Zach Randolph. Forward for the Los Angles Clippers. Former "Jail Blazer" and New York Knick. Convicted felon. Alleged rapist. Asshole. Earlier this week Randolph managed to add to this list of accomplishments by getting himself arrested for a DUI. What a guy.
I sort of have history with this douche from playing AAU against him and his brother--the one that fired a gun at a night club and big brother Zach lied to authorities saying it was instead a teammate of his. The first time I ever saw him was when I was in the 8th grade playing on this 10th grade team and the Randolphs were on this team called the "Marion Majik." I guess they let Zach spell it something. Our team actually beat the future all-star's team at this tournament in Terra Haute--Zach had yet to prove that he was worth a shit then and fouled out in like the third quarter--and the only reason Zach stood out was that he would not stop talking shit at Larry Bird's restaurant where our two teams happened to meet after the game.
The next time I saw Randolph was at the 1998 State Championship Game where his Marion team lost to Pike, I think. All I remember about it was after the game retelling someone about what an asshole that guy was and we ripped on him for wearing--I shit you not--a tee-shirt with a picture of his own face on it. Not the one he always carries around from when he met Nelson Mandella either; no, this one was of him with a stupid look on his face dunking into a cartoonish goal. Talk about a tool.
My next encounter with the Randolphs was when my summer team played the duo's Speice team at Arlington high school. This was the summer after Zach drove the get away car for a armed robbery and was then caught trying to sell the guns used in the hold up. They killed us. Roger was thrown out of the game for picking a fight with one of our big men, a 6'8 300 pound country boy named Buddy. As the final seconds ticked down, Zach backed Buddy down into the lane and then delivered a hellacious two handed jam just as the buzzer sounded, after which Roger ran off the bench and on to the floor screaming "that hurted me! Damn son, that shit hurted me from the bench." Zach replied that "that shit hurted me too." Buddy was pissed and thus a second altercation with Roger Randolph was had and he was kicked out of the tourney and his team was given a technical foul at the start of their next game. We were eliminated with the loss. My dad will sometimes still say "that hurted me" because he thought it was about the stupid thing anyone had ever said.
So then he commits to Michigan State. He was academically ineligible since his SAT was equivalent to that of a retard. But guess what, he was granted mental retardation status and allowed to play. Izzo must have pulled some pretty thick stings for that one, but with a guy like Randolph, he was certain he could count on him. Wait, no, after one year on the court, Randolph showed how selfish he really was when he declared himself eligible for the NBA Draft.
With the Jail Blazers, Randolph found himself in more legal trouble than Ol' Dirty Bastard in July of 1998, which included rape allegations--I don't have a problem with you fuckin me but I do have a problem with you not fuckin me--numerous drug related charges, evading authorities in reference to the aforementioned club shooting by brother Roger, and dining-and-dishing at a strip club. Oh when bad things happen to bad people. The rape charges revealed a deeply sad and pathetic existence for the NBA All-Star. But isn't it still deeply unfair that this guy drives a Rolls Royce?
Well Randolph did pretty much everything he could to ruin his career off the court but it took going to New York to play with the Knicks to help ruin it on. Stephon Marbury, a great human being in his own right, went wild when he heard about Isaiah Thomas signing Randolph. But Randolph was selfish and the team ended up being worse off with him since he destroyed the little bit of chemistry that they had. This play pretty much sums up the entire experience and the season with the Knicks.
So now he has been relegated to the Clippers, where players go to die. Playing for the Clippers is to be constantly in state of limbo where you have to work your way back up into the real NBA. But it doesn't look like Randolph is going to crawl his way out, ever. Earlier this week, Randolph was arrested for a DUI and I am willing bet that it won't be the last we hear about him. I am also certain that when his name is mentioned again, it has nothing to do with playing the game of basketball.