me. I have walked out on a number of movies—The Fifth Element, Superstar, FeardotCom—and I demanded my money back after finishing a few films—Boys and Girls for piss poor quality (unsuccessful), The Cable Guy for a kid, apparently, breaking in to the projection booth and messing with the projection system for part of the movie (successful), and Ocean’s Eleven for a screaming kid and getting hit with a pickle I am told was unrelated to the kid (unsuccessful), but I have never both walked out on a film and then demanded my duckets back until Sandler’s new film.

Not only was the film so painfully asinine and its plot ludicrous, it manages to be extremely culturally insensitive—making light of the Israeli/Palestine conflict, akin, in this reviewer’s opinion, to turning The Diary of Anne Frank into a comedy or apartheid into a Broadway musical—, sexist (as my female-movie-going companion complained), and, umm, racist, not only is it anti-Arab, it also manages to be anti-Israeli and anti-Semitic to boot. The film feeds off stereotypes on both sides implying that all Palestinians (at least in the case of all the ones depicted in this film) are terrorists and that that all Israelis are basically Euro-trash. Holy shit.

While I won’t even go into my female companion’s tirade on the way the Zohan treated women (his way of showing any sort of gratitude was with sexual favors in the fashion made famous by dogs world over) suffice it to say, was involved and correct in its viciousness. Just take my word for it, it was one of outrage.

I understand that Sandler made the conflict absurd because he feels the conflict is inherently absurd to begin with. While I do agree that both sides are pretty much insane and the U.S.’s blind support of Israel equally crazy, Sandler’s use of self-reflexive irony and sarcasm are symptoms of that disease furthering what makes them absurd from the get go. It takes a very serious issue that this reviewer would argue is beyond parody (who thinks, for instance, riding a bus in Israel could ever be a funny thing?) and treats it the same way comedies would the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry.

Upon leaving this show (which cannot with a straight face likened to anything remotely cinematic—lets call it what it is, it's a waste of film). For the first time ever, I left the theater and got my money back. It was that bad. This reviewer could not financially support such a disgrace. Shame on Adam Sandler and shame on Happy Madison Productions. This was beyond unentertaining. It was anti-entertaining. Don’t even encourage the bastards.

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