Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Nightmare Cinema is the greatest movie of all time

Your imagination isn't always your friend. Good old fashioned anthology horror. I thought all of the segments were really good and went out of their way to keep you guessing. Especially like the first one, directed by Alejandro Brugués, where everyone is on the run from a masked killer, except this one has a really great twist. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Admirably eclectic yet more consistent than most horror anthologies, Nightmare Cinema should entertain viewers in the mood for a good old-fashioned creepshow.

Gist is that five strangers show up individually to an old movie theater owned by The Projectionist, played by Mickey Rourke, good so far. Once they take their seat, viewer witnesses what seems to be their deaths on the silver screen. Every single one of the segments is super solid. Not a dud among them.

People you'll recognize include Rourke, Richard Chamberlain (sort of a that guy), Patrick Wilson from Watchmen and The Conjuring and Hard Candy, and Elizabeth Reaser from The Twilight Saga and The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. Directors include Brugués who did Juan of the Dead (totally gonna be watching that soon), Joe Dante (The Howling, Gremlins, The 'Burbs), Mick Garris who did the bananas movie Sleepwalkers, Ryūhei Kitamura (The Midnight Meat Train), and David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse). So Dante, some real up-and-comers and Garris. 

Rourke is pretty solid in this, as he is in everything. However, I'm giving Brugués the MVP. His segment is just too good. 

Child's Play is the greatest movie of all time

Andy remember, friends stick together till the end... This is the end, friend! Franchise that immediately gets into the cheese, Child's Play is camp all the way. There are some genuinely scary moments, like when the mom opens Chucky's battery compartment and there are no batteries in it. But how serious can you take a movie with a killer My Buddy? Pretty sure I'm taking that little fucking thing. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Child's Play occasionally stumbles across its tonal tightrope of comedy and horror, but its genuinely creepy monster and some deft direction by Tom Holland makes this chiller stand out on the shelf.

Gist is a kid gets a popular doll for his birthday from his mother which she bought from a homeless guy. Except it came with the option possessed soul of a serial killer, one Charles Lee Ray. Serial killer does what he does. Like that serial killer Charles Lee Ray is really into the dark arts and murder is just sort of his side hustle. I think he's more driven to murder to fulfill his magic and revenge than getting off on it like a real serial killer. 

Directed by one Tom Holland. He hasn't really done a lot of movies but did do this cult classic and one of my absolute faves in Fright Night. Both of these flicks are so fucking fun. 

Stars Brad Dourif as Chucky. Dude is a legitimate actor. Was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, stared in the John Huston adaptation of Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood (what's not to love there), Dune (1984), Blue VelvetExorcist III (one of the better threequels in horror), and the Lord of the Rings movies. I feel he is one of the best that guys out there. Alex Vincent plays the little kid Andy. Meh. Catherine Hicks plays the mom. She was apparently the mom on the show 7th Heaven. Never watched it though. And Chris Sarandon, who is the vampire whose sweater game is on point in Fright Night

Probably going to give the MVP to Sarandon. I like the way he plays the cop. Guy just doesn't have time for any of this bullshit and thinks everyon is crazy, even though he killed CLR and caught him trying to put his soul in a doll. See this exchange: 

Det. Mike Norris: Mrs. Barclay what are you doing back here?

Karen Barclay: Andy was telling the truth. Chucky is alive and he killed Eddie Caputo. 

Det. Mike Norris: What? 

Karen Barclay: I took him home to my apartment, I was about to throw away the box when we came in, the batteries fell out. Don't you see? He's been moving and talking for days without any batteries in him. 

Det. Mike Norris: What are you talkin' about? 

Karen Barclay: How I found out the doll was alive. See, I threatened to throw him in the fireplace. When all of a sudden, he came alive in my hand. I dropped him and then he ran out of the apartment.

Yeah, don't nobody got time for this bullshit, you crazy bitch. Turns out she was right though. She is a close second to MVP as well. She is as hysterical as you'd expect someone to be if this shit were really going down.  

Monday, October 19, 2020

Rocketman is the greatest movie of all time


For as long as I can remember, I've hated myself. Believed I'd never be loved.
This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody look like dogshit. Man, that movie didn't age well. This, on the other hand, is tits. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It's going to be a long, long time before a rock biopic manages to capture the highs and lows of an artist's life like Rocketman.

Gist is that we get a musically telling of Elton John's life, from childhood through sobriety. Hell of a picture. It's almost a rock opera but there is a decent amount of dialogue, so not technically. Times like a music video, times like a concert, times like a great drama. This has it all. 

Taron Egerton, from the Kingsman movies, is fucking Elton John. That shit is incredible. Does the singing and does a phenomenal job. It's pretty crazy. So the MVP of this movie. Really, an incredible performance.  Thinking of buying some of his stock, if you know what I mean. 

His buddy Bernie Taupin who wrote most of Elton's hits is played by Jamie Bell. A warm, heartfelt performance. Bryce Dallas Howard, Ron Howard's daughter from various M. Night Shyamalan movies is Elton's mom. Richard Madden from Game of Throne, he was Robb Stark, plays a major prick, one John Reid, who managed Elton and was his lover for a while. Was portrayed as abusive and just an all round shithead. He was also portrayed in the Bohemian Rhapsody biopic somewhat more favorably by Aidan Gillen (Littlefinger on Game of Thrones) which is a trip. Directed by one Dexter Fletcher, whom I only know from his role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He's the sidekick in that flick, Soap. 

Love a musical. Love this movie. See a lot of Elton John music in my near future, that's for sure. 

Kajillionaire is the greatest movie of all time

You want us to be false fakey people. We don’t make pancakes, or wrap up little birthday presents. Or call you “sweetheart”, or “baby”, or do a little dance. Man, this movie was great and heartbreaking. This beyond strange heist movie/family melodrama touches on the transactional nature of relationships. I definitely cried a little bit and haven't stopped thinking about it since I watched it two weeks ago. 

Discovered Miranda July, the writer/director, whilst reading The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007. There is a scene in there from the script for Me and You and Everyone We Know. Scene: Pair of brothers, six and 14 years old, have a joint online chat with a woman of a sexual nature. The woman starts getting into poop play, and the boys start escalating it, eventually creating this emoticon "))<>((" and talk about "pooping back and forth, forever," where he would poop in the woman's butt, and then the woman would poop in his butt, and back and forth they would go. Well this chick gets into it. I thought it was pretty funny in written form. So I sought the movie out. Did not like. Especially didn't like that scene. No fucking thanks. 

But figured I'd give this Kajillionaire movie a try after reading an interview with July in the New Yorker or somewhere pretentious like that. She seems cool, and the movie definitely intrigued me. 

Gist of Kajillionaire is that Old Dolio--that name, I know--played Evan Rachel Wood from Westworld, lives with her parents played by Debra Winger (Terms of Endearment, An Officer and a Gentleman) and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under, The Shape of Water) in an office building filled with junk next door to an industrial laundry mat or something. Part of their arrangement is they have to clear the suds that seep in from the ceiling every night. They be scammin'. Split everything three ways, which is important at the end. About to get evicted for being three months behind on rent, they've got to come up with something big to earn the $1500 in back rent. Old Dolio comes up with a plan to get the money by scamming an airline by claiming her bag was lost (also, they got the tickets through another scam). On the plane, her parents meet a young woman looking for a bit of excitement, this character played by Gina Rodriguez from Annihilation. She and the parents hit it off and invite her into their crew, using her to get another string of scams off the ground. Old Dolio and her's relationship slowly evolves as the one she has with her parents crumbles. 

Poor Old Dolio. Really feel for her. Gets no love from her parents and actively fuck her over. She is just looking for someone good to connect with that will open up their heart to her. Just wants to crawl up there and feel a little warmth, which she's never had. She is a pretty broken woman, but she is trying. 

Evan Rachel Wood is so good in this. She really hurts my heart. She is so awkward and so broken by her parents, and everyone really. Total MVP of the movie. July paints one hell of a picture though. Reminded me, in some ways, of Slums of Beverly Hills. Similar vibe, liked this better though, which says a lot. Everyone in the cast was great, a definite testament to July. Jenkins is always pretty much perfect and is again as this huge prick of a dad, Rodriguez shows a ton of range, and Winger is cold as ice. Worth checking out, for sure. 

Trick or Treat (1986) is the worst movie of all time

Demonic beasts. Whatever happened to the good old simple love song? "I love you." That's what good words use. Nowadays they have to write some sickness. It's just absoultely sick and bizarre... This could kick you off into becoming an absolute pervert.

Before I watched this, the idea I had in my head was that Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons had some evil rock off. That is not what this is about. The two of them, Ozzy and Simmons, have about two minutes of total screentime combined. Obvious that both filmed their parts in one take and were on set for 10 minutes. Ozzy plays a televangelist railing about the evils of rock. The above is a rant he goes on. His shit is broken up into two scenes but the second was an extension of the first rant and then he is murdered through the TV. Simmons seems like he is going to show up again at the end, he plays a radio DJ, when the main characters go to the radio station. Seeing how this shit is going though, you know he will have been killed off by the time they get there and he is, turned to dust. Couldn't get him a second time, obviously. But both these guys throw 100 miles an hour every second they are on screen. Simmons doesn't blink and is intense as shit. I assume he was coked out of his mind. Ozzy is funny for railing against how evil heavy metal is. But those two minutes do not save the movie. Overall, it was bad. Plus there is some ghost rape in here that was really disgusting. Worst movie of all time. An incredible amount of blue lightning though. 

Totally normal
Gist of the movie is that a bunch of raging meatheads bully the fuck out of this teenager, one Eddie Weinbauer played by Marc Price, who is devastated when his heavy metal idol, Sammi Curr played by Tony Fields, dies in a freak Satanic ritual. You know, like normal people. But Sammi comes back to life through the playing of the only copy of his last record, which Eddie has on loan. At first Sammi helps Eddie with his bullying problem, but then ends up just rampaging and killing whoever, eventually turning on Eddie and his new little girlfriend, played by Lisa Orgolini, who I've never seen. Actually, other than the two rockers, I've never seen anyone in this movie except for Large Marge from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure who has a bit part. 

Though the movie was complete trash, it was fun in a very, very trashy way. Never going to watch it again, but I'm glad this is what I spent an October COVID Friday doing. Marc Price is definitely the MVP. He does pretty well with the in-over-his-head bullied teen bit. He never really becomes cool or anything, which is a relief, but does start dating a cute a little chick who just lie starts to appreciate his weirdness. Tony Fields, on the other hand, is playing some serious hero ball. Might be worth watching just for his crazy dancing. I'd say maybe just watch that part, which you can see here. This song I've not been able to get out of my head either, which is unfortunate. Quite the earworm. 

Sunday, October 18, 2020

True Crime: Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich is the greatest movie of all time

Were you ever sent three 12-year-old girls to sexually abuse as a birthday gift? I’d like to answer that question. But today I’m gonna have to assert my Sixth Amendment rights, my Fifth Amendment rights. Is it true that you forced Virgina Roberts to have sex with numerous friends of yours? Are you kidding? I assert my Sixth Amendment rights, my Fifth Amendment rights. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: It lacks new insight, but by focusing on the stories of survivors Filthy Rich sheds light on the lasting impact of Epstein's crimes.

This mother fucker. Really effective doc. Epstien had a sexual abuse pyramid scheme going, got caught, should have gone away forever, and was given a slap on the wrist by a fucking douchbag who eventually got promoted into Trump's cabinet. This Alex Acosta prick. Fucking incredible. I totally want to murder this dude and Epstein and a bunch of other people based on this shit. Probably most of all Alan Dershowitz. 

One of the women, this Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, has repeatedly said that Dershowitz had sex with her when she was underage. His move is to say she won't go on record because she is afraid of committing lible but that is bullshit.

In this doc fucking prick makes the statement "I challenge Virginia Roberts to come on your show, look in the camera and say the following words: 'I accuse Alan Dershowitz of having had sex with me on six or seven occasions.' She has never been willing to accuse me in public, so please accuse me on this show. I challenge you." 

Immediately cut to her saying "I was with Alan Dershowitz multiple times. At least six that I can remember. I was trafficked to Alan Dershowitz from Epstein... He's denied being with me. Is one of us telling the truth? Yes. Is that person me? Yes." 

He said the same shit in this New Yorker article from last year, "Alan Dershowitz, Devil's Avocate." It's his game to make you think she is lying or whatever. Fuck him. This article also makes the case that Dershowitz wasn't that great of a lawyer either. He was mostly hyped by himself and powerful friends. No F. Lee Bailey, for example. Again, fuck him. Great read by the way, the New Yorker piece. 

Gist of the doc is that the survivors of Epstein's sexual abuse/statutory rape/straight up rape reveal how they were manipulated and abuse by the billionaire who kept buying his way out of trouble. All of them were emotionally scarred and suffered greatly. Their stories are powerful and moving and gut wrenching. A must watch, but be prepared to be outraged. 

Also, something that wasn't in the documentary, just an FYI... Q: "Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18?" A: "Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today I'm going to have to assert my Fifth, Sixth, and 14th Amendment rights, sir." How's that for making your blood boil. And, to be fair, he hung out with Bill Clinton, too, who has lied about it. Though no one is claiming they were forced to bone ole' Slick Willy. 

After watching the American Murderer: The Family Next Door, Epstein didn't seem so bad for about a minute and a half, which is fucked. Then you see the devastation and hear what these women went through again and again. Fuck. Never the same. These dudes are the fucking worst. 


Musical: David Byrne's American Utopia is the greatest show of all time

David Byrne's American Utopia
on HBO directed by Spike Lee, filmed from the Broadway show. Love the shit out of David Byrne. I saw the touring show live in Indy at a great venue with really good seats. Fucking sick. Seen over 100 bands in my life. This was by far the best show I've ever seen. American Utopia was more than a concert. It was performance art, something of a TED Talk, and people just stoked to be jamming together.

Really solid and optimistic set. Some of the best of The Talking Heads, minus "Psycho Killer," the show is too positive for that. Definitely the best of his solo work. Some powerful covers in there as well. Some of the setlist includes "Lazy," "I Zembra," "Everybody's Coming to My House," "This Must Be the Place," which is my favorite, "Once in a Lifetime," and so on and so forth. 

I'm obsessed with this show. Listen to it all the time and watched a copy on YouTube at least three or four times. Sooooo, when this dropped on HBO last night, I was stoked, but I'd been enjoying the fuck out of it for a while now. It was great, don't get me wrong. But at one point I sort of asked if this was the best use of Spike Lee at this point. I felt that sort of anyone could have done this, and I thought he sort of fucked up one of my favorite parts, when Byrne dances like a wildman to "I Should Watch TV." It's really fucking sick, but Spike cuts away and we don't see any of it. What the fuck, man? Is this amateur hour?

But there were some cool flourishes, like some cool overhead stuff. Couple of times I was pretty impressed seeing the movement from above like that. Then we got a standard Spike Lee shot at the end when the band rides home on their bikes, this to remind us it is Spike 'fucking' Lee doing this shit, I guess.

The use of space and light is incredible and has to be experienced first-hand to truly be appreciated. That's why this fell a flat, to me. But totally still worth watching. Also made me miss going to concerts and being with the people I went to that concert with, truly some of my favorites and some of the best. But can't be there now or see them, so might as well enjoy this, I suppose.

Friday, October 16, 2020

WNUF Halloween Special is the greatest movie of all time

Masks won't hide your sins. This is great for what it is. A no budget, made-it-with-my-friends flick. A fun, interesting movie, for sure. But not a lot happens, and like half the movie are fake commercials. They are pretty good and add to the 80s realism. However, not going to be a yearly rewatch. 

Made in 2013, the film takes place in, I believe, 1987. Gist of this movie is a local news station, WNUF, sends their on the scene guy and his crew to this house where a guy killed his family that is supposed to be haunted. As the night wears on, shit progressively gets crazier. 

Directed by one Chris LaMartina, its of the comedy horror mockumentary genre. You likely won't recognize anyone else in this flick.  MVP is the segment host with the mustache. Actor's name is Paul Fahrenkopf. He nails that whole board reporter on the scene, hoping that something happens vibe.How he constantly talks to fill the air. This guy is a professional. Like when the medium he brings in tells him she'll need a couple of minutes of silence to get in tune with the spirits, "a couple of MINUTES?" he retorts, incredulously.

Hubie Halloween is the okayest movie of all time

I’m asexual, but that girl’s making me hella horny. Adam Sandler movie. It was fun, but I don't think I laughed but maybe a handful of times. I think that was mostly at Maya Rudolph. Love her. Oh, and when all the news anchor ladies (one of whom was a news anchor in real life and was fired for breach of contract for appearing in the film, which is some bullshit) were dressed as Harley Quinn. Maybe once or twice at Steve Buscemi. Overall it was a good time, but I'm not gonna remember it a year from now, and it's not super rewatchable like Billy Madison or some of his other best films. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Viewers immune to its star's charms won't find it much of a treat, but Hubie Halloween is sweet enough to satisfy fans of Adam Sandler's antics.

Gist is that this sort of idiot played by Adam Sandler named Hubie Dubois, sweet guy, like fucking lives for Halloween in his hometown of Salem, which he fucking loves the shit out of. Yeah, he gets bullied constantly. Slowly, those bullies start to disappear. Foul play is indeed going down though Hubie suspects there is a supernatural element at play. Hubie shares a lot of DNA with Bobby Boucher from The Water Boy. Same voice and demeanor. Basically a lovable idiot.  

Movie stars Adam Sandler. Still a fan. I know he had a few duds in there, but generally, his movies are still enjoyable. Also in the flick are Kevin James, Julie Bowen who is the love interest and was the love interest in Happy Gilmore, Rob Schneider, Kenan Thompson, Shaquille O'Neal, and Steve Buscemi. Bullies include Ray Liotta (whose always a dick), Maya Rudolph (she's the best), and Tim Meadows, among others. Best cameo though was from Ben Stiller who reprises his role as Hal L., the raging orderly from Happy Gilmore. Sandler's wife and kids are also in the movie, which is pretty endearing. 

Ok. Quick bone to pick. I usually don't pick a whole lot of nits, but after Hubie saves the day at the end, we cut to a year later. Hubie is now the mayor of Salem. That means that he would have had to get elected the previous year, like a week after most of the movie goes down. Pretty sure that he would have already had to do a bunch of stuff to get on the ballot at that point with early voting and all. Plus he no time to campaign. Must have been one hell of a write-in situation. But, yeah, not really the point of the movie, I guess. 

For me, the MVP of the movie was Salem. I'm totes going there for Halloween some year. Town really gets into it with its history and everything. Looks to have a carnival-type atmosphere. They know how to do it up. 

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Evil Dead II is the greatest movie of all time

I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!... Swallow this. I've seen this maybe more than any other movie. It's between this or Repo Man. Watch it every fall. Probably somewhere in the ballpark of 30 viewings. Had it on VHS, DVD, BluRay, digital. Have watched every featurette, the commentary, interviews. I adore this flick. Absolutely on my Mount Rushmore. Still hilarious. Ash is still an idiot. 

Rotten Tomato Consensus: Evil Dead 2's increased special effects and slapstick-gore makes it as good -- if not better -- than the original.

Gist of the movie is that Ashley J. Williams appears to go back to the cabin in the first movie with a new girlfriend and the same shit happens. However, they didn't have the right to show clips from the original, so they sort of have a recap that is slightly different. Movie basically starts when Ash sort of becomes a Deadite for the first time. Anyway, he is alone, losing his shit, battling evil when the cabin owner's daughter and her posse show up and think he is a murdering wildman. As they beat and banish him, the evil that he summoned by listening to the Necronomicon being read aloud on a recording left by the previous occupants starts possessing and murdering people. Also, there is a disturbing tree rape scene. The movie then ends with a tree coming to life and trying to eat everyone before a portal opens up in the sky, sending Ash back to medieval England. Yeah, it's cray, but awesome as fuck. 

Directed by Sam Raimi. You know, the cult film director went Hollywood after this, directing some great flicks like The Quick and the Dead, the Spider-Man trilogy (2002–2007), The Gift, Drag Me to HellOz the Great and Powerful, and, of course, Army of Darkness. He and a guy named Scott Spiegel wrote it as well. Stars the Bruce Campbell, of course. Personal favorite of mine. I'd legit be impressed to meet this guy. Only other people I've ever seen are Dan Hicks, who was in Intruder and My Name is Bruce and some other stuff, and Ted Raimi, who was also in those movies, among other things. Both these guys pop up in Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi projects all the time. 

Lot of good gags in this flick. An evil hand that runs around. Blood that shoots out of places like a firehouse. A room where all the inanimate objects come alive. Then there are Ash's one-liners. Always perfect. 

Is there a universe where Bruce Campbell isn't the MVP? I could see a case being made for Sam Raimi, sure. But it's always Bruce that shines. Dude is groovy as hell... But Sam Raimi is pretty dope. 

Speaking of. Went as Ash for Halloween circa 2008. Pretty sweet costume. Made myself a metal hand and a chainsaw glove out of cardboard. Shit was hot. 

That's me on the left, playing the role of Ash